Tips for Saying No

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Okay. Let's get into today's topic saying no. This one's for all of US people pleasers out there who find it difficult or? Finding ourselves regretting saying, yes to things we are putting our needs before other people and we're also looking for affirmation insane. Yes. Two things you might remember I talk about. Different types of communication there really only three when you're looking at. The big scope of how we get our message across to people were either passive were assertive or were aggressive and sometimes aggressive impassive meet in the woods and have a little thing. But for the most part, you can see along that spectrum of passive assertive and aggressive where you fall. If we're on the aggressive side, we tend to let things percolate until we attack. We often do this with those. We love the most the ones we take for granted. We stay no aggressively stepping strongly into this false sense of power about with no regard or attention to the connection with the other person in passive communication we accommodate we say, yes. When we really really want to say, no, this brings us a temporary false sense of peace. But leader, we have apprehension we have rumination and then resentment we defer to the relationship with no regard to our power and ironically end up undermining the very relationship that we want. To sustain or not cause trouble in, we also avoid in this where. Passive and aggressive meet in the woods. We don't prioritize our personal sense of power or the relationship in other words everybody loses. We dishonor ourselves and amp up our own discomfort by leaving something unresolved and disrespect the other person by not providing them with an answer but instead provoking them silently through manipulation and articulating our needs in a very passive aggressive way sarcasm the no is one of the first steps toward healthy boundaries and often times. It's freaky scary and this is because people have been accustomed to coming to us for things for answers for doing. And we let them. So when they come to us and want to ask something we get flummoxed we get. Locked and loaded into our own discomfort because we really want to say no but they need us and we therefore are pushed in to the ritual of Sania. Like any other type of problem solving in recovery, we need some kind strategy, some kind of practice to help us get to know easier. To give us time, for instance, give yourself a pause before you answer. If you're having difficulty doing that. Structure some time before. In your off time to predict and play through how you're GONNA say, no a helpful strategy that can enable you to say, no with greater ease is gaining this clarity around things you want to say, yes to make a list of your top three priorities an understand that the change. Post these priorities around your house or you're going to see them, you're going to reinforce what's important to you. When someone then asks you to do something that takes your time and energy away from those things that you want to say, yes to fill free to answer the inquiry you know with. Now. I have things I need and what to do and want to prioritize those. Sound. So easy I know. Yet if we don't practice this in sometimes I, need to do it when nobody else in the room I've mentioned before that I have these kinds of discussions while I'm taking a walk so I can practice being clear and confident. Concise and consistent in my message. I practice not giving too much information. Keeping. It simple. I do this so that I limit the amount of challenges I get to my no letting the other person know that I hear them and Yeah I've probably said Yes to this a number of times. But I'm restructuring my priorities that I need time to do the things that are important to me. Another helpful strategy is to have some kind of phrase that you use. So for all of YOU PEOPLE IN SOBER land out there refusal skills. This is what I'm talking about here. It's the same kind of thing. For example, you can say, I have a policy and you can do this tongue-in-cheek. To say, yes, to things that serve me now to that really helped me embrace my priorities in life or you can say I'd rather say not now rather than disappoint

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