"Quit that job because chemo was really invasive. And it was going to be a year of recovery and stuff and then I really rushed back into work after Chemo because I was so eager to get back to being normal all and mentally. I wasn't back to normal and I had I was at the What's the movie theater? The old CINERAMA dome. Yeah thank thank you I was at the arclight and I was leaving the Ark Light and I hadn't seen a movie or anything. I was just leaving the ARC light. I don't know why it was there and I had a meltdown in the garage. I couldn't see like I went blind like the panic attack. Got So bad that I just physically couldn't see and police were called and it was the whole thing so it was a year raft. That of you were in remission by then but Joe isn't a remission technically when it's not true all cancers but my cancer and my chemo There's a five year window for remission after the diagnosis state and then there's a ten year window because the chemo that I got for leukemia remission. So it's it's or being being cleared of leukemia. Because you have a window that you could possibly get leukemia in that ten year window. And I'm still in that window but I'm I was like a year out after Chemo. Well a few months after Chemo when I had the oh so remission. Tech technically begins when that window N. I C.. But I wasn't in Chemo in recovery. Getting checked and stuff but technically. Because there's there's a high chance of it coming back or something else or going into another part of your body. They give that long Wendo and I have been out of Chemo for a few months when I had the meltdown and then WAKEUP call that you need to address. Yeah Yeah I went to the hospital for a while and then I went into therapy. And that's actually where I found on my psychiatrist for connecting me to my rabbi. So it was sort of a full circle thing but it was a it was a it was a rough rough roughly two years there where I was pretty much out of commission so there wasn't a lot of dating but there was a lot of sex mistakes. Sure you gotTA gotTa have. Aplenty affects mistakes. And then after that it was so interesting meeting Michael because like I've been another long term relationships and they all kind of started this way way. Where like there's never any discussion of a relationship? It just sort of happened. Yeah it just happens it just becomes that even him moving in. It wasn't a big conversation about like is. Are we ready. Are we at that place. It was just like this makes sense and I really don't WanNa drive across town kept like let's do this and it's it's worked but has the experience that you I mean you. You lived a life that most of us. We'll never even experience before hopefully but yeah before even getting into this relationship with Michael did how did it a change your approach to Ta- dating. Yeah my I mean my go-to thing for when anything bad happens is at least. It's not cancer which is like a real Downer for a lot of people I get but I also like being that person so I think in a weird way I used to be really affected by. I dating failures before cancer and I mean I think with anybody. Anyone who has had a traumatic thing happened in their life. That dramatic thing is often the touchtone one in which you look to for solace like you look to for putting things into perspective that things don't spiral out of control and I don't have another blind meltdown down at the ARC light. And it is a touchdown it still like. It still was A. It wasn't easy because I couldn't connect with anyone and but I often can't connect with people like I can't like I couldn't communicate necessarily what I was feeling because in some weird way I had had this I think possibly arrogant perception that they're not going to understand how I'm feeling anyway or anything that I've done or gone through or whatever and and I just didn't want the questions so a Lotta Times I would just either self sabotage a relationship or dating thing or I would just do it for the sacks and go and really I think some self destructive paths. Yeah I had a lot of self destructive. I traveled a lot. I perform Berlin. Oddly enough and I would go there and get into a lot the trouble and yeah I just did a lot of really self destructive things through therapy I calm down and figured out a few things awesome. Yeah can we get Berlin anecdote. Sure I got robbed in Berlin. We're getting a blowjob. I remember what didn't dig deeper. The go-to story for that I was I was on. I just gone over there. This is like maybe a year after two years after Chemo and and I had I had gone over there for a show and because I used to do this tour group where like we were performed for American students universities and in Europe up and you just shake lots of jewelry yeah dynasty jewellery over here and and I had had I went out and had some fun. You know drank a little too much and I went to one of the famous dark rooms at the bars and Berlin bars and I went down and I'm not. I'm not very cool of a person like in just not cool Like you don't look at me and think cool like you look at me. Well I mean but you know what I mean like. I don't go in and I'm not like I don't have the gear or like the facial hair. I had a beard for Awhile Network for me but it just didn't work. I'm just not that person and so I couldn't meet anyone the way other people were meeting them. Do you know what I mean. Like coming up in a really intensely sexual way or whatever so I met this one person who who is standing near me and I literally said You WanNa like that was my pick up line and it worked and I was in a corner and he was blowing me and and I and then all of a sudden all these other guys came over and I was like I'm cool. I felt really cool. And then we went to a private space base and then afterwards I went up to buy him a drink. Gentlemen and I didn't have my. I didn't have any money like I had. Nothing had nothing and I was like and I had my wallet but like I didn't have my id or anything. So I didn't either get into bars and Berlin and I am paranoid Roydon. Leave all my stuff at the hotels where only money with me and business cards. I had business cards and I go back downstairs thinking maybe it fell out of my pocket or maybe something happened during the blow job and I just see I used to have these business cards with my face on it with a microphone was old school. Like stupid comedy business cards and I just see a sea of my face smiling a bat me where someone clearly took out. My Wallet took out my money. Put my wallet back in my pants that were on the ground like my pants were like at my that my ankles and and Yeah I got robbed and do you think that he was part of. Uh maybe it was worth it if so it was a great hookup but like I mean. And if if if he was part of it he really put out so like earned it in a way sort of. Yeah I mean I think like I don't think he was involved because I don't I wouldn't do anal for something that is like the action if the robberies already happened I wouldn't continue it and go do anal unless you're really into me much possible. Yeah it's a beautiful note to end tender. Tell people where they can find you. Yeah I'm H Allen Scott on everything and you can go to latter-day Ju Dot Com for the film People listen to Oh yes we're worse. Go with my podcast I do. With eleazer and Brent Sullivan to very funny. Pass this coming of this fucking well. We haven't had Brent yet. You haven't got to work on that. He's very good. He's he's awesome very intelligent to crack that Shell. Don't ask them to take a shirt off. Never thing he's never knew showed up to a pool party of mine in a black black sweater and jeans. Yep Yeah that's that's been solid like I'm excited about. Yeah and I love Elliott. Who will take a sort off? Because I've seen him take everything. Well no you won't take everything off unless he's a certain situation you know what there's something I really want to settle with Elliott that you can. I'll say this person but it only occurred to me after after the fact that he he did this podcast. We talked a lot about stuff that you talk about on the on the on on your show gay instagram influencers Sir. Yes all of that and and him. You know considering being surprised that he was dating someone because he can never considered himself sort of one of the handsome 's and then shortly after that podcast episode came out. I saw him at a party and I was with with my friend Diana and she never met Elliot before and I was like Oh you you just heard him and she goes. Yeah and then I I. I saw the picture they posted a view with because Elliott's is is ripped. He has like a full like eight-pack. Yeah and she was like very surprising. Varies apprising whatever. Elliot said to me later like could your friend be little less surprised about what I was. I totally get it and I never explained it and followed up with him but I'm like. Oh no she what she didn't mean like. Oh I never thought you would have she her introduction to him was hearing on the podcast and the way he described himself and then she saw picture of images psycho. He's Hot I think. That's sometimes the disconnect and I have a heated disagreement over the intention action of words. And how oftentimes like for example if on Grindr someone messages you and they say hello and you're not interested in that person. What is the follow all through? Do you say sorry type. Good luck or do you just ignore and just let it not even engaged so that there's no pretense of of of interest and I'm of of the latter camp I think don't engage. Don't give any hint of any interest at all send. The same message stings a lot less things a lot less whereas Elliott just things. You GotTa be Nice. You have to be nice and you have to acknowledge if someone communicates with view that communication you are. You're you deserve a communication back and I am of the type you don't deserve anything now are owed nothing. Also your approach is nicer. Yes yeah I think so and so this person and I I can. I've experienced this with Elliot to before where you know it's it's about the it's about words. Then how the perception of those words and how we take those words in and And that's a very common theme very funny theme with an Elliott which is is what which is why he heard it and I only realized later. Oh she was only saying that because she had she heard the way that you described yourself on your podcast and they saw a picture. Sure view after that but I will say Brenton Elliott our pussies insofar as they can't take any they won't look at comments. They hate criticism whereas I like get off on it. I know that I can be problematic and that sort of the role that we play on the podcast is that I am the more queer one. I'm the more flamboyant one. I'm the more out out there. and Elliott is sort of in the middle area of sort of being in the Gay World Kinda hating gay world sometimes and Brench basically."