Matt, Eitel, Partner discussed on The Art of Charm
It's creating a moment where you both feel safe and secure. So it's not an argument. It's not after she just came home from night out with her guy, friends and you're upset but having time and space, I to feel safe to be honest. And the second thing here that we do take a step back and realizes we all wanna be in a relationship with people. We can be honest about our insecurities with right? You know? And maybe that's just me and my thirties, maybe me, and my twenties feel that way. But I would hope that we would find someone who we can own our insecurities around and understand that we all have them, and she's probably feeling her own insecurities, and she may be using her insecurities and surrounding yourself with men to allow her self to feel good in this relationship. Like, see I have all these other options, but he doesn't know. Any of this because he's not having the conversation with her. He's writing into a podcast. So the first step is to actually have a conversation with her, and it's not to to draw boundaries saying you can't do this. You can't hang out with these people. But it's more about being honest of like, hey, it makes me feel uncomfortable. So the more information you could give me the more comfortable I'd frame. Yeah. I think inclusion here's a big one too. So if you know if she has other guy friends like I don't know maybe all go out to coffee early Kenner, drink sometimes. So at least like they know that you exist. I think sometimes that can be where things break down as well. But also like as a caveat having a conversation, if you're having the same conversation three months, if you're having the same conversation, six months same conversation in a year and things are not changing on any side. And that's probably a red flag, right because you've expressed your discomfort, and they haven't changed because they don't or you have your you haven't done the things that you needed to bolster your own self confidence. I am a little concerned about codependency here those, well, I think a lot of us, and this is very common in our twenties. We find that. Special someone, and then all of a sudden, we leave our friends behind and we just wanna spend every moment here with that person. And they don't feel the same way. And they don't reciprocate that. Then our mind starts to wander vo-. There must be other options out there. I think it's important for him to cultivate, relationships with men and women outside of his relationship that's stable healthy relationship. That's not one that has codependency. So if you're sitting at home getting frustrated because she's out with her friends guys or girls, maybe it's time for you to go out, your meet, some new people and get your mind off of it too. When you're busy right Eitel hands lead to these thoughts when you're busy. You're probably less concerned. Matt is struggling with an ex partner? He shares children with how do you deal with toxic relationships with an axe when there are children involved. Even after six years, we still cannot have a conversation about the children without my ex plunging into the reasons for the break-up and apportioning blame on me. I try to listen and not comment, but she can use up my time in the argument..