Cohen, Brayden, Nancy discussed on Secular Buddhism
Podcast this is episode number one hundred and twenty four. I'm your host Noah Rochetta and today. I'm going to talk about dealing with people that you don't like as always keep in mind. You don't need to use what you learn from Buddhism to be a Buddhist you can use it to learn to be a better whatever you already are so today's podcast. Episode comes from the request of an email. I received someone asking me if I would be willing to do an episode where I discussed the idea or the concept or give tips on. How do we deal with people that we don't like and I thought that would be a good idea especially during this time Where you know the way social media works. We're all dealing with people that we don't like and perhaps if it's not people that we don't like it's ideas that we don't like But it's I. It seems to be a prevalent thing and I'm trying to shift a little bit of the concepts of the podcast towards a little bit more of a hot as all this apply every day day to day scenario. So this is my My approach at this specific topic. Like how does how do these concepts and ideas that we learn about in Buddhism apply to everyday scenarios like Dealing with people that we don't like so. I thought that would be a fun way to start off this podcast episode. So first of all though I want to go into the Zenko on that I left in the last podcast episode and this is where among asked South Zoo to teach him and sows. Who asked have you eaten your meal? The monk replied yes. I have then go wash. Your Bowl said zoo at that moment. The monk was enlightened now this Cohen to me Does a really good job of presenting the simple and profound way that Zen Buddhism tries to simplify the the whole point of what we're practicing in what we're doing I want to share a couple of thoughts from people from the Patriot community. Who were we had a discussion around this co on in the last week or week and a half I the first thought comes from Nancy. Who says quote my understanding? Enlightenment only happens when we are fully aware in the present moment no matter what we are doing even washing the dish close quote. I like that thought the Nancy shares were enlightenment. Happens in the present moment and no matter what we're doing even washing the dish. I do think that this definitely alludes to that where it doesn't matter what you're doing you could be out walking the dog. You could be stuck at a traffic light. You could be in the middle of an argument with someone you dislike and these are the the moments where you could notice something that you hadn't noticed before and that moment of awareness can have a A component of I guess you could call enlightenment and that's what this Cohen is trying to point at Like that thought I. I like this additional thoughts from Michael who says quote. The Bowl has served its purpose for the monk. Who used it for his lunch but now the dirty bowl is of no use to the next hungry person that comes along by washing the bowl after he has finished using it for his own purpose he then gives someone else the opportunity to make use of the bowl to nourish themselves the monk could contemplate the someone before him had washed the bowl which allowed him to use to enjoy. Its use close quote. I like that Michael kind of extrapolated out of this the nature of interdependence and how indeed the bowl was there for me to use it. Someone must have clean that before me. And if I'm cleaning it now this will allow another Monka. Some point to also enjoy use of the woollen. I I liked that line of thinking and remember with all of these know. I mentioned this a lot but these Cohen's are meant to get us to look inward so it's what you get out of the Cohen. That really matters. It's it's not about Discovering the the right answer so it's fun to see what other people extract out of these Cohen's that's one of the things that I enjoy by reading the various descriptions and thoughts and feedback that come in on these discussions on the Patriot community. So here's another one from David. He says quote. This Cohen reminds me of something that ancient Greek philosophers such as epic. Titas used to say to those who wanted to learn from them. Rather than reading. Many books and learning quotes. The students should practice making the good choices in their everyday lives so when the monk asked about teaching him he replied with the same kind of idea instead of reading. More books are listening to Buddhist teachers or on about how to achieve enlightenment. Go Wash your bowl as you should and practice living mindfully now. Of course I. I really enjoyed the thought around this interpretation of the Cohen. Because I highly agree with that you know you can. You can read and you can listen. And you can devour the theory behind Living more mindful. You're the theory behind all of these topics in concepts and ideas that we encounter Buddhism. But nothing will substitute for the experiential understanding that you will gain when you're just out doing whatever it is that you're doing and I can't overemphasize that whatever it is. You're doing in the same way that that Nancy said you could be even washing dish and that Definitely gets to the heart of what this co on his talking about and then one more thought this is from Brayden. Who says open quote for me? This Cohen makes me think of the way I go about enlightenment personally. I've delved wholeheartedly into enlightenment and forgotten about the world around me and the responsibilities I have outside the desire for enlightenment. The pursuit of that desire has gone in the way of my other responsibilities and I've neglected tasks and people in my life. This Cohen is a reminder to me to follow through with the things outside my journey and And that can help in setting up an environment that promotes enlightenment as I. Focus my whole attention on studying and learning close quote And I really agree with what? Brayden is Emphasizing here in his understanding of the Co on the Cohen is an invitation to remember to go back to washing the dishes rather than getting lost in the pursuit of enlightenment and the irony in that especially with his Co. on is that the moment the Monk hears this. He is enlightened when right it says at that moment the monk was enlightened when he realizes use has to go wash his bowl and to me. That's incredibly profound. Because just like Brayden is talking about. We can get caught up in this pursuit of becoming enlightened. And it's like wow. I'M GONNA go become enlightened so I don't have time to wash the dishes I've got to go. Sit In on my meditation cushion and you know. Hit my one hour to hour. Meditation goal for the day and in the process of pursuing. This conceptual idea we have of enlightenment. Were missing the whole point because it was in the washing of the dish that you could have found it and that to me is right at the heart of of what Zen is constantly trying to push us back to the the everyday nature of this stuff. So my thoughts on the CO on. This is an invitation to go back to the simple Understanding of the experiential nature of of life. You know it's important to emphasize here. The enlightenment is a concept. It's an idea and we we gain this idea from books from people from teachers from all kinds of places but an idea gets planted in your head that hey there's the thing and it's called enlightenment and then here's how you go obtain it and then we get caught up in that and what. We're trying to get back to in a lot of ways with this practices back to the present moment and in and to live a life. That's a little bit more skillful and less reactive and since you just finished eating perhaps the most skillful thing to do next is to wash the bowl. And that's it. That's how simple that was but to understand that and to do that because it's a non-reactive thing like I am washing the bull because I understand that it makes sense at this moment in time to now wash the bowl that is that's it that's enlightenment and there's nothing big and great and vast beyond that and at the same time that awareness that the skillful thing to do is to wash the bowl. That's it that's the magic of awareness. That's how I understand this and I. I want to kind of continue on this discussion but applying it to the topic that I wanted to share today. Which is the answer for the email I received with. How do we deal with people that we don't like well? Awareness is GonNa make play a role in this and I'll get to that in a second but first of all with with the concept of dealing with people that you don't like again just like with the cohens what we're trying to learn to do as a practice is to look inward so rather than thinking. Okay here's so and so I don't like so and so how do I deal with them? Let's look inward for a moment. And say what does this really pointing to What is it that that I dislike? Where does the disliking come from? And I've been practicing this a little bit with with my kids. For example my son Reiko he is a picky eater and he has a lot of foods that he doesn't like and anytime he says. Oh I don't like this or that you know I try to remind him and say wait. Is it you? That doesn't like it or is it your taste buds. That don't like the food and that simple question helps him to understand. It's not him dislikes the food. It's it's how he is that prevents him from liking the food and he can't help that right if you All all of us have this. I just think of something that you don't like to eat and ask yourself that same question as it you. That doesn't like it or is it your taste buds. I did the Twenty three and me genetic tests that you can do that gives you not just your ancestry and genetic information but it gives you like your health traits your genetic health reports and something that stood out to me and there was there. There's a variation on one of the genes that you can have that will determine whether you are likely to enjoy bitter tastes Or not and this will d they use it as a marker to determine if you like Brussel sprouts or not and it's kind of fascinating to think that it's just a matter of DNA that could determine if somebody likes Brussels sprouts versus someone. Who doesn't which goes right back to the heart of what? I'm discussing here. Is it really me? That likes the Brussel sprouts or is it my genetic makeup that allows me to taste and enjoy that flavor when someone else will taste and all they get is a bitter flavor that they can't tolerate so they would think. I don't like Brussel sprouts while I'm thinking. I do like Brussel sprouts and neither one of us. It's it's the genetic marker in our DNA that allows us to experience. The world and Brussels sprouts the way we're experiencing them and I think that's a really profound understanding that you can take not just into how you taste food but into the very question of dealing with people that you don't like now this to me really alludes to one of the most profound..