Arbor, Dr Ellen, Hannity discussed on Advice from Mom
Oh, yeah. No. I am wearing though I couldn't I couldn't feel that. I had to check. Same thing will happen with your members. If you run through it again deliberately on purpose again, and again, your brain will get bored and the memory will lose its power. So those are two really different ways to commit these cringe attacks, quite honestly, I think the best thing to do is just to to feel how it connects you to the rest of humor. Hannity. It's so validating and. Soothing to realize that pretty much everybody goes through this. It's not just you and this notion anxious in Arbor of having these embarrassing memories. Or like things that you did that was sort of awkward flashback to is also something that happens to folks with social anxiety. And so I have a history of social anxiety myself and after several decades and a PHD clinical psychology. I've really gotten to the point where it's under control. It doesn't own me anymore. But I always say I I do still have my moments and just yesterday. This thing happened where I was having lunch with some colleagues, and we were in this restaurant and the music was loud. And so it was it was hard to hear the conversation at points. And at one point my colleague referenced the. V crisis. And he was talking about it from the in the time point of the late eighties early nineties before protease inhibitors came out when when HOV was still really a death sentence. And I I didn't really catch what he was in kind of smiled and nodded. And and my reaction I realized in the in the in retrospect was would be appropriate. If he was talking about something pleasant. But I, but after the fact I realized oh, wait that was that was not I didn't match his tone or his what what the the gravity of of the matter. And he let the subject drop which made me wonder if if he wanted to say more, but but didn't because I was smiling not in anyway. And so for the rest of the day that memory kind of popped in my head from time to time. And I was like, oh, I should have. I missed what he was saying I should have reacted differently. And that's that is post event processing I was equally. I was relieved actually to to be able to put a name on. It was like, oh there's had again. So knowing that it wasn't just me like, this is a thing like capital teeth thing. So I wonder said anxious in in Arbor, you mention your kind of history of Zion easy as well. This might be similar of familiar phenomenon for you. And there I would say, and this is what I tried to do for myself was to try to challenge the perfectionism in. Hey. Behrendt in beating yourself up that way. So for me, I had to ask myself is it is it? Okay. That give the music was loud. Like that you misheard him or you didn't you didn't catch everything he said like does does is that so horrible. Do really have to beat yourself up for missing this comment or reacting not perfectly appropriately. In the answer. Was no I don't have to. It's not gonna help anything to beat myself up this way, or to criticize myself harshly that I can we can we can all move on. And I know that our relationship is strong enough that it can absorb some of the foibles and missteps that just happened in human communication, and that this is this is okay. It's just it's part of having a relationship with another human being it's just part of being human. Don't you have a book about all this? I do imagine that. So so. By book. Yes is about social anxiety. And so there we talk about I talk a lot more about post processing. So the the the low light real after a social interaction. But also we talk about the Tipperary anxiety before social interactions. Like, why this happened where it comes from and lots and lots and lots of things you can do to to try to to quiet that anxiety and quiet that inner critic, and so it makes sense that the book is called how to be yourself, quiet. Your inner critic and rise above social anxiety. Dr Ellen is the way I think of her was so right when she talked about a process we call exposure therapy. It's kind of upsetting to think about and people have to gear up their courage to do it..