Banik Gabe, Jackie Zimmerman, Jack Zimmerman discussed on A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast
Psych central podcast and here are your host Jack Zimmerman and gave Howard. Hello and welcome to this week's not crazy. I would like to introduce my co host Gabe who you may not know also twilights as a Santa Claus and I would like to introduce my co-host Jackie Zimmerman who I just realized had multiple sclerosis she always said that she had Ms. And I just assumed that it stood for Microsoft by the way she described it as horrible. Oh that was terrible bowl. It's funny it's really not that funny but you know what we'll go with it and both of I forgot to say you are bipolar. I have depression. So we'll just throw that one out there as well. Yeah and and to be fair. I am bipolar and you are depression. I am I am I am. I'm a little rain. Cloud with eyeballs wandered around raining on people. I love it. This tweak Gabe. We're talking about sex. Let's talk about sex baby. Let that was my first concert for the record. I was eight salt and pepper. That is not salt and pepper this. I'm thinking if somebody else. Wow why should that. We're leaving really the net in hard. Actually that just became the outtake I was thinking of. I WANNA sex you up by color me bad. Oh my God you went let from a group of two strong powerful black women to an awful group that nobody remembers him. You're pushing it good plush anyway. Okay this week we are talking about sex and specifically hyper sexuality. And there's this notion that sex and hyper sexuality are the same the thing and they are. I mean they have things in common but it's a little bit like describing like a light spring rain and a hurricane as the same thing. There's there's a world of difference and I don't think people really understand that. I think that I don't understand that. I'll be candid that this is not a thing that I have experienced experienced and honestly all that I know. Is these celebrities in the news to get caught cheating on their wives and they claim hyper sexuality and is that true. Like what point do you claim like. I'm a terrible person who's cheating on my wife and or I have this actual addiction to sex. So there's a a couple of things that I WANNA point out there i. This is where it gets really tough right to say to somebody. I don't believe you when they say that they have an addiction or a mental illness. Like that's dangerous rate. It's dangerous. I don't know that I wanna live in a world. Where when somebody says? I'm having a mental health crisis racist or I'm addicted and I need help. We WanNa say oh bullshit you just got caught and now you're trying to weasel out of it okay. So let's talk about at this. Let's help me understand this but also maybe helps people out there who are feeling maybe that they are living living in the hyper sexuality round but don't know it or don't know what to do about it. How do you know you have like an addiction to sex? And you're not just somebody who really really enjoys sex so full disclosure. I've had hyper sexuality. I had hyper sexuality for a long period of time. I'm also somebody somebody with a high sex drive. Who enjoys having a lot of sex and let me tell you the biggest differences between those two things wanting to have a lot? A lot of sex is very enjoyable. Sex Is Nice we should just say it like it is sex is nice. I like having sex. People like having sex hyper sexuality ability is not nice. It's horrific. It's an addiction. It's a compulsion you have to do it. There is no choice choice. It has to be done. It has to be done enjoying. It is not even a factor in hyper sexuality. It's it's all about completing the act the end. That is a sincere youth because it sounds like it takes this really fun thing and makes it really unfunny and I would imagine that can have some pretty negative effects on your life you can have very negative effects is on everything around you rate. Let's go back to your celebrity example one of the things that we noticed like in the celebrities who get caught and then they have the addiction. They've had hyper sexuality as one. They're always men. We've never heard about females having hyper sexuality or addiction in the public space and and that's not realistic women do in fact suffer from hyper sexuality that's like being number one rate thing number two after they get caught right you look back at their pattern and it's always like high end scotch right. It's a little bit difficult to be addicted to alcohol when somebody offers you a beer. You're and you're like no no no no I'll wait I'm going to wait for the high end Scotch and then when you get caught drinking the high end scotch like Oh my God. I'm an addict will be. You went days at a time without drinking taking while pursuing high end Scotch and then when you found high end Scotch. Yeah you locked yourself in the bar for the weekend but then you were cool for or another couple of weeks like this is a pattern that like doesn't jive in addiction circles but we're kind of accepting it as the examples also of hyper sexuality and these are some things that we have to be careful of right because we tend to think of hyper sexuality as having a lot out of lake really good sex. This is where I'm gonNA burst your bubble. And Freak everybody out hyper. Sexuality often looks like chronic masturbation. Well I'm learning so much about you. Gabe it's a thing. It's uncomfortable right but Jackie be honest and I'm not trying to put you on the spot until this moment. Did you honestly believe that. I didn't masturbate. Is that something that you think about the world when you look out at the world. Are you so naive that you're like no. Oh nobody masturbate. S- we only make love to our partners and dedicated Reno. Nobody believes this. Nobody believes this yet. For whatever reason everybody thinks this is true. Even though they know that it's not true and that sort of ware hyper sexuality causes a lot of problems it butts up against the end what we actually know and what we've convinced ourselves as true what we actually know is that people like sex people have a lot of Saxon that people desire sex. What we want to I believe is that sex is only done in a committed and loving relationship and only for the purposes of procreation and putting another beautiful child into the world? It's nonsense nonsense. It's all nonsense but it persists and it makes people who suffer from hyper sexuality feel awful so as someone who has not experienced this I find this to be fascinating and I have so many questions about it and what it means in your life and your relationship in all of these things so can I just like rapid fire questions at you. Hit Me hit me. We have a podcast. You know that right okay. So someone who is experiencing hyper sexuality. Are we talking doc in like daily hourly what would quench the hyper sexuality. Thirst nothing nothing. It's going to be a little bit different for everybody so so for me. Twenty seven times in one day didn't do it. And those twenty seven times were comprised of partners sex workers and Masturbation Asia and at the end of the day. I did sleep like I was able to fall asleep but when I woke up the next day some you know twelve thirteen fourteen hours later. I don't quite remember how long I slept upped. Yeah I was right back at it but is this like other addictions whether it be to like drugs or a food even where it is all you you think about your planning the day. You're having a fixture planning your next one like you were saying. It is all encompassing consuming. All of your thoughts. Yes yes it is the reason that you are alive and you are willing to do anything to meet the need while I was in the act of satisfying. Just fine hyper sexuality. I was thinking about how I was going to do it again. While I was having sex I was trying to figure out who I was going to have sex with next. I would masturbate rebate on the way to having sex with somebody it was uncontrollable. I've quit jobs. I've spent ridiculous amounts of money. My wife left me because I had a symptom of an illness. And that's something that's worthy of talking about two like isn't it. You know in sickness and in health like could you imagine if I had cancer when she left me because of a cancer symptom but back to the celebrities. People think that it's bullshit and there's no test I can't prove it can't be like no. No no I cheated on you because I had hyper sexuality. Look here's the blood work. It sounds like an excuse and I want to be very clear. I don't blame my first wife for leaving me at all idle left to be too. It's that that misunderstood but I wanNA focus the audience on it is a symptom. It's an addiction. It's a compulsion. It's this horrible thing that's happening to you. You and as soon as it becomes public the response from everybody around you is to call you a bad person and leave which means they're probably not showing up with any so help well. I would argue that the general response to any addiction honestly. Yeah I mean not many people handle those situations very well so in this a scenario with your first wife for with anybody anybody in your life really. How do you explain this to people? It's very difficult to explain something that you don't fully understand in in the throes of hyper sexuality. I didn't know I completely agreed with my wife. I was a bad person who cheated on her the end. Is this something that you talk to a therapist about or is this self diagnosed. I think that all originally self diagnosed right. There's a reason that you go to the doctor. You think something is wrong and then you ask the doctor to fix it when we're talking about like physical things. It's a little easier. I'm having a headache. I'm too tired. I have this rash. I want to go away in. Mental Health. WERE TRAINED BY SOCIETY TO DEAL WITH IT ourselves. I'm sad man up. I'm anxious. Don't be a Wuss. I'm manic calm down. Why you act in this way when I was having all of this sex? This is my favorite line on this whole podcast. I'm telling you right now. I wasn't just having a lot of sex. No no no no no. I was sowing my wild oats. BARF and that's what I I believed. I believed that eventually I would get my shit together and stop also not for nothing young Banik Gabe who felt like he was king of the world having a lot of sex especially with a lot of different women. Yeah it made me feel powerful and mania made me feel powerful. It's weird weird even me. Who knows the horrors of hyper sexuality still thinks man? I wish I could get a fraction of that back middle-age blows rose and this is where it's uncomfortable right because some of it seems like a talent that I want to be a man in Brag up but most of it it is is a horror show..