Ethan Ethan, Dan Coats, E. Harmony discussed on The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee


Started dating in February and we were married by October. That's the story okay. Actually destiny is part of our story because she like matchmaker matchmaker kind of okay. So I dan and I had. I've been friends for a really really long time like we knew each other back in high school And I probably saw you want to Kyle's birthday parties like second and third grade or something but I don't really remember or we wouldn't remember that but yeah and so for some reason like he had just been on my mind or whatever over and it was. We weren't close friends or anything but I was just like oh I wonder how he's doing and then I was talking to destiny Wedneday so now she was like. Oh what what would you consider your type of guy or whatever and it was like this blatant I was like I don't know but for some reason got just put this Guy Danko. It's on my mind. She was like he goes. You're with us and I was like okay. Maybe you should talk to him. And and then we like ran into each other and then so yeah. This is the Jesus Arm Story to remember this story so I was wearing a Henley shirt. which if you don't know it's like it's like Mormon lady laundries so it's like a long sleeve? Steve Hi neck shirt with buttons down the chest so I was wearing one of those and I ran. I my friend and I she she was like. Oh I'm going on a date with whatever guy whatever and I was like. I just talked her about Dan Coats. And then we get out and he's in the car next to us and I was just like oh I don't have his phone number or anything or whatever I'm just having my cousin's wife destiny like talk to him so you come out of the car Har I'm standing right there. The button on my shirt popped right. It was clearly it was meant to be on. And then you didn't know living Jesus arms thing that you're referring to. You didn't know how to greet me so you're alike you put your arms out like you're GonNa go for a hug and then you cannot put them back you're like second the middle internal monologue so it was like so glad to see him and it was so weird. 'cause I've just been talking about it so my arms like wind up like kind of like halfway hugger so then I was like. Oh no too strong. You're so then I was just standing there with this like when Jesus says the children come into me and has his arms open stance and then and I was like okay just slowly relax your arm and they went back down to my side and then later I was like destiny. I totally messed everything up. I remember remember this very clearly of her telling me the story and she just looked at me and she said Oh. Yeah you totally screwed up so we didn't start dating then and there. You like all the way you tell it is that you were stalking me for a while a bit because I thought it was weird that I was thinking about you because we weren't close and then Dan didn't have any social media he takes breaks from social media which is nice So we didn't have any social media and then I found him I'm Linden. He was like the like. Do you know Dan Coats and I was like what has happened. Yeah and I was like yes. Yes I do so we we actually started talking on the in Male unlinked in and we had business not then I don't know what's worse linked in or aim instant messenger. Yes I started talking emails back and forth and then we decided let's go for a date and so that was like February about this time of year ear back in twenty eleven twelve and then in October October we were married. Yeah Yeah so Pretty Quick Destiny Anyway are upright to me. I was in that wedding sweet. Congratulations let's move on I it's it's interesting that we we were quick. You're quick your questions for him. Process examined by an wonder the quickness thing like I'm wondering how fast fast fast but but just you know just seems counter cultural you know because they know people date for well we had both onto college already We we both graduated. I mean we're kind of we were. I was twenty six when we got. I won't mention but yeah I was twenty six got married so I mean it kind of gets you were really old. At that point. I was really old ancient Ethan. We'll speaking of very very old when you got married thirty one or thirty two Your around there. I think thirty two at least yeah. Well it was eight years ago and thirty nine who man time flies abused so great. Lot's happened here at that time and time. So we've always talked about writing a better story because we met any harmony so that's the really short version. We met any harmony got married period. Yeah you need to come up with something better but I had been on harmony for three years. I had gone on dates with a million women who were psychotic La So there were. There were a lot of ships from. It's like it's like trying to find like a good shirt at a thrift stores. I mean it's just insane. You're trying to find super super picky. Yes I'm going on there and anyway so but how long were you on E. Harmony. You're like the third person I went on a date with so she she she had really a much lower standards than me set up. My profile picture was just way hotter than yours. Your your profile picture. Can we hear the story of the alphabetic dates. Well there's actually two key things who I wanna say this real quick. I saw her profile picture and my response was she's way too hot. She would never date me. I'm not even GONNA ask and I didn't and then she asked me. She said she opened communication with me. Okay so then my next thought was like Oh. She's probably the crazy okay so when we first met we met at a coffee shop and I got there I I and I I knew for me since profile that he was kind of like a bigger dude from his profile picture. So I see this guy in the corner with like a weird like hat looked like blues traveler. Yeah yeah totally like fleas traffic identical. And I like I kind of froze from it and I was like long greasy hair and the trench coat and Australia. Guy Hat and dirt smoked lens glasses and I was like Oh crap. 'cause you know like sometimes stuck even worse than the picture in dial back like forty three forty percent from that and that's how people look what you mean him and I like literally kind of froze from it before then he looked up and I looked at his face. I was like no. I can't be him. I can't be him. Oh thank God so then I get my coffee and sit down and Ethan Ethan walks in. He's like did you already get your coffee striking. Yeah in his mind he just blew it when you meet somebody in the. They live up to their profile picture. A- attractive as like now this isn't GonNa so I was just like I'm not even going to try and this date and I didn't even get a copy so that was like another strike against me. He had to say about him like a dog. He's like I'm done here. So we sit down on new start talking and So kind of interwoven. Through our whole story is the fact that I'm divorced so I haven't been on a first date in like years because I have been married for almost seven years and it was very. It was very frightening so on E. Harmony. They give you this little tutorial or whatever you I don't know what to call it but it says his twelve questions to ask on a first date which I thought was really cute so I wrote a hand wrote them down on this little tiny piece of paper. So we're sitting talking and I pull out what my piece of paper and I'm like army says I should ask you these questions so he thought that was really. I guess you thought that was funnier. You had Q.. Durable so that kind of like broke the ice between us a little bit and then Like partially partway through the date. which just say no like Ethan used his hands ends? You still shake when we were dating so bellicose in Hidden Camera Show. I couldn't believe that she was dating me any moment. Like Chris Hansen was gonNA walk. We have news for you Ethan. Here's Ashton Kutcher breaking through the door right. Now you've been it's been elaborate. It's required a lot of effort on my part to Pumpkin alone. I mean just reality had been so different for like thirty years straight and suddenly so weird take my blood. Sugar must be low. I don't know what's going on like a million different reasons why it's hands are shaking overweight awkward single guys listening right now when there's hope I'm like just a minute you're you're just like so smitten with me. You're actually shaking like it happens like you're not the first one was very smitten so then Ethan goes Okay so we kind of broke the ice. You might flowerbed this one too. But he goes I got to go to the restroom. Reliefs yeah these are wrong over like in an awkward. I think the sentence is awkward. Or something I go to the bathroom and release okay so then our first date. Our coffee date wraps up and he goes. Do you want to go on a second date and I said yeah he goes how about now what I said. Okay sounds even more awkward than I think. It's pretty bad and I was like okay so then we went and got dinner so we had our first our first date. We're all in the same like a six hour date and we went on and on and he heard the talk. He ordered a club chicken club which he like nibbled on he took like. I don't eat that much like.

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