Joining us today in our book talk. Great to welcome the book that I'm sure there's got to help a lot of parents out there. it's called. How toddlers thrive what parents can do today for children ages two five to plant the seeds of lifelong success. Joined by my client from a new york today and dot com good to have a chance of chaplain for few minutes. How are you today. thank you for having me. i guess everybody says toddlers They're cute and everything but Those those are not easy time for for parents right. So this is a timely book. I would imagine. I hope i hope. So that's the goal. Because it can be. I think perplexing and quite a challenge. What is it about that age. Everybody goes through it. Obviously i guess some more than others. are worse than others. I should say that Is that is that the biggest issue parents have early on after maybe the first few weeks of an infant bring what happens. We have our infants and obviously we learned their communication and we comfort them. We feed them. We do a lot of holding them and taking care of them. But for the toddler who's up on their feet and certainly once they get language around the age of two. They're really separating and they're starting to realize. Hey my own person and i have my own ideas and they are not always what mommy or daddy wants but hey i really need mommy and daddy and i really love them and so they copy between this excitement about being out in the world and on their own and this real need to know that mommy or daddy are there for them no matter what and so i call it a push. Poll of the toddler years of is this their first attempts at becoming independent. And that's where you get. You know what people call wilfulness or defiance. It's really the that young child is still really baby. Saying hey i have my own ideas and that's where it starts to become a challenge for parents particularly for first time. Parents does the first child That's the first time they They have do disciplining right. Yeah i mean it's really about limits setting you know. We always talk about how much young children need from teens. Because if you have a routine that's like setting limit so for example. Mealtime we sit at a table. We eat our food at the. That's setting a limit when the child gets up. Oh you're all done. What it says to them is when we have a meal. We sit at the table. We don't walk around with food and you don't even have to go so far as discipline when you have a lotta routines routines around getting dressed. Bath time dinnertime. Anything that you do. Every day needs a routine. Because that's what helps children know what's going to happen and feel that they have some control almost a Security and they know what it's coming up next most exactly and they don't. They have no sense of time at this age. I think it's hard for adults any of us to really understand what it would be like to not have a sense of time because we look at our watches or we look at the day of the league. And we say oh. What do i do monday. Whereas young children have no capacity to tell time so those routines give them that organization right and you read. It makes them feel safe. All i know. What's next what what i was doing to remember when i was a little kid. Yeah you're right time As much slower than really an aspect of it to you know you know. That's what that's supposed to delight of. Toddlers is live in the moment so when you're in a joyful with their child they're right in know they're like you know playing with something and their joyous and sharing it with you but they don't think about. Oh i need to stop this in a few minutes and move on so the downside of living in the moment and not having the time is it's very hard to move from one thing to another like finish playing the weekend leave for school is very hard for them from your research talking to. I'm sure many many parents what what's the biggest mistake you see the parents dealing with that age group biggest mistake that any of us make particularly with our firstborns. But we can do this with any child is thinking that they're older than they are so our expectations become much more than what the child can actually do and part of that. Is you know once. Our children have language and can really talk and communicate better. First of all there's relief for us. I think there's relief for the child as well. I can communicate a little bit more but we start to think they're much older so one moment you're having a nice conversation saying remember when we go to dinner at that restaurant used to be quiet. Trust own yes. I know that the restaurant but then you get their now cancelled. Still can't keep quiet. That's because they're two or three or four and we think that they're much older than they are and so we kind of bring our expectations down a bit their level. We actually treat them differently in a more supportive way. And that's really what my book is valid. You understand something about how low development is but this is really also a really important crucial time kind of back off a little. Say okay. I understand what my child's doing and just switching parenting techniques. A little bit can really make life that much easier with a toddler.