A highlight from A Message From Rachel

RISE Podcast


Hey guys it's rachel. last week. I posted a video on social media. That i thought was empowering. I did like. I feel so fucking stupid. In retrospect but i really thought that it was empowering. It doesn't even matter at something. I've been told a lot over the last week and a half is it doesn't matter why it matters how it was received and How it was received was deeply hurtful for a lot of people and that is crushing to me. That's crushing to me. I've done so reflection. And i still have so much more to do. One of the big realizations for me is how deeply my privilege as a white woman runs. I didn't understand how that would be hurtful to others. And that's my privilege right like because i don't have to filter things that i say or the content that i create through any sort of lends that is the privilege like because i didn't think man. How does this sound for a white woman to save these things. That is my privilege and it is a fucked up and deeply unfair privilege that you have if you're white in america that you don't have to think about the fact that you're white. I hate that. This is still in me and i guess. In retrospect. it's stupid to think that you could. Do you know five years of learning and it will erase the thirty three years that came before that or the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years that racism has been practice in this country. But it's still in there clearly. Because i did this thing and i hurt. People hurt people not just people on social media which is devastating but a hurt. My friends and i hurt my team at work. Who fight so hard for this brand. And for empowering women and lifting them up. And i did something that made it. So that a whole group of women don't feel safe to be in this community with us and that is devastating and i will carry the shame of it with me for the rest of my life. You know when. I got into this world when i started a podcast or when i started right non fiction i got into it because i was curious like i had so many questions about how the world worked or how life worked or why people do things. The way they do are why i do things the way that i do. And somewhere along the way in stepping into personal development. All of the leaders. No i shouldn't say all of the leaders but so many of the leaders in the space are teachers and they're so confidently teaching and they're so like this is what i know and this is what you should do as a student that there's I don't know romance in someone else telling you. They have the answers like growing up in church. That's what church was in so many ways as a little girl was like. Oh no these are the rules and that person on stage they have the answers. And if i just do what that teacher says then everything's gonna be okay and somewhere along the line. It flipped and i felt like i was a teacher and i tried really hard to always say like look. I'm not an expert. These are just things that i know from my life and they helped me and maybe they'll help you but i think that if you spend years teaching that at some point your ego starts to believe that you know all the answers. He stopped being curious. And you're i don't know you start assuming that you don't So much to learn. And this is where i find myself and i still have so much to unpack and process and worked through because i have to hold space for the mistake that i made and the pain that cost. I have to hold space for the things that i did. So that's what's happened and now like with any hard thing you have to ask yourself. What are you going to decide that this means. Are you going to decide that. You're going to stick your head in the sand and you're gonna pretend it didn't happen or you're going to quickly move forward or you're gonna sort of do whatever makes it look like in public. You did the right thing. But privately didn't change your heart at all and just none of those are right so what it means for me. First and foremost is that the structure of this business has to change And the first. Step that i am taking to change that is i am postponing at a women's conference plan for me and one of the first things i thought in all of this was who the fuck am i to think that i can teach other women anything when i still have this much to learn. I'll be working on this for the rest of my life but to try and speak or lead out on something or work with integrity. When i haven't fully unpack this or unlearn. This or done enough feels so wrong. My best friend has been so insanely graceful to me in this process and she said to me the other day she's like you know people think that we learn best the way we learn in school like you sit and you listen to someone teach and you memorize information and that's how you learn but she's like honestly the way we really learn like something sinking. Our bones is by going through something deeply painful. Because that's a shit. You're never gonna forget

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