Marshall Goldsmith discussed on Heather Dubrow's World
Sleep. Deprived your phone your focused on the house. Your focus on the kids. You're trying it's like somebody has to come in and that's like that's like you and i do that for people. We give them awareness than we empower them to get a little bit of an aerial perspective and you see things from a whole new light. And that's what the book is about is getting an aerial perspective. So you can see the gaps that need to be bridged and then figure out how to bridge them and everything starts to get like who decompressed lighter. And you have like god's a mental space for once you know it's so true. I used to be that kid that in in junior high or high school. Before i could study i had to clean my desk and my mom always said it was just a way of procrastinating. Actually wasn't i realize. Now it wasn't i mean i probably was progress any a little bit on full disclosure but i think the truth is is that i needed decluttering. I like a clean empty space so there is nothing to distract me and i could just focus on the task at hand. My house is very like that. I don't like clutter at all and it's funny because my mom. She's such a hoarder. Kill me if she heard this. But it's i mean a hoarder. So where did you come from like. What was your family like It was pretty normal like my mom likes house clean and we all did chores like it was always like a family value. We all helped But i think that it was chaotic. Like i can see my mom my mom has. Add and she talks to me about that a lot in her process now she was figuring it out and so i i always wonder like man if somebody would have shown her. Hey your environment creates you. So let's use that to your Not burden that's a superpower as a tool in your tool kit. You can use to be better and feel lighter. I'm i always wonder you know how that would have affected her. We because we were all pretty close in age to you. Know like it's just it's hard and when you get off cycle but that's why i feel like if you and we'll get into the actual decluttering and how to do that. But i feel like when you're organized. If as long as you have like a plan to start with you can follow it. And then you know it's easier to sort of maintain it and go back and do little tune-ups and stuff like that. But i like my family was like the house always looked fabulous. But you know if you open the wrong closet it would be like a movie like everything falling out and the junk drawers and all that like i and maybe even product of my environment but like i can't stand that i don't have that everything is i've gone the other way with a little bit will also like to your point earlier. It's natural like have you ever had a day where forget the house but like that's parliament but other stuff is going on or something really catastrophic happens in your family work stress and you kind of freak out and you're just like everyone gets down here. We're cleaning off like you naturally want a clean sweep a clean slate. You're drawn to that because everything else is sometimes so out of control but you can join environment and marshall goldsmith says if you do not create in control your environment it will create and control you so it's natural to like let me get control of something and if we just had that inflow automatically like almost like putting that on autopilot in it being like all the time for you because of things. You sat up one time. Wouldn't that just be something off of you that you didn't have to think the laundry 'cause you've got it rhythmic ties in it's just going like let's of that much frigging time on this brain space on this. You know. I love what you just said. If you don't create and control your environment it will create and control you. Yeah genius yes yes. That's so true it's so true. That's why there's something to be said for being a control freak. I mean some people can look down on us. But i'm just saying i think it's i think it's actually necessary. Yeah especially when you have four kids. I mean it's like having ten. I mean he's got to do it gotta do it all right so how. How can people incorporate minimalism into their life. Because i think for some people. Like i mean i think that was very brave of you to throw it all the honestly very very brave. I'm a good perjure. And i like at the end of the stages i donate. I give like. I do all that. But i remember when the twins i had the three under three and even before the fourth one game when they were little there was a lot of shit around. I mean there was even though it was organized. There was still a lot around. Sure yes well. How do we move into the minimum the more minimal estate so first of all define what that's gonna look like frio. The word minimalism can is so annoying and has taken on so much. That might not serve you so forget that word if you need to what is what do you need what the simplicity look like for. Who you are is using your end at that season of my life. I was ruthless. Like you say. I was brave to do that. I was desperate. So i needed everything to be as minimal as possible. My husband was gone working all the time. Like i was in the thick of by myself. Now like he's here with me. We worked together. The kids go to school. They're older they help like i don't need to be that ruthless about my space is still honor myself on a c. Had this is actually an act of self love. But i'm not as we got. Be careful because every single link is my time so kind of define what is gonna look like and what you need and this is a tool. That's a postal work for you. You gotta be careful because there's so many other influencers leaders in this field that are teaching so many legalistic rules. And you feel like you're doing something wrong if you don't have twenty bucks or less or this many genes in right it's just it's so legalistic in controlling now you're still controlled by your stuff but just in a different way so Bats the i teach is. Let me empower you. Wear your at your family your climate. How many winter clothes and summer clothes novice in that. You're gonna need like you figure it out with me instead of me being like. Listen to a minimalist. It just doesn't work. Who am. I don't know you might tell you that. Defunct percent i my best. Parenting advice is always listen to your gut and do what's best for you. I do think it's good. I love that you went to. I'm sorry they didn't help you. But i do love that you went to parents that were at a different stage because i really do love having friends that are older than me with older kids or even the same age and younger than me with younger..