Moments to where i think you know my i remember speaking my axe. She was like what you know. What can you know how it was a couple years later. After that she said. Why couldn't i have made you as happy as you are now during our relationship and and really the the the the blunt answer to that was i anybody you could have done anything and it would not have made me happy because i could make myself happy. The relationship with myself was just so bad at that point in damage that that i until i could make myself happy and start identifying with who i was and using those words and pronouns that describe yourself the adjectives to describe yourself as the person you want to be. You know you're you. You can't lean on other people to try to do that and be the band aid oria so that's kind of where i was at no gain in in kind of just damaged myself in the could nobody could could have done anything at that point in my life to get a raise up and i knew i had to do so. And it's difficult to give something that you don't have for yourself in like in relationship and i've when i was looking in that mirror in that Relationship and changing those words there was something that hit me that you can't unconditionally love others until you. Unconditional love yourself but you actually have to love not just the good parts the good the bad and the ugly like you've got to find the love for three combat tours in iraq. You've gotta find the love for eleven years in the army. You've got to find the love for having your relationship with your biological daughters mom and like you have to find the appreciation that really recognize that. This all is who had become an. I had to go through all of that to get there. It's a it's it sounds like we just talked about in five minutes but that's four years of my life. Yeah exactly exactly. It's not overnight. And that's something. I try to describe to people is that transformation doesn't happen over a week timeframe it takes a lot of work. It's it's still to this point. It's every day You know how. Can i better myself. What can i do to help Be a better man and father to my my daughter. So it's it's an everyday thing it's never stops and to take that journey one step further this fall. I'm speaking at a keynote for. Stay at home dad khan so a bunch of big convention. Two hundred dads that are stay at home dads and then you can imagine already like rewire from purpose driven from work. The purpose driven as provider in your home like it takes a lot of rewiring and there's a lot of dads they can get lost in that same journey and there was aren't even veterans but like so many more men need that message of starting in the mirror leg. It's not just the veteran thing just kind of gets magnified because we got a lot more stuff to get through. Sometimes we can hit bottom faster because we're holding onto a lot more in the dam breaks allow quicker but man it's a it's it's such a big journey when you look in the mirror and be like what words you see because that's what that's the problem not anything else. Yep you're exactly right you so you do a lot of good things with running and that is something you use almost as like a former physical therapy on yourself. Tell us a little bit more about how running came into your life and what it does for you now. Yes so Like i said..