Connell Barrett, Tinley Park, BOB discussed on Bob Sirott
People you can easily see when you go in there. Why they have won all these national awards. Apple chevy dot com They're out in Tinley Park. It is. Oh, before we get to dating There's a picture of, uh, my wife and myself in those massage chairs that Marianne I think she put on her instagram account. She's Havana girl on Instagram. So if you want to see us enjoying the Casco massage chairs, Havana girl on Instagram. It's 8 49. Need a dating coach. I don't date that much anymore since getting married, But I know a lot of people need help, and we just we got just the person for you. Connell Barrett is the author of a book called Dating Sucks, But you don't the modern guy's Guide to Confidence, Romantic connection and finding the perfect partner. So how is dating different post pandemic? I know you have some new rules for a scandal. What are they Yes, Bob. Thanks for having me. By the way, I really love your program. And yes, if you're married, you definitely should not need a dating coach. Instincts are right love in terms of post pandemic dating, and we're really approaching the post pandemic dating world. I think The two biggest differences are one is that during the pandemic because we were all on Zune or face time or phone, we actually became much better at listening to each other, in other words, that making genuine real emotional connections with somebody else because we weren't meeting in real life, so in a sense Courtship came back dating got slower during the pandemic, and it's my hope that post pandemic we're going to stay in a slow kind of dating period where you're not necessarily going to try to jump into bed with somebody right away. It feels really good to actually get to know somebody. So I like to say that in a way dating is going back to the nineties. The 18 nineties. Yeah. When courtship. But the thing uh, you got started on this road is a dating coach with a very interesting background. You did not have a great love life, did you? Correct. The reason I became a dating coach to help men solve all their dating problems is because I had all those problems myself. I struggled with self confidence. I could not approach a woman and say hi in a public setting. I got put in the quote unquote friend zone. And I really struggled just to find dates or to have women feel about me the way I wanted to feel about them, or at least some of them. So that's how I started on this journey. I I got married to the one woman who wanted to be with me. And then she dumped me. Nine weeks after our wedding. Ouch! And yeah, it was over so fast. We could have fought for custody of the wedding cake. Really fast marriage. That's fast, And when And I felt very rejected. And I said, You know what? I don't like feeling this way. I want to find out what? How to learn the art of true dating connection romantic and get some confidence. And get some dating options. So I will not sign a five year journey working with all these different coaches and experts, and I got hypnotized to overcome anxiety. And I really just it was really transformative experience. So now I just help men who have my my problems that I used to have, which is Most guys don't know how to flirt. Most guys don't know how to be themselves be authentic in a way that women like and that's what I hope. Then do as part of your research. Did you date Did you become a serial data? Absolutely. I overcorrected I went from no dates and nothing to, uh I guess you could call it a player or at least dating so much where I think I probably overdid. I overcorrected and got a little too into dating in in the sense that You know when, when a man feels rejected by lots of women as I felt in a lot of men field and then you sort of figure out cracked the code. You can go too far the other way and just get too focused on Quote unquote conquest. And that's not a recipe for fulfillment or happiness either. And what I've learned. Is that what I recommend men do and women for that matter is just get enough dating options where you feel like you have some good choices and then Try to find somebody who you truly connect with, because conquest is not going to make you happy. What will make you happy is connection and growing with that awesome partner Once you find him or her What's the biggest mistake men men make in dating? The biggest mistake and then make is they Don't know how to flirt. They go on a date, and they talk about basically facts and figures. They talk. They talk intellectually or logically. Uh, About where they live, where they grew up the music they like and some, and that's fine to talk about those things. But the secrets of flirting is speaking to women on a more emotional wavelength. What I call in the book Man to Woman Communication that simply means flirt. Tell her she's interesting, uh, peas joke tell stories. In other words, try to channel more emotional. Vulnerable side versus they. Where did you go up? What? Where did you go to college? Learn about the person and when you speak to when, when a man and woman relate on a more emotional wavelength than what happens in a more vulnerable waypoint. What happens is that allows true connection to happen. Versus just talking about information and facts and figures, which too often leads to the friend zone. Are these your updated rules for flirting in the ME two era? There's a lot of updated rules for meeting and for flirting in the meetings era. And I think one of the biggest mistakes men make about dating right now, in the post Me to ERA is men think that women don't want men to be men. Men. Fear meant a lot of men are stuck between a rock and a hard place On one hand, a guy wants.