Partner, Beijing, Mike Line discussed on Migratory Patterns


It's always terrible but break up in front country divorced fun country maybe even with children involved expertise is one of those huge top accepted accepted. What hasn't yet in that really is a huge issue especially if you have But even just if you have one happened supporting data one financially Ashley. What happens when you separate who gets to stay in the apartment to you? Oh the other person. Especially if you're not eagerly married What will the other person? How'd you handle those things uh-huh and if you are in maybe extensive city and country you can't just say what I'm going to attend to ambient few weeks until we figure the salad I can't you can't just go to your sister? So your your best friend's place while you're figuring out those issues and I think that's where a lot of expert kappa struggle it. Because you have this concept what are we can't head issues because if we have issues than is the end of the world we won't survive this. I won't survive this and then that's sometimes puts a lot of pressure coppers which then make harder to actually work on this issue because you always feel like no. It just can't happen happened because Dan it's the end of the world. Yeah that's you know. Actually we I think we had a conversation about this Lisa you and I back. Maybe it was right after we got married or maybe it was right before we left Beijing. I can't remember but I know it came up at one point where we were just kind of thinking. I'd like well. What happens if we need to get divorced or something? Maybe just for tax reasons or whatever I mean forget the relationship part I mean just for practical reasons. Maybe 'cause I think you said something that had to do with a work visas and being able to kiss you never know because if you get a spousal visa into one country you're not allowed to work but if you go in as not a spouse you can get a work visa and perhaps Or maybe something like There's all sorts of situations but for whatever reason if we wanted to get divorced. I think we have to go to Beijing. Get go back to China. Yeah that's what we were trying to figure out and we've actually talked about now. I if we adopted kids like how it that work from moving to country did you to country. What kind of paperwork would we need? And if you know if we were to separate or guitar system point what would that mean in terms terms of our kids and since teacher I have seen that happen with the kids in my classes. I have seen families break up and you end up with one kid in one country entry and one kid another and you know it is. It's incredibly complicated and for us. You know we kind of at that place where it's like. We're we're not afraid to talk. Talk about any of those things but I I wonder how many people actually have those conversations Y- because obviously you're working towards the the best outcome and you want to beat the best partners but we knew are in a situation where you're outside of your home country and that separation is a big deal than yeah it's a challenging wait isn't a huge Out of my clients who only come to counseling. Once it's automative really bad you know. Most people don't come at the beginning of the issue and I've had clients who are obviously very obviously in a relationship that's really really bad for them but they say they can't keep what they would dictates and that's how it is. They talked to annoy. And that's how it is and those things that does so complicated in Sioux had to handle but then obviously also have the small stuff like. How'd you live a relationship when you an expert carpet? How'd you live? I said you know Matt I. When I'm traveling with my partner where to get at twenty four seven pretty much nossa all types of relationships that are so different from the very traditional relationship that most people live web ots go to work? You know. Think that's how it is now. In most developed countries both partners go to work and come back in the evening the end Spent maybe the weekends together. But as an expert Capri depending on how you can watch you. Do you can have a very different variations on this. And what a and out of Mike Line stance dropped waist Is this typical like how it used to be. You know the the wife at home in mother or the May be the mail trading spouse but one of the will to adopt more at home where the other one is working then. How'd you feel like you feel that? This is an equal marriage H.. Kind of thing. Do you really feel like you're sharing responsibility as it really. One person has to manage everything at home while the other ones may be running the living for the family and that brings up a lot of really interesting conversations and way too many type way too many couples. Just talk about math. And that's really the main issue. Yeah I like to think of it as kind of like the Olympics. There's a level of difficulty in the event. So there's always always there's always issues with marriage but when you do it overseas he's just adds a level of difficulty should get more points for married overseas. It is true but I think in some ways is it also removes some of the difficulties aspect because you get to create you environment for too much said Fried. You don't have you you your families your in-laws you're you know you expat living in the same city you don't have all of these other people who might interfere with relationship otherwise and I find it off next that couples are those who are striving striving because they get to create the relationship in the knife that they really want to live West West. Those who ask sometimes leading back home have all of these other people who are trying to to have their savings and that makes it more complicated. Actually no that makes sense. I definitely get that and I and I think that that is definitely something we've felt in like that we are partners you know and Crime and while we're on our own individual paths. We are very very much You know this this system of supports and Champion ship for each other and Mike you said like we have a lot of option in the world that we create around us which was actually part of what was particularly interesting about this. Move to volley is that you know the world you create around use in the people but it's also sometimes in the material things and it took so long for items to get here that we actually had a hard time creating the world around us in the way that we wanted to which added to the complicatedness but in general he has. It's very much you do. Get the chance to Kind of have what you WanNa have as close as you WANNA have it. Depending upon the flexibility you have moving different places uses and It kind of I think it depends on how much of of what you want to surround yourself. You're able to with but yes that that makes sense that in some ways it's more challenging in other ways it's it's a lot less challenging. I think wanting were constantly challenging. Is that fun out of People who do this expert spent life as a copy is that you can't imagine doing dental Matt so tied together the expert knife in the relationship and and why that is great because Each other off that it also puts pressure on the relationship at the time And I'm up for my clients actually as signal the expense which is interesting because they come with is the question of okay. I've been doing this for why am would more or less good at this. I know how to navigate foreign countries. I quit my the job but whenever media partner that I can share this life with Audu I have to maybe go back. What about that means? Because that's the only way I can meet someone and how'd you find someone who's willing to to be effectively waiting to try using Senate to support to support each other way. You're doing it. I have actually known people who back to their home. Country with the explicit like the express desire of finding a partner and then bringing them back abroad out with them. Do you know any who who were successful than that. Yes yes actually. We'll have have to do it. I I need to get them on the PODCAST. Well no I think more people try and make this connections where they're living. But but yeah I have known people whose explicitly went home to make that connection that brought their partners brought so Dr Yeager I don't want to take up too much more time. I'm but to kind of wrap up here can you talk a little bit about The work you do in a general sense and I guess what I mean. Is You know you our digital nomad and you find yourself working with fellow digital nomads. An Ex PATS and migrants. Can you talk about what drew you to that work. And and what kind of I don't want to say how easy it is because it's work is hard. It's supposed to be hard but you know how how easy is. Is it for people to find resources like you out there because we all need mental health Help sometimes but we'd always don't know how to find them do you. Do you find a need. That's unmet out there and Do you feel like your there are enough people trying to meet that need to step last question. It's really funny because when I talked to people like you who asked me about you know those kind of questions so digital nomads. Recently at a conference asking what. Oh how do I kinda therapists Towanda ends this lifestyle and I get a lot of those questions of how how did might be to find someone who understands this. WHO's familiar with dot and on the other hand we have in a community of at the moment? I don't know five hundred location independent therapist therapists interested in being location dependent to say. How do I find those clients? How how can I market to those international people? I want to work. I'm qualified therapists. I'm familiar with this lifestyle. But it's really hard to market to the people all over the world in. How do I do that so I actually think that tweeting about finding the right people? It's not that the arm there in both in both ways The clients ready to talk with her. This are there in the therapist. Ready to work with those clients. Have to sometimes. They are legal. Thanks to navigate gate can be a bit tricky when we work across borders time zones and countries in one of those things but the adults of US swing it and one of the things that you asked about that I find interesting. Did you know met for example. I don't have that kind of attachment to my physical surrounding into absolve. Having my I stuff and I don't have to wait for container to come. I have my backpack at my. You know fourteen kilos of backpack in another three of electronics office office supplies. And that's all I have And a few winter think strategically all over the places that I go back to one once..

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