Dads, Soccer, Torch discussed on Dad Tired
Proverbs twenty nine eighteen says this where there is no vision. The People Perish. That's the King James version. That says that where there is no vision. Jn The people perish. Let's proverbs twenty nine eighteen. which super interesting about that and really the question that we as DADS have to ask ourselves is what what is perishing in our families in in our life as a result of our lack of vision and our lack of leadership like the very first question that we have to ask ourselves? Is there something dying in me in my family in my kids in my marriage edge as a direct result of my lack of vision and leadership. Meaning I don't really know where I'm trying to take my family And so as a result result things are failing and is it a connection. Like with your wife. Do you feel like you're marriage is like falling apart. Listen here's the truth everything. Everything is either moving toward death or it's moving toward life. Those are two options. Nothing just stays the way it is. Everything is moving toward death or toward life and so you have to ask yourself like marriage. Moving toward life is becoming more good as the as the scripture say at remember after God created things he said. This is good. This is good. This is good and then as a result of evil and send things start to move away from life and toward evil and broken nece and so you ask yourself like his mind marriages moving toward good like the way God designed things to be the beauty of marriage it God designed it to be or is it moving towards death as it moving toward broken. This is your relationship with your kids moving towards lie for it's like this is good. Can you look at your relationship with your kids the way the God looked at creation and say this is good. This is the way it was designed to be or is it moving towards Baroque inness and death. You relationship with God himself is it good Do you look at it and say Manda God's kingdom come as will be done in my relationship with God like this is the way God designed it to be. It's really good and beautiful and healthy or is it moving. Torch's death your your rhythm. Are you able to sustain a rhythm. week-to-week day to day is is your rhythm of life good or is it moving lean toward death and broken this your health your emotions your your ability to have self control like his. Do you feel yourself growing immaturity maturity and growing and self control or you feel like that is moving toward death and two broken this because the truth is where there is lack of vision and things will start to perish. Things will die and some thenia dying around you as a result of our leadership and our lack of vision and so we have to ask ourselves. I just point blank as a man. What is dying in me and in my family as a result of my lack of vision and leadership? And here's is what I mean like. Do you know where you're trying to go personally. And do you know where you're trying to help your family to go like you have a very clear vision of where you want to leave your family because the truth is when we don't when there is no vision everyone panics. I always felt this most when I was coaching soccer at practice. When we're doing outdoor and we show show it show up and I was always trying to like kind of wing it and I didn't really have a plan and the kids are being crazy and they're running all around and my first reaction against to blame because it's just chaotic and really? I'm just like I realized there's no plan here. There's no vision. And so everything feels chaotic. And it feels out of control and then I start getting mad at everyone because things are chaotic. When really I showed up without a plan and I think the same is true for us with the fan with our families when we're trying to lead them towards something and things feel chaotic or I should say when we're not leading the swords every anything and things start to feel chaotic and the houses crazy and our rhythms are crazy and our our schedules are crazy? And you you feel like you're not connecting with your wife with your kids and everything just feels like chaos around you and our first reaction is to blame. Blame your boss blame your work. Blame your hours. Blame your wife. Blame your kids disobedience or whatever but really you didn't show up with a plan or within a vision and so what else would there be except chaos and again there's grace man like I know that there's there's some very real circumstances that contribute to all of our chaos. I got a letter out of nowhere that said. Hey we you're gonNA there's no cause of action you need to be out of your house. By December thirty I that was a result of my bad leadership is just life circumstances hit and I get that. There's there's grace for that but even in the midst we know Again not to beat the the sports analogy here. But there's going to be things that happen in a game they're outside of your control and you can't blame what you do is you say okay. This is this week. Expected acted things to happen and yet we still come in with the plan. And that's what we do. As part of leading our families is really start to ask ourselves. We know life is going to hit. We know there's going to be chaos. That's outside of our control but what came we control. And what do I need to own and when you do have vision when you actually know this is where we want to go as a family so you can actually rest a little bit easier. And it's not just because you know where you want to go but you know how to celebrate little wins. Let me say that again. Because that's like super important when you have vision it actually will give you more rest. You will find yourself not being so short fused in yelling at your kids and being short tempered with them And being frustrated with your wife and again it's not just because you know where you want to go but you know how to celebrate little wins. Another way of saying this is you can't recognize can is a win if you don't know what the goal is if you don't know where you're trying to go if you don't know what you're trying to accomplish then how will you know to celebrate little things that are helping you get it there and so for like for again. I'm I'm sorry. I know not everyone's into sports. I'm not even like a super big sports guy like sports a lot but not like some crazy fanatics I like spores a group around him so I apologize for you. Know kind of beating the sports analogies here but obviously as a as a coach. I'm trying to help my my kids when games and develop and all that but really I want them just to alert like learn individual Skills I want them to learn team like how to be part of a team and work together rather You know there's a bunch of little stuff teaching him and and I know like these are all things I'm trying to move them towards As a coach and so when they do something little at practices is even something simple as make good pass you celebrate something really small are what feels insignificant. Because you know that little thing is helping you go towards the bigger goal that you're trying to accomplish if we are out there literally with no idea what we're trying to do then. It doesn't matter when you make a good pass or when a teammate encourages another not made or whatever because you don't know that that's a win because you don't know where you're trying to go and so for us as Dad's what we want to do is create vision like cast vision for our our family. This is what we are trying to accomplish as a family and then when little things happen you know this is worth celebrating And so let me try trying to make this like real practical here because I know some of you are probably getting stuck when you're even thinking I don't wear much friendly. My family like I just want my kids to be obedient and I want my marriage to thrive in like we. We have more sex and we have money in our bank account like what. That's my vision league. We're we're we're trying to go here okay. So let's step back from all of that right again. I I say this all the time. We're not just trying to change behavior. We're not try and change your own behavior. Our wives behavior kids. We always want to get to the heart of the issue right. Where was WANNA get? We want our hearts to be aligned with the good news of the Gospel and then that changes everything at the end of the day when we're old men and were sitting by God's grace and a big Ole lazy boy like a recliner chair share and were were looking out at our kids and we've been married for a long time and our kids love the Lord and we've got grandkids who are learning about. Jesus like these. Hopefully this. This is kind of our vision. Our goal as a dad right. So that's what we're moving towards. That's the that's the goal. That's the that's the long term plan is that we have been used by God to see a family. Generation continued to love him and follow him on the obedient to his word and to tell the world about his good news. I that's the goal. That's big picture stuff okay. So whatever. Whatever is Contributing to things outside of that we can just say no to that so for some of us need to hear that big picture like Bro. It doesn't matter like your kids if they're flunking Kindergarten math right now. Yeah whatever that Sox at the end of the day what. We're really trying to do. Who is help? Our Kids Fall in love with Jesus to be obedient to his word and to really love God and love people. Well we're trying to be men who are faithful to our wives the way that God has been faithful to us. We're trying to pass on a generational generation after generation legacy of people men and women who fall in love but she's US and who love people well as a result right like. That's really what we're trying to do so anything. That doesn't contribute to that big picture. We just say no like we. We don't have to focus focus on it. We don't have to get our emotions really higher low if it doesn't kind of push us towards that goal but for me. What I wanted to do is like okay? So that's the end goal but let's work all the way backwards awkward. Just I wanted to make this as practical again last night as those lay my head on my pillow I wanted to make this as practical as possible for like okay. I'm taking ownership. I'm staring in myself in the mirror and ask him. Where do I need to own and then I thought what do I need to do today or for me? I was going to bed that night so so I thought what do I need to do tomorrow morning. So that I get my team or my family in a position to move closer to that goal. I don't want my house to be chaotic. I think I don't want my family to feel like everything's kind of disorganized not functioning. Well I don't want my kids to be disobedient. But what does that look like for me tomorrow. Tomorrow will really what it means for me personally like tomorrow is that I'm actually more present with my kids because my personal schedule has been too busy and so my kids will feel chaotic when daddy schedule Inman Wami schedules chaotic. And when there's no rhythm in the House and the first thing that needs to like start to get tightened up is is my own personal schedule and rhythm and so for me tomorrow literally..