MHM discussed on 790 KABC Programming
Explicitly with your life and vice versa and and upon whom you depend without. That we know. That people will be more prone to physical and mental illness shorten lifespan can be unhappy so we know now we know that we need that and worry about people who don't have that at all. Because those are the people who are going to again like I said manifest illness Mhm couples know if they have secure functioning and their relationship secure functioning means that were in the foxhole together. Were like cop car partners we may disagree about a lot of things, we have different interests but we we are interdependent, on some fundamental levels such as survival we need each. Other to survive we have each other's backs were were you know radically loyal to each other. Because we can be and because we exist in a world that is not going to be with us so it's this is an adult agreement. Between people who could do otherwise but they elect. To be experts on each other protect each, other from each other in from everybody else and we have examples of this all over the world. And and in different socio economic backgrounds people are able to do this because they realize that there is nothing else but to protect each other into to look out, for each other, so that's What secure functioning it is if you're in a relationship that fails to unfair, to unjust to insensitive to. Much. Of the time if it's not collaborative or cooperative then you are not in a secure functioning relationship it's a very interesting concept I. Know another one of your concepts you've talked. About in your bucks, is the, couple of all he explained that audience fits with the. Idea secure functioning that you and. I you and I decide to, to, protect the, resources that we create this you know we have a bubble around us that's like our eco system and we're good stewards of that. Eco-system it's the water retrieves the air we breathe and we were mutual, stakeholders in keeping that clean that's our safety and, security system we don't mess around with that we're always. Quick to shore it up is one or the other person feels unsafe or insecure about anything. This is what we do we put all our money on each other were the best thing since lice Turkey or sliced beef depending on what. You like You know and we're each other's heroes in that sense and we, do this because why not It could be arranged to not have that but we do it. Because we realize, that that life is easier this way we can do much more this way and so we we basically, everybody we are governors were the. Top of the food chain where the leaders of the pack and we take responsibility. For that we are basically alight to other people and we manage. Everything everywhere we go on. That makes us formidable as a as a team as a couple. And that's the couple bubble a couple of bubble is. We don't reach other under the bus. We don't embarrass each other in public or private on we, keep our, secrets, to each, other we don't leak outside of the relationship. And poison the well you know we We, are good representations of of what we're building that sort of thing called a relationship that we protect with our lives because our lives depend on it so it it, is that's the the bubble basically we determine who gets in who doesn't get in and who can take the resources. From us and, that includes children. In laws x.'s but also drugs and alcohol and other activities that could compete stand you, talk a lot about thirds and. Your writing and when you're teaching other clinicians right like you've just mentioned them can. You describe the concept of thirds and how couples might conceptualize them. Anything other than the couple. And so they exist right in the in the atmosphere in the. Environment and they must exist so the question is do. We understand the concept of primacy that..