Cancer, Fiona Kingsley Boyer, Scarborough discussed on This is Why
Fiona Kingsley Boyer. She's thirty two years old for some Scarborough Ontario abused. She was pregnant with her second child. When she was six months pregnant she started to notice that her legs and she was really itchy so just like any sort of expecting parents she went online? She searched up her symptoms and she read a one point that this was a normal symptom of being pregnant so she didn't think much about it one day. She was eating her doctor just regular checkup and he had noticed a lump on on her neck. So this is when Fiona I started to really freak out a little bit. She had a little bit internal panic. She went online again to see what this lump could mean and her doctor center to the to the Er that weekend right away to x-ray waited a few days and doctors told her that she did have cancer cancer. She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and because she was pregnant. Her first question was okay. Well what happens to my child. What happens to this baby and is the baby? Ok you know one thing that really struck me when I was speaking to. Her is even though. She was diagnosed with cancer. The only thing that she was thinking about was her own child so because of her diagnosis. She was induced a month early and she had to start chemotherapy two weeks after after giving birth she actually wasn't allowed to be around her newborn in those first few weeks and as a parent. That's one of the hardest things I think for anyone specifically but if you're already going through such a traumatic experience in your own life and suddenly you know you give birth and you can't even be around your child. That's one of the biggest things all these parents talk to me about was. The DOC could not be around their children. Geez that's incredible. You know her story. It's so sad. The thought that this parent couldn't be with their child and the the fear of being diagnosed. Well you're pregnant. I can't even imagine however it's not uncommon that a parent gets diagnosed. I with cancer. How do parents go about having that conversation with their children when they find out this diagnosis so I think one of the things that you know we talk about cancer diagnosis? Of course. That's a hurdle on its own. It's a lot of medical appointments. It's bills it's talking to your family instead of coping to that. It's also a lot of pressure on yourself yourself and your mental health but I think when children are involved there are so many added layers because a lot of parents don't know how to talk to their children about cancer. Some of them don't even tell the children at all feel specifically waited to see what her cancer would look like because if she had to shave her head for example that's when her daughter daughter her older daughter would ask questions. Like why is this happening. What is happening so I think the first thing is a lot of parents don't know if I should even talk to their children specifically about cancer but the experts that I talked to you know it's really up to the parents themselves but one thing they really need to be open with I think is if their child start asking questions and you should be able to answer them? You know you really don't have to go into the details of what your cancer is and what it means and I think cancer is such a scary word for everybody and people like to sort of put a time line around it. I think it's less about that. But more focused around. You know your parents are still here for you. Your parents love you and we're still here to support you. One of my experts talked about cancer specifically with young children. They sometimes think that the diagnosis is their fault. So if something bad is happening to their parent you you know. Sometimes in their head they'll think oh maybe do something to cause cancer so I think communication is really really here as hard as it is. It's it's important to be honest to tell your kids you know what's happening and what this means for your family. You know what this means for your structure this could mean maybe less time outdoors or maybe more time inside or maybe more times with your relatives because the parent with cancer can't spend much time with them and I think it was interesting. What you brought up as well the idea that it mom or dad might have to shave their head because of the cancer diagnosis and the treatment that they're going through? They might lose their hair for kids. Who may have a hard our time fully grasping the biology of what's going on? That is a very obvious visual indication that something's changing their parents and I think it's it's hard I think it's hard for parents to sort of almost put her face in front of their children and I think a lot of these parents struggled with that it was really hard for them to internally go through their own diagnosis and and then physically. They're also going through changes. So for example yes a lot of them did have to shave their heads. Others were wrapped up two tubes in the hospital beds so it visually visually. It's a really scary time. I think for children to see their parents like that. One of the things that Fiona talked about specifically about cutting her hair. She brought her daughter along with her with into through the process. They looked at photos and she explained like you know Mommy's very sick she's going to get better and one of the things she told me was. I wanted to make it clear to her that I was going to get better because I think as scared as your child is it's a little bit of a reinsurance from the parent. I think to let them know exactly. You have more positive outlook even something on the CA cancer diagnosis and I think this part of the conversation really relates back to what we were speaking about previously and that it is mental health and how you process these emotions and process what you're going through. Did parents ever speak about feeling something. Unexpected Lake perhaps even guilt that they were diagnosed. Yes so for a lot of parents There was a sense of guilt. I think for them. It was the guilt of not being around their children and so a lot of them had extra hospital visits. Chemotherapy extended bedrest. I talked to one woman who had a diagnosis where she had to isolate herself from everybody in her her family she couldn't even be around her children. There are parents who have to spend or even send their child away to another relative for a period of time because they can't be around their child so I think that sense of guilt definitely hits parents but one of the important things. Experts talked about specifically around guilt. Is Your family needs to sort of set new routines and new expectations. So for example. Maybe you can't go play outside because of your chemotherapy it's weakening your immune system and you can't go outside or to the park Arcor on vacation but maybe in turn we turn that as to game nights or something indoors or something more less physical activity that the parent can still take pardon so usually in this case unless you're a single parent there is another partner or support family member or someone in the picture as well. It's really important for them to also part of these conversations because if you're feeling guilty about parenting specifically there should be waste accommodate around that now. This conversation has been just a sample of what Megan and already have done in their series for more check out global news dot CA. This is why is produced by John. o'dowd Myself Nikki. Right Meyer with special. Thanks this week to Rosa for sharing her story with us. It's a national radio show as well as a podcast so you can download subscribe or listen to this is why on Apple podcast. Google Google podcast. spotify wherever you get your podcast from give us a rating and review. Plus if you'd like you can send us an email this is why at curious cast dot CA C._a.. Thanks for listening and I'll talk to you next week..