Can you heal in the environment that hurt you?
If you're unfamiliar help assist or out is an opportunity for members of our community to submit a question. They like others to weigh in on we posted host the questions on our social media channels and the community shares their input. If you have a question that you'd like to submit for a chance to be shared you can share it at therapy for black girls dot com slash H. A. S.. So this question in particular read. I know that you can't heal in the environment that hurt you. But what if the only people you have are the ones that hurt you very poignant question right and one one that many of you wanted feedback about so of course I had to make an episode about it and so join me in. This conversation for another visit with us is the incredible Melissa Apple who's a licensed clinical social worker in New York Melissa shares great information and I can't wait to get into it but first let's hear a quick word from our sponsor you love com- if so there's a perfect podcast for you. 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A recent break up up moving to a new state navigating a new job or just deciding what you want from life. Melissa believes that your ability to understand what you you want and cope with the emotions that arise are critical pieces to assist you in being successful utilizing holistic wellness techniques. She's able to bridge the gap between traditional healing practices and clinical understanding to provide effective coping tools in education on how your mind body and spirit are impacted by painful experiences. She gets excited when she's able to encourage women to see themselves as whole people and thrive in spite of trauma. One of her favorite sayings. The Globe is in the show up demonstrates her belief that what you do determines the life you have and you really do get to choose and create the life you desire. Her goal is to help you. Take your life off autopilot and and put you back in the driver's seat toward your dreams. Melissa and I chatted about whether it's possible to heal an environment that hurt you what boundaries as might look like with someone who's hurt you the importance of having difficult conversations and what forgiveness really means when you've been hurt if you hear something well listening that resonates with you please share with us on social media using the Hashtag. TV G in session. Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for being back with us again. Melissa and always always grateful to be yes. So you know if y'all have been following the therapy for black girl social media pages you know that we have a feature call help assist assist out every now and then there will be a question that is lots of lots of engagement in people request. Oh we need to episode on this so a couple of weeks ago there was. There's a question about how do you heal in the environment that hurts you and a very poignant question you know sisters. I thought engaged beautifully with the question but I definitely wanted to bring into the pie has so that we can open enough or a further discussion and talk about like what this might look like in terms of help in Therapy Melissa. Of course you were the first person I thought some very grateful for you to be back with us. Thank you so much happening that you know. I have to be infiltrates now. I think ashes my phone and have dealt with personally and that I deal with you know with micronutrients on You know we're talking about generational stuff right intergenerational trauma as well plays a role in this and so it's important for us understand who then our life that impact that those people have one the roles that we choose to have those relationships are I think are and what I'm finding with my open the clients but our work with as you Chore War By. We assume that we need to have the same roles relationship. People don't have and you know that's not always the case you get to switch it up. MHM So this about like how you might even know how to switch it up right because I feel like so much of the conversation and of course there does does become appointed sometimes where the relationship does completely need to be dissolved today. But I hear you saying that there may be a way to kind of switch up the roles change things a little bit so that you can still engage in relationships without completely dissolving them for sure for sure I think the hardest thing important to think about it with me. The different types of abuse by we might be having an experience with someone who we love but because we define abuse or mistreatment and you know beverly specific harms. We don't think of the relationship as being hurtful or abuse or we can't quite figure around. Wow this person as parting us. Because they're not doing the things that we really was an island view and be is the goal sexual actual it can be emotional. It can be verbal it can be financial and it can also be spiritual and we need to understand that there are different contact Zac annual what defines something has traumatic for you or abuse of you is the impact that it has on you emotionally and or physically so oh you know hurt and harm as it needs to be defined by these very rare category with regard to the other person's behavior is you know we have to give ourselves permission to acknowledge how we feel they somehow somebody else. Hey being anti consul sit with that in mind we always want to give ourselves awesome opportunity to go inward and to own our own Hanukah dismissing