National Stuttering Association, United States, Herrin discussed on Hanselminutes
Something that can be taught we take we. My wife and I are Kinda deep in the middle of the tween years might have an eleven year old and a thirteen year old. And and you know at this moment in time I love my kids. But they're just jerks Just just awful awful little people you know because they have zero empathy Z.. Of any kind. And I'm you know in your book. You actually call out three types of empathy emotional empathy cognitive embassy and empathetic concern. They effectively have none of these things. Except maybe They can manipulate US using amphitheater. Like a tool. What we're looking for them to really have is primarily cognitive empathy which you say is perspective taking in unfortunately as you point out in your report That's the kind of empathy requires work and little boys don't like Jordan Yeah I mean The research shows that like a lot of these things things we're talking about you know now like aren't just in Herrin and if you think about it you know like we're sort of Of A inclusionary like we are protectors of ourselves and our ch- triads sides and so in phased with an outsider. We're not like attempting to like understanding then it's almost like a fight or flight sort of action and so like his a skill that you know the vast majority of us the capital scores of learn as we go and we have to sort of take. It's time to really cause to really think about you. Know where other people are coming from and and killing filling the gap fill in the gaps of the things that we don't know or or he just Kinda you have to accept like that we don't have all of the context and you have to assume that other people are coming from a good place. It's all of those. Things are not things that are in the herons in us and so it does as of require some Trial and error and a whole lot of work on. Fortunately I never really thought about the idea that it isn't intuitive to some folks because it may be evolutionary not a beneficial thing like it depends on the world you live at if you are in a cave and your focus is three people in your space than yeah. You should be apathetic towards those three people in everyone else's an enemy but in a in connected global world is actually quite useful to instantly when a world of social media being empathetic towards people. Only good thing. Oh for sure or I mean especially now when we're constantly bombarded with all kinds of news and all kinds of contents and all kinds of opinions a lot of those opinions just like I don't agree that I how am I supposed to you know like he'll like with these feelings. I mean I feel like we've gotten to a point where like if we're confronted. The person who liked has an agreed thus on you know like a few obvious topics. Then we just don't want to talk to them at all and that is the complete opposite You know trying to pursue understanding and like trying to get inspected We live in a world like that makes it empathy incredibly difficult. And so you know we have have to work Quite a bit harder in order to achieve our goals of like truly connecting with with people especially if we his agree with them the hoping that the boys are GonNA learn embassy on their own. But I'M GONNA keep trying to explain it to them. I don't think having them read your research. Paper is going to work for an eleven year old. But I'm going to do the. We may assign this his homework. In fact I think that's it's a great idea. Why not you know you might as well get them started young? I'm sure they would love that. Well you call it out right. It's learned it's not. It's not innate like some empathy is built into our brains but the most of it is our learned that it's difficult if you've been if you've had a tough life in your life has beaten you up. I'm sure that would probably holy beat the empathy out of you or I mean like it could do the entirely. You know a opposite thing and and forcing foreseeing can be incredibly pathetic. I mean I know people who Stutter who kind of view new fluent people as like. Wow you know like tore. Life is slow easy. How can you ever be uncomfortable talking on the phone? I'll never be uncomfortable getting up on stage age. Unlike you guys hold on like these things that we're doing like me every time I get on stage. I'm not just concerned about stuttering. You know I'm concerned about about the content. I am delivering right. Like I mean every time like I have to hop on like a conference call. I'm you know of course risk concerned about stuttering but I'm also concerned about you. No kidding across my point and convincing clients is that the thing that God I WanNa do for the company is going to work for them and so I mean I mean I think it depends on you know who that person is either. They're going to be like. Wow your life is really easy. And you don't have any problems or it's going to force them to sort of take a step back and say like hey like I kind of understand you know how you could feel that. This is an uncomfortable situation. And I can empathize with that. Yeah I think one of the important things is that I. I always encourage people who try to avoid playing the oppression Olympics. This is not a point system term. I'm going right. Yeah I mean okay so like I have type one diabetes. Okay so what you're right. Yeah exactly well. But here's the thing right but we we are are in a in a country that can support us. We're in a time that can support us. I mean you WanNa talk about who would be a lousy caveman right Lazic I would be the blind diabetic eating eating lettuce in the back of the cave. You know throw so. We're very lucky. I think that empathy is also applying these things to yourself. Everybody's everybody's got something in. What a wonderful time? It is that we can We can all just survive together. One thing that you you said there I had not heard that term. you called us the fluent. I've called people to normally sugared or just the normals someone at work. Can you eat that cake. And it's just like oh you normals yeah create off my lawn. Exactly I know that there are people for example in the in the deaf and hard of hearing community. who have some kind of feeling about Someone who might get a cochlear implant. Are there things in the stuttering community that can Heard about hearing hearing aids the talk back into your ear. Is there a push button and fix it option and is that considered a good thing about thing. Well so I know that there are idea hearing aids And I know that those do work for some people however I've heard that like after a certain time period like they stopped working But other than that I haven't heard that. There's any cure for it and Tom. I think that people are like trying to find a cure. I was actually saying a therapist. WHO said that he helped you know? One of his clients cure stuttering daughter in by like complete accident and he did it by Putting them on some sort of like anti-anxiety Miami pills and then the client has also smoking a lot of a medical marijuana and so that combination. Shen actually cured stuttering for him now the therapists we look. I don't stop jest going out and getting a lot of read and smoking it but I'm just saying there's a way that we could help you stutter. Less and those the side effects though I mean who knows exactly. You've been no but I mean I think that I think that the community is kind of Split. I mean so he we have this conference It's called the National Stuttering Association conference and it's every year around the fourth the fourth of July and so like a lot of the people that starter like they kind of come from all over the world to sort of just connected. electons a totally different shops in here hawks in you know like all of that stuff and so There are people there who say like I would take a pill and then go away and then there's a lot of other people there who are like I would never take a pill because stuttering is the best thing that's ever happened to me now. I'm a person who could probably say that. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. But if I could take a pill to maybe like knots daughter like ninety eight percent of the time I would consider taking that pill I mean I just think it makes my day to day life way easier however I mean I kind of like can't imagine me personally like my life about stuttering. I mean I don't know where era I would be so It depends on who you talk to scam. People are like I'm going to start it for life and others are like just give me the federal so we we always talk about this diabetes community like they cured me tomorrow. I would still be picking my fingers and checking my blood sugar because I would not believe it was true. Yeah diabetic at heart. I would eat cookies and then I would Just check my blood sugar. It'd be like that's amazing. Amazing look perfect for all the time. So wh You have a company called Communal log and you do basically tickly. Empathy can such empathy consultancy. Are you giving workshops and traveling around to To companies people can hire you talk about these things. Yeah yeah so I and again as a speaker and so you know I was talking about You know Improving communication empathy. And then it kind of just shifted shifted in going into companies and working with a huge like either their teams or Or Ewing like breakouts at their Like internal company events like where we have these Scott around I'm like how to engage empathy at work in an impactful way and so I work work with companies on sort of improving communication collaboration. You know through upper `rational leising empathy on their teams and like in their apartments and in their organizations as a whole and so New Breakouts got some do arm. It's Weena Sixty minutes in three hours and so We hard to get a lot done and I think that the thing that I've learned the most I mean so I am coming from like a a speaker keynote sort of background. And so you know I only have like Hardiman. It's forty five minutes. Had liked doing these workshops. I didn't realize just how has spratly he bowl in you know. Companies in the corporate's space are just trying to like have conversations around empathy and in securities and owner ability. I mean you know your employees wants talk about these things. So I'm the person that accompanies during into sort of create space to they have those conversations. The thing that I thought was the most powerful or kind of surprising about what you just said would you operate op. Yeah it's hard to say for anybody. Forgive me made that word up. I think it's pretty awesome operationalizing empathy because you're not just coming in and saying. Hey let's talk about squishy things you're saying let's optimize business outcomes and like being pleasant and facilitating conversations around. Empathy can actually help your business. Shocker shocker Walker I know right A lot of people like don't believe in it are just like well. How is this going to help my business? Well do you want your teams teams to collaborate. More he wants your teams to be more productive while they're not going to be highly collaborative or productive if they don't get along well or even if they like completely can't stand each other like they have to respect each other other and empathy you know is going to increase all of those things and it's just going to help collaboration communication all of those good the things it's just going to help it. Just go much smoother if you ever come into a company and presented this information to them and they just sit there with their arms crossed and then just storm out at at the end like yeah okay. I just did this workshop so it actually happened one time and it wasn't that a company is at a conference and so I have to give you like a little bit of background on this so it was the first time I had given any sort of content like this It was all day and it was an as stony So every possible hairier. I could have to slip seating. I had it and long story short here. It did not go well at Paul and I remember calling on my other consultant friends and being like. I can't do this like I'm not good at this. I'm just going to stick took canines. And she was like okay. Look calm down like let's talk about like who you are like what you bring to the table and what you who well and it turns out you know all of the answers to that. Those questions are all of the things that I did not do when I was giving this like full day workshop to a culture that's completely different from mine and so yeah. Yeah I mean like after that first time of you know learning like look like I'm not gonNa tell you anything that like you don't already know. Oh all right like I am here to Create space for conversations. I'm not here to teach you anything like I want. You guys is to be able to solve your own problems. I'm not the problem solver. I'm just the vehicle and so after I got down. Yeah can't it was fine..