Woody, Georgia, Youth Development discussed on The Heart
Sitting in the cabin. I thought if it has taken me this long my entire adulthood to have an honest conversation with my mom. What makes me think that that conversation will happen today? Then before I. Even noticed her enter my mother was in the room. There's a QNA at seven o'clock. She said, do you want to go? I said I want to ask him about how I struggle a lot with the cultural differences between us. I love you very much but it feels like I really can't share any of my life with you. And that I have to keep things secret and that really hurts me. And immediately, she cut me off said well, as soon as you say that everyone is just going to think that you're gay. And I was like. While I'm not gay. And so it if I was maybe I'll be gay later when I'm older. And she was like you to ask that you can't ask that you're not allowed to ask that. She was like, what about me? You brought me onto this boat this place where I can escape you can't torture me here. I was like, but can I talk to you about some of these things and my heart is just like racing because there has been so much time building up to this conversation I. Tell Myself over and over again man who? Bam. I am good. I've been thinking about this I mean I wanna be so out loud myself anybody meet I tell them my whole life story I don't care at all I'll tell on a stage two thousand people I'll tell them my biggest deepest darkest thing. And then with you guys, it feels like I keep most of my life secret from you. And it feels like, I'm not welcome to share my life with you and so it makes it. So that I constantly have this thing where you're my family, you're the most important people in my life and it feels like you don't know me I feel like there's this big. Block in my life, which is. Now. I can't help it. I turned out. I. AM. Sorry. But like I turned out to be different and it's just the way. So it's very. It's very hard like I can't change that I'm not trying to hurt you ever ever ever ever but I have to be myself like I have to. Do. You know what? I don't have control I. Think I have control. But I don't have control over my life and that way to. To Change, myself. And Like I'm. I'm a good person and I'm not. Endanger and I'm not fucking up I'm like I'm just fine I'm just a little bit different from you guys. I know I'm sorry I. Know It's like you. People for. It I'm going to throw myself into the ocean because of you that's not fair. Woody mean that's not fair. I'm not trying to hurt you what all I like. The thing that WHO Position that I'm not comfortable. You know. You CAN'T FORCE TO LOSE UP THEY GET. I don't WanNa do. You can't force. We drags up something that they are not like. I don't want to force you to do anything I would never force you. You're you're yourself in you're entitled to all of your opinion you have to think you'll have to think in the long run. You cannot take something for the next two three years. Got May feel okay. Her there is none of your life if you WanNa have a kid if you want to. These things. It's time to I. Don't have time to raise the yet. I know but I'm not. Don't have time to waste the I know but I'm working on I'm trying to figure it out like I do things like I come to exactly what this? Low quizzes what? Youth Development they come are around your age. She says, you don't have time to waste. You don't have two more years three more years you don't. It's not time to play around, but I'm not I don't even know what people mean by playing around. I'm like I'm living my life data doing. This is a dead end situation you should stop turn around. Right, but I don't know if I'm in a situation. Part of what makes it hard for me to know if I'm in a dead end situation is having to keep it secret from you. If that makes sense on learn to just keep my sisters because. I this Fisher dvd you I can never get too good to you. I never could get. But. What? MED CPI. That, you wear something if I get called it to you, you see copy on. All. That as tipping about this. When I call tree to I, want you to be the best you could be. People Georgiou but you. People Georgia who? You. Look. I. Guess I say that because I have to say that because I love you I want you to their best live often for you it's confusing for me because I just feel like. Oh it hurts my feelings when someone says, my shirt is ugly or I should put something else on or I should get my warts removed that hurts my feelings. Feeding well, first of all. I just I just unlike. I'm a little bit bothered by the value system. Wide have looks matter so much but second of all, but let me just say second of all a feels like as a woman and especially a Persian woman I have had to work so hard to feel beautiful over the women in our in this community, and even just like women today are taught to feel so ugly and I have fought that I wouldn't feel self conscious on this boat which I feel extremely self conscious if I didn't know that you didn't they you felt your the one who've your self conscious about how I look.