Listen: Gary Chapman, Dan Chevelle, Dan Shaw Bell discussed on 5 Questions with Dan Schawbel
"Are you looking to reach your full potential and achieve success in business and in life want only tried and tested guides. Let's from people who have truly made an impact. You have come to the right place. Welcome to five questions with Dan Chevelle New York Times bestselling author Dench Bell distills the most actionable and tangible advice from a variety of world-class humans including entrepreneurs ignores authors Olympians Falon Titians Billionaires Nobel Prize winners Ted speakers celebrities astronauts and more inspirational guidance practical advice and concrete solutions our power chat sal welcome to the forty seventh episode of five questions with with Dan Shaw Bell as your host go secured the best advice from the world's smartest and most interesting people by asking them just five questions. My guest today is is the Number One New York Times bestselling author of the Five Love Languages Gary Chapman born in China Grove North Carolina. Gary graduated the Moody Bible Institute received Bachelor's doctors and Masters degrees from Wheaton College in wake forest. He continued his education at the southwestern Baptist theological seminary receiving both a masters of religious education and a doctor of philosophy degree in one thousand nine hundred seventy one gary joined the Calvary Baptist Church in Winston Salem North Carolina and now holds the title of senior Associate Pastor in nineteen ninety two. He published his first and most notable book. The five love languages which is now sold over eleven million copies is in forty nine languages since then he authored many other books in the five love language book series including his latest entitled. Love Language Minute for couples currently currently Gary travels the world presenting seminars about building healthy relationships between couples families and teams. My ex-girlfriend suggested I take the five love languages assessment. It is scored at nine for quality time in eight for words of affirmation in only a two perceiving gifts. My Love languages profile makes sense because quality time means a lot to me and makes me the most fulfilled in any relationship I encourage you to take the assessment and I'm confident that you'll enjoy Gary's words of wisdom in this episode. You spent decades as a counselor and pastor. What is the most common mistake people make that hurts their relationships. And how do they stop making it. Oh that's a big question. You know I would say that. A lot of the biggest things is selfishness. We all see the world through our eyes is and we don't naturally see them through their eyes so learning listen to each other and be empathetic with what they're saying even if you you don't agree with them and let them share their thoughts their opinions their ideas and be able to say thank you hear what you're saying. It makes sense and it always makes sense in their head. It makes sense anatomy share my perspective and you you spend your energy trying to look for solution rather than trying to win an argument uh-huh. That's one of the key issues I think in marriage how good knowing our love languages helped bring us closer together at work and at home well. I think the love language concept deals with the deep emotional need all of us have to feel loved about a significant people in our lives and if you're married the person who would most it's like to love you is your spouse and the love language helps you to communicate love effectively. Most couples love each other they would. We love each other certainly inherited years. We love each other. We love each other but we don't always feel loved and it's because we're expressing love in a way that would make us feel but not in a why they won't make them feel that and so that's why learning the primary love language. The other person is extremely important if you're. GonNa be affected in communicating love and meeting the a deep emotionally the same principle is struggling work relationships only there we don't we don't call it love we appreciation. If we feel appreciated in workplace then we give it our best. If we don't feel appreciated <hes> then we tend to do what we can get by with. What does the delicate balance between South Care Air and care for others. I think South Carolina steps has to come first. That is the fundamentals of south care eating sleeping exercise. I mean those are the fundamentals of the physical body and then keeping emotionally healthy yourself which means working through any difficulties. What is you have a past experience that is working through those emotions of hurt and pain and anger and whatever it might be there so that you can be the person newer designed to be and then the caring comes when we care for our sales now we have the ability to reach out and care for others and that's essentially what love is it is looking out for the benefit of the other person is trying to enrich their lives. I love these accidentally opposite of selfishness and so we thank ourselves then we have the ability to reach out and genuinely love others how has technology impacted relationships and what's the best way to use it to get closer to others others without letting it get in the way you know technology can be an asset reliability to relationships the asset we can tell pretty easily you know opportunities rights to use social media to interface with each other like out of town which Im lot speaking around the country to be able to text my wife when I know she wouldn't be available to talk to her art center photo of where am what's going on in my life. It's good for our relationships so technology can really help us develop Balance Austin relationships. I think the downside is that we can be sitting in the same house. Maybe even in the same room. Both of us are advice book or some other coach. Alenia listen to what other people are saying interfacing with other people and we are physically in each other's presence but nothing going on between us where two different worlds. I think the key is to ask yourself as a couple. How can we utilize technology to enhance our relationship and what are the things so we need to avoid in order to keep away from those things that apart and what is your best piece of career advice. If we understand that lives deepest manny thing is found in serving others and you apply that to your career. Is You're asking yourself. How can I enrich the lives of other people that was walking across across the University of Virginia campus. <hes> sometime ago. I was speaking in their auditorium and in a side door etched in stone above the door org were these words you are here to enrich the world and you impoverished yourself if you forget the errand and I thought wow I had that as a motto and I wondered how many students ever stopped read that but as far as career delete nights it you seek to use your career or to enhance the lives of other people to enrich the lives of other people and when you do that chances are you not only have successful relationships which you'll also have a successful investors. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom Gary to follow his journey you can read his book. Love Language Minute for couples and find them on facebook twitter and instagram where he shares his inspirational in heartfelt quotes relationship advice helpful articles live appearances and conferences. We hope you enjoyed today's show and the amazing advice. Our guest provided remember that you can only benefit from advice. If you packed on it before you do we would appreciate appreciate your feedback. In the form of review you can leave a review on itunes stitcher for a Pod catcher of your choice. Your feedback would be very very much appreciated head over to Dan Chevelle dot com slash review now.."