Partner, Founder And Chairman, California discussed on One Life Radio Podcast
As km et in southern california on b c news talk. We've got a really big show today. don't we junior do. I'm excited and it's also friday eve. So that's another good thing friday eve. I totally forgot about that. So i've been up here getting my office all organized or my studio. I day in the upper my my new radio studio and it's looking pretty good. Put some pictures out on social but we do have a fantastic show today. We've got dave asprey. He's a guy that i've wanted to talk to for years. I'm so excited. He's the founder and chairman a bulletproof three sixty high-performance coffee and food company and also the creator of the wildly popular bulletproof coffee so an incredible new york times bestselling author. He's on at the half. And one of my. My most favorite guests is with us right. Now that's a von eglin. I he hasn't been on. I've missed you von so happy. You're on today but it's good to have you here. So von is a licensed professional counselor supervisor. Then works with two group practices here in the dallas area. He is a certified couple relationship Trainer and sees a wide range of clients addressing men's issues anger management abuse and addiction. Just to name of you. He is also a doctoral candidate at the university of north texas in the counseling and higher education department. His phd research focuses on couple relationships dialogue. And you can find him at preston. Place counseling dot com or. Follow him on instagram at talks. How you doing today von great. I'm good to hear from you. Burn it in talk to you. Yeah it's good to have you back on the air with us. It's been a couple of months but what we're talking about today as rather interesting. I'm not sure we ever talked about the emotionally stunted demand. But but that's kind of funny but i i'm very curious. I can't wait to dive into this. So what are some of the traits of an emotionally stunted man von well. There are a lot of different traits But by and large whenever you're dealing with mostly stunted may and he's not going to have the maturity or the security that other men have and so Along with that. So you're gonna have feels adequacy or you may see them. Try to overcompensate for things or you're gonna see immaturity. There may be a lack of awareness and so because of that There's gonna be some times when he's eagles century you know and again that can be for a variety of different reasons. But you're going to see them be selfish. And when i say they're gonna they're gonna be selfish in there at the end of the day that probably gonna make you do a lot of the heavy lifting a relationship because they lack awareness and the thing about is that they don't know that they don't know you know so. Have you ever met independent yourself. Burn it or yeah i mean. Of course yeah yeah. Some of them have been extremely immature. But but you know what's at the root of it. That's what i always want to know. I want to have a deep understanding of. Why is a man. I'm i'm guessing this is women can be the same way. Let's pick on men. But i know we're focusing on me but you know at the very root of it. What causes it so well from my perspective. There's a lot of things that go into. What makes a person who they are. And you've heard me say this before. The are three things that i believe. Because i do personality. Profiles like myers briggs and Sometimes though she like brain coding and different things like that But from my perspective the first thing that typically make somewhat who they are is they're genetic and make will have a pre so people will have a predisposition for being a certain way like one person may be more organized than another and they just and maybe part of their genetics I can have a client who comes in. Who's prone to being depressed or prone to being an alcoholic prone to having bipolar disorder even anxiety and that's just based on their genetic makeup the second thing that typically makes up someone you know because there's always the nature versus nurture argument I tend to believe that both have a lot to do with What makes somebody who they are and their environment and their experiences will go into Oh what changed the way. They look at life If you go up and environment a safe healthy and happy and very loving then you may believe that the world is a pretty safe place but if you grew up in an environment where things chaotic dramatic. And you can't really depend on people. People are untrustworthy. And then let's say you've been portrayed at various points in your life. Well now you may look at life a little bit different as well so The third thing is going to be your choices. What are you doing what you have you know. How do you play the car. Dick the god is giving you and So so with that argument so what makes someone emotionally immature again. Those could be a lot of different things however what we're looking at is that whenever there's a motion immaturity or if they're emotionally stunted Many times it's going to manifest differently like but it's always about the what you know what i mean because we're talking about the root of something I'm just kind of going on a tangent record. It talked about when whatever client comes in office. You know we see the behavior but the question is what could that be nature. But it'd be nurture but you know we of have to do some digging to kind of figure that out but what is the why so. I'll give you a quick example. Let's say i have four people stay late for work. One person staying late for work because they wanna brown. They want not the boston. Oh that they're the best worker in you know in the whole office. Another person's stays late. Because hey you know what i got a family to feed gotta be a good provider. Another person's as late because they want a new car. Now the person stays late. Because you know let's say christian and they went to work as they you know i do god kinda so everybody's saying late still doing the same thing but the question is what is their motivation. What is the hidden agenda. What is there. What is their motive for whenever they do their thing so whenever someone's getting back to the point whenever someone is emotionally stunted there could be a variety of reasons for instance like if someone has trauma in their background and give you a personal example. Let's say if i had a woman cheat on me. You know we talk about how sometimes cheating can cause trauma and religiously trump. I might become a mostly sunny might become a mostly started because you know You know. I got kinda got stuck in that trauma and so i'm gonna act out on me And this is the true story. Bernadette it voice. Nobody likes cheating but men seem to take it a little more to heart than a woman. Does you know. Yeah so. I'm not here to say you know how people take heart. I will say that for men are our feelings. We have a lot of feelings. Okay there being in many times. They are very fragile and at the same time. We're not socialized into being able to express all of our emotions so we deal with ceilings in isolation Like to say we're going to make and so in the consequently if we're not able to show all these feelings may not even have the language to articulate what we're actually feeling. I feel sad. I feel powerless. I feel confused. I feel i don't know Betrayed i feel misunderstood. I felt like we don't necessarily like go into that ceiling vocabulary and then consequently you're probably going to see a lot of anger and here ability inevitably but we're going to act out and so we're going to try to overcompensate in some way But when cheating those happen you know Because we like to statistically i'll go here it statistically whenever a man has sex with their partner they tend to believe that i can go have sex with that partner anytime i want to and sometimes we may look at intimacy a little bit different than women to you know so i like claim pistol territory and to have somebody else come in and then lay claim to the territory. It can be very hurtful for some you know especially if they're immature or the insecure They're going to have a lot of issues when that tends to happen. So what about eight..