A highlight from #124: [Mentor Moment] How can the Enneagram help adoptive parents?
This week's question is. How can the any graham help adoptive parents. Well you all know that. Melissa and i are big fans of the program and that we became certified any graham coaches just about a year ago really at the very beginning of covid. We think it's a great tool for helping us understand ourselves and the people we love you know the any graham is really a tool for self discovery and personal growth and the any grabs a little different from other personality. Typing systems like Strength finders and myers briggs and things like that in that it identifies nine different types or lenses for seeing the world and i was just meeting with a mom talking about this yesterday and the thing. Also that's different about the any graham is. It does not focus on a person's behavior but actually on the internal motivations that are bringing that behavior about. Yeah so the interesting part about looking at your motivations is that if you're a brand new to the program one of the first things people often ask is how do i find my type. Or what's the best test to take and so as it turns out tests aren't one hundred percent accurate in fact they're not very accurate at all because again. It's really hard for multiple choice tests to tell you what your internal motivations are so the same as what we call self affirming so really. The best way is to read. A book listened to some podcasts. Do a narrative type exercise Think about typing as a journey. Not the beginning Or necessary part. I mean it is important but you can learn so much about yourself Even destroying the process of thinking about your core motivations. So i took a test because i didn't know any better. What i realized was for a couple of years. I miss identified my type because i was going off of false information. More of my behaviors rather than mccormack divisions and so Really taking a deep dive into my motivations and even going back into memories from my childhood really helped me by dominant type and then that journey even of itself. Because i don't think that words in time very naturally really helped me process and make sense of a lot of my story. As an the as an adoptive mom i just had so many of these like since clicked into place and we know even through trauma work that having a cohesive narrative of our experience is really important to healing and integrating trauma. So that doesn't come back and rear. Its ugly head in our lives over and over again right. The any graham wants. I knew my number which. I can share a little of that very long process but once i knew my number i was able to look back on things in my life and think. That's why i did what i did are. That's why this went the way it went because there were things. I didn't quite understand about myself. You know and. I thought it was a pretty self aware person but the any graham for me. I did not start with a test. I started with Reading the road. Back to you by ian krahn suzanne's deal and i believe they say right in that book. Don't take a test. So that was my first exposure. I didn't take a test. But i continued to read in learn and it took me still a very long time to figure out what my number was because i had to really think carefully about. What is it that speaks to me. What is it that motivates me and each number. Each of the nine numbers has these different core. Motivations like we talked about and one of the things we talk about is. What is the message. Your heart longs to here. I think that was one of the things that helped me really settle on my number because there were other parts of it. That didn't seem to be quite me. But then the more. I learned about my number going deeper and deeper began to make more and more sense. I've shared my story about being here on the podcast and one of the things that i don't think it's unusual but it's just not not told as much is i was a fairly happy adopted and i don't ever remember feeling these big feelings of grief and i don't remember thinking about my birth mom at every birthday and i am a seven and seven are super forward thinking we are Eternal optimists were always looking at the bright side of situations and we process a lot of our experiences through logic through thinking. And so when i learn these things about how i'm wired sudden in such a feeling guilty that i didn't feel the same way. So many adoptees share. I thought oh i am. This is how for me as type seven process my story and it all clicked into place and it made so much sense and then it also made sense of our journey as adoptive as an adopted family and me as an adoptive mom and what i did under stress and why that was such it no would