Mona, Kardashian, Giselle Zahle discussed on RISE Together Podcast
To do it too. So that was a huge huge. Yeah I did probably about two months ago I went onto my instagram. I unfold six hundred and something people slow because I started in life I started as a blogger years ago so I just ended up following all of these women who were lifestyle and I'm sure like beautiful incredible great women but every time I would see a picture of them even if it was not an immediate conscious thought I was basically. I'm like that's what a beautiful body is supposed to look like just all dams calling through and my brain is saying beauty beauty beauty beauty. I'm not seeing went like honestly what I don't follow i. Ah I think it was like a Kardashian like when you go on instagram. And there's the little despite glass right you can discover and clicked on it and there was a car dashing. Like Whoa Body Ati. Wow that's a thing and then who follow who Catan live your livewire all good one. Hud A on on instagram. She has like fifteen million followers. She's a makeup chick but she's Middle Eastern and she has these BS voluptuous body. Audie like like Whoa and she has a sister. Mona and Mona has this beautiful body and these women are gorgeous and every time they go out there just it's like Bam Bam Bam owning it but like but but symbols like the in a way that I never saw growing up. I never saw full figured women being like here I am. I am freaking beautiful and let me show up and not like oh I am a full figured woman but like I'm a woman here it is is. This is what it is and I saw. I saw a picture of them at something in these dresses. They just so gorgeous and I thought why isn't that in my feed. Why isn't that instead of like the beautiful? You know you know what I'm talking about right. y'All have someone in your hand right now that you're like it's she's six feet tall tall girls small girl the other day and she is perfect and she's in my head. The images usually like a beautiful blonde. It's like Giselle Zahle. There's avs there's a but right and that's what I'm seeing and I'm thinking there's something wrong right that that comes with that and the reality is it's just because I don't have an example. Yes regularly in my head filling my head up with someone who has a body that looks like a woman's body that looks like a woman's body and so the challenge that I have to you that we talk about that day is can you fight to love yourself if as you are in the answer I've given lots of thought to this is of course yes that also means and why we came up here and we wanted to talk about this and share this as I do have to give up like never ever again saying when I get to my goal weight yes like that is a huge shit that I've never experienced. So what are you replacing it with. So what am I so I don't want it to be when I get anywhere that important. I wonder how yes so I want to be here. I want to own it right now so I want to replace it with. I do these things. I move my body thirty minutes today. I drink the stupid water you know I I plan the meals. I do these things every day no matter what and we talked a little bit about relationships and you know my husband Hobie and Hobie. I'm very lucky. I have a husband that no matter what weight I am. He thinks I'm the sexiest thing in the world. However I mean very lucky right but however I don't when when I get in my head about my weight I don't think I'm the sexiest thing? And what really ruins our sex life our intimacy. Our relationship. Asian chip is when I don't want to be intimate because I'm afraid of how I look and no matter what he thinks of me are not that yeah that is a relationship ship crusher. Absolutely right anyone ever struggle with not one eight God. Please tell me my sex life up here so super-normal freed you this all the time. I do like about wedding right now. So yeah so this Roy. Hope he's going to die so so anyway. I do think I need that. I saw it show up in my relationship for years and years and years and I realized I've got this man who loves me no no matter what I don't love myself no matter what and it's affecting so many different ways and that's when it gets scary when it starts to affect the relationships and ask an interesting question I earth office before but do you ever think so. Amy's husband is former navy seal which how bad ass right very sexy and now as the firemen stop and so I just I had this thought which is like Hopi is such a definition of like a man yes is like masculine man. I hope we're recording. I mean eleven threw him later. He's GonNa be so happy happy. You're right then you feel like on some level is there some subconscious play like. He's the man than I have to be like of low woman a million for San and I always like the man the bigger one you guys at one point. I weighed more than my husband. Like that was a hard thing in my head and again he never treated me any different. But I knew that number and I I was like mortified by it so I showed up smaller in I acted smaller in the sense of. I just didn't play full out with him. And so yes I look at him as the man I have to be the a woman in to me and my head all these years. It's like but she smaller. She's she's little she's sexier. She's quieter she's whatever. Do you ever think about what are the things that you do in your daily life because you feel like. That's what like the sexy pretty girl is supposed to do is. They're things that I do you. Yeah I'm sure such as like dress a certain way or act a certain way. And maybe you wouldn't naturally gravitate to or like so what I'm thinking of reality is our example that we always give you crap about is your heels on stage. Oh yeah so amy wears these. Like benign inch stilettos to an hour Keno. Yeah that's insanity GONNA fall worthwhile fear Yes us. Why do you wear the shoes so I wear the shoes? Because I think I look sexier in heels than I do in flats and I wear them because they feels Dell's more feminine than glad that you are becoming friends with my lesbian. So let's funding your life feel great after I was onstage. Beans sent me a pair of vans sneakers in the mail and she's like lesbians no comfort. Ah I do have them. But Yeah I have these preconceived notions in my head of what it means to be a woman. And and here's something I've never admitted but because I'm a bigger girl because I've struggled with my weight. I feel like have to overcompensate in other areas. I've gotta buy the expensive close to look good on stage. The expensive ends of shoes. I've got to have my hair a certain way because I'm overweight so I better do all these other things to make up for that and that's very exhausting. Yes yes very exhausting. So I was speaking at this event a few months ago and there was a woman on before me and I will say her name. There's there's a woman on before me and she's doing the same really beautiful and grey shot big deal and she's got these high heels on and we're backstage and we had to all all the speakers had to go from one place to another you're walking right and she's walking and she's like you know on stage. She looks like statues and beautiful and then she gets backstage. And she's like a newborn giraffe raff right and she's acting like that because she's in pain. 'cause don't don't lie you know if you just gave an hour Keno in Stilettos does your. I don't care who you are what you say. It's not comfortable for your body. So she's backstage and she's in pain and her sister runs over with a pair of converse and these aren't just like out of the box commerce these are you can tell her favorite shoes. They are beat up to how they're all worn down and she pulls off the shoes and she's like immediately like Oh thank God and she puts on her sneakers and just like our whole everything about her changes. Because she's comfortable and she's like oh those shoes.