Layla, Jared, Six Years Ago discussed on Dad Tired

Dad Tired
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Hey guys welcome back to the dads hired. Podcast it's good to be with you. we're going to dive right in here man. I don't have any ads for today. I don't have any introductions on nothing really to talk to you about other the family leadership program which i'm always stoked about if you wanna come join us over there That'd be great. You can do that by going to data dot com slash lead with love to have you but we'll just dive right in dude To be totally honest with you man. It was kind of an emotional week for me A little bit of a heavy week. If you've been listening to the data podcast for a while. You've probably heard me allude to the fact that dad tired really started out of a really painful season in my own journey Just personally and i have purposely. Never really shared details about that. Didn't really feel like they were relevant or necessary especially for you. I know that you turn on this podcast to try to figure out what it looks like for you to be the best husband and father and disciple that you can be and so you're not always interested in my own personal story which i i totally get man I totally understand that But i want to share a little bit about why this week was heavy for me And then kinda give context How dat tired started. And i'm only doing that really to context of kind of the bigger thing that got us late on my heart for you this week So if you bear with me as i share some details from the past. I think it'll be helpful for you Just context wise as we jump into what it looks like for you as a dad to leave your family well Six years ago. I had been a part of a church For a long time. I i been church world ministry for thirteen years and then i was asked by a good friend of mine He said hey. Jared if you ever want to come be part of some church planting i'd love for you to come join me In in planting some churches. Which i have a very entrepreneurial spirit i think that's how god wired me and so i was excited about the opportunity. We had been friends for years and but we had never worked together and so i was excited to move on It it was hard for me to leave the church that i was currently acts as a wonderful church. Many of the top. If you've heard me say hey my mentor or mental once told me or any tummy the word mentor on the likely talking about some of the guys from that previous church Who were just deeply impactful in my personal journey with jesus man. They were just so so intentional. About pouring into me as a young pastor and so i left that church. Which was hard. But i was excited about the new things that we're gonna come In in the future with church planting. And so i step out of my role at the previous church and moved into this new role with my friend to plant churches. I was there less than a year and a new pretty quickly that this was not a good fit for me personally and how and it wasn't going to be a good fit for me and Pretty quickly me. And this person and i'm purposely being confidential here for the sake of it. It's the details. Really aren't the point of what i'm trying to get at here But i but i m trying to paint a good picture for me and this person We started to butt heads and We started to see things differently. And it came down to A final conversation where. I was blindsided by things that this person said and I've heard people talk about this in in the past been in the church world for thirteen years at heard a lot of people say that they had been hurt by the church and That that maybe somebody in leadership at hurt them and my experience in the church was good. And and i had met many wonderful leaders servants humble men and women who were giving their lives for the sake of the gospel and the glory of jesus and that was my experience and so when i heard people say that they'd been hurt by the church. My kind of default subconscious thought was always probably you. You're you're probably the one that did something wrong here because the church leaders. I've never been awesome well on this particular day After months of kind of friction. I sat down with this person. A friend and And my boss at the time and i was blindsided by what they said to me It was the most without a doubt the most hurtful words i've ever heard somebody say to me Deeply attacking my character who i am as a person My worth my value and just for context sake. I heard things about how i am not fit for ministry I'm not. I don't have a future in ministry not very good at this whole thing I mean it in these are giving you that the g. and pg version of how that day went And to honest man it was just. You can't under like. I can't overemphasize how hurtful that day was. I left and shock. And i left in pain that sent me that. That moment really sent my life into a tailspin. i came home. My wife asked me how that day went. I said that i had got fired. And these really hurtful things were said to me. I was blindsided completely and she laughed because she thought i was joking. I'd been ministry thirteen years at always had been going great so it. It was truly seemed unbelievable and And she laughs. Serious like today was terrible. And here's what happened. And that day started a season in our marriage that was by far the worst season that we've ever experienced deeply painful. I wrestled with identity. I moved into a deep season of depression. I pulled away from my wife. I pulled away from my kids. I hated the church. I hated being around anything. Christian or in god's ministry a hated all of it. And i had vowed i never want to be part of any of this ever again. I vowed i'm going to be in business. I'm gonna go do business stuff. And i will make my life outside of church because this is messed up and i never wanted to be part of that any of that ever again and and in the middle of all that i did not know if our marriage would continue in fact there were times where i thought for sure we were going to end in a divorce and there was one day in particular where Layla and i've shared the story in books and things before. But i wanted to give you some more context here. there was one day when layla we were in the middle of a fight and she was staring at me as i was saying really hurtful things to her and she started tears in her eyes. And she said jared. I just want you to know that. Every morning i get up at two in the morning and go into the living room and i pray that god would capture your heart again and that was a slap in the face to me man that was the holy spirit had used that moment had used her faithful prayers to start to turn my heart back to his to start to soften my heart toward all the walls ahead been built up and And and that was really the start of tired. Not that i was trying to start any kind of ministry but i just happen to write on my facebook page I wrote a little blog. That basically said that story. I told him i in this blog. I talked about how layla praying for me. about how i didn't wanna be the man that i had been the last several months i was depressed and that ended up me one. I ended up in counseling leyland. I went to counseling together. I started to find some healing. That blog ended up getting going viral. And you nothing about blogs or podcasts. Or anything like that. And i'll spare you all the details here man because i'm rambling a little bit. But that is how dad tired started. More and more people started to be interested in the idea that men could be broken and still want to follow jesus in lead their family. Well and so. I was just processing in the middle of all my heart..

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