Chicago, Indiana, DAD discussed on Exvangelical

Exvangelical
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And welcome back. Exxon Jellicoe my guest. This week is Holly Laurent she. She is the CO host of the mega podcast as well as a feature performer on. NPR's live from here from the shore said welcome. Welcome to the show. You know what people do that all the time people call me Lauren Lot and I respond to it because my last name kind of looks like a first name and so my name to you. You're in good. You're in good company. Oh Man I I had everything else find on on the first day and then I totally gifted on that the human right. That's right. Well welcome to the show. Holly I like to start off the show by talking about where more people you grew up like both where they grew up in the states where where they did and sort of what their initial religious upbringing was like as well. So let's let's start there. Where where did you get your start? Yeah well you know what's interesting is you're sitting in Chicago right now right. Yeah that's right. What neighborhood do you live in? I live in Rogers. I just park in the far side. So Yeah I consider myself as cargo in. 'cause I lived there for probably fifteen years when I was I didn't high school. I grew up in the suburbs. Out in Elgin okay. Yeah I went to high school in Naperville so different parts of the suburbs but also gration. Yeah Yeah And then when I moved into the city actually and I love Chicago so much everywhere I lived in Lakeview Lincoln Square Square Buck town I kind of was all over and I love Chicago so much and just picturing you and Chicago and picturing turn Rogers Park and like hearing the L in my memory makes me really nostalgic because I've been living in La for the last six years. And I But I but I consider myself a Chicago and yes it's a great city in it's it's got the neighborhoods have such character and you know they're very distinct and I'm a huge booster of Osha Kogyo and the neighborhood of Rogers Park. I know that Mike Rogers Park is known for being like an affordable place but also a little a little dicey I think it's I think it's growing out of their reputation. Just because it's one of the places where he can have an a have a larger place and and you know where younger families can get a start without making bank. Yeah that's great and are there any Lou Malnati's L. Matt he's up in writer's cards because like I think loom out that makes life worth living. There's a there's a donnas but there's not a luminaries there's Yeah there's like peons in bloom and Edgier Donnas and of the big ones. That's the one that's here. Yeah I think those are not even in the same category I'm still and for people for those. Hey friends listening or like what in the hell are you talking talking about. We're talking about a pizza place. Called Lou Malnati's even though it sounds like we're talking about the aluminum. I just think people that make life worth living bring in. I think that's the best pizza in the world and people who should on Chicago style pizza. I just know that we're never going to really connect. That's fair I I like I'd lose Their Saas doesn't it's my favorite of all the Chicago spots but other than in their sauce. I really like lose. This is a pretty big part Blake. I know it is part of it but anyway. Sorry I'm off topic but I grew up. my My Mom and dad I I was born in Chicago suburbs and then When I was like a toddler my family moved to Niles Michigan which is in southwest Michigan? Just on the other side of the lake and I lived there until I was twelve and then when I was twelve we moved back for the Chicago. Suburbs and So then I went to the College in Indiana at Anderson University in Anderson Indiana Church of God school down there and then Yeah and then probably moved to to Chicago. I went to Indiana Wesleyan so right down the road. I Know Indiana Wesleyan. My Dad is in was growing go traveling like a traveling evangelist and Now he's now. He's a teaching pastor at a mega church but he I remember he did some like spiritual emphasis week or something. Indiana Wesleyan and I came over from Anderson to like see for the night and hang out with them and I always love to watch. Watch him do his thing and Yeah I I remember always being like are are these Wesleyan's Okay Dad. And he's like yeah. Yeah they're cool. You know all the different like sex. And everything like Rome I remember when we pulled into Anderson Indiana when I was like moving into my freshman year college dorm and I saw that it said a Church of God school on the Sinai was like it's Church of God. Okay Dad and he was like yeah yeah. They're pretty cool. So did you. So as your your dad has a traveling evangelist. Did he have a denominational affiliation allegation or was he a freelance evangelist. He was more like a free He was just really bringing the good news of the Gospel in introducing people to a really cool. Jesus who I loved like. You've never been loved before baby and so yeah But at home we went to a Baptist Baptist more specifically northern Baptist Church And because my mom's dad was the pastor at First Baptist Church of Niles Michigan so I I grew up and was baptized Baptist Church real sort of traditional like no clapping. Oh Heavens and You know all the it was just run by a bunch of white guys and But it's Kinda like Niles was a blue collar town. I when I was really young. My parents were in a Christian rock band. One I ever Christian Christian rock band seventy like called the good news circle and So they they got married In college started this band. The good news circle started traveling and like putting out albums and like really had a lifestyle going with it there for several years and and So that was my like really early life with this kind of like rock and roll road show And then when my mom I kept having kids in my family total like we settled a Niles and My Dad he had started to at the end of like their music shows Jones. He would kinda give this message about you know how much Jesus loves you and like it would be this big emotional kind of altar. Call thing you know. I watched I watched every night in my life. You know growing up and so he just started to more and more like speak more and more and then when the band finally busted up doc he just stayed a traveling evangelist and so for Until I was like twelve daddy was on the road constantly and so like in in the summer time or when we were on break from school and stuff he would take one of us at a time with him just so he could like get to know us because he was just always gone. Oh I Yeah so I would Yeah I would just be on road trips with my dad like driving all night to get to the next place to get to the next church to do the next thing I would. He would start to include. Include me in little like skits and sketches and stuff. He would do to Kinda like make his message is more dynamic and stuff and So yeah I just saw kind of in front and behind. The curtain grew up really proud of his ability to work a room to move people and he's very charismatic and he's he's a great storyteller and he's funny he's good looking. I just I was just like my dad's the greatest you know it was like really I mean I know. Everybody's parents fall off pedestals but like I had him up there so damn high yeah And so so yeah and then and then When I wasn't on the road with him back home I was In Christian school and Church because my GRANDPA was the patch or the church. We were in church Sunday morning. Sunday night Wednesday night Christian school chapel a three days a week Bible classes five days a week. It was like everyone. I newest Christian every thought I had was Christian. Everything I knew just did like in all reality was just like this evangelical or kind of like you know. Protestant capitalist title is sort of American Christianity and and I think what happened in those early years to be really honest. I I think you bet Evangelical can be very brutal to all types of humans Mentally psychologically emotionally spiritually. We all that stuff But I think there is a specific thing like for females at least for for me just being very emotional being highly sensitive. Have I really really struggled because I can remember being really young I can I have. I have thought of like being so so so oh young like I have memories of even being toddler and stuff and I remember kind flake when I learned the alphabet. And when I learned about like gender and all that stuff I remember Knbr just really being like having a more infinite mind and being like Oh like okay so now I know twenty six letters. I can't wait to learn more because they must be infinite and gender must be infinite and everything must be. I just remember being very and I was oh strong willed. I had like likes such a strong sense of self and I just Kinda came into this world already acting just fresh out of Fox and like Very very very hard to discipline like my. My poor mom was basically like a single mom with my dad was never there and I was just so strong willed and like I like disciplined disciplined. Didn't really work on me. I almost saw it as like a game of like okay so she got one and now I gotta do something okay just had the strongest sense of self and strong and will and kind of I feel like I got here with a lot of like muchness and bigness and What I think happened opened in those early years is it just got beat out of me? So dreadfully so painfully and and and the world came crashing. The Christian World came crashing rushing in is so small and limiting and for me very like frightening and traumatic and and it made me hate myself Alfred. Fear God you know the like the fear of God for me was like actual terror just being who is like you know knows everything sees everything is keeping track of every like thought instinct behavior habit impulse desires you know like and it just really truly scared the absolute Shit Outta me and and kind of in the way. If you've ever seen someone like break a horse in the worst possible way by like just literally breaking their their there will and their spirit like. I kind of feel like. That's what happened to me over the course of being exposed to those Belief system like really not only just not helpful helpful in helping me as like a small creature. Learn how to navigate the world and occasionally experience joy or something it just really like it CR- crushed crushed me and all that like muchness and sort of vision and and strong will and everything that that came so naturally actually to me in the beginning just sort of toppled into this like very fearful anxious. Shame just like so filled with like shame mm-hmm dread and Just like so. I got really traumatized I like I sort of have sleep disorders to this day because I used to always try to stay awake. Like saying the sinner's prayer all night long in case I died in my sleep. I was just so afraid of going to hell like my dad. My Dad was casting out demons that like you know revivals and stuff and I'm like whoa weird that team and go you know and I was so afraid of a demon coming inside of me and taking me over and me becoming coming a host of of what I was seeing as a kid which people like foaming at the mouth and is rolled back and everything it took me like well into my I twenty or maybe even thirty goodness gracious. It's maybe not to be like. Oh people in big crowds with like music and lights and everything in have seizures when they're epileptic and like they're they foam at the mouth in their eyes roll back and guttural noises come out of their body. That wasn't a demon like trying to like fight to stay in it..

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