Berlin, Murder, East Germany discussed on The Two Of Us
An older black woman to die happy. Radical! And if you tell a white person is radical that your grandparents died happy, they'd look you like what the hell he talked about me. So, what do you mean it's radical? An I realized this near me. Sorry to go on about this by realized. A few months ago, I realized I read is again. This week. I am black for life. I going to be a dark, skinned black man for life forever. I have to deal with until I die. I'll be reading about black murder black the torture. Until, I'm dead. We're not going to solve this and I said to my friend be happy new lifetime. Whatever can be happy because we're not going to solve this. Does never going to be a month. It's never going to be here. I'm in a lot of pain at the moment to be honest. I'm lot of pain. And it affects everything effects like. Effects dating it affects all of that affects the fact that like I mean like just twice in the last month. I've heard people from different sources saying. Bring home. Who Have you like as long as it's not black man? How am I supposed to feel? Like okay, yeah, people can be like Oh. Yeah, but who wants today to racist. Anyway, that's not the point the plus not the fucking point the point is. The entire sections segments of this life are close to you close to me as dark skinned black person, just because of this body inhabit this arbitrary skim the I inhabit. Our entire worlds are close to me. I came back from a weekend in East Germany. A fifteen minutes in Leipzig. and. Hot and fifty meters in the front door. One of my best friends lives family of Nazis who are against the mixing of blood the actual. Hard fifty meters two hundred meters away from the front door. They're against the mixing of races. The racial mixing they live two hundred meters place spent entire weekend with a lovely lovely family. That's my reality near me. At obt fucking die. But breaks my heart to be honest well. It can't break your you're. Thinking as you say the underside, thank you for sharing it. 'cause it's farmable and painful and true. And then. And that wack about the horrifying moment at. Hopeful so hey. Now you so just south. Up this is not the favor that's. That's how shitty the favor is. That the devil reveals himself. That's how shitty favor is is that you knew that anyway? I knew that anyway, it just gets revealed. It doesn't change the system and I'm thinking about how we started this talking about. Sabotage online I'm thinking. About, how the sabotages internalized with that much oppression like you go home, and you see the absolute comfort I'm luxury and it's the line actually in. The Great Gatsby which is often quoted about and daisy and their wealth and retreating into the vast Keller Smith's. Yeah Line. Describes this describes. White supremacy on whiteness ill at why as fast carelessness! And how? You start talking about. This idea of sabotage. When I'm wandering. It's not sabotage. Is it just a trauma response? It's both can be both I think. Yes a trauma response, but then it cuts you off from happiness. That might be out there. So each experience you have this prohibitive makes afraid to try new things and to be honest. One the reason putting this song out. is a triumphant itself. Whatever happens I? Mean whoever listens to it. Frankly and I know the people listened to. It will have different types written. Those putting out of different heights, but really for me it's a form of self actualization, and I'm honest with you I just WANNA put out. This I won't use it to live in the world because. You know there's many things I was told I couldn't do as many things. I was told that. Wouldn't exist in the world so I'm just I just finished a memoir about? I'm finishing writing about private school. Someone said to me, why didn't you? Why didn't you put that book out? And China set it to like big publishers and get bidding war started. A simple there are two things I the my story to tell. Sabas scared if I sold it to the wrong publisher, they want me to name all these names, and it'd be like a tabloid type thing, and that's not the because derive. The other thing is the to be honest with you. I hadn't sold a book for eighteen months before that I'd written a big sci-fi Novel Avenue, said No, I've written a new memoir about Berlin. Evidence, said No. I spent eighteen months trying to sell. Something quite broke. It was quite difficult to get anywhere and. Then started a music things difficult with that and to be honest with you. I felt like a failure. On how to get something out, I had to put something out so. Putting out this music and putting out this book. Is just a way of affirming myself. And it was weird because as an artist. You know a lot of people. I'll be honest with you is not I'm not ashamed to say this is the truth is what it is I came to Berlin six years ago to kind of disappear. I literally thought I was done I thought like you're just going to end up. Toiling in Obscurity Writing away quietly. You write a little bit about football. A little bit politics maybe meet someone I sit with him by the Lake Fall in love and. An RB good with that. Because that's good for most people, it's not good for most artists because desires to reach people with a range of things. But I was good with that. Like, and that was a form of arguments, a former self sabotage coming to Berlin like instead of going to the US to build my curriculum. I didn't give a shit. I'm not was a response to trauma because I was so used to being. To this, too. That black or to queer or to wear to outspoken to partial to whatever I was so sick of Olivet. I came to into disappear. People like Oh. Why did you go to country like that with these things on us up well, because actually..