How to Cope with Relationship Challenges During COVID: A Conversation with Esther Perel
I eat at the recent table morning noon evening. I and wife my husband's my god. You're stressing me out unusual at all artifice. Or are on one stuck in the same outfit without any boundaries. Any marcation and anything that separates tings which has the result of making exhausted at the end of the day. Everyone wants to know. Why am i so tired. Usually give life in context. We lack in localized situations. You go to work. You go to the gym. Were to play games. You go to visit your friends to theater you change sedan. You have rituals. That highlight is the marcation. You have routines you leave. You have training between your market space and you demarcate the time right now. It's one big bleeding wash. That is what is called the working from home or By the way for many of us have been boundary left. Is the beautiful new book. There's all life here behind jeepers two very important ways that we organized intense like this. What do i mean by like this. It's a time that began with a massive disruption disruption you workplace disruption in your home life disruption in your relationships in your routine disruption in the world that you knew in the way that you taught your plants where going to manifest which is the really expensive And lost in this moment and faced with this disruption. Some of us change everything and syllabus anchor for wendy school the trin- continuity. I'm going to be teen my routines. My habits relationships biweekly opponents. I can because if i maintain my own. I maintain my sense of identity. That's why work is become such an important part so many of us were has become part of our identity isn't just something we do. It's who we are and for others disruption means. It doesn't matter what the kids go to sleep. And so if we don't do the four hours we just two hours and it doesn't matter what i look like an because nothing is usually any more and i giving the destruction and the disruption becomes the organizer of our knife or my life at this moment does dynamic became continuing disruption in relationship is essential. And then week that you will see that your family's relationships your teams organized in two specific ways one is what is the affects. What are the feelings that people can talk about. How much will be identified achieving evenings. The sadness the last week the morning despair helplessness. But also the sunny deputy the courage the whole if we named the feelings. We actually build resistance to stress. This is d most important thing to reduce. Stress is to identify articulated ceilings. But what is the coach. Are we allowed to identify the evenings. And do how does the system the relationship the company organized around wards and structured. Who's in charge. Who does what when who relies on. Who so it's the structure and the affect the feelings and the moves. These are probably the two most important organizing. Trent secrets at this moment when it comes to relationships systems and i think one of the things that we know in disaster in uganda understand is very much is that they always operate as relationship accent of majors. And what that means is this. This is a scary time. Life is short. Who knows what's going to happen. Therefore i'm going to start to focus on the essence on my priorities on what i really want to do on what this company is really about on what matters to me. My relationships sending by narrated citrates drunk. And that's one of the reasons people say short. What am i waiting for. Therefore let's be let's be together. Let's get married or life is short as waited long enough. What am i waiting for an out of here as soon as the door opens and vote always talked about more divorces more babies in the aftermath of disaster. This is really one of those. Reasons is the presence of the feeling of the shortness of life in the acute precariousness of life in a way that makes us junk for the decisions. That's one thing the relationship accelerator under stress. You would notice some of us have become highly Destructionists we read. We gathered a day dad facts and we organized a house where the first wants to buy the toilet people. We were very very clear and then others meeting want to talk about what we experience our phoenix and what often happens. Is that you having a relationship one of each or even on a team. You have one of each. You have the logical ones who don't really want to belabor the feelings and keep to the target keep to the calendar and then you have the other people who we need.