White Primary School, Bowie, Rayleigh discussed on Coming Out Stories
And I thought, wow, I can't really tell anybody about me being gay because I'm already trying to fit in as a plot kids, you know, and was I was going to primary school that was a majority white primary school. So I thought I don't want to create anymore differences because this all ready. A visible difference already. You religion families religion as well. Because that was another aspect to not really wanting to come out as well. It wasn't. He absolutely. I mean, my parents both Muslims and they raised me up with the Muslims. And it was so important, you know, have enough faith. You don't have to go to mosque on a regular basis. Every Friday our big school as well. As of locally and learning the Koran and kind of light Islamic teachings as well. I guess my parents. Became last of out for a couple of years, but then returned back to being ready ready to and so the belief I had as a seven year old was the I I wasn't with go to didn't feel with go because I not head comments made in the mosque. And I'd seen Stefan save as well where it wasn't okay. To be Muslim guy that the way that was feeling was in some y against go. It was against the kind of normal things in life. You know, I've been taught about three my faith. So I I almost felt like I was a real disappointment only to my parents also in that relationship with goatee. Now, the I was almost kind of letting go down so thing I wasn't right or I was normal. I I think the faith was was very very important possible as a Muslim, you know, I I. find that you can draw tremendous strength and uncertainty from belief. By didn't feel strong that I felt so terribly confused on very very conflicted Rayleigh. And I guess because of my faith I tried to hide my sexual and emotional identity ASO when it was guy. I tried to pretend it wasn't. There was kind of hoping it would go away. It seems to just kind of be the so you obviously had it for some time. What point in your life? Did it change? And why did it change Monte eventually manage to have that conversation with people, I guess, it was going to high school really I think having left primary school moved onto high school is very different because it's it's a different environment. More people more different. You're allowed to be different. So I was kind of hanging out with some of the Goths and the MOS and the and the rockets as well, they were they stood out. You know, it's different hair colour, and you know, kind of breaking the rules and kind of wearing the clothes differently and meet different music tastes. I was really drawn towards the because. Because I thought you know, were rather than kind of try and be accepted and super except by one around me, perhaps, you know, it's okay to kind of be different answer to kinda stand down. So they opened more. They accepted me. They really accepted me for being into the kind of music and into the kind of styles of clothes and stuff. I guess that was around the time of little, you know, I could probably maybe some thin. I could probably kind of like see how that goes down with them because the quite a few pounds, then in which, you know, some of the lead singers excetera where what queer in some way by or they were, you know, the guy, and you know, like that lots of people who were today for Bowie on he was like, you know, he was openly bisexual and. I'm very so the bands like Judas priest lead singer was gay. Find your tribe. But it wasn't necessary gay try before new chime three music. Yeah. Yeah. It was important. You know, like those that anti-establishment words that they'd sing about excetera. I thought, you know, well, I'm trying so hard to be part of the establishment. But this option don't even accept to. I am. So I came out so couple of mates, and they were really good that they we gray at a kind of accept today. They thought it was quite cool. Then came out to more friends, and I ended up losing most of my friends because they didn't understand what it meant to be..