Karamo, Samuel Johns, Gabrielle Zuckerman discussed on 10% Happier with Dan Harris

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And I think when you could be of a service to someone else and you see the joy on their things and you see their mood change, you inadvertently will change your own mood and you will start to feel their self love start to rebuild your own self love because you're now on the same page. And so I do believe in the interpersonal community base of building up your self esteem. I mean, that statement I said about, I need you to love me a little bit louder. Doesn't just apply to me saying that to other people. I encourage other people to say it to me because when people say that, it's that active, please be in service to me right now because I need you. It's an ability to ask for help in a new way than saying I need help. It's a clearer way of saying, I need love right now. I actually need love right now. And I need love through different supportive avenues. And I know you can provide that for me. And so yeah, it's important. And again, there's evidence here. Being of service can remind you of what is great about yourself. It's rewarding in the brain as well. There's just a lot here. And it really points to something very, very deep, which is that the line between ourselves and the world is blurry and porous. So let me stay with new year's. We're heading into a new year. This is a time of year when people kind of make these resolutions. They're going to change something about myself. Maybe I'm going to reinvent myself whatever it is and I just wonder what your thoughts are around self love as it pertains to new year's and new year's resolutions. Well, you said at the beginning, I really am, I'm not a fan of resolution. And I think that sometimes this whole change myself can become very self destructive. I believe that a 100%. I do believe we all have the ability to grow to learn more and through growth and learning more through being capacity to ourselves. You inadvertently do find yourself becoming a better version of yourself, quote unquote. But I don't like this whole thing of like, I'm going to change this resolution is for me to change because then you start to get to this place of like hating who you are now as you are on that journey to where you want to be. You know, like fitness apps for me get on my nerves a lot of times because I'm like, you're telling someone to hate the body there in right now. And the body I'm in right now, I gotta fall in love with it because it's here. It's where I am. It doesn't mean that it's where I'm going to always be. But I have to fall in love with it now and appreciate where I am now so that as I am on that journey of growth and change, I can appreciate everybody along that growth. Instead of getting down on myself and saying, oh, you know what? The body I have right now, I hate because if you hate this body, you gonna hate the body you have in two weeks as well. And you're gonna hate the body you have in four weeks as well. And you're really gonna hate your body if you take a break from doing the work that you had set out to do. And I think, you know, you start adding this element of self, hey, the guilt, all these things that come with when you can't love where you're at now. And so I don't make resolutions. You know, I make I don't make any of those statements at all. What I do is I say things like in this new year, I'm going to trust myself more. I'm going to become more compassionate to myself. You know, I say a lot of those type of things. But I don't make resolutions. And I don't put a marker on goal setting because I think goal setting is a beautiful thing that you can do at any time of the year when you prepare when you make proper choices and when you know that you can ask for help. Resolution sometimes don't have the clarity of goal. And so you end up finding yourself not following through, you end up finding yourself not doing what it takes, not asking for help. So I would just recommend that people make more emotional goals for the new year versus telling yourself things like I hate where I am now. And I want to try to change it in 12 months. You know what I mean? One of the things not to be labor this, but I tell people, this is your journey. Design it how you want, walk it at the pace you want. Like, don't feel this pressure like 12 months. Things have to change. And if I get to that 12 month marker and I haven't, then I'm a failure. Because all you're doing is heading yourself up for not loving who you are and not loving your journey. Be more compassionate with yourself, be kind of to yourself. And love yourself a little bit more as you're on that journey and things will work out. I love you on queer eye and I love having you on this show. Thank you. Thank you, my friend, big fan of yours. Thanks again to karamo. Glad we got to rerun that. Thanks as well to the folks who work so hard to make this show. Samuel Johns, Gabrielle zuckerman, DJ cashmere Justine Devi Kim baika mama Maria were tell and gen poynt, and also the good folks over at ultraviolet audio who do our audio engineering. We'll see you all on Friday for a bonus meditation from Anushka Fernandez..

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