Jonathan discussed on Good Life Project
But then you're like, you know what but you add them up over the course of a day or a week or dozens of times in different different types of things and it ends up. Leading up to the big fractures and very often it ends up all coming out in one explosive laundry list of every wrong. That has ever been done and every violation that's ever been made, and whereas if you sort of and maybe that's something to touch down on here is the notion that where on the one hand you're saying set the stage Yelich, create the time like say, okay, make sure that it's an appropriate time for you. All parties involved actually have this conversation and that you're ready you're prepared but at the same time have it you know. Don't just because it's not the right time you know if somebody's like well, it's never gonNa be right time where they keep blowing it off it benesch piles into like a big night explosive mess. That's one of the reasons why I avoided tough conversations from most of my life because in my family of origin tough conversations or important topics meant it was going to evolve into a fight that you then had to be prepared to relitigate every past. Wrong. So like everything was on the table and what we're asking people to do in this structure conversation is we're GonNa talk about this topic. It really clear when you set the stage I, WanNa talk about this thing together and it's something that you can keep coming back. Right? It's like it's like a conversation of meditation like. We're talking about this. That's an important topic like let's have that conversation. Another time we agreed we're going to talk about this thing here, and that is so calming. Like Oh, I don't have to somehow defend my entire. Since in the space of this one conversation, I know what we're talking about here. And and talking about entering a conversation, prioritizing the relationship over or at least equal to the topic under discussion. Like saying that we want that I want to come out of this with a good relationship whether or not maybe even decide that. Oh. This thing that we were getting together, we really shouldn't do it because you know we're our goals are relatively different our attitudes arelatively different but preserves the relate that can preserve the relationship potentially as well. But we all one of the things we think about is got men's four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse right and I think what you're describing Jonathan is like when I'm pent up. You know like I'm much more likely to if I if I haven't expressed a boundary, it's much more likely to come out expressed as criticism of the other person, right? You know like if I have expressed boundary of. Say I you know I want to go to bed at a certain time. You know and I, I don't know like. And somebody else kind of violates that or calls me late all the time. You always call me late. You're always the kind of person who you know rather than expressing the boundary. Front. then. It's much more likely to be expressed in a way that the other person can kind of hear. Friday is supported by ship.