Brian Toby, Terry Hershey, Charlie Hedges discussed on OC Talk Radio
Hi this is Charlie hedges the next chapter with Charlie and we are having a discussion about the fear of missing out with our good a friend Terry Hershey and and we just got through talking about Thommo or the fear of missing out Foam Oh light I think it goes much deeper N- I've read some of the things that you've written Terry and I think you feel that goes much deeper and and and there is this sort of sense of missing out you know in in the social media and in parties are in get togethers. There's sort of a a feeling that <hes> were missing out on a basic human need of the need for connectedness and and so how much of Foam Oh is is based on a perception that our needs are not being met that it's not just that I didn't get to see something but there's a a deep need inside of meat that is not getting addressed and and met it does that make sense what I just asked sort of in other words. You don't think address will I don't know I don't know how much foam owed how much a full home former has to do with. Our basic human needs of <hes> self esteem and connectedness. Yes yes and the assumption is that I need that. I need some fun to make hey to make me what okay yes and I say. That's not true so it's not so being okay is not an external factor as much as it's an internal factor actor. Is that what you're saying that the Greco so what kinds of things internally are you. Are you talking about. You know you wrote. Let me read something that that I wrote but <hes> that I read that you wrote that I read that you wrote is that we listen to our inner voices that keep our lives small. We live stuck and I was. I was wondering what you is. Is that have to do with what you're talking about here. Yeah Yeah that means that I'm not content unless I have someone else to validate and if that's the case <music> someone else or the some lists that I check off or the some other achievement that I have and as long as that's there the F. that's the formal at your next level right is that's there then I. It's like dude you want to say to me. I want to say to the person just like on the boat dude. You've already got the capacity to give and contribute so as long as my mind is on that other stuff that that that need to make me okay. I don't have I'm not I don't have the wherewithal to give from WHO I am now. So so I'm yeah go ahead. No no go ahead. Go ahead. I was GONNA tell story. Oh tell a story. I'd I'm in the mood for story yeah so my my friend Tim handsome little a book on parenting. He's got two boys and he says to his voice. How do you know dad loves you and you know he's looking person? Great Stories here in he thought they'd say dad remember. They took us to Disneyworld by like pretend days and they didn't say that so he knew he wasted all that money and then he thought they'd say dad `member Christmas about stuff and they didn't say that either and they said Dad. We know you love us. When you wrestle with Yeah in e remember two times he'd come home? He was hungry. He was tired he was late. He didn't care and these urchins are jerking on his pants so he rode with them on the floor Laura toward the kitchen just to get him out of his way and the and the middle of bed very ordinary very boring very Monday. Nabet real life was happening so I mean that's the that's that's for the pathological part is is that in the most extraordinary ordinary events we're life is happening and here's back to your question as long as I'm focused on that other stuff to Disneyland it lands and the Christmases I- i- mitigate my capacity to the wrestler Mike Capacity to be present for my children like passively to the present for my friends and my colleagues. I wonder how come many of our activities Terry are based on as much as a fear of missing out as they are. I desire to actually attend and do some something I it's just that you know the rolling stones are in town so I've got to see the rolling stones to say I've seen the rolling stones when I really don't have any desire to see the rolling stones or a bunch of old guys you know <hes> it it really is an insidious and true fear and I think I think you really nailed on on something when you when you talk about advertising and the number of products it is a built in system to to build within us to attack this basic need of the fear of missing out and and and with that by missing out it's I walk away somehow feeling less than or not good enough or or that. I didn't have the wisdom system to make the right purchase. It's interesting. It's fundamental to our system is fundamental to to Madison Avenue System is that I will buy something because I feel like I'm less than without less than or unfortunately absolutely not equal to seal keeping up with the Jones sort of thing yeah. That's actually a good. That's a good way to rephrase it. I mean during need. That's like you know I read allege down and ask do I really need to bend down and pick this or or yeah or or or you get a little bit older and you need to squat because mending down too dangerous. He may fall all over my children over. I know I know he's young. He's fifty but he might be able to go down so so what's what's a good way that we could suggest suggest. How do you frame your paradigm or your mindset that you just don't worry about missing out because I don't one of the things that this happening to me the e you know I'm going through some some? They're turning out to be some significant life changes as I grow older and we you and I have talked about that. You know the second half of life and talked about the different variances within that and I really don't have a fear of missing out. I really don't have a feeling that I need to do anything other than would would would gives me a sense of fulfilment or a sense of awe and wonder those you know I'm driven. I'm driven by that. I'm not driven by what other people think or don't think I I I used to be but <hes> as I get older do you think do you think age can have an impact on that. Oh there's absolutely no doubt about that. In fact I mean pe- people are I mean it happens and you know the second life. Whatever but you start you realize you know what I need to have so much energy to keep track of something? Let me keep track of the things that really matter and in it I say that I mean growing back with people feel good in your family life your relationship and your business life how seldom I mean how often seldom that was twenty but literally. How often do we stop and just I'll be grateful? Before wrestling times for things that we noticed for the Gargoyles in your son's inference for the times when we see something or present and we're grateful and we're grounded and would there and it's <hes> matters because very often I've been in so many meetings and going this is going to business. I've been so relieved and we're so focused on what yet has to be done. What needs to be done in? What's around the corner that we don't ground us with what has just happened with us as a two Oh absolutely yeah I mean I I go through it with the <hes> with the N._G._O.? With a nonprofit that I work with as it were always thinking. How do we get better fundraising so we can do more so we can have more impact and I am of the opposite focus? I've taken over operations because I think we're just doing a wonderful job right now and I want to be involved evolved with the people in Uganda who are actually doing well. We hope to do and you know. They're not thinking so much in the future. They're thinking I gotta get up today and I gotta go out and I've got to go out into the rural rural villages and and teach or dro- wells or repair wells and and that I like it's just my Iraq shaking things nice. Try but that's just that's so perfect I mean from our vantage point someone from Uganda from village they'd gets up in the they're not thinking. Who Do I need to text today so right right yeah? They may have a telephone but they don't have texts next yeah yeah no no. They're not because my invitation with this is not the make people like Oh my God. Oh my God tell me where you celebrate being present crescent so for you. That really is the antidote to this foam. Oh is to focus on the present and truly appreciate what you're experiencing at this moment yes in other gorgeous literally taking pauses if it's the end of the day fine but throughout the daily going okay tell me I need to have affirmation about what just happened and <hes> so you you mentioned about this coming out this year so it's a little bit about this. There's this will I was just literally reading this one chapter where <hes> someone named. Jim Elliot said wherever you are be all there right right. That's what we're talking right so this is I'm reading to You from the book I'm ready and this is what happened. I was going to spend some time wrestling with the wisdom of Jim Elliot Statement which is wherever you are be there and disturb for lecture but Brian called me. This morning was an exciting opportunity. His name didn't ring a bell but Brian chatted. I'd like he knew me. Well and it's not every day you get offered an exciting enough. Brian wanted to offer me a free satellite dish this kind. This kind of generosity makes you tinguely inside doesn't it. I could get five five hundred channels Brian Toby and all these options provided me so much more to enjoy in life Brian chirped literally he the Church and and you listen to him well and that's in here's why and I would never have to be afraid of missing anything because I record. I could record all the good stuff. I didn't want to burden Brian with the fact that being faced with a lot of options makes me want to be my head against a metal pole so five hundred channels might send me straight to the floor in a fetal position instead. I tell Brian that when I was in awe of while I was in awe of his offer to appreciate life I asked if I could make my decision after I spend my day potty some cuttings from my garden killing my bird feeders and taking making a brief nap and my lawn chair Brian was quiet. I'm not sure Brian understood so you actually told him that yeah and and he just and it just is so you got rid of it. You got got rid of a sales sales. Call by telling the truth. I said you know I'M GONNA go into my garden and I'm GonNa pile up some stuff and I'm GonNa be birds and then I'm GonNa take a nap. There's like nothing and he hung up on me but but you know but you bring up a good point with the advertising and you've mentioned before advertisers risers and marketing people have discovered that if we can tap into this foam oh into this fear of missing out that I have to buy this or else. I'm really missing out on the next big thing. The the the problem is like you said was choices. How do you know which is the next big thing? You know I notice it when I go to the pharmacy and you know and I may WanNa buy shaving cream or deodorant and the choices terry of deodorant are overwhelming. I have no idea and then I know I wanna buy the old one that I that. I always liked but they don't carry that anymore because they pick the carry the new brand so I I don't know I have no idea what to buy and and it is it is quite frustrating. I know I I'm with you. I I just think they should have a place at all pharmacies. It just like a holding cell for people who are paralyzed by Joseph's so they just have here's the best just these these are the ones we at the drugstore prefer or the pharmacy prefer and which is out that list. You say I'm taking somebody else's view on it so it's like you say going to Barnes and nobles in it's the employees recommendation up okay yeah. I'll take that book. I don't have to have to run around all look at all the sales yeah I mean I it's interesting thing about <hes> you know like a couple on the boat. I just I just wanted them to be in the trip. They were on not in the fear of missing out trip fear of what they missed out before trip or any of the stuff yeah well. It's so difficult you know the concept of being present so difficult in our culture now I mean and you nailed it when you know you're talking about films that the gas station and and all of our <hes>. <music> our little social media toys R..