Charlie, Ken Blanchard, Santa discussed on The Rich Roll Podcast
And isn't this great? You never have to go on that ski team again. We work so hard. He never wanted to be on my team, my ski team. Again. But he's going to tell that story. It was therapist. For sure, my wife says that. All the time, but I want us to be hard workers. Obviously, the parents have an influence on what the family values are. I don't think you could take a 6 year old and expect you know what I mean? You've got a guy that a little bit. They don't have a prefrontal cortex yet. So it's not like they're gonna spit out a perfect values at that point. You got to guide it a bit. I think there was a practicality challenge here too. It's one thing if you've been doing this all along since your kids were really little and they're like, okay, this is what we do. And this is dad's deal. But you come in hot when your kids are like 14, 15. They ain't having it. That's a fair point. There's a book everybody should read called the one minute manager. It was written by a guy named Ken Blanchard and one of his concepts is when you manage people, which is like managing children. You have to set really tight expectations in the beginning at the moment that person joins the organization. You can't let them run free and then clamp down the vice grip 7 months later. Does not work, right? They're going to lose their mind. With your point, you can't at 14 years old say, all right, now here's what we're going to do. You've got to start laying the tracks early on. And I definitely laid tracks early on that we work hard as a family. We chopped wood. We hiked up the mountain. When Charlie was four years old, I might have told you that when Charlie was four years old, he was, he was not the most ideal before Christmas. So everybody got presents that year, but his presence I put on top of the mountain. And so in his little feety pajamas, with snow shoes. We had to go. There was a note from Santa that said, look, Charlie, I'm sorry, but because you didn't give it 1000%, I couldn't get the presence of the house there on top of the mountain. Get out of here. My God. So this is not new. They know. They know what they're getting into with us. My wife is definitely the softer side. Now I will tell you, well, you know, we put on this death camp on the farm, right? And there were many kids at the death camp that would say to me, oh my God, this is so hard. I said, can you imagine what it's like being my kid? When you guys leave and you get to go home, my kids. This is their home. I want to read their book. When they're 28. Yeah. But you got to get value straight. Yeah, values are, look, I completely a 1000% I'm on board with that. I mean, I think the tricky thing that I've experienced as a parent is the balance between setting the hard boundary and what happens when that expectation isn't met. How hard do you come down on that kid? Because especially when they're in those teenage years, like the communication is so critical. And I don't want to do anything that's going to shut that down. And if I come in really hot, I risk them just clamping down and then they're not telling me what's going on in their life anymore. And keeping that communication open I think is critical when they're trying to figure out how to navigate their social circles and drugs and alcohol and the temptations that teenagers face. Like I want them to feel like they can come and talk to me about that stuff. But if I'm too disciplinarian, then they're going to, I'm not going to be the guy that they're going to come to when they need to clear that stuff. Well, in our family, and I didn't go in with this plan. It just happened. So it's a good model to use. My wife is the pressure relief out. So they'll go to my wife. And they'll open up and talk to her about anything. There's no doubt about it that based on my communication and our family. They know that I'm hardcore and I have high expectations. I've tried really hard to explain that my expectations aren't, I don't care if you get a pluses. By the way, they're all striving for. I didn't get a's. I see. They're all like speak Mandarin and stuff. They all speak man. They do extra math. But I know some people are rolling their eyes that might be listening. It's like, again, we don't take tests in Mandarin where my expectation, you've got to do this or that. No, you just, it's kind of like you got to exercise a little bit each day. You gotta speak another language with a teacher every day. Well, the Mandarin thing started because your daughter came to you and said, I want to learn Mandarin, right? It was a little bit of that. We had a Kung fu master living a switch was it was another story. How old were they? They were very young. I saw the movie kill Bill when they were young. And Uma Thurman had a Kung fu master. And I turned to my wife and I said, wouldn't it be unbelievable? If we had a Kung fu master living on the farm, so I called a friend of a friend of a friend, and I convinced a guy to come from China who didn't speak any English. And I would train them every day in Kung fu. And then my daughter said, hey, I'd love to learn. So then it started. Did you take the Kung fu also? Hide it, and you didn't I didn't. And I'm a wimp. What did they learn from that discipline? Tremendous discipline. And it's really the Kung fu is kind of like almost gymnastics, if you will. So they had gymnastics class with a Mandarin speaking master for three or four years before we switched to.