Caroline Casey, New Diet Digest, Netflix discussed on Hurry Slowly
So that's what I want to talk about today. The practice of holding space typically the term holding space is used in group or interpersonal context. It's the idea of being open present hasn't and allowing to hold space for another person so that they can feel comfortable exploring their ideas sensations or emotions in a safe safe environment space free from judgment interruption commentary or advice but what if we took this concept of holding space and thought about how we might apply to ourselves to create space for ourselves in our daily lives. The field's open present and and allowing to create space for ourselves. That is free from judgment from interruption. From commentary and advice what would it feel like to hold space for yourself like that to give yourself and your ideas room to breathe room to play and explore and grow without being on deadline without expectation of a specific outcome or result. This can sound a bit abstract concept so let me walk you through four different ways in which you might consider holding space for yourself in the New Year. The first is the most obvious time without the space of time there's no possibility of anything new unfolding whether that be a creative project a new insight about your career path or healing of some wound. That's holding you back giving yourself the gift of time without the expectation of productivity is the first first and foremost way to hold space for yourself and I'm not talking about a six month sabbatical here just little pockets hours even minutes minutes throughout your day the reclaim for yourself. So many of us are constantly rushing from one activity to the next as we seek to do a good job at work revolve ourselves as humans. We Dash from one meeting to the next one email to the next from work to yoga. Class from Yoga class to dinner and so on our daily activities are pressed up against each other cheek to jowl. And there's no room left to cede anything new to let it grow and expand unfettered our schedule's packed too tight for that so the first step in holding space for new ideas to come in and for new intentions to manifest manifest is a loosening of this impulse to over schedule to perhaps even strive to under schedule or if schedule you must to block out moments in your day when you aren't obliged to do anything. Because as I said before one of the most important aspects of holding space in the context the time is to do so without expectation of productivity so much of what goes into making positive exchange generating new ideas or healing. Yourself doesn't look like anything is happening because it's all happening internally in the unconscious guided by the natural wisdom of the body is a process of devastation. In which ninety five percent of the work happens deep beneath the surface pregnancy is of course the perfect example. There's a woman feel like she's making little organs and is enhanced uh-huh is. She is carrying a child. Does she consciously think. Today I will make perfectly formed fingernails. Of course it all unfold without her her conscious effort as part of the station process. All this necessary is time and the nurturing space. She creates with her. Will everything else has almost as if by magic that is the power of holding space and giving yourself time time the second way to hold space is by creating idea space. We've been culturally conditioned to believe in self betterment comment as an unadulterated good that we are not sufficient just as we are and thus to improve ourselves we must be more informed. Exercise more adopted new Diet Digest. More ideas learn new skills and on and on on a never ending treadmill of self-improvement where at some point in the vanishing future will finally be improved enough to what take a break and rest. Just be ourselves this. This message is everywhere. And it's insidious I rolled down the top edge of my sock the other day and there stood on the inside. It said be better. That's right. We've reached a point where my socks are nagging me to be better. And I'm supposed to be inspired rather than salted and the upshot out of this everlasting pursuit of better nece is that we're constantly shoving more and more information into our brains rather than just walking into a shop and buying new the dishwasher. You spend six hours researching. Which is the best dishwasher rather than just diving into your new project and feeling your way through it? You re blocks and listen to podcasts. About how other people have done similar projects and prepared to build your skills. I rather than sitting and eating dinner alone with your thoughts. You Watch. What's Netflix or Amazon? To keep the quiet at bay I give a million other examples but the long and short of it is that we're constantly consuming other people's is ideas rather than leaving space for our own. We're binge eating information constantly shoving more and more ideas into our brains in leaving no mental space for our own ideas to seed and grow and expand and unfortunately insight or change will almost certainly not arrive. If we can't even hear ourselves thinking so here too is another way in which we can perhaps free up some space by loosening or releasing our addiction to other people's ideas so that we can hold space for our own. The Third Way to hold space is through ritual. My friend introduced me to a really wonderful audiobook. I absolutely adore last year called making the God's to work for you by Caroline Casey side note if the title bothers you look past it because it's very tongue in cheek one of the things that Casey advocates for in her talk is that the way we get the universe or the gods to support. Our plans is by making those intentions manifest in a physical way by bringing them out of our heads in into the three D. World by surrounding our intentions with ritual. Oh process that could look like anything you might want to do. The only criterion is that it's something you do in Three D. space with your body you and or your hands so one way to create virtual space could be journal every morning. Another could meditate every day are you could light a candle and say say a prayer every day or proletariat card. I like to engage in practice. I Call Wall journaling Ray. Go through a bunch of art. Books and magazines and intuitively pull out at the images that speak to me that I carefully arranged them. All on a wall in my office usually the process unfolds over few days as I sit with the images. Think about what's missing what I need to take away. And it is certain point the collages set and he usually stays up on the wall for about three months. And at some point the unconscious forces that guided me to those particular images become apparent as some growth or change unfolds. You could also think about who your Cozinne. Creative ancestors are a practice. We talked about in an earlier episode. Cut Out images of them to put over your desk as a kind of collection of guiding angels an inspiration the possibilities for creating ritual space are infinite but the idea is that you are literally physically carving hang out time and space in the three D. World for actualising your intentions. There's real power and simply showing your commitment day in and day out out not necessarily by doing anything but just by ritually opening up space for something to happen the last and perhaps most important way to hold space is by creating what I'm going to call heart space for all the reasons that I tweeted -tated earlier about our collective obsession with self improvement. We tend to be very very hard on ourselves. We believe that we must make something thank ourselves. which presupposes of course that the current self is inadequate and not good enough often results in US looking on ourselves with an attitude of tough love to get the best performance we admonish ourselves discipline ourselves critique ourselves or is the mindfulness mindfulness teacher? Steve Hickman says the beatings will continue until morale improves. This is the attitude that many of us take towards ourselves we think if our discipline is imperfect perhaps we can improve it by criticizing or belittling ourselves until ashamed enough we decide to improve our performance. But of course this doesn't work. Beatings do not improve morale nor will they help you improve yourself. This is why holding heart space. These can be so powerful and to be clear. This is not about a lack of discipline or taking attitude of laziness. It's about taking being an attitude of 10-discipline towards yourself a concept. I talked about in an earlier. PODCAST episode called. Who are you without the doing in this particular moment as we think about New Year's intentions in this idea of making positive change one of the ways that we most commonly constrict in strict in the heart space is through impatiens? You know you need to change you know you want to change. So why isn't it happening already you so you have this goal. You know you want to do this project. So why can't you start it better yet. Why haven't you already finished? But when we get impatient that heart space really constricts and then there's no breathing room and there's no tenderness and there's no flow when you get stuck doc and then you criticize yourself for being stuck. All that does is make you more stock but if you can be gentle with yourself and hold space for yourself how the open and present and allowing with whatever is happening. Even if it's not what you want to happen then you're swimming with the tide rather than against eventually you will get to the shore at its core. You're holding heart space means having faith in yourself and your mind and your body and your intuition if you're making a good faith effort and things things are going slower than expected or your little stock. That's okay you don't have to be yourself up about it what you resist persists. It's as they say instead. Consider being tender with yourself and accepting that. This is all just part of the station.