Richard Paul (Maliseet) Part 2

The Storyteller
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Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Welcome my friends to the storyteller who you'll find first nations people from across native North America who are following Jesus Christ without reservation today. We'll hear more from Richard Paul Analysis from New Brunswick as he shares from his heart about the struggle. He had in putting his trust in. Jesus Christ and so what I did was I. Just LET THEM SING. And without turning the channel and before. I knew it I was weeping. My chair and I was crying tears coming down and I was talking to God saying Lord I I just I just would like to get my life straight if you can help me. And he kept saying you know if you'll just give your life to Jesus right where you're at. He said even in that little apartment where you're at or if you're in like I would just like. Wow that was kinda weird even in your little apartment number thinking US Rome. At of course he made a few other descriptions to in your hotel a few there. Wherever you're at he said Jesus could change your life and I remember thinking well I could use some of that for sure and anyhow he said I challenge you to get on your knees and just ask Jesus into your life and he'll change you right where you're at and before I knew it I was on my apartment floor on my knees and look up saying God. I need. Whatever he's talking about. I need that in my life and I sobbed and I. I said the centers prayer and I invited Jesus into my heart. I didn't know what had taken place I had no idea all I know. Is that before I get on my knees. I remember feeling like man. If some of my friends came in here they'd laugh their heads. I don't think I was crazy so I remember going over. I locked my apartment door and I shut the curtains and and here I was on my knees and here I was inviting Jesus into my life in here in the whole time being afraid and ashamed to what my friends would have thought about the whole ordeal in. Nobody thinks I was crazy or week. Or whatever on so I did and nothing happened. I remember feeling relieved. Remember feeling wow. That was neat but nothing happened. I still the same person you know. Of course by the next day I was maybe that night back to the same old routine cursing and swearing and whatever this went on from nineteen eighty six until nineteen ninety nine. The only difference was every time afterwards. I noticed that I would cry out to God when I'd get in drunks and when I'd get in trouble night by the time I was eighteen or nineteen hundred been locked up and put in jail a couple of times and and I remember all the time talking to God just like it. Did that day. God would you help me? I swear I'll serve? You wanted these days one of these days when I get things right. I'm GonNa give my life totally to you but the problem is and and I know we're all the same ways that the minute life started better that day or later and I started feeling good soon as you start feeling good right back to your old habits again over and over and over. This was a broken record. Thirteen years of my life in one thousand nine hundred eighty nine. When I was introduced to cocaine those years were really bad. How is it drug addict drunk and you know what I I? My wife many times had to go looking for me. I just wouldn't come home and my mayor. She left me. This turmoil just went on and on and it went on and of course he keep a brave face. You try to make sure that everybody sees it. Everything's going okay. You know and you try to put on a brave face for everybody but inside. I was toward a pieces. My life was just hanging on by a thread. All these years went by and every time I'd get I'd get doing cocaine and I swore to myself I'd never do it again every time I did it. And then I'd say God if you help me get over this problem or give my life to you and through all those years my brain and my mind would always go back to that moment in my living room. Have my apartment on my knees. We've been giving my life to Jesus Christ then begin to doubt. I began to say that there was no god. I used to curse God. Like I'd say there you don't care about me you don't live. There is no god and then I got to the point where I just wouldn't believe there was a god. I would say you know this not true. My Life isn't made any change. Didn't change my life. He said that if I that preacher said if I get my life to Jesus he changed my life. My life is just getting progressively worse and worse and worse and so this went on. It was a thirteen year struggle with cocaine with my marriage. And you know what finally in Nineteen Ninety nine? My wife had left me four or five times and she began to re discover God. She began to look because she'd been raised Christian and she began to turn back towards God. She must have been hurting. I caused a lot of grief and a lot of pain and a lot of resentment anger. Through these years we had children and so what happened was in nineteen ninety nine after I had been out drinking and just doing coke and hanging out with my friends and just living up the party scene in nightclubs and I came home one morning and she was getting my oldest daughter ready for kindergartner grade. One I don't remember what it was and my son. Youngest one he was in the High Chair and he had food all he was smiling and this was about seven o'clock in the morning. I came home I was still high and drinking and and I could see that my wife had been crying or is are all red and Puffy and I knew that I was just being an idiot again and all of a sudden I was sitting there and I seen my kids with the innocent look in their face. Kinda just looking at me and I. If there's been atomic God spoke to me right there. He spoke and said what are you doing with your life. And what are you doing with this family that I've given you and it just struck me so hard and something rate then made me realize that I really had to turn my life around so she started going to church and I started getting angry about it. Nice night threatened her that if she continued to go to church that it was going to completely ruin our marriage and that. I wasn't going to have any part of it and just went on like that and and I don't know what happened but one Sunday Molly GonNa go with you this morning. If you don't mind she said well suit yourself. We haven't been getting along very well and as you can imagine that Sunday when preacher started to preach. I couldn't believe what he was telling me. I felt like I was the only one in that whole church and he was talking rate straight to me and I started to feel tremendous pressure in my life and I remember thinking. Wow it reminded me that morning in my apartment when I was watching this guy and TV. Sing and I started to feel those same feelings over again this anxiety and this wanting to leave and wanting to stay and I just can't explain it. I just had this anxious feeling and I started to feel like he was really talking to me and he was talking about my life and he was saying in towards the Andy said he said. I don't know why I'm saying this today. So don't usually get this way. But he began to weep and he said I just feel like. There's somebody here that needs to just quit running from God and give your life to him and surrender your life to Jesus. I thought to myself wherever I heard that before and I remember I hung onto the puny. I would ask you to come down here at the end and I like to stick around. Pray with you just like to give your life to him and I stood there sternly in my few Vij Lodge Church overnight left in a hurry but I couldn't deny something was talking to me that week following Sunday. Same thing we go to church. Music was great and going to the church. Same thing it course. In the meantime I'm still going out drinking and doing my thing and I'm there Sunday morning following Sunday at Church again and he starts speaking a different message completely totally was relating to me where I was and he started talking about my life describing not and I remember feeling anxious feeling and all the same thing God begin to talk to the God began to draw me it was like God was like a magnet news pulling me and pulling me pulling me and I was resisting and I I'd hang onto the Pew. I'd stop my feet standing. I'm not budget. I wanted to so bad but I was so afraid people would stare at me and I was afraid that there's probably three hundred people there and I didn't want everybody looking at me. I know the only native person in that church I know I was there might have been. I didn't know it then but there was another one there. I didn't I didn't realize I did know him. You know and but here I was and I just wouldn't go down pride and you know just just didn't want to go. I was actually afraid and ashamed and I didn't know what my people would think back home if I was a Christian and just a whole flood of feelings and questions so I went home and I remember the second week when I went home. Feeling guilty thinking. Why did not have the courage to go up there? Why would I have the courage to stand up? Not Stand up for me but for my family for my life and take charge of my life and let God completely rule. It

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