Casey Wilson, Motors, Rory discussed on LadyGang
Do you need me to cook. She's like i got it like that's always say people pleasing as a form of asshole or eight right so we got to look at our motors. Are you offering to clean because you want them to think you're a good person. Good people don't have to prove it. They're just good people. You know what i'm saying and it's our way of like it's a lot of like me like me and then we try to stay away from the three. M's mothering. martyring micromanaging so when we get relationships with men that we if we inflate love and pity if we ever in a relationship because we want to rescue them we want to fix them to love to rescue. A man can't be rescued. They're adults they're not. They're not see they're not both a hard thing to i see is not getting. You mean rescuing a like it's the same thing of like how adults when we say like. I feel abandoned. My therapist like adults can't be abandoned. They have cars. You're not your premise. isn't even valid. We can't rescue person. Were just drowning ourselves with them. We're just jumping into the car. That's about to crash. We're not rescuing them. We're just abandoning ourselves. Basically so it took me so long. You know i mean i was with a god who he's a successful hollywood to assistance and i'm like running around getting groceries and like if he didn't see that i got them i'd be like grocery today. It was not about doing. the nice. ain't credit for doing the nice thing and you know a lot of self-deception looking at your motives. A lot of Over gifting You know stuff like that and spend a lot of money to on your on things that So people can perceive you turn way instead of just allowing yourself to be authentic which i think people struggle with Codependent or not. But it's a lot of you know those people that are like are you. Okay are you okay are you. And you're like if i'm not i'll let you know you know. Give me a long time and codependence also feel Do a lot of things out of obligation whether it's out birthday party that you know the people who are like i have to go get drinks. Nectar this birthday party and have to get up and drive my friend. You're not a good person you're monitoring yourself and your in know we we say program that self care the way we put others first as a put ourselves i so so codependency were the ones that always get out of the relationship and you go. What's wrong what happened. I just i loved him too much. Knowing do ninety honest dark we do ninety percent and the other person can do ten and then codependence breeds resentment. So we start to. He's such an asshole. He didn't call me back. Well you call them four times. He called you back when he was done with work. Like you made possible standard right so we over. We give too much so that we can recreate our childhood circumstance of being victimized. Because that's that's comfortable for us and how we get some rory. It's pretty cool. It did also take me a wild to go. you know what. I'm not as sick as i thought. Either me fourteen years in therapy. And like i was also perfectionist. And how sick. I was once. I went into a twelve step program. And i was like i wanted to be the best sick person because that's the Actionist mentality if i'm going to be an alanon and a codependent. I'm going to be the worst possible one you know. And so it's also the way we put over pathologist ourselves right now does as you say like. Maybe i need more thera. Maybe you don't eat any all who knows who knows you know Or different kind. Or whatever but i think a lot of having a lot of conversations with women right now and people that are talking about mental health. And i see we're all doing awesome. Yeah jim saying i think. Sometimes it's like important that we say that even though we're the ones on the frontlines being depression i have this. I'm codependent. I'm gonna talk to relationship. I'm attic that's all great but we're also nailing it. Yeah no that's true. Actually i listen to you and casey wilson's episode recently. Where you guys were like. I'm also the person who loves like the hottest new psychic or the healer or the blah blah blah. And you're like maybe we're actually okay like stop trying addicted to healers maybe addicted to our own shit. So that's why. I love step programs of just straight up therapy because it's also about service you know. A lot of these shit the sort of sick patterns that crystallize in our brains. We're thinking about ourselves too much right. So that's why it's like service like go volunteer to shelter and walk the dogs go. Take out your neighbors. What have you done for someone else today. Besides me me me myself. Help book and i'm listening to this podcast. Because i'm thinking i'm crazy and i'm just like sometimes you know just the disease of self obsession that sometimes we have to stop over analyzing ourselves because and then learn to perceive ourselves the way other people perceive so my my biggest thing and i think this is like women in general whether they're cataract categorizing themselves as codependent but the rivers yeah natural caretakers but the discomfort. I feel when i'm letting somebody else down. Or i'm giving them an answer or that they don't want like i have not in thirty five years. Been able to gain stand in it and be uncomfortable. I will always bend so like what are some person. am i a psychopath. Because i don't feel that actually kelsey you're the from feeling this like actually your birth order second. I'm the youngest oldest feel bad about uncomfortable moments. Okay do i feel bad about them. I don't really don't talk that it's it's it's it's sort of a team effort to make it uncomfortable. There's certain people. I always try to find that like. Where's the red flag mars. The gift right. So it's like if you're uncomfortable That person also might be a malignant narcissist. That person also might be have borderline personality disorder. So you might not be codependent. That person might legitimately be emotionally dangerous. And if you're dealing with people that are you know at the top of their field. They say that It's one one percent of people are capacity and then but when you get into the highest level of any business ranking goes up to thirty percent because those type of people that you don't care who they're knocking down on the way they just don't have embassy it just doesn't bother them like jeff right. His delivery people that are shitting and bags. He doesn't care he's got the thing on time like so found. And i get i. Don't get in trouble for this. Why am i saying that to try to like a ball. I am really big on okay. You give social totally get it like you need fang. But i know that's real. I know people things i disorders. They can't get out of bed. Is a confluence of things. But before you diagnose yourself things. I sorta. I make sure the people you're around aren't don't suck. He's -iety is an amazing tool and of information that need if we all catering zaidi nothing would get done. And we'd all be in dangerous situations all the time. So i was like associate associate anxious and then when i was like. Yeah but i also don't like any of these people and they're all using me and they're all like trying to angle and feel it and i feel anxiety because i feel like i'm being exploited and i am i'm not socially anxious these people are vampires. So before you're like. I band i like. I can't tell her discomfort. That person might actually be manipulative. And whatever and which. I always say. I don't i don't accept any invitations or put anything on my calendar in person ever ever ever ever because i'll go like it becomes a game of chicken like in. Footloose where it's like. Okay fine. I'll do it. And then i of my go-to things. Which is if. I want to do something. I never. If someone asked me to do something. I sat let you know in three days. That will never make a decision. Because i need to think. And i need to look at my calendar and i just don't say if it's not a hell yes it's no that's the other thing. Is it like that. Means now. But i also the first person to to all the the the young people listening you know take every job you can't and that's the other thing it's like like when you're getting those whether it's that like onset for this little thing go shadow hairstyle is like i would say yes to everything unless it's a toxic thing or there's you know it's dangerous or whatever like get as many opportunities as you can right now so that you can get information and you can get more experience and Have more stories so a lot of people that i know that are literally unemployed. Like i don't just say yes anything i say. No i'm like. I actually canton wrong..