"Cast I am your host Terry. Well Brock and Berry thrilled with me. Today Shenandoah shuffle though and I have her as the Faculty member for the Center for Trauma Trauma Resilient Communities and I have to Rian because my menopause brain goes along with an author of three books and the bio is just amazing being so welcome for any Jerry. I'm so glad to be here with you in all of your listeners. Wonderful just again drill to have you here so yeah talk talk about what it is. You've been doing sue. The sector for resilient communities was born out of some work that was already happening at the cross nor school and children's is home in North Carolina so the Crossword School in Children's home Houses foster children in western North Carolina. They have three locations in Western. North Carolina been running for about a hundred years now actually over a hundred years. I guess we admire and Using what is known as the sanctuary model share in really the outcomes of they received for kids are extraordinary in the types. The things they're doing on their campuses extraordinary and they were getting inundated with calls about. Hey help us do what you were doing. And it was sort of taking away from their underlying Families in so they started the center for resilient communities to do just that to help organizations organizations learn Body the work of trauma science resilient to change outcomes for children and families in their organizations communities individually in so I was fortunate enough to the ass to come on Sakhalin that I met cross nor when I was ready I I looks garbage vetting suitcase and so was writing about the good work that they were Julian how we could duplicate that and then I was asked to come on board to do the training and consulting work in. It's amazing to watch how fast it's grown and just over a year already in all the different pockets that were able to scrape work in the ASS and again beautiful and you you have a personal history. Yes which is what your first book about cracked. Yes so I wrote retake suitcase in two thousand sixteen was published which was a memoir of my time before during after foster care says the youth Aged out of foster care at eighteen. I was never adopted. I never reconciled with is logical family and so the research for that book led meet across House Norwich. I heated contact with the great were. They were And that was the culmination of keeping a twenty year secret than I haven't been vetted foster parents so I had made a promise to myself metro-dade team that I would never talk about that. I think oftentimes times when we go through some very difficult rethink actually only one. There's no one out there who would understand this for pain on and I was really ashamed. Embarrassed of my situation. I had guilt. I felt that I had turned the back of my dialogical article family. At taco that the travel during the abuse verbal physical and emotional that I suffered before during foster care and and so I really made a promise that I would never talk about it. is they came with also a lot of Hay out. He won't make any judgments about hearing that you're Australian and saying things they do right. What were you run away you right trying to label you as a delinquent? Something was wrong and so I really made a commit up to myself to never tell any story and -Tario so good at it. I held up that commitment for over twenty years actually in in so I've been married for twenty three years when I say that secret. I didn't tell my styles I didn't tell my daughter didn't tell hello anyone in. I had what outwardly appeared to be like a really good life. I've been berries. I had a job right. I was successful in all of those sort of check. The boxes idea and I was Coming to a crossroads really a my husband and I both worked in a criminal. All Different Law Firm. My husband's an attorney still practicing and I was an administrator in ratty questions about how we can help our clients make better decisions and so when I say that allow its on silly. The ads were restarted. But that was sort of the question we were having like. How can we help? These people make better decisions so they wouldn't come to the criminal justice system and so I went back to School Ghana Coaching Certificate and then really started coaching our clients still with this big secret. Lingering me right like because that's not my personal development of course Workers everyone is I held for me. It has nothing to do with me as to help other people and so I started. Coaching clients really not other crimes nine or what. What up to their crimes but really about what had happened to them as children Their past how they reconciled really what I started take it on. was that a lot of our clients. Time auster here in that idea that so many of our clients in it ended up being upwards of ninety percent of our clients attack us that I've started again not internalizing that. This doesn't have anything to do with me but I started doing some research about auster secured outcomes in then realized like I'm not the only one in finding hundred thousand kids in care in half of the boys way to age out we'll have a felony conviction nineteen and a half and looking at statistics. One five six million people incarcerated in our nation at one point two million in our former foster youth. I sort of said way this. This is like a real cost issue to addiction and homelessness and Failure for people to get high school diplomas in so many social issues that I cared about was passionate about just as a citizen and another was a part of me that way I was in foster care in. I didn't go to prison in Idaho so walk right in so it was really the trying trying to understand what had happened for me. That didn't happen for other people and trying to reconcile that and so I actually came over work one day and said Hey. I write a book in my beautiful. Supporting husband. said that's amazing but about what you haven't really done anything. Thank you so we had had this long conversation about my past what had happened in eventually. My husband her most of the stories in the first manuscript orage suitcase in really the thought behind that book wasn't I mean I obviously never set out to write a book about my story because I was really attention keeping the secret idea that how I need people in society just regular Taylor everyday people doing regular everyday jobs care about the issue in what I knew is that regardless of religion or political preference fronts or race or social economic status is that people really did care about their communities society in what most people. We're trying to do a little band AIDS right. They were trying to the homeless shelter. They were trying to get people. You know kids in foster care back tax. They were trying to do all of these great works but none of it was sort of address. The root cause issue and I wanted to help people say hey. Hey let's get your root cause. Let's pull this up by by. Its very roots. So we can't spread any longer in. I wrote the the book with the idea that if one person reads it The rules would be a little bit better. And that was my goal in turnout that a lot of up reading it and it sort of spread faster than I could contain it and I found myself sort of traveling around talking about the book and my experiences variances in the changes that I wanted to see specifically in Australia and what I thought would be bigger and better impact in that led to people saying to help us do that in those are relying on my coaching background. had been doing with clients When I know not based on any this is what we're for what I've seen working for other people in so that sort of made my career take a complete a one hundred and eighty degree? Turn that I wasn't planning on In the nice suddenly myself travelling one hundred seventy days Doing the somedays. They were in being invited to join the faculty at the center to do it on an even bigger scale which has been incredible enver for me. It's every day being passionate people who really wants to heal themselves and the people they love and care about our community. I really really can't yeah. Beautiful choked me up twice. I Got Korea because just I mean one. The statistics got me choked out but beautiful about the new taking this what I call a gift from within the chaos found an offering out adopt Others immense just to May just just such a beautiful gift to the world so thank you thanks and I think that's one of the things people say you know if you could do. Would you do differently or if you could change the past. Would you in the answer for me. Even before this music or my career was always like no because I feel like if I don't take the Burton and it gets to someone else rightly somebody's going to endure. That and I would much rather than anybody else because I know I can survive because I yes and I I said the same thing. We found our strength within that. Yeah I wouldn't be without it like I'm not separate Ryan that is what like good or bad Tara's Lianwei the way I am in I sort of like me so I don't really and if I change that that I changed me and I don't like the new peace so so I feel like each of us has a purpose in. We asked kids all the time so I have a daughter who's a senior in high school right so the question is so what do you WanNa do. Where are you going to go to school whether you're GonNa be broke up right and there's like this pressure on it? I thought you know if you'd have asked me when in high school this is not an all of the plan like. I don't even know if it could have ever been Right like right. Life has to occur and then it just sends you in these beautiful directions and there are numerous where you said it it. You're not always so sure about that plan right and then other times that. I'm like God if you could put a big neon sign lean on which direction and this week on. That would be awesome. I would really I. I'm good at following directions. An Arrow would be helped in. This is also known as like you can also choose wrong right right like no matter which choice you made your ultimately get there some are just straighter than just continually get redirected back to. Yeah Yeah and I think that was a big part of my healing was looks or and a half years right so by the from the day I I had the idea what I'll just do this to actually being something people's Angeles four and a half years in a lot of that's not be there. Were days where I just like. I can't right. I'M I'm getting manuscript for a book in I am right there with you. I have promised people now for over two years in almost on Donna's done and I just there's that last little bit in it's me yes it's me and mines warlike is this worthy of being out there in their question yes thousand times. Yeah and so I had this conversation that night for the book okay out which was a similar conversation the night before I had a daughter so I was induced for over my labor deal. I was having my daughter. Wrangling unscheduled which is great and and really bad thing all at the same time light by daughter was because I remember saying to my husband I think the really bad idea. I'd like to back out. I'm not so sure I run right because you're just so in. All the water comes out and it was a similar conversation night before the book like way I want it back out again. Get you at the right. Am I pretty much said in both instances the same thing which was just take tomorrow right like just worry worry about tomorrow and I think that's what a lot of our fears. We try to project out the worst possible scenario for ourselves it really. I think there's some health and say if you take that risk. What is the worst possible thing that can happen? And if you really start talking about it out loud it almost always sounds ludicrous. Yeah you know. I have When I was coaching high I can't take that new job because they just don't know Oh and say what are you know about will last will what if it does. What does the job will be my medals? What would you you like? Most of us like the worst thing we can do is. We're not gonNA just do nothing. We're GonNa just allowing nice things to happen to us will ask for. Help will baby take job. We really didn't want to make ends meet like so if we start to play out that worst case scenario I think they're really Yuli that it's just really are owned by trying to stop us from taking action in. That's why it takes us four and a half appears to and again our own life. What if I do this and everyone hates yes? Yeah right right instead of like what am I gonNa do this. And never our default position of presented the time I'm like all right. This is going to be great great. It's going to go out there and at ten percent it's like. Yeah well things that I wanNA. I WANNA go back to that. You had mentioned in one. I just want to relate for a second because I worked in for agency in town in Cincinnati in mental health division and worked in schools and I remember sitting similar to you with your clients sitting the kids because they worked in elementary schools in these kids and my job was to."