Partner, Tennis, Tony Dawson discussed on Kris Soutar�s Tennis Journal
To know that there's an actual or think of it as a strategy is a much better we are. I'll definitely be using one instead of my overly logical one because it because so many I mean so many any eastside working with and Leslie. It will help them develop strategies for when this happens when such and such a thing with this folks. It is what it is. Why thank you I will do with my mind? And so much of the strategies really are it is. I'll do with my mind Oftentimes you've just gotTa find a way of getting your mind to look at such we even when you're losing you know which is something. I was quite law as finding a way to deal with an almost myself. I'm thinking back to when I was about twenty twenty one years old maybe and I used to practice a little bit with a guy called. Tony Dawson. From Aberdeen USA. People people are listening to this. Nintendo's will probably remember him but he was Betty competitive pleats played for Scotland at tennis and badminton one. These guys have sickeningly good everything but he was a fantastic competitor. And I remember I used to struggle baked time when I used to compete against people. I knew a way of dressing. This didn't like I just heard a real. I was a bit of had a chip in mature or when I was younger. And he gave me this this amazing tip and he says if when you compete against these people number one smile at them and number two. Pretend that you're they're your friend. Might be nice to them and he says it will make you feel better and you perform a lot better now years me. Twenty six twenty seven years laser. Actually He. There was some science behind. What said yeah absolutely. Yeah because mean so much of anything in life even even with a lower talk in Tennessee. But an anything that you are farm. Light anything that you do in life so much. Defective this comes down to how you feel. You feel will affect how you how you communicate. Even the things that you see on to any situation is modulated in large part by how you feeling in that moment and so we have to develop strategies for bringing a definite bringing a way of thinking to any situation strategy that can also how we feel if we feel in the moment is helping instrumental effect on performance the court of performance in any aspect life to one of the skills in life to fight anything is is what strategies. Can I bring to a to change how I feel that? I'm I'm in a state much more productive. Perfect perfect go back to the five side effects and one of them is improving relationships. So what's the science behind that? Well first of all think of it really logically you tend to like people can t till like so much people who cheat as ungainly. So it's really obese in that can wait but scientists I'll give you two studies rate Scientists surveyed overcame foes and people in thirty seven countries the some good oversexed continents and the ask them what was most important to you. What's most important to you end up in a long term relationship and you're not really think about it and you know what Kim told an old fuddy seven countries more than financial security more than a good sense of humor more than good looks kind top that ten thousand people I've asked people and they sit doesn't make sense and the reason doesn't make sense 'cause we told them around and we think what does someone who someone been looking for me and then we immediately thank well funding a you know a hero a look good and a smell nice and a lot but it we've turned around but if you really think about it and then someone else you what would you like to really find cheaper than what really is? Someone is so on the basis of another study. Scientists that up several studies. That are like the Big Brother House and what you do is you have a group of people interacting. You've you've radio them over. A period of time and scientists noticed in study of newlyweds on the watched. How the Internet in what you often see. Is someone making what they call? Embed for connection and that's what they call it when when you see come check the so. You're looking at the window for example. I'M GONNA check this out what it really is. A few nature is a better connection you to connect to the best and so look at the one driver is to the partner will do one of two things they will either. Tom Towards more means able engage with you in some way to either the Komo Louis to the window and look at it with the other and the whole issue is some positive engagement or they will turn away turn away would mean it could go from each of off that's rubbish and it could be just a possible rally. Okay bye to the corner. Something and what did they find when they fold up six years later we find an an average in these studies? Is those who Tom Towards? Most of the time usually find sex usually at a niece statistically nearly ninety percent of couples of stolen altogether and those who turn away most of the time only about eighty four percent are still together is that she is later there. A ratio of five to one that people who taunt towards five times more than the tunnel we not so good cadet tough for the gift of a relationship. But it's less than the finalized. One thing you start to get into that could go either. We can talk. Statistically a five to one ratio boils pumping towards really as over and above. Love is split tightness. So so what you find in. All of these things is owed with love itself. The glued the underlying optic each relationships. Not just reminding friendships and get his kindness. Willingness to be there for someone. It's funny when I'm say as you're speaking I'm thinking right. Why because there's so many crossovers in tennis? Burton really basic one that we use in doubles training for example in a tip that you give to club players to anyone competes. You would say in between every single point you must always turn towards your partner again. I done it again is everything I'm doing is more from probably from a logical point. If you criticize you'd actually pretty hard science to which I love and the whole thing is a member very clearly playing doubles when I was maybe fourteen or fifteen with our club champion at stonehaven tennis club. Who was club champion for donkey's years in a row? And every time I missed a shot turned away from me and even now I can remember the frustration. The game he was it was almost like he was abandoning ship and Used to say that all the time whenever the especially when your partner makes a mistake turned towards them walk towards them so that they feel the togetherness when you know they're not blame. It's a partnership you win together. You lose together. So it's amazing the crossovers between John and never before have I made that connection to the tennis court. I've been talking about this study but a couple of years two years I've been you're hitting. This is an example with with public audiences when I get talks and never dental negative. Actually I talk. I say all types of relationships never quite queasy that in the Douglas absolutely of course because otherwise you feel you feel under pressure menu. Feel if I feel my important with Putin's enough is doesn't like my doesn't Find Cam Newton for example on the stress and I play I play based on the final. My opponent doesn't here. You just want to enjoy the game that I can't stand here and it said the to couple it with a silent. Which is the most negative signed in the world in my opinion is this. Is somebody touching winning back knowing the name the guy that this guy was infamous for this like? I would be serving. He'd be at the net and I would serve the first serve into the net and he'd go then exhibit a double-fault Echo in this show. You know suicide so true. Though I think the point that I make my my partner partner thank you sit my opponent doubles but I sent the Beta. When when have a double spot nut I feel comfortable at I? I know that they'd okay with me. shorts. There's bigger part of this improving. Relationships in terms of touched on already is that coaching can be quite lonely sport. So this is almost a message for the coaches. And I say this. All the time to work with coaches is find a way of building relationships with other coaches another clubs in other programs and find ways to work together. Not just because of loneliness thing but you will have a bigger impact if you work together as a team than if you are competing against each other and if you used a silly analogy of Microsoft and apple are stronger because of each other you know. They proved each other on. If you think of all the big brands in the world they normally have fake competitors far verses Volkswagen and so on if there was no competition wouldn't be as strong. And if you WANNA use that is true topical at the moment or at least timely the moment on Friday versus thirty tomato night. Andy Muddy and Novak Djokovic. We're GONNA do have life which will be amazing accurate and debt. Were asking for questions and I was so desperate to ask this question but no no never read the whole thing. We'd Andy be the player that he is or was when he was at its peak. If Drew Ed Roger Hlavac Rafeh.