United States, Mazda, Marshall Goldsmith Goldsmith discussed on Power Principles Podcast with Maleah Warner
Now unresolved conflict not a good thing but conflict flicked resolution actually deepens intimacy and strengthens the relationship. So could that be a blind spot of yours. Do you avoid conflict flicked. Do you avoid having the difficult conversation. This is closely related to not taking a stand. This person has a lack of commitment to anything you think and this could be for a lot of reasons. Fear of making wrong decision for being ridiculed. Whatever the reason this person likely doesn't know abysses? They're blind spot that they lack ability to take a stand number. Six blaming blaming other people blaming our circumstances this person plays the victim refuses to accept responsibility and accountability for their own life their own thoughts their own feelings for their own actions and their results. This is a huge blindspot. And how do you know if it's your blind spot. Listen to the sound of your own voice. Listen for when you hear yourself blaming just listened for blame. Just observe yourself. Listen and see if you catch yourself blaming number. Seven treating amendments casually. This is the person who doesn't honor other people's time they show up late. It doesn't matter to them if people have been waiting if they've put somebody else out they don't respect other people's resources this person who is blindly careless about life number eight conspiring against others. This person is driven driven by a personal agenda and somehow has the beliefs that bringing other people down will raise them up number nine withholding emotional personal commitment. This is the person who engages in emotional blackmail and maybe you can immediately think of someone who does that. Someone who is a manipulator later someone who holds back their love until they get what they want and number ten tolerating goodenough someone who has low standards for performance. Now what I want to say about this is that I think there are about seventy percent of areas in our life. Where good enough is good enough but to be healthy? Each of US need a couple of areas that we care about to do our best to put our whole heart and soul into those areas USC. So you have a person that nothing in life matters. Everything is sloppy that is a blind spot of tolerating being low standards so there is a list of ten examples of behavioral personality trait blind spots. We could make take a lengthy list of hygiene blind spots which I won't because I think it will be disgusting conversation. And because in pouring my heart and soul all into these book edit revisions my hygiene impersonal parents have been lacking. So who am I to point fingers. I guess at least the good thing is I'm aware of but it's not blindspot. I know to send someone else in my family to open the door. So I don't scare our friends away. So let's ask the question. Why is identifying defined blind spots important? Isn't it okay to just go through live. Just consider through life not being aware. Well No. It's not self self. Awareness is a crucial key to happiness and success without self awareness. We move through relationships and experiences disconnected unaware of how others receive US and perceive US and were unable to take full responsibility for outcomes are blind spots are barriers that limit our life experience. So how can we see our blind spots. If they're blind to us how can we we see them just like driving the Mazda. That blindspot doesn't make it impossible for me to see it just means I have to look around it just because our car has a terrible blindspot does not mean we have to settle for colliding into cars next to us we. We are able to look around blind spots a really good way is mirrors. This is why vehicles have mirrors. They help us to see angles that we normally wouldn't be able to see and where are the mirrors around us our relationships. If you're really brave you can pick a blind spot buddy and ask them what is a blind spot that you think I have that I could be more aware aware of if you do this. Be prepared because people will be honest with you. Maybe you're not feeling quite so bold and that is okay. People people give us feedback all the time. The problem is we're so much in our own heads we don't notice it if you can get out of your head and be present and observe other people's body language what they say how they position themselves when they stand near you. There are all kinds of clues to Howard behavior and actions are affecting others one of the most effective ways and I love this is to surround yourself with diverse thinkers with the intention of learning from them. If you only associate with people title who think exactly the same way you do. You're going to have a lot more blind spots. CEO's and bosses of companies. He's make a mistake of hiring people who are too much like them and that actually damages their companies communities and companies are stronger when they reflect a variety of perspectives experiences and approaches to problem solving something we could all all benefit from a lot in our country is the ability to learn how to disagree better that instead of believing that I have to be right to understand that I can exist happily and healthily within a community of different perspectives chiefs. Another really effective way to reveal blind spots is to examine your past. Are you on your third marriage and are the same issues from your first and second marriages resurfacing in your third marriage. That's probably a good sign that the problems aren't in your spouse but in your own on blind spots are you in your eighth twelfth. Twentieth Year of marriage thirtieth year of marriage fortieth year of marriage and an are the same arguments in issues from year. One three and five still coming up in your marriage really good indicator indicator that there are probably some unresolved blind spots happening there to more ideas here. Identifying Triggers Marshall Goldsmith Goldsmith wrote the book triggers. And it explains that we all have triggers. We all have situations that cause us to impulsively or instinctively. React Act without thinking again without being present and when we can learn to identify these triggers. Then we can master our responses and make those triggers work for US rather than against us and a podcast episode about triggers would be fantastic stick discussion for another time so I will make a note of that to do a podcast. Episode about triggers. Final idea here is to seek seek out a mentor. A coach and advisor a teacher. A Counselor at thorough pissed I think in the past the concept concept of therapy has really had a lot of negative connotation associated with it but there is power in being able to talk to someone who is neutral. Who isn't a family member or a spouse who isn't so closely intertwined with your blind spots and the effects that you're blind spots are having on them being able talk to someone neutral where they can really help you to hear what you're saying and see what you're missing? It is predicted that over the next few years mentors life coaches therapists are going to become as common as Jim's if you think about it in in the nineteen sixties people didn't buy memberships to gyms. There wasn't a gold gym or a boss fitness center on every corner. Mike Parents never bought a membership to the gym and went to work out yet. They're so prevalent now. More people understand in value the importance of cardio exercise cise and stretching and weightlifting. And we don't work on farms lake. We did back in the day so we don't have the opportunity for physical laborer like people in the past did will in the future people are going to increase understanding and value of. I've thought health and emotional help. Perhaps we'll need more coaching and mentoring as the future progresses because we are getting in more socially disconnected in any case. If anyone asks me about therapy or counseling individually or marriage I am all pro. I I am all in favour I. I saw a therapist counsellor individually when I was healing from postpartum depression and it was so enlightening and I actually felt like I was getting the most amazing Sunday school lesson every week and I thought why don't we all do this and then I brought my husband along and we did some marriage counseling and other times. We've done marriage counseling together and it's great. It's like the best education for me. I really value life education education. We send our kids to school where they learn how to calculate the area of And how many of them are going to use that very view but we don't educate them about their minds and their emotions and their relationships and for me I think we can all really benefit from getting life education. So seeking out a coach a mentor. A counselor can really help you to discover and see your blind spots in conclusion. I think it's so important to emphasize that this is not an invitation to get down on yourself to have a pity party because you have so many faults not at all this is not about being self critical. This is about being self aware. We all have blind spots all all of us. We are in this blindspot boat together. So why should we even make the effort to discover and change these blind spots behavior because blind spots are barrier that limit our life experience and prevent us from living a full and rich life. So my friends. I hope this episode has been enlightening to you and that by listening. You've been able to see a couple of things that maybe you were blind to. Who before? That's my goal. That's what we're all working for here at the power podcast to develop twenty twenty vision the week with New Perspective and I will meet you back here for another episode of the power podcast feed you. Bet Bye bye..