Deborah Sundal, Deborah Sundell, Kelsey discussed on Sex With Emily
And your heart rate changes when you are aroused. So you'll start to feel maybe your face will flush. Your breath will quicken and you're gonna feel your pelvic floor muscles spasm. Those are the muscles that are responsible for orgasm. So those are some of the signs of physiological signs that you'll know that you've orgasmed and yes, many times it feels like you have to pee. Which is why I think a lot of vulva owners do not orgasm because they're afraid they're gonna pee. And listen, if you do pee, so what? The hotel down now a big deal, wash the sheets. But I get it, it can feel a little bit uncomfortable at first. So I would just take some time, keep masturbating, figuring out your own orgasm. So when you do know when you're with a partner, you can explain to them like, oh, this is when the orgasm happens. Again, though, I love this with couples, and mutual masturbation is also great to show each other what you both like. Okay, let's move into squirting. So squirting is, you know, essentially stimulating your G spot or your G area at the same time as clitoral stimulation. So your G spot is next to your scheme's glance, so stimulating your skin's glam, which is kind of internal, that's where the fluids come from. And your clitoral system can be the key to squirting. We did a great episode on it with Deborah sundal. It's called squirting secrets with Deborah sundal or you can check out our articles. How do I actually start squirting? But just know that it has to do with internal G spot stimulation either with a finger, a penis or a toy, that would also really helps to already have a clitoral orgasm or to be aroused or stimulating both of the same time. You can also indirectly stimulate it over your pubic mound, which is the area with pubic hair. If you have pubic hair or had pubic hair, above your clitoris, that whole area, if you apply pressure to it, it will indirectly stimulate the G spot as well. So really just takes practice and it takes finding that G spot, which is about two thirds inside your vaginal opening, come hither motion toward your belly button. But again, listen to the Deborah sundell episode because you will find out everything you need to know about squirting. We can also put it in the show notes. All right, Carmen, thank you so much for your question. So this is from Kelsey. Hi doctor Emily, my husband and I have been married for 14 years and he's never gone down to me. I've asked an ass and he always says he just doesn't like it. It makes me feel self conscious. Like there's something wrong with me. Recently we started listening to your show and we've tried to communicate better. I asked him why he won't go down to me. He said he's get a good HPV and that's the only reason why this sounds like you're really weird excuse to be. Can you help me? Okay, so 14 years in, I think this is time for one of those conversations outside the bedroom. It's sort of like a State of the Union, but it's like the state of your sex life. And you can say to him, I want to grow together. I want to be great lovers to each other. Let's talk about our sex life. You can talk about some of the highlights, things that you both love about your sex life. You can talk about three things that are really great for you. You could talk about areas of growth and you can tell them that I really enjoy oral sex. It's a really important part of my own eroticism and my own turn ons. Is there something that we can do to make oral experience more comfortable for you? So you can provide oral. I understand these worry about HPV, but you're married, you've been together for 14 years. You're having sex. You kiss. You do everything else. He might already have HPV. It's very, very common, but listen, it's already going to happen. It's not just this isolated oral sex that he's going to get HPV. So that's actually not correct and in the best possible way I would share that with him and kind of get beneath it and say, okay, but if it's not HPV, let's talk about what else it might be because maybe he had an earlier experience with oral sex where it wasn't pleasurable, maybe something happened, maybe he's not sure what he's doing. Maybe he's got some trauma around oral that he just hasn't been able to tell you. I don't know, but I feel like it's your husband of 14 years and if he understood how important it was for you that he would find a way to do it. Now remember there's also dental dams, which to be honest, it did damage like a saran wrap that goes over the labia and the vulva while you're performing oral. And I gotta say it feels really, really good. Because we talk about all those nerve endings and when you put something over it, it stimulates the nerve endings, it gets kind of hot inside, like literally the temperature rises because you're using like this condom material over your vulva, so if that's his concern, I would get a dental dam or cut a condom in half into it lies flat right the size it goes over a vulva. So I would try some of that out and have a real talk about it. Remember, you've been together 14 years so it might take a few conversations and you just want to be curious and you want to be open and you don't want to be judgmental and you want to listen to what he says, even take notes, you could even repeat back to them. What he says, I have a great guide on my site, the three T's to communication at sex with Emily dot com. It's my free guide on the site that's really helpful for having any of these conversations about sex that are not easy to have, which is most of them. I also think a great exercise for both of you, Kelsey would be to do our yes, no, maybe less. It's another free downloadable guide at sex with Emily dot com. And after 14.