Ptsd, Phil, Coast Guard Air Force discussed on Come to the Table

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

You're there with these guys that are rough Papas nails. No ranger tab knife or and air born era saw the whole nine yard you know. How am I going to be viewed if I do say hey? I'm having problem I can't sleep at night. I'm drinking too much. You know doing all this hour they going you that you know like suck it up. We're going to do the same thing but you don't see a situation where now you this week and now I'm ostracized from my family. So those were a few things that kept me from saying pay. I need help but it also and it's something that I struggle with Phil's Day and I am speaking out. I will admit that. Go see a therapist every to me. I think the interest and one is being that I struggle with today. Is You have these guys book. That I'm looking. At right now are called quarries nod all afternoon that was in the special forces and yeah nom and he got captured in one of the longest held prisoners that we know of and he went through some pretty bad view an all. He has the right that he hits the in Afghanistan You may think called ruts where their camp was completely already much overran they. They were literally fighting for their lives from within side. They're safe area. There can't be guarded protected. The whole nine yards. I should be. You're safe you're safe quake if he would You know those guys guide in my in my view have all right as he. Pfc A prisoner of war. I never went through anything remotely close to grow or I was literally fighting for my life from within side my faith faith so one of the things that I struggled with was you know me saying me being categorized as having. Ptsd almost the way that meaning PTSD for them. A follow that up it's Kinda trivializes or or it doesn't do justice to their. The worry is if you have to be inclusive in regards that. Ptsd as I've always felt in this in this in this realm of what you're talking about and you correct me if I'm wrong but you know what you did was validate their ptsd based on their experience. And you have you come into it. You don't want it to cheapen it right. Yeah what's the big the the number one thing? The vets don't like ever that's stolen valor. Right your your taking something. And you're getting credit. You're you're getting something for credit for or you're giving yourself something that you haven't deserve you don't deserve that level of of either recognition or or or in this case suffering. You haven't done enough to earn that right. We're that's our. That's our thing when you're in everything you have to earn everything every every step of the way you have to. Whether it's true qualification or just the time in right there's always that argument. And how long have you been in? How many places have you been? How many times have you done this? It's never enough right but it's always there but those are the markers that you use in so if you come in and say why tasty to the scene from patent way back in the day where he's like you're not hurt you don't don't muddy and dishonor the wounded here that guy's missing half his face and you just feel bad right get out of that was the whole issue so I really kind of so that. I want to speak to that a little bit because I think this gets to the crux of it. And then I think it's amplified by what you said before that when I mean by that is year round even the the moment you all due respect all joking aside. Coast Guard Air Force we joke. Who HAS IT rough? Who doesn't you know those guys. Are you know we just make the jokes all that kind of stuff right there and we have a good time with it but the but as soon as you step into that world you're dealing with a different world in the civilian world you just it just is not the same? None of it operates the same. It has elements of it. But it's a different world into into that you. There is an element that you're expected to kind of endure right. There's an endurance side like. Here's what you're issued your boots know. There may not be comfortable. They're not economic. You know it's all that stuff in that but that part of the suffering becomes part of the thing that you're expected to do and so there's not really a lot of room for in the end it does. It does suck. I remember when I first got in friend of mine. You're right. This is what we used to write letters. That's how old I am an long ago. This was and that was only way to communicate. I remember asking me what I was doing for spring break. And it's like same thing I'm doing now like there's no spring break in the military. There's no conflicts. Don't take off December twenty fifth. We don't get to go home for Christmas and hit the pause button on a on a conflict. So if you can in that in that does facilitates this disconnect somewhere to kind of come all back full circle again. It doesn't do any Detroit realize it doesn't help you. It doesn't help those. That are suffering indicates a hierarchy and then who who is qualified and I think that becomes the point where everybody I think now more than ever. It's Kinda like we. I don't know where the line is. But we have a real hard time drawing it and saying you're not worthy so as you started a no you start with Alabama but maybe kind of that a little bit and then and then you know and then when did you when did you. How do you make friends? What gets you back into that therapy. Office every week really. Have you seen some light on the other side and I wanna use that comparison? Because I don't like using darkness from anymore from like a good or bad kind of thing. Did you see some more awareness instead of light? The clarity around your suffering and why? It's important to still because all those guys to you hear those stories. This swore guys law enforcement tough of the toughest toughest guys ever in toughest gals ever are the ones that are killing themselves. And you're like what's going on. Because they don't have an outlet they don't they don't have a valid. Nobody's good enough really. I absolutely agree with you and and it wasn't the fact that our I'm trying to say like you. You have a right or you don't have a right to have ya you because you didn't suffer as bad as as suffered You know that's why I kinda tried to practice that with with everybody has grown tomato event. You know it could be something very false. It'd be something very large and everybody reacts differently to those traumatic event so with not whether you have a right Keith. Or or you don't have had. Ptsd E is not forgiving. Though it's something that comes along and says No you're not gonNA HAVE PTSD because you know you're in the air force and your Internet went out and now yappiest e but I'm going to give you ptsd because you were in west pro and you had to literally fight for your life you know. It's not picky like that. You know everybody goes through something and it just depends on how it affects you and I was trying to say you know one of the biggest thing that had me for sewing and getting help was the fact that I would. I believe in that. I didn't have the right to ask because I didn't go through jumping as bad as what they went through within. You know acura destroyed so much of my life you know we my marriage and job and you know that different finding stuff I finally had to step back and realize like what am I doing is like I I do. I these new following I have I struggle with the ones. I felt a with this major depression. I struggle with real bad anxiety With things comes anger you know I was put me on the side of the road and handcuff. You know I struggle with all these things I've always had you know people in my life. Tell me you need to get hope and always like Alpha. What like this is supposed to be. This is my job. This is what I do. What do I need help with you? You just don't understand you know always point the finger like this is your fault. You know your or the reason why. I'm acting this way right now. You know this is me too I am. You've made me Mad. And then you know after destroyed everything that I love. I finally realized like wow I do need help you know I I never said like I had. Ptsd you know. I just. I went to doctor's office and said Hey you know here's the signs and symptoms that I'm having you know bad depressed. I WanNA CALICO my cry. For no reason whatever I have heart palpitation. And you know I don't leap. I'm always restless at night. You know I'm always waking up. They're freaking me out and that's when they were like. Yeah you need to go through a therapist did and I did in the neck whenever like. Yeah you definitely have all the scientists Simpson's of ETF D. and So just go to the show like you know. You don't have to go through something of being a Vietnam prisoner of war or you know. Rest repre or have a medal of honor because you did something way above and beyond the call it. Nudie in order to have e- It could be something as simple as you know getting into a fire a or you know not only going through an Iud but maybe being close to an IEP or being your friend named or wounded or you know being fearful for your life. You know whether that you know being rape victim whether that's being held up at gunpoint or nine point being robbed you know anything being fearful for your life when matter what's going on you can. After route we get p. p. e. from that and it's a struggle Recognizing that and knowing that you need getting that hope and understanding that you can have p Pfc from those things and you're not eating weight and meaning. You're not taking away their way or somebody else.

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