Whether you're struggling with your mental health or trying to support someone who is, we've got you covered. Listen to the latest tips, strategies, and practical advice from a series of honest and lively conversations. Aired from leading talk radio shows and premium podcasts.
Pandemic Self Care With Lynn Fraser
"Hey everybody we're having to do facebook. Live as having some issues going to go ahead and record this. We're going to pretend like we're on. Facebook live and i'm thrilled to have with me today. Winfrey served still point Yes we're going to continue this conversation about pandemic self care strategies and other care so welcome lynn. Thank you for having me terry. It's nice to see you again. Good to see now just catching up a little bit of what's happening in the us. In ohio my and what's happening in canada and your head right and in the same thing it is kind of the same thing and it's Like you were mentioning us one of these big events that And we'll look back gone so someone who's the teenager now is going to look back on it any many decades from now go remember what twenty. We didn't have any school graduate graduation. No prom right. Yeah yeah and all of us have our own personal history with our own personal experience that happening as well right and i know my son is having his children. Do daily daily journaling right now at chip just kind of collect their memories and and they would have to look back on and they're also doing daily meditation so a bit different curriculum than school. But it's still really really valuable to do. Yes we've not. Taking family walks together with the dogs and our daughter who's thirteen has been running. She took up writing again. She'd run track back in fourth grade or something runs ahead of us. We could see her that show she'll turn around and run back and Yeah it's good to see her up and moving and a lot more a lot more time playing me bowling together to to so tell me about what it is that you do so. They can have a sense of who are that. So i've being teaching meditation for twenty five years and yoga as well and i work with people healing trauma. So i do a mindfulness based inquiry practice the killaby inquiries and some of it is in groups. Some of it is individually When when i meet with somebody individually. We're really working on. What are the thoughts coming in images and the words and really what's happening in our body right and then i have a lot of classes as well right now. Ironically the march and april topics for my sunday morning classes is peaceful. Mind wasn't anything on my radar. When i said the topic at you know the what happens in our nervous system in our mind as we get our nervous system is charged up when we feel under threat and we are frayed and then we go into some kind of compensating. We go into fight fight where we get irritable and angry and sometimes we turn out against other people sometimes against ourselves or we go into denial like a deep freeze of. I can't handle this not happening. I'm just gonna go on business as usual and a lot of the things that we're seeing right now are actually fear responses. That maybe aren't the wisest thing we could do. So it's great that you're having this collection of people that are going. This is something we could do instead of convenience driven by nervous system. So that's what i'm you know. I do I help people with their mind So that they can come catastrophic thinking and and come back in their bodies and be you know where the bre. I do them morning. Meditations with Online so people can just have a break from what's going on in the mind commander. Relax the body. It's all guided so you don't have to think it through. I don't leave a lot of spare time there. So the mind doesn't have a lot of time to get going on a big stream thought. So it's just a lot of steph around right now are nervous. Systems are highly engaged in and frightened. And how can we really come ourselves. And there's a lot of ways to do that held about those of what are what are some calling strategies people can use you know one thing we could do is is just do a little practice of it to what is sorry. Lose many things that we can do with our physical body One of the things. James gordon is just wrote a beautiful call the transformation and he's being interviewed on nbc and sixty minutes and he does work with large populations that are traumatized like After hurricane a school shooting or protection thing and he gets people up shaking and also he does this soft e. breathing. I kind of tune in and then shaking so you stand and you shake through your legs and your hips and your arms shoulders. And he has people do like five hundred thousand people together
Fresh Take: Dr. Edward Hallowell on Renaming and Reframing ADHD
"Book is all about sort of what's new in the field. Just the first thing. That's new in the book. Is we give the condition a new name. the name when i first learned about it in nineteen eighty one was called attention deficit disorder and then in the nineties. They threw in the eight so then it became attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. And you know those are all out of the medical model which is rooted in pathology. You know you go to the doctor not because you feel well but because you feel bad. So it only stands to reason that medically based conditions would have a pathology slanted name so and that's fine but when it comes to this condition it's totally inaccurate and it also conveys a kind of stigma kind of shame kind of feeling less than and those are very damaging so it's more than just cosmetic it's more than just a semantics really gets right to the heart and mean you get this diagnosis. You're told you or your child has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. And you feel like you've just been punched in the gut. You don't really know what it means but you know it's bad sounds bad so it must be. Yeah exactly and so the fact is the description is inaccurate. We have the condition myself. So i say we don't have a deficit of attention quite the opposite. We have an abundance of attention. Our problem is to control it and then the disorder. I don't see it as a disorder you know. I went to harvard college and medical school. I've written twenty one books. I've been married thirty one years. I've got three wonderful kids. That i don't have a disorder. I have a brain difference. And so i see it as a trait. If you manage it properly it becomes an asset. If you don't yes it can ruin your life so it has the potential to be a disorder but it also has the potential to be a superpower and so we've renamed it very abol attention stimulus trait vast via st and. I think it's a whole lot better to be told that your son or daughter or you have vast because it does imply the vast nature of this condition which is all encompassing and does not convey a sense of shame in pathology the way. Adhd does so and attention and stimulus of sort of the two key elements. you know. Our attention is always moving and so we have variable attention and then stimulus were always looking for high stimulation. we're always looking for something to pump. Up the volume. So variable attention. Stimulus trait vast. And we offer that as a way of for parents to convey to their kids they have avast mind. They have vast potential. They have vast opportunity all of which is true. And then the challenge to turn this. Trait asset is to learn to control attention stimulation so the first item in the book that we offer. That's new is the very word itself. Very term itself the acronym via st. I think it also brings us past what i think. Amy and i probably grew up with learning this term. Add and it's become this kind of major catchall for every range of behavior and then a lot of the discussions around are kind of like. Oh that's an. Add moment or everyone's medicating what used to be called childhood and those kind of discussions. That i think are not useful for anybody because they demonize kids who have maybe need help functioning and then they kind of lump everybody together in like this used to be childhood now. Everyone's just medicating zombies not true right. Not true at all and also as you say when it's used casually it's never complimentary exactly when you say he's so. Add he so creative original interesting and dynamic. You mean he's a pain in the butt you know and so you know we want to take it out of that stigmatized round where it does not deserve to be in. The fact of the matter is most of the people who are the game changers in this world have vast or adhd.
How to STOP Caring About What Others Think
"So in today's episode i want to touch upon something that comes across to our generation. Almost like a second pandemic and something that we haven't been able to work through end simply is embedded in through the expense off social media and our lives and everything else. So what is that the idea that we care so much about what other people think about us. So hear me out. What is a example off. This happens in. Our lives is social media. We care a lot about how we look on. Social media. identity is even if you say you don't care. I understand that's just an example but carrying what other people think about us has isn't a new concept so at some point or another we all have worried about world everyone else think or while my standing by my entity of why people perceive me as so just carrying about how people see us or what. They're thinking about us even if it is like while you're walking down the street on becoming conscious about your clothing or how you're talking or are looking just because you're cared off. How people are judging. You are harder thinking about two and of course this goes on a much deeper level where we start over digging every and each one of her moves because we're worried what others are going to think about a we try to perfect it. We tried to seek approval in other people's opinion because that's The mindset that we're so used to about caring what others think and don't get me wrong sometimes. This mindset comes from the purest of intentions energy in fact pretty much. All of us have the purest of intentions at heart which is to making sure that the other person is comfortable. You're not making anyone feel uncomfortable or lesser or bad about themselves so we try to shrink ourselves up to let other people grow or take the space but there they are trying to do the same. It's kind of crazy so let me give an example or like a story of how this looks like in my life or what. This might look like for you as well. So grade nine or ten. I used to really dislike map and who doesn't like. like mathematics and pretty much. Everyone around me hated as well. Look my friends were like. Oh my god. I hate this course. I don't want to be studying mathematics and it was just it was a common. I know it was common. Do not like that. And i was okay with it so my my friends and my close circle the new kid and Even at school. I was never like a pride one up until grade nine heated mad than i was never doing well in it and i was just constantly told not good enough. Not smart enough and migrants will never match the requirements stuff like that right so an accepted that labels so it did not feel luckily will to me. What happened was whenever i study i used to take. But what will people think about me like d. I there has been a legal form which is is not good at mad and my sub conscious effort was to make sure that i was serving that label through my actions. So this wasn't me constantly doing. It's looking back now. I can't pinpoint in action. Where actually did something to jeopardize my performance but subconsciously was so embedded within that. I'm not meant for this. That i made sure i kind of limited myself from growing into that field but then slowly what ended up happening was had professor in grade ten. Who believed in me and he told me that underscore you are capable of doing that. Like you are one of the brightest people. I've met end. He just had this deep passion towards mathematics and he showed me what is possible and the other thing is he just believed in me that i can do and he saw me as a person who has the ability to get good grades so slowly that believes that he embedded within me turned into something that i needed to serve every single day so it late. That label became my new identity for me. I am someone who can do all that. So what ended up happening. Was i cared about what he thought about me.
A Simple Choice
"I'm nora mcnerney and this is terrible. Thanks for asking. There comes a time in every romantic relationship where you need to talk about where things are going. Okay you gotta be honest about what you want and don't want out of the relationship is heading toward marriage. Are you going to live together. And if so where are you going to live and do you want kids. That's a big one because kids are a big commitment. It's a lifetime commitment and not just for your lifetime you're committing to their lifetime and mark's girlfriend once kids and he does not and that's a fully valid life choice. A lot of people don't want kids. They are one way to find meaning in life. They're not the only way but mark's decision is a little bit deeper than just a preference. It goes a little further than just simply not wanting kids. Okay so mark. I would love for you to tell me. What did your mom look like. Wow my mom was five foot eight. She had wavy brown hair and she wore glasses. Kind of i mean. I think she felt that they were pretty artsy for her time. When she was younger she used to wear like the cat style. Glasses from whenever that was like the fifties or sixties she was really the most social person i've ever encountered for sure. She used to probably starting in september. Just have our kitchen table. Full of christmas cards. This is pre social media. So she didn't have any way of getting a hold of people on the interweb so she just would pile christmas cards on the counter and then right personalized christmas cards to probably two hundred. Maybe more of her friends from the state's not just a generic letter. She would write personalized things to every single friend of hers that she can think of. And then our wall in return come november and december are wall in. The kitchen was just everybody else's cards back to her. It was pretty amazing when mark was seventeen. His mom got sick with cancer and she didn't want him to worry so she kept it from him as long as she. She wanted him to enjoy his last year of high school and he did but when he was about to go to college he knew she was sick and she asked him. Will you stay home with me and dad. Will you help out in mark. Said mum of course so while all of his friends went off to college. Mark stayed in his small hometown in canada. His girlfriend karen was just going into twelfth grade and cared about her a lot so he broke up with her. I didn't want to be home and have that. Be the reason i was home. I didn't want to have my mindset so focused on karen that i wasn't there for my mom during that So yeah i think that makes sense and also young relationships are really consuming. And what's even more consuming. Mark is that you are coming of age and having a really singular experience. I don't think i have to do a survey of your town to assume that you are probably the only your age taking care of your mother. Yeah i can't. I can't think of anyone else at the moment for sure. It was just mark just mark spending a few hours a day escaping to the sanctuary of his church playing the drums alone in a big empty space coming home to keep his mom company and bring her water and love her. Breaking up with. Karen was a protective measure. It helped mark focus on this time with his mom and it also protected karen from spending her senior year emotionally caretaking. Her boyfriend. Mark doesn't see much karen during this time but he knows karen still cares about him and that she cares about his mother karen. Her mother used to come visit. My mom in the hospital and karen and her friends would come and sing songs to my mom and just hang out with her for an hour or and then my money's the journal a lot of like who came to visit her during the day and all that stuff so i would. I would look through a journal and see that that happened when mark mom dies. It's christmas time. He still just a kid and he has no idea what to do or how to fill his time but across the street from his house. There's an event center. And there's a christmas play that is being held there and some of his friends and karen are in it. So that's where he goes. So i went there to see a whole bunch of my friends. Do this thing. And then canonized briefly spoke that night and then slowly over the next few weeks there was like a phone call here there and then i think what happened was i ended up just inviting her over to watch a movie at our house and we hung out and classic movie. Okay yeah no. That's that's what it was and then we still weren't dating. But she came over and i started working at a local video store back when people went and got videos and like my first day of work. She brought me like the best sandwich i'd ever eaten and a bunch of stuff for my suffer and with a huge letter. What did the letter say. I think she was just expressing to me. How sad she was that. I lost mom. And how amazing my mom was. And i'm pretty sure. I have the letter somewhere still. I don't know where it is. But it was pretty much just saying that she felt so bad for me and there might have been a hint of that she missed being around me and stuff like that and i think that's pretty much when we just said okay it's back on.
2020 to 2021: Looking Back, Looking Ahead
"Hello and welcome to our podcast series conversations with kids piece. I'm bob martin. The start of this new year comes as we conclude our third season of the podcasts and so given both those milestones we thought it would be good to get an update on what's happening with kidspeace now and what we can expect to see going forward in twenty twenty one and to do that. We're extremely pleased to have with us once again. It's visas president and ceo mike slack. Mike great to have you Back on the podcast and happy new year. Happy new year. Bob really good to be with you. This has been a remarkably challenging year for our entire society. Certainly kidspeace is not immune unintended From the consequences of the pandemic of cove nineteen and. I'm wondering if you could take a moment. Just looking back. what do you feel worthy. Most significant challenges the organization faced. And what's your assessment on how we've responded well. I think first and foremost. I'm very proud of our response. I think Kids pieces responded. Well you know. I think like every organization there was so much unknown about this pandemic None of us had ever gone through this So so all of that obviously was very challenging to deal with but In in our case in our particular case with kids piece. I think what made it even more profoundly challenging. Is that you know. We're dealing with children adults with significant mental health issues and now we were forced into a situation where we also had to deal with their medical issues and the medical issues of potentially our associates and And so really. I think understanding what those implications were Adapting to them putting the safety protocols that we had to put in place which Were very important and And actually i think worked very effectively but trying to develop them in a way that worked in the settings. We're we're providing services was Probably the most challenging thing that i certainly have dealt with in my career in in one that i am just really grateful that we had on board a kids piece the medical expertise to help. Guide us in that You know from our you know our entire medical team to our nurses and all of the professionals that we have in our organizational leadership team. You know trying to really ask the right questions get the right answers and then get those things implemented in a way that worked with children that are dealing with mental health issues challenging but. I'm proud of the job that we did. It does seem that one thing that has come out of the pandemic has been agreed or recognition in the society of the need to pay attention to mental. Health needs obviously amid such a crisis. And and beyond. What do you think will be the long term impact of this greater awareness. Yes so i think This pandemic has has certainly a silver lining of the pandemic is the fact that Mental health mental health needs the impact on one's social. Emotional situation have certainly been front and center and that's a great thing for kids. Be something that we've been trying to get Our communities our society to understand recognized for for many many years so The downside is that the need for our services is is increased and will likely Significantly increase over the the coming years months because people have been hurt through this pandemic So what that means for kids piece is we need to stay focused on what we have been focused on but accelerate our ability to Create access services That's been very challenged in the pandemic. Because of quarantine and social distancing all of these things all these safety measures that have been put in place have limited the the resources that we have to serve this growing need and so i'm looking forward to getting to the other side of this so that we get our Our workforce fully back in and productive and able to start to services need because access to service is going to be critical. We did adapt to that. We we We continued to operate all of our services during this pandemic. Make them available. We did that in unique ways through telehealth through certain walkin services that we provided By going to people's homes may be instead of them actually coming to clinic setting So we've had to adapt. And i think many of those things we will be able to continue to do long after this Endemic subsides and excited about about continuing those efforts.
Personalized brain stimulation alleviates severe depression symptoms
"Two studies out today suggest ways to improve treatments for depression and obsessive compulsive behavior. Using brain stimulation. Thea Pro just delivers pulses of electric or magnetic energy to certain areas in the brain. Scientists report that stimulation is more effective when it is customized for each patient. MPR's Jon Hamilton has more Brain stimulation is usually reserved for people who haven't been helped by drugs or other treatments. People like this woman in her thirties who had severe unrelenting depression, the world was slow. And gray and flat. Everything kind of tasted the same. No actual sense of enjoyment or No ability to imagine NPR agreed not to use the woman's name to protect her medical privacy. After five years of searching for help, she got into a study run by Dr Katherine Scan. Gus of the University of California San Francisco. Scandals is part of a team trying to improve deep brain stimulation, which implants wires in the brain to deliver tiny pulses of electricity. Traditional deep brain stimulation has typically stimulated in one location. In every patient without really an understanding of how that effects each individual's depression symptoms. Scandals thought she might be able to relieve the woman's depression using a different approach. So she created a map of her patient's brain that showed which area was associated with each symptom. She had an iPad and she marked off her level of depression and anxiety. An energy level in response to each pulse of neuromodulation. Then scandals used that information to design a deep brain stimulation system that monitored these areas and delivered pulses on Lee when there were signs of trouble. Our goal is to develop a brain pacemaker. That can nudge these depressions circuits back into their healthy state and keep them there. And for this patient, it worked, she recalls. The first time doctors stimulated one particular area of her brain. I wasn't really expecting anything to happen, and then suddenly It was this kind of wash off the sense of pleasurable happiness and glee, and I literally think I giggled. She says The implanted stimulator she went home with is still doing its job. Months later. The world is Is back. I'm back. I feel like myself again. A personalized approach to brain stimulation also seemed to help people with obsessive compulsive behaviors. Trade. Grover, a graduate student at Boston University, was part of a team that studied people who had thoughts that wouldn't go away or behaviors that they felt compelled to repeat, checking whether we've switched the stove off or not. Have you washed her hands enough in, particularly in times like ours today in the pandemic, Such behaviors can be exacerbated. The team knew that these kinds of behaviors are linked to problems in the brain's reward network. So they studied the activity in this network for about 60 patients. Then they devised a unique stimulation treatment for each person. Grover says The treatment sends pulses of alternating current through electrodes placed on the scalp. It allows us to stimulate the brain. And mimic the kinds off Ray to make activity patterns that are typically associated with healthy behavior, He says. People who got the treatment instead of a placebo got better. By the fifth day of stimulation, obsessive compulsive behaviors had significantly reduced. On average. There was a 28% reduction, and Grover says the treatment works best on people with the most severe symptoms. Both studies appear in the journal Nature Medicine. Jon Hamilton NPR news
What Is Brew Monday
"Free. Monday is an attempt to turn what is often a very difficult day for people. The third monday january which is can be quite dog time of year into something which is an opportunity to reach out and connect to other people. So what we encourage people to do is to are hold a virtual event in these strange times. We can't obviously meet in person but we still plenty of opportunities to connect people remotely and on our website. You can find lots of information about how. Hold a virtual tea party or other things like that. It doesn't have to be like a serious threat of mental health compensation or is it just sort of the idea of reaching out to people again instead of just having a general chat is absolutely not a conversation around mental health. I mean not may come up at some point. Fueled talking to someone. But it's just about how you doing Not every conversation. If you're concerned about something needs to start from a serious perspective it could be a very gentle opening. How all you how you fading today was going on in your life just a just a slow gentle friendly open. Compensation is relaxing for people and it gives them an opportunity to open up if they're ready for it and if they're not then you just carry on and have a lot you normally would absolutely. We've had a few messages from government and various charges. While haven't we about to reaching out to friends i guess. Do you have any sort of top tips on how to do that. And also had to just start conversations. And and i think we'll see this kind of to maybe some confusion about like how much we should be doing it like. Should we be checking on like would offer ends up what we should be doing ready. Yeah we'll everyone's different. Everyone's going to have their own needs on they and they're going to change on a regular basis. Somebody this week might having a good week next week. Might not be having a good week. And i don't think that we should feel pressured into having any compensation the toll of filler responsibility for somebody else. I think it's more a matter. Ruth of just letting people know that you'll there for them and the if they are having a bit of a tough time it's absolutely fine them to pick up the phone to you and the same vice versa. Be good day today but tomorrow might be entirely different so we is about all being their free each other. And i also think we shouldn't put pressure on the conversation itself that we talk about mental health compensations. And i'm what showed us the right phrase. I think is about general well-being mental wellbeing and there's lots of evidence to show the just having a chat to somebody don't need to be going to detail just to chat about how you're feeling could be a weighty postive thing to do because it gives a bit of perspective to the feelings that you might be having in the moment and we know that the more people don't express their feelings the more serious bottled up they could become not convene lead to further problems down the line so we strongly encourage people even if it feels a bit silly talk before it becomes a problem. Basically is what we we likes. Encourage people to to think some of the nicest chats that i've had to develop down have just been lighthearted lighthearted ones with friends that haven't seen in a long time. I'm just reminiscing about the sort of things and having a bit of allow rather than necessarily than told me about serious mental health stuff. Because i think just for me. Just having those connections in those chaps has overseen been good former mental health because it just takes your mind off will stuff going on net and already that. What you said is well about sued. If i guess it's that thing. We subscribe outsourcing out your own I if you'll feeding to like you don't have maybe the strength for big long chat like that with a friend in a not feeding. Might you have to reach out if you're not ready to yourself if that makes sense 'cause i think some people have seen that. The app may be the advocate for various things from the government. Though you know. I just don't have the election capacity of reading. Support someone exactly. I don't mean we're going through the most extraordinary time out. We and i think a lot of us who've always felt ourselves to be perfectly k may for the first time ever experienced the feeling is unsettling and that can be quite scary and increasing. Zoology particularly if we don't know quite how to see which would actually is for us. So i think a lot of people would have had that for the first time ever over this last year and opening up as when you need to were hearing it. Reflect back to you by somebody that you you trust. it's one of the things that works very well about martin's is it. You can phone us up and just offload. If it's like a bad day. If you you you had called you know all the little things that might be heightened the moment because everything feels slightly heightened
Feed Yourself Like You'd Feed a Loved One
"The topic of what. I'm supposed to be eating has taken up way way more of my thinking than i care to admit. I have spent an embarrassing chunk of my adult life plotting and planning new diet regimes. I spent hours fantasizing. This time i really will perfectly adhere to that. Unnecessarily uber strict new eating plan and i- inevitably become sad and disappointed. When surprise surprise. I fail again to live up to the superhuman dia goals. I've set for myself. Because i then feel like i wind up comforting myself with whatever off-limits food. I was trying to limit in the first place. And that's why. I was so taken by andrea on her work. She knows exactly will all. This feels like because she went through these very same behaviors in worse for years. I think it's really important to be open about the troubling relationship that many of us have with food and eating but knowing you under his personal history. I was a bit nervous about asking her to share all the details. What was once the biggest shameful secret of my life now my career so there is kinda nothing. I don't talk about anymore because there's no shame anymore. Because i know it wasn't my fault and i know you know it was all passed down innocently and having found a way to climb out him. I'm happy to share what i've been through so that permission. I asked andrew to explain her journey towards eating with greater self compassion beginning with our very earliest memory of when body image and disordered eating took over her life basically. I started dieting. When i was about twelve years old and it was the first time i remember having someone comment or say something shameful towards my body up until that point. I don't really remember thinking all that much about my body. Even though my mom was and still is a chronic dieter. But when i was about twelve i got teased about the size of my eyes and i call it a dart in the heart moment where something happens and you feel terrible about it. Usually terrible about yourself usually make decisions as a result that are not generally healthy or helpful. And so i felt terrible about my body decided that i needed to lose weight and i started my first diet and like i said. My mom was already dieting at the time. My older sister already dieting. And i just hopped on what i now. Call the diet. Riot roller coaster. So talk about what it was like to be on that diet roller coaster inside well once i started obsessing it was this constant soundtrack and it colored my life. Now some people can die. I call them. Lightweight dieters pun intended some people can diet and it doesn't take over their lives and some people. It's a real huge obsession and leads to problems. And then many people that leads to full-blown eating disorders. And that's what happened with me. I just became obsessed. Which is the natural response to dieting. I started sneak eating all the food that i wasn't supposed to have on the diet and had huge weight fluctuations. I did have a life. I went to school and i eventually went to college. I had lots of friends and summer jobs but on the inside. No matter what i was doing there was this constant soundtrack of what i was eating what i wasn't eating what someone else was eating and not eating. What my buys. Look why. Compared to this i just was constantly obsessed and that really colored my my life so the sounds like a horrible soundtrack to turn on in your own head but here we are at the start of the new year and so many people are willingly jumping on this diet. Roller coaster tell me kind of how that makes you feel as somebody who studied this for so long. Well it's sad because it's kind of the solution that people are given and even though the diet industry is hugely successful and multibillion dollar industry that continues to grow it's got pretty much a ninety five percent failure rate. People think that they themselves are failing that they're just failing the diets but really the solution that were given to body image issues and to binging or overeating is to diet and the solution that were given the diet is part of the problem. So i feel sad about it and i. i know what it's like to spend your life obsessed on food and going to parties and not being able to eat what others are eating or what you really want or eating out of control once you quote slip or break or go off the diet so i know that only too well and i also know what the effects of dieting are. And and there's the it'd is a roller coaster. So what some of the negative behaviors you noticed in yourself. You talked about your obsessive thinking but did you also have behaviors. That made you worry that something wasn't right. You're on this kind of strange roller coaster. Oh absolutely. I snuck eight constantly. I tried to eat what. I had deemed good foods in front of people and then naturally a what i deemed bad foods or what i was taught were bad foods. I would throw food away in an attempt to get rid of it and then get it out of the garbage and eat it again. I mean just they call it in alcoholics anonymous and the twelfth step arena. They call it incomprehensible demoralization things that i never dreamed i would do. There were times. I would steal people's food when i was out of control with food
Workaholics at a greater risk of depression, study finds
"Well, this is not really surprising. A new study finds workaholics or at a greater risk of depression. Researchers looked at the work habits of 187 French workers. And found people in jobs with strong demands were five times more likely to be prone to work addiction, and they say that addiction lead to depression and poor sleep quality. The study is published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public
Therapists Are on TikTok. And How Does That Make You Feel
"And as if tiktok wasn't booming enough. Uh therapy tiktok is now. Aiding the boom real therapists have created. Tiktok accounts and their content has just exploded. These are licensed doctoral therapists. This one's name is courtney tracy. She posted a video yesterday that received millions of views and hundreds of thousands of likes. So you don't have to go to the couch anymore and the office the whole thing you can. Now get their input right there on tiktok. This is her video about depression that exploded. They're saying i've had functioning depression possibly. Yes okay but what is that. Even i don't understand well. It's not a specific diagnosis. You have major depressive disorder as her diagnosis. But it's hard to tell you push through it and hide it. Well i hide my depression. Well it's not so much that you're good at hiding your depression but more so you're kind of good at putting your depression to the side and feeling that you have to push through life now. What about your good days versus bad days. What are those like. These are average high just enjoyment. I don't break down in front of people. God is horrible. I don't shower eat sleep. I can't move on constantly crying. I saw it on my work. Done on the weekdays though it's kind of like i can hide my depression for myself. Play the role of each. And yes she she. She acts as the therapist and she plays the role then. She subtitles it so it goes back and
Chelsea from Forever Alone?
"Meadow. I had somewhat recently been partnered up again matthew. My current husband and he came with a whole new group of people that included single men the decent single men for the first time in a long time kind of a lot of them. So i'm like surveying his friends. They're all hot. they're all interesting and one of them was named brian and he was am band with matthew and that band played in our basement every sunday. So one sunday just casually invite chelsea over. When i know the band is playing that a casualty. I'm just making great dinner. Which i never do and then i casually invite only chelsea brian to stay for dinner and then bam. They're dating they're together. I am the matchmaker of nobody streams brian when he and chelsea met he was recovering from alcohol addiction and he had been sober for a while and then he was not soper and the alcohol in their relationship into a throttle and as much as i wanted to be the world's best matchmaker it was not working. It was really hard on both of them. They loved each other but it was also so hard it was agonizing this tape from the end of that second episode I mean. I think it's hard because i i hear a lot of people will say like. Oh i just don't have time for that like i just wouldn't have any patients with that. That does seem to put the addiction into a category of it being irrational behavior on the addicts part and by that you mean a rational a rational rat irrational. Yeah because it is completely irrational. And i think that that's why people that don't suffer from addiction get so frustrated because we see whether it's you know an alcoholic in my case or you know anyone with any sort of addiction like how do you get yourself all the way to the liquor store and you know get the barrel get home and still you know like think it's a good idea but it's just it goes completely beyond reason and it's so frustrating to not be able to us extremely rational person. I would say like. Oh you're very rich like to like rationalize this you know We'll just don't right like the key is that you don't drink right the ki as it were that easy then. No one would have any problems if the key is just. Don't do it right like and it just seems like. Oh it's like some sort of self control issue but it really seems to go beyond that. In a way that i'd just will never be able to comprehend what are like what are you gonna do. I think that's like the million dollar question and that's what makes the situation so hard because there's just really no right or wrong answer like people say like do whatever makes you feel good follow. Whatever you know is going to make you feel good and it's like none of the decisions are going to make me feel good. None of this like i just feel like i'm stuck in this damned if you do damned if you don't what are your options right now I think my options are to just keep going and not change anything And just keep hoping everyday that it happens. That it's the last time or i leave him and or something like in between it's always something in between our choices in life and love are just never as clear as we need them to be not when they're in the moment right now. Brian chelsea have broken up. Some you're cheering. Some view are doing. Some of you are the personification of a motor. Khan shar guy or the emoji. Grimace smile which i believe was modeled after me because this is such an impossible situation in so many ways
interview With June Ambrose
"Listen up. This is going to be such a fun. Episode of checking in with michelle williams. I've had a few moments with my guest. June ambrose as it relates to mental health and fashion and there was an episode that we filmed on his show she had on. Vh wild cod style. By june ambrose. I was so insecure. Because i was coming out of well. It'd been a few years. Since i was a solo artist. And no longer touring. They're singing with destiny's child. I was trying to find my style footing outside of the group. How was trying to refine. It actually couldn't refine it. Because i had to define it and june. Ambrose really really helped me with that. Will we found out that it was deeper than defining my fashion sense. We discovered so much fear in me of walking alone doing something by myself so she said to a place where it was a cia trap. He studio where i only thought that. If you're training for gymnastics or the circus that you should only be going to these types of places but going into that trap appease plays when you have to stand on the ledge. I literally burst out in tears. Because i had a revelation that i was scared to take the leap by myself. That was just a personal nugget. I'm just so thankful to june for helping me discover that once again at went beyond anything that she was going to put me in fashion wise. It went beyond anything that surge on the makeup artist was gonna do with my makeup. It went beyond any even. They dyed my hair but none of that mattered. If i was going to continue to walk around with so much fear hours just literally gonna look fierce and be fearful and wanna be fearful some just so thankful to june for helping me take that leap of faith. Now i want to welcome to my podcast. June ambrose and amazing style icon herself but she has made her clients to be celebrity style icons as well especially in the hip hop world for superstars like missy elliott and jay z. And so many more. She's also the creative director for the global brand puma. And when she's not on my podcast she's an n. b. man costume designer for some of the biggest music videos and tv shows. But let me tell you something. She's also just a fabulous friend wife and mother please welcome. I can call her my friend. Y'all please welcome june ambrose. How category. I absolutely absolutely. I really wanted to just speak on your joy. And also the psychology behind your styling. But as i was thinking of people to be on this podcast especially those that are walking their journey to have a better quality of mental health. As said june. Ambrose is always smiling. June ambrose is always full of joy and i was like i never see her in a bad mood and i just wanna know june. How do you keep your joy. It's really exhausting. To be sad it'd be sad instead of the other way around. Yeah like it's. I find that you know i. Smoke is joining that. Were on in life. The cycle we think it's as we're living but it's going very slow but it's actually going really. It's a short trip you know. We're lucky we get a hundred years. You know so. I tried to make everyday count. I try to even on my worst date on on our bed. Dang something happens that may be upsetting or disappointing. I know that it won't that you know there's always a tomorrow. Hopefully yeah if. I want there to be if there isn't gonna make this moment joyful. Yeah i just to tap. And i think since memories really help you to kind of stay happy you know when you tap back into those moments that joint like always tell people that hate taking photos if you feel awkward and uncomfortable in front of a camera tap into like sense memories and think about the feeling the emotion not about. What's in front of you but think about what's inside of you. You know that constant reminder that technique is something that takes practice so if you work on tapping into the joy. When you're in pain you'll be able to call on it even if it doesn't it doesn't sustain you for length of time. At least you know you have the ability to tap into a good feeling. You have that choice now. Some people struggle with not being able to tap into their joy. You know for for many reasons. But i recognize that is one of my superpower so i like to share it and it's just again. It's less exhausting. it's more fun being degi. Hear what she said. Did you get those nuggets. I mean because i feel like you were saying even if you are having a bad day you don't you're not gonna let it turn into your worst day and i also feel like if you're having a bad day some people will let everybody know around them that they're having a bad hair then you make everybody else have a bad day for michelle is kind of also you patient than than a man in space and i'm in creative space also working with celebrity talent and working with corporate big companies beauty brands in different scenarios and being on camera you after how to put that away and not bring that into the space right. So it's like you can't walk into a classroom day you know. You can't go on camera with a day. You have to find a way to pack away.
6 life lessons of 2020
"Hello sweet friends. Happy 2021 welcome into the new year. I don't know about you but this has felt like a more. I don't know that lackluster is the word i've just been really kinda like jello easing into the new year. I think that last year we had such kind of clear strong intentions and this year. We have so much humility about how little control we have. It is still a little bit hard to comprehend that. We are still in the midst of this pandemic and we still don't really know when the end is in sight and so i just i talk a lot in my goal planning. I have for years. I've taught this the content that eventually became the elegant excellence schools journal. I've used the phrase watercolor instead of sharpie for how we draw out our plans that it doesn't mean that we don't paint and vision cast and and hold the vision of the beautiful thing that we want to create but we do it with the humility of watercolors that it is not. We can't make a sharpie version of a ten year plan or one year plan or a three month plan or sometimes seven day. One week plan. That is never going to get off track when someone gets sick and there's a family emergency and you're feeling low energy and a new opportunity comes your way a myriad of different things that can happen so we've always known that was the case. I think we are just more faced with it than ever before and also i've really just been reflecting. I know we keep talking about what a big year. Twenty twenty was. But i've really spent some time thinking about. Why was it so powerful. So poignant so impactful what were the molting things that really many years from now we would reflect back on why this was just such a unique year so today i want to chat about six different things that i saw throughout this year in the conversations that you and i had specifically over on instagram stories where we talk the most openly the most vulnerable the most daily and the reporting things that came up that i saw us have new. Aha's are in our growth or change and just invite you to listen and ask yourself in each area. What did i learn for myself. What did change in this area and starting off with what might be a light area for some. It was a really powerful area for others. Which is where we live yo. There were so many people specifically in new york city where my husband and i live that left the city. I've had one of my best friends. One of my bridesmaids has been living with her parents for ten months. Another of my best friends live with their parents for four months. That is unprecedented. That is highly unique. We have a lot of us that maybe you moved. Maybe you had family move in or near you. Maybe you realized what you love about your home more than ever. You may have been more grateful for your home. you may have been more. You may have realized that you want different things in your home that your home is more important than you realized. Now that you were there More often maybe you realize you. It bothers you more at that. You don't live near to family when there are emergencies like this. You want to be physically closer you. I do think it made me feel more drawn towards wanting to be nearer to my family doesn't mean that we are moving to california ever or anytime soon but i did have more of a poll of that this year than ever before i also realized for myself that i love new york city even when i don't leave my apartment just the vibe of being in new york city and i've always said that i've always known because i've just never been that girl like i don't go to big restaurant openings. I'm not constantly at a broadway show but there's just something about being in the city and that was just amplified for me to say i don't. It's not about getting on the subway. It's not even going into manhattan. It's not leaving my neighborhood. But i just do have so much joy where i live. But i also was able to articulate in a previous podcast episode that identify vibe is what really matters to me and that can exist a lot of different places and that's been really helpful and informative as my husband. Jeremy and i have been having more conversations this year about our future and really kind of coming back to the the vied matters to us. What does that feel like. Look like where else could that exist. We love our life in new york city but we don't see ourselves living there long term. So what else might that look and feel like so. I'm curious for you. What did you learn about where you live. And is that going to change anything. Did it change meeting this year or might it change anything in the years to calm even if that is simply gratitude.
N.J. front line workers get second dose of COVID-19 vaccine
"New Jersey's first health care workers are beginning to get their second doses of the covert vaccine and SK Y W. Who's Mike DiNardo reports. The state says online appointments for the next vaccination group could be rolled out soon. New Jersey Health Commissioner Judy Pers Achilles said a state website may be ready in a couple of weeks to register vaccination appointments for the so called one B group. Likely essential workers and people over 75. She said. Vaccine supply is an issue as well as having enough qualified people to administer it per securely said the state had received 400,000 doses of the vaccine so far, and while 101,000 doses have been given, she said, the number is likely higher due to delays in reporting, especially at psychiatric hospitals. As for any lack of public confidence in the vaccine, the medical director for the state health Departments Communicable Diseases Service, Dr Ed Lifshitz, put it this way. In New Jersey. We've had about half a million cases of covert, with almost 20,000 deaths in the United States. We've given almost 10 times that number doses or over four million doses, with zero deaths from the vaccine. I certainly would take my odds with the vaccine over the virus any day of the week. Mike
Crisis response team answers 911 calls without armed police
"Crisis Group is working with police when it comes to handling mental health crises. CBS is Lilia Luciano Eugene, Oregon. When you call 911, you don't always get get the the police. police. It's It's a a mental mental health health crisis, crisis, You'll You'll get get two two hoots. hoots. All All right. right. For For more more than than 30 30 years. years. Cahoots, which stands for crisis assistance, helping out on the streets has been serving communities in central Oregon. There's a guy on river Road, which I think would benefit from having coach come visit him responding to 1/5 of all 911 calls with unarmed crisis workers and E M. T s instead of armed police officers. We respond in teams of two Tol non violent and non criminal crises.
Harness Light to Defeat the Winter Blues
"The winter blues can sap your energy disrupter sleep and destroy your concentration but turns out. There's a simple key a secret weapon if you will to defeating it and that's light. Welcome back to savvy psychologist. I'm your host. Dr wu and every week all help you meet. Life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear and zero judgment today. We're gonna talk about the magic of late for your mental health. Especially in the winter months winter can be beautiful time of holiday. cheer gorgeous. Snowshoes escapes and fun activities like sledding and skiing but even with all this fun. Some people can't help but experience. The winter blues their mood takes a dip in the fall and winter. Even when life is otherwise going well and for about three percent of people this mood downturn is so severe that they have something called seasonal affective disorder. They not only feel blue but they also experience loss of interest in things that they usually like unusual tiredness or sluggishness trouble sleeping a tendency to overeat and gain weight difficulty concentrating and thinking clearly and even feelings of hopelessness or sometimes even having suicidal thoughts. So why does this happen. And is there a way to beat these seasonal blues and seasonal depressive episodes. The secret might lie in light. That's right this free resource that comes from our son. Plants rely on soaking up light to make food and grow but it turns out that we animals need light to our biology is so wrapped up late. That are metabolism mood. Thinking are all affected. So here's some things to know about. Why light is important for mental health and how to harness it for better health and happiness especially in the winter months first thing to know. Is that our mood is intimately tied to light the winter blues and seasonal affective disorder. Don't just happen to people because they don't like winter. There's actually a biological reason for winter. Depression and here's a clue. The people most susceptible to winter induced depression are those living far from the equator. And that's because living. Farther away from the equator means you get even fewer daylight hours in the wintertime and because there's less daylight during fall and winter. The body's circadian rhythm gets disrupted. Late is the single most powerful factor in tuning the spotty clock and with less and less of it as we move from fall to winter the body's natural rhythms can become less robust. So that's bad news for your mood. Metabolism cognitive functioning and many other body systems that play a role in depression. It's also possible that less sunlight leads to a drop in serotonin of brain chemical that's for regulating moot. So the good news. And that's the next thing to know. Is that by artificially adding light to our lives. We can actually combat the winter blues. Numerous studies have shown that something as simple as using light box can decrease symptoms of seasonal affective disorder. Ideally you want a full spectrum light source such as the light box designed for this treatment by even a very bright ball from the hardware store can help so. The standard treatment involves using the light for about thirty minutes each morning if it has a brightness level of about ten thousand lux or for about one to two hours if it has a brightness level of twenty five hundred bucks for comparison ten thousand locks is on the low end of ambient daylight whereas an overcast. Day is about one thousand bucks to avoid hurting. Your eyes don't stare directly into the lake instead. Have it off set about thirty degrees from gays and about two feet away. You can have your breakfast check email or enjoy morning. Podcast like the savvy psychologist. Perhaps while you have your box on bright light therapy improves your mood. By regulating your circadian rhythms and increasing serotonin. What's especially great about this treatment. Is that it can be easily combined with medications or other treatments without interfering or introducing side effects. There are studies showing that bright light. Therapy can be combined with taking an antidepressant for an extra boost. Even people with year round depression. We talked already. About how bright light can improve your mood and decrease symptoms of seasonal affective disorder and also just general depression year round. Now let's talk about how it not only helps with the winter blues but also would sleep and daytime fatigue so when it comes to sleep bright light. Therapy may have an even more direct effect often. Those with depression especially seasonal depression also have later krono types meaning that they are biologically wired to want to sleep and wake later than the average person this means. They're dealing with a double whammy during winter. They have both a depressed mood and a harder time getting in the morning. Luckily doing bright light therapy first thing in the morning can help to shift night. Owls biological clocks earlier improving how they sleep at night. And how alert and refresh. They feel in the morning.
Mental health mailbag with Dr. Sarah Jukaku
"My guest today is the one and only doctor sarraj mkaku. She is a psychiatrist who specializes in mental health among young people and in college mental health. She's also my wife of fourteen plus years my best friend. Thanks for doing the show. Fatemi again all right so today's episode is we're gonna focus on some questions from listeners like you this has been a challenging year obviously because of the pandemic and also the challenging political year. And then the fact that you know we are going into a holiday season that already is the source of a lot of anxiety for a lot of folks without our loved ones and so we want to answer some of your questions. So the first question is from grant vice. You have graduating medical students entering residency in these wild times. How should we mentally prepare. Hi grant thanks for your question. I think dealing with death as a physician is a totally different experience. I still remember the first death. I had to quote unquote call when i was a resident on my medicine rotation and it's kind of something that stays with you forever. Mean what i would say. In general as part of preparing for residency is trying to figure out. What are the things that make you feel whole and healthy and keeping a plan of trying to engage in at least the bare minimum so for some people that might be exercised that might be keeping in touch with loved ones. It's going to be extra stressful for you at this time because not only are you starting as resident but obviously we're in a global pandemic and that's going to be much more stress and i think it's already a good sign that you're thinking about this beforehand but trying to find out what your program offers and what resources you'll get as a resident and access to therapy or even just group kind of support sessions with your co residents leaning on each other. I think is important and if you need more help than that finding an individual therapist and other treatments specific to you and not feeling embarrassed to engage in that because this is a wild time like you said it's important to take those steps preventatively. Only i'll add grant is it's worth before you go into the thing knowing that you're gonna go into really hard asking. What are those things you want. You wanna keep a part of your life and trying your hardest within the context of a really crazy schedule to try and keep those things because they sent her yuda to who. You are caroline. Mom was originally going to fly from chicago to denver to see me for christmas. I told her we would be doing a virtual christmas instead now. She won't speak to me in thinks i'm overreacting giving into irrational fear quote unquote. She hasn't really been taking it seriously. From the beginning despite her being on immunosuppressants any advice on how to help understand that this was necessary. Not worth the risk in in her best interest. So i think this is a tough situation and i think there are a lot of people going through this and you know i don't. Nb that conversation. But at the same time the advice that i often give a lot of people are my patients is that sometimes it's easier to just kind of cut through it all and talk to someone's feelings rather than the specifics of the situation so i would personally approach it from more of a perspective of seeing that like this really sucks for your mom and you would rather be with her in you hear that you know she's gonna miss having her daughter there and it's going to be lonely in. It's not going to be the same christmas and that you know you're really sad about it too and you wish were different and that you get her perspective but that you know you really do love her. And this is why you're not coming and i think that would be better than getting into the nitty gritty about the pandemic itself. Because i think there are people who are you. Know hondo in denial but a lot of that is because it's painful to you know face that fear of oh i'm one of those people whose high risk and i'm the one that everyone's kind of putting restrictions on the most so that's what i would say. I agree with that. So i think the ability to to ask why she's behaving this way not just to try and rebut her feelings. I think is really important here and you know when we talk about irrationally right. Obviously she saying you're being irrational. We all know the facts that she's being rational but you know sometimes the thing we have to remember that people aren't rational. People are extremely complex and very emotional. And sometimes their emotions don't translate directly in so her being cavalier about. This may actually be a lot more about an underlying fear that she has so being able to dignify that fear and also being able to remind her. That's really love her and that you wish you could be with her and that you're doing all this so that you can be together next year i think is really important than And so i say don't give into the instinct to try and prove her wrong That usually doesn't help.
"Open. Compensation is relaxing for people and it gives them an opportunity to open up if they're ready for it and if they're not then you just carry on and have a lot you normally would absolutely. We've had a few messages from government and various charges. While haven't we about to reaching out to friends i guess. Do you have any sort of top tips on how to do that. And also had to just start conversations. And and i think we'll see this kind of to maybe some confusion about like how much we should be doing it like. Should we be checking on like would offer ends up what we should be doing ready. Yeah we'll everyone's different. Everyone's going to have their own needs on they and they're going to change on a regular basis. Somebody this week might having a good week next week. Might not be having a good week. And i don't think that we should feel pressured into having any compensation the toll of filler responsibility for somebody else. I think it's more a matter. Ruth of just letting people know that you'll there for them and the if they are having a bit of a tough time it's absolutely fine them to pick up the phone to you and the same vice versa. Be good day today but tomorrow might be entirely different so we is about all being their free each other. And i also think we shouldn't put pressure on the conversation itself that we talk about mental health compensations. And i'm what showed us the right phrase. I think is about general well-being mental wellbeing and there's lots of evidence to show the just having a chat to somebody don't need to be going to detail just to chat about how you're feeling could be a weighty postive thing to do because it gives a bit of perspective to the feelings that you might be having in the moment and we know that the more people don't express their feelings the more serious bottled up they could become not convene lead to further problems down the line so we strongly encourage people even if it feels a bit silly talk before it becomes a problem. Basically is what we we likes. Encourage people to to think some of the nicest chats that i've had to develop down have just been lighthearted lighthearted ones with friends that haven't seen in a long time. I'm just reminiscing about the sort of things and having a bit of allow rather than necessarily than told me about serious mental health stuff. Because i think just for me. Just having those connections in those chaps has overseen been good former mental health because it just takes your mind off will stuff going on net and already that. What you said is well about sued. If i guess it's that thing. We subscribe outsourcing out your own I if you'll feeding to like you don't have maybe the strength for big long chat like that with a friend in a not feeding. Might you have to reach out if you're not ready to yourself if that makes sense 'cause i think some people have seen that. The app may be the advocate for various things from the government. Though you know. I just don't have the election capacity of reading. Support someone exactly. I don't mean we're going through the most extraordinary time out. We and i think a lot of us who've always felt ourselves to be perfectly k may for the first time ever experienced the feeling is unsettling and that can be quite scary and increasing. Zoology particularly if we don't know quite how to see which would actually is for us. So i think a lot of people would have had that for the first time ever over this last year and opening up as when you need to were hearing it. Reflect back to you by somebody that you you trust. it's one of the things that works very well about martin's is it. You can phone us up and just offload. If it's like a bad day. If you you you had called you know all the little things that might be heightened the moment because everything feels slightly heightened yet just we need to cough rossel's much as we need to look after the people around us and i are all things that you can be to the cost yourself and that often very very simple things again. It's not trying to kind of change your whole world in a moment. It will so everything in the moment. it's about just taking but a timeout lace things that we talk about the cooking the gardening going for wo walk listening to music. Whatever takes the pressure off you and gives you a little time for yourself is absolutely the rising a. I'm so glad to go to to chat to you because the smarten. You must've been experts in terms of having those difficult conversations but also then Decompressing off these conversations. 'cause you can imagine some people might be reaching out to friends and then building good sort of connections again but maybe they might be having difficult conversations but then nine what to do without them selves if if that makes sense Do you have any thoughts on that yet. Definition not swear. That's why we encourage people to to phone asses. Well because sometimes you don't feel that comfortable opening up again and again to a family member or friend you want you to take that away from that relationship and so you can. You can give that to us in a sense And we spend a lot of thomas samaritans looking after each other with volunteers so that we never feel the conduct any kind of bird and with that conversation being owned by us so often every call the we take we will debris for the fellow volunteer or one of our leaders so that we definitely that decompression we spend a lot of time drinking tea and eating biscuits as well To give ourselves break to step back from a cool or an email. Maybe we've been on seraing before we go back to
Update: Chelsea from Forever Alone?
"A real tough question. Checkout help a human out wherever you find podcast. Ooh i'm nora mcnerney and this is terrible. Thanks for asking if you have not yet listened to the two episodes called forever alone. Stop right now because this episode is filled with spoilers. You're going to scroll back. When we're numbering episodes they were upset. Fifteen and sixteen th if you have listened to those episodes. I know you've been wondering. I knew you've possibly even messaged me about this on instagram. What happened what happened with brian chelsea. How is chelsea truly aside from being asked about my lip color. That is the question that people. I believe asked me most online. And we've been making the show for several years now and we haven't made update episodes about past guests now because we don't want to where we barely be like had the capacity to make the episodes that we make a let alone like go back and follow up with people so it's partially a capacity issue and then also partially that it's just a lot to ask someone to be like. Hey look you already. Did this deeply emotional and a truly vulnerable thing that were vulnerable. I sort of struggle with ex mike. It's kind of like when those words like if you use it. And i think you are it anyways. It's like you've you've done this incredibly sort of tender thing and now do you want to do it again. You know. it's just a lot but chelsea's my friends. I was okay doing it. Although it took me a long time. A little context about the forever alone episodes. It was going to be one episode telling the story of my friend chelsea because like many women who've straight female friends. I have a lot of amazing single female friends Friends where you're like. What why is she. Single truly one hundred percent of my husband's two out of two have been like chelsea's great. She's amazing she's the best she's cute she's smart. She's funny and like okay. Like you already major choice. You already made this bed. You gotta lay in it. But that's how i felt of chelsea. That's how i always felt about her. I met her. When i was in my mid twenty s. She's a couple years younger than me and the last long term relationship that she had had was in her teenage years and throughout our friendship. She'd like a couple of days his like she'd be really excited about some of the be really enduring. Then it's over. And i hate it because i love her. I want her to get whatever she wants. I wanted to just do an episode about that feeling that so many of us have had before that. There's just nobody out there for you and what that does to a person cell we do this interview and you know maybe in the back of my mind because i am a mettler. I secretly hoped someone would hear it and be like wait. I love chelsea. And i would be the podcast. Matchmaker of nobody's dreams so we start making that first episode and then i do metal meadow. I had somewhat recently been partnered up again matthew. My current husband and he came with a whole new group of people that included single men the decent single men for the first time in a long time kind of a lot of them. So i'm like surveying his friends. They're all hot. they're all interesting and one of them was named brian and he was am band with matthew and that band played in our basement every sunday. So one sunday just casually invite chelsea over. When i know the band is playing that a casualty. I'm just making great dinner. Which i never do and then i casually invite only chelsea brian to stay for dinner and then bam. They're dating they're together. I am the matchmaker of nobody streams brian when he and chelsea met he was recovering from alcohol addiction and he had been sober for a while and then he was not soper and the alcohol in their relationship into a throttle and as much as i wanted to be the world's best matchmaker it was not working. It was really hard on both of them. They loved each other but it was also so hard it was agonizing this tape from the end of that second episode I mean. I think it's hard because i i hear a lot of people will say like. Oh i just don't have time for that like i just wouldn't have any patients with that. That does seem to put the addiction into a category of it being irrational behavior on the addicts part and by that you mean a rational a rational rat irrational. Yeah because it is completely irrational. And i think that that's why people that don't suffer from addiction get so frustrated because we see whether it's you know an alcoholic in my case or you know anyone with any sort of addiction like how do you get yourself all the way to the liquor store and you know get the barrel get home and still you know like think it's a good idea but it's just it goes completely beyond reason and it's so frustrating to not be able to us extremely rational person. I would say like. Oh you're very rich like to like rationalize this you know We'll just don't right like the key is that you don't drink right the ki as it were that easy then. No one would have any problems if the key is just. Don't do it right like and it just seems like. Oh it's like some sort of self control issue but it really seems to go beyond that. In a way that i'd just will never be able to comprehend what are like what are you gonna do. I think that's like the million dollar question and that's what makes the situation so hard because there's just really no right or wrong answer like people say like do whatever makes you feel good follow. Whatever you know is going to make you feel good and it's like none of the decisions are going to make me feel good. None of this like i just feel like i'm stuck in this damned if you do damned if you don't what are your options right now I think my options are to just keep going and not change anything And just keep hoping everyday that it happens. That it's the last time or i leave him and or something like in
How to Deal with Dissociation
"Hanson. If you're new to the podcast this is where we explore the practical science of lasting wellbeing. And if you've listened before welcome back when we're presented with challenging circumstances. It's really very natural for us to cope with them through a wide variety of behaviors. Many of these behaviors are pretty healthy like caring for ourselves by taking a break going for a walk or talking things over with a loved one. Some of them are abed. Less healthy like excessive or problematic forms of substance abuse. Many of these coping behaviors have both positive and problematic aspects. And today. we're going to be exploring one of the most common of these dissociation to help us do that. I'm joined today as usual by dr hanson. So dad how are you doing today. I'm doing very well actually. And as always i am so deeply glad to be associated to you. We'll thank you dad. I appreciate that. I am also very grateful to be associated with you associated to this moment this experience of the broadcast a lavar fantastic listeners that we are very very grateful for so before we get into our conversation here just a quick reminder. If you've been listening to and enjoying the podcast please subscribe to it through the platform of your choice or pay. Maybe even leave a rating and a positive review or hey maybe even tell a friend about it. It's one of the best ways for us to reach more people and we really do appreciate it. Also you can find us on social media. Were at being while podcast on instagram. Where i post pretty regularly and you can also find. Rick and my is personal account on instagram. In addition to accounts on facebook and twitter. And kind of all the things you'd expect so all that said here we go talking for a moment. A little bit about dissociation. If you're not familiar with that it's a normal for people to have a relatively continuous experience of what's going on around them. You can call it reality. You can call it your sense of self. You can call it ear experiencing whatever use. This normally happens so seamlessly that we usually aren't even aware of so outs normal for a sense of self to like grow and change over time. We develop different ways. There's usually some pretty continuous sense of who you are. That extends into the past and normally a largely unbroken line and much the same way are automatic functions like our senses and our memory can create a pretty continuous experience of the world around us right now when this automatic process breaks down. That's what we refer to as dissociation so would that kind of context for what we're talking about. Dad how would you describe dissociation to people. I thought your setup there was really great and speaking a little bit in the language of clinical psychology to build on what you said as you put it. Healthy functioning involves a continuous real time associated to both the external environment and to the inner world including much sense of the layers or dabs of the inner world. Or all that tracks. I think of experience has like a song with five major tracks to it. So there's the perception track of particularly body sensations then there's arguably the thought track including non verbal industry not just verbal activity. There's the thought track then. We have the emotion track. The third track passing feelings persistent moods included then. We have the desire track longings wishes plants intentions motivations aspirations purposes etcetera etcetera. Had then last we have the action track the felt sense in the body of action including the action of how. You're assuming a posture here facial expressions or more active forms of action such as reaching for a cup right so normally associated to all that. When we disassociate i think could be usefully understood almost like three degrees or steps of dissociation. I completely normal. You're driving along and you realize that you've gone by the three way accident. 'cause you were rock into that song or solving some problem or rehashing. An argument with your wife like me for something like that okay.
Move More... But for the Right Reasons
"Of moving. Your body should be a really good new year's happiness goal. Most research shows that exercise makes us feel good. In fact one study showed that a half hour of cardio a day could be as effective for reducing symptoms of depression as taking an antidepressant medication. So i should applaud. The fact about half of us intend to exercise more in the new year. The problem is i worry. We're kind of not doing it right for many of us hitting the gym is in about enjoying ourselves. We're feeling better. It's about looking better. It's about not really liking our bodies and trying to get them to look like the ones we see on instagram. But could there be a more compassionate. More happiness inducing way to get our bodies moving and one that could help us achieve a bigger wellbeing boost than we think. Of course. there is so if you're ready to learn how to be happier through movement. Then join me dr lori centers for this final episode of I think that there was a time that i did really enjoy meant. This is another one of my heroes justin stanley. I used to love just like running around the yard run a lap in asked my mom's me just so that i can know fast i am or like i would just try to turn cartwheel's just because i can just men's childlike. Love of moving. Her body was pretty short. Lived because like me just grew up as a chubby kid. Or she puts even more bluntly in her book. Every body yoga a fat occasionally smelly supremely awkward weirdo. Just quickly learn to fear all things fitness like gym class and that awful lineup. Where you get picked for dodgeball teams and that trauma inducing eight year old rite of passage of situps pushups and sprints the presidential fitness test Review did this test. Great school. But i remember. The a component of the presidential fitness test was running a mile. And i was the very last person in my class to the point. Where if memory serves like either one of the other kids in my class or the teacher came back to join me. And i was so mortified and i thought so totally insufficient in that directly impacted me never wanting to do sports at how i used to on the way to feel day in school like try to look for holes in the ground so that i turn my angle in a whole so that i could claim that like erma angola and now i can't deal like i'm went out of my way to not do this exercise as much as possible because i was so worried about keeping up with other people in really just at a bare level being good enough and hating your body when it came kind of gym class in the presidential fitness contests that was part and parcel of not liking aspects of your body and your identity. Generally when you're growing up right exactly. I definitely felt as though i was insufficient. That as a fat black woman i didn't see anal representation of my body at all. My body was not a punchline. And this is era of leg. Jennifer love hewitt to an christina aguilera the olsen twins definitely this very pervasive idea the being small bodied small featured having a blond hair brunette hair basically just having really straight hair was very important but certainly not having dark skinned big lips really kinky hair. None of those bodies represented in so i just felt there was something fundamentally wrong with me and honestly i felt as though there will always be something fundamentally wrong with me then really even if i lose weight those changes would never be enough because i just fundamentally was not good enough. Even if you weren't a fat kid you may be able to relate to the sort of low grade self hatred just talking about that deep sense that. There's something bad about you that you need to fix. We feel deep down. That will only be happy. Once we've lifted enough weights or run enough miles to get that new idealized body but all of that is ally that your mind tells you. And that's the important lesson that gentleman stanley learned when she now to millions of people around the world her early forays into the world of fitness involved. All the body hating that many of us are feeling when we make that exercise more new year's resolution but she was able to break free from all the body shaming in a way that transformed her career and her overall wellbeing. But as you'll hear her journey wasn't a quick one minute. Their first yoga class was when i was in high school. My aunt at the time was obsessed with beacon yoga. Which is a style hot yoga. Were you've practiced twenty six at the same yoga postures over a ninety minute period. Jessica tracy was the epitome of ninety s glamour. She was tall and beautiful. And everything teenage gentleman thought. She wanted to be so despite her reservations. Jessop joined her on for that. I ever yoga class. I remember it like it was yesterday. I went into the studio and it is extremely hot. It's like somewhere between one hundred two hundred four degrees depending on house. The district teachers immediately.
Feel-Good Habits | Rosie Green
"She's back on the. I'm back here. I'm so excited. I wish i was sitting next to you anyway. This will have to do. I wish i had made a little less to be on the sofa. Sushi so lovely view. And i still felt so broken at that stage and you did. You might a little next with sushi. And i kind of driven to see you and you know honestly beckham. those times. I feel so grateful. Well you're back on the poco so the last time you came on you talked very openly and frankly about divorce because that's you going through at the time and it's actually really interesting to say you broken then because we have a conversation about how it had broken you idiots obviously not that lingers but it's it can be very long process the the break the broken us. Yeah and it's interesting. I think that's the natural human spirit is your affect. I'm not there. You know where i was like a year ago was six months ago and i just to caroline bonds make and she's an i remember. I wrote a piece for red. Just like maybe six months after the split and to accompany i had some pictures taken and she came to do my makeup. Oh those nice pages. I mean hello. I'm loving up. And she said he would trembling. So i thought i was. I thought i was so coming out. It should you physically trembling and it's true. I remember shaking for by year on no anyway shaky. Now that's good you know shaking now and it's been it's obviously i'm you'll mate way friends. It's been horrible. You go through that. But it's also been lovely recently to see the blossoming and i remember when we spoke when you came here and i made the nest and we have to see she. We spoke about the fact. Do you think that you'll look back and think. Actually this is a really wonderful thing that happened because my life. I'm really. I think i'm happy now. I would have if it of not cool. So i'm gonna put that question again. Well you know speaking to the the the mazing By when you know who who makes one who will teenage boys watching her life anyway She's a brilliantly funny amazing person and has written this book and i interview to flora and we talked about my situation she said it in our shacks among they'll get attempts to issues like eight sa- gave like and start to see that it. It's interesting i mean that's still have sadnesses of For the kids. I'm kind of sad for that. Life i would have had but then i can also see the total joy and i do feel i mean it sounds a bit so of american but i feel much more fantastic to myself like i fill up my writings more authentic. Feel like i'm phil. Failing all the fails it's kinda is a period of intensity. The actually is so energizing. Which is amazing so kind of swaggie dot with you know that sort of comfort blanket not make me. I can't even remember how. I used to feel really though i saw a fairly so roller coaster emotions all the time at the moment. But i do. I do feel energized and do very hopeful and just for listeners. He's running. Can we just talk about what the time line is. Actually people thinking. Oh that's how she feels now. How long ago was it that she broke up with. I guess so i So bit background was the i was married for fifteen years together with my husband twenty six and we have this kind of perfect picket fence life. Didn't we really know we talked about ready to low. I was always very honest about how it was perfectly imperfect. Now call whistle. Held together with raisins was just like you know actually so the other day they said i repeat raunchy about how he was so busy that you'd never had time to adjust your bra straps and i was like that's chain as soon as the kind of life young children. They like tackle imploded in summer of two thousand eighteen when my exit just being the sole super steady moral you know just kind of not dangerous as as you say. Just kind of suddenly wanted out behaved in the way. I just didn't think he would you know. And so yeah. It was really shocking. And and so then there was about six months of your back and forth and then then on this kind of journey from heartbreak to hockey. The name of the book is not this cold house. Broken heart operates. Happy became so hashtag. Mind as well as from snot to halt. Which i kind of prefer so actually. This is why you are perfect. S feel habits because this you in the loss two and a half years have had to dig really for king deep to find a sense of self a sense of just okay just like today. I'm gonna get through it. And so that's why i'm rooney intrigued to hear what you'll feel. Good habits all that you're going to share with almost excellent. Oh i'm loving your way. Sexless isn't actually last time. I had so much amazing response from people you know and this is one of my feel good habits but you know the idea of helping people just kind of helps you as well doesn't it was. It was amazing. The response last time and i think another thing to say how valuable failed. Good habits are like the company even realized that before. That's against the just like trundled through life. It didn't really about the next thing the next house the next job the next you know. And actually that kind of thing like we'll surely being happy and content and feeling grateful and all those things are kind of what makes life rather than you know. Your mobile kitchen work talk and then missile was the next thing anyway so i i think what was so. We had our brilliant listed way. And i am i guess the most well maybe the first woman each talk about my dog when we talk about me and the kids talk about two thousand twenty vega pretty shy year we let s the year. We got pixie and Pixie i want to steal the elsewhere that my son wanted to call it chelsea. Because that's his favorite football team and cardmember what by jocelyn scholar. I was in the ven diagram. The woman degree of and i was really nervous. Spot it because i just though. Oh it's gonna take away so much free to my knew. The kids wouldn't This stuff an actually she she was. She came by a friend in the village. And obviously the love and affection and the some funny. And i just i mean she's lying on my bed now because it's like having a child she's in another room she'll cry and it's life changing radius life. Changing and i realized for lots of people is not possible. And i didn't think it was for me because my mom's allergic to dogs but she's hypoallergenic and she doesn't seem to have triggered her
Making the decisions that help you prevent overwhelm
"Name is paul kalyani. And i'm here to help you. Increase your emotional intelligence so that you can avoid dysfunction handle toxic situations with grace and ease and show up as your authentic self. Everything i talk about on this show is. My personal opinion is meant for information on educational purposes only always consult a medical or psychological professional before making any changes that could affect your physical or mental health. Right to talk about a couple of things today. One of them has to do with my book called the overwhelmed. Brain personal growth for critical thinkers. I wrote that back in twenty s. Seventeen twenty sixteen twenty seventeen and when i wrote it it was supposed to be about. I talked about on this show. I mean i can't really say. I talked about everything that i talk about in the show in the book but when the publisher reached out to me they told me to write a book based on this show. So i wrote the book i wrote about boundaries i wrote about our world about self esteem and self worth and honor yourself in relationships emotional intelligence in so many words but may not have used those words and That's pretty much the What i wanna talk about the gist of what i want to talk about regarding my book because i had a couple people leave reviews for that book that said this really isn't about being overwhelmed and it's really not about critical thinking so these reviews came in there. They weren't bad reviews. They were just like average three out of five stars. I had a lot of five star reviews. Which i'm very grateful for but the people that bought the book that may not have ever heard the show have no clue who i am. They bought the book thinking. Oh good i'm gonna get out of my overwhelmed brain and i'm a critical thinker. So this'll be the perfect book for me. So i wrote this book. Based on what i talk about in the show and i think may have inadvertently deceived some people who bought the book because they thought it was about Being overwhelmed and technically it is it is really all about being overwhelmed and it is really all about critical thinking but i don't present the material in a way that says if you are overwhelmed do this in fact i rarely do that directly but i almost always do it indirectly and what i mean by that is if you came to me and you said hey paul overwhelmed what do i do i could say. Okay just breathe. Now take the very first thing off your list and do that i. That is very practical. Very basic common information. You know when you're overwhelmed. You take one thing out of the pile of stuff that you had to do in do that. Take a small thing. Take a big thing. Well small things better take a small thing. Make that happen. And then you'll have it off your plate and you'll be point zero zero one percent less overwhelmed. I think that's good advice do that myself. There's a lot of stuff from white play. And i know i can't handle also what i'll do is just take one thing and finish that one thing follow one course until success that acronym from jim rohn focus following course until success so i focus on that one thing and i'm done well i may not be done for a day or two or week but i finally get it done. It's off my list. It's the same thing. The daveramsey talks about on his financial. Show the debt snowball effect. You have a bunch of bills. You take the smallest bill. You pay that off. I and what you have. Leftover you put into the next bill. Which is a little bit higher than the smallest bill so you keep going up to the bigger and bigger bills and you keep wiping out the smallest bills until all you have left are the biggest ones and finally the big one and you have so much money to put towards that big one and then you're outta debt. I just love that. Concept works in so many other areas of life. So there's a lot you can do with that philosophy. And i use it when i'm talking about overwhelmed as well but again if you came to me in new said paul. I'm in overwhelm. what should i do. I could answer you directly. And i could give you that advice and it could be advised that you could use for the rest of your life and be happy with but i tend not to be so direct not because i can't be and not because i don't think you can handle it. I mean i think what i'm saying. Is that there are other ways to approach something that will probably be more valuable to you and be longer lasting and deeper ingrained in you to the point where you never get into overwhelm in the first place. That would mean that you would never have to come to someone and say i'm an overrun. What do i do because you wouldn't have gotten into overwhelm in the first place. And that's what my book not that. I'm trying to sell it to you right now. Just telling you. This is why i wrote. My book is because i want to ingrain these foundational principles into your brain into your world so that when you make decisions. They don't lead to overwhelm. That is the gist of my show. Everything i talk about. Keeps you out of overwhelm. If you're willing to take the steps that are required that will empower you so that you don't get into any type of Stressful situation in the future. It's impossible to avoid all stressful situations. Of course but using the steps that i talk about in this show in my book and other content that i create my ultimate goal for you is to avoid those situations completely by making the right decisions in the first place. That is the entire of my show. That is the entire gist of my book. And all the other content that i create if you can avoid all of that stuff ahead of time by making right decisions for you then that stuff never comes up. Not that you shouldn't be prepared for that stuff and not that you can always avoid it. It's just a matter of making decisions that work for you now. So that they don't compound and build up into bigger harder decisions later that you have to take harder steps to fix or the challenges get bigger the longer things go on while you're making decisions that aren't beneficial to you or resourceful. For example in unhealthy are toxic. Relationship is not beneficial to you but if you could have made decisions to avoid the relationship or make decisions that you were able to respond in a healthy way to toxic behavior that protected you that showed somebody else your boundaries that said this is not allowable so i'm not going to continue to tolerate it. Then perhaps the relationship could have evolved into something else or perhaps the relationship could have ended. Maybe should have ended the stuff i talk about. Prepares you so that you don't get into deeper commitments with things and people and relationships that don't serve you if you started a job and in the first week of the job you realized oh this job is not only terrible but they treat me badly and the pay is terrible and i don't like going there and i hate the commute. All of these things. Add up but your last comment is. But i need the money.
Is a plant-based diet the 'best' diet for health?
"Now if you're listening to this episode when it goes live which is the end of january twenty twenty one. Then he will. No doubt have spent the last few weeks being inundated with messaging about january. And all the trappings that go without honestly. I've had on social media. I've had it for my online shopping. Sources i've been targeted for various vegan delivery boxes and all sorts. It's been quite a largely recently and the has definitely been a shift towards veganism and or a more plant based way of eating because more and more research into its benefit show persuasive results in ever since i started compensations last year with dr auditor and dr doughty. I've been thinking myself about just making more of my meals plant based because they say the benefits are so many varied in. Tj's work because an elite sports nutritionist. Though he is seen it improve not just how people feel generally but he's seen it improve people's physical performance and their recovery. However let's just be very honest about something. Begin gets a bad rap. There's that old joke. How do you know if someone's a vegan don't worry they'll tell you and that goes hand in hand with this idea that making this kind of diet. Reshift is really complicated. Takes a lot of effort and planning and is more faster than a pleasure. Tj is a sports nutritionist. He works with professional sports people. He makes a very good case. For the fact that every obstacle you think stands between you and veganism or plant based diet is actually a bit of a nonsense and easily overcome in fact as you'll hear in this episode everytime i bring one of those obstacles uproar share criticism. He's very quickly able to immediately squash them. It's you know there's an answer for everything and it's so good to speak to somebody. He actually lives it himself but also help other people apply it and actually is not typical is really easy. Perhaps his best response to the criticisms and all of the sort of misinformation out there about this kind of diet though in this kind of lifestyle is his book the plant based power plan which i was very lucky to get a copy of before it went on sale and is a very comprehensive. A very practical guide for the maximizing your physical performance in recovery. So if that's very much your the front of your mind about how you want to feel whether you're particularly active and you want to improve your active performance your sports performance for example but also about tweaking your nutrition to make sure you're getting enough energy whatever you're doing but perhaps one of the things that is most useful as tj who is also a chef. Has shed thirty nutrient rich recipes. So you're not trying to kind of learning the principles and the science which there was a lot trust me as a whole section in the book just about how to read and understand the clinical data and how to no information out. There is really helpful. Information out there was just kind of marketing. Nonsense it's really really useful and if you sometimes think well i kind of get being naba. Where do i start. this book. also contains proven recipes that op delicious nutrient rich and will really help you feel great so in this episode. Tj and discuss what the differences between b. being vegan and plant based. Because you will notice. I've used the terms interchangeably. Because i kind of thought they were the same thing but they were actually as a difference also how to discern what information is accurate and what might be marketing blurb or not entirely true. Why plant based diet doesn't mean you'll miss out on key nutrients why cutting meat out of your weight. Menial missing protein. That is one of the biggest questions that i know. Tj gets when mentioned to friends that. I was speaking to a vegan nutritionist. I said what about protein. You will not struggle to find elsewhere. And he explains why the health benefits of eating plant based diet both on cardiovascular health an the overall risk that has on other chronic conditions the reduction in risk it has on other chronic conditions. I should say the data is really quite convincing an overwhelmingly it favors being plant based and then all say why plant based diet can have such a positive effect on how you feel and so much more. You will be very quick to understand that. Tj's understanding of veganism and the work he's done in. Veganism and plot based diet is very in depth. There's a lot of science of the little data so this isn't just somebody who has a few recipes. this is someone who's done a deep dive and research and also applies it to his own life but helps other people to use in their own life to increase their physical performance. And as i said the physical recovery which i think we often forget talk about rest and recovery and actually our diet can we without too so the links to tj. His book is social media. And everything discussed in this episode can be found in the show notes which can be found wherever it is that you streaming and downloading this episode. But without any further ado here. Here's tj waterfall
Be Mighty with Jill A. Stoddard PhD
"Dr jill stoddart's be mighty leads you on a bold quest to gain a deeper understanding of your anxiety by exploring your own or story how your early experiences led to thoughts and behaviors then may have offered comfort and protection at one time but are now keeping you from living your best life. After reading this fabulous. You'll learn to respond to present-day triggers in a new way making choices from a more conscious values driven. Place jill a stoddard. Phd is founder and director of the center for stress. Anxiety management a multi site outpatient clinic in san diego california. She specializes in acceptance and commitment therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety and related issues. She lives in san diego with her husband to kids and two french bulldogs. Welcome to anxiety slayer jill i shan. Thank you so much for having me so happy to be here. It's a pleasure. And congratulations on the success of your latest book. Be mighty what a fabulous book. And i know that you reached out to us quite some time ago to to get on and i'm and i'm glad you're here. It took us a little while but were here in. Your book is still out there and doing so well. So many great reviews. Yes and actually. It's great timing because the book just past her first birthday. Yeah be a celebration of about a year ago. I had the pleasure of speaking with dr steven hayes and he told me that that time that he pioneered act to help people with mental health issues feel fully think freely and live lives that reflect the qualities they choose and i'd like to begin our conversation with you sharing with us. How act can support women who often struggle with anxiety. Health things -iety in anxiety attacks. Yeah well act is a little different from some of the traditional ways. We go about attacking anxiety in that. The main goal of act is about developing psychological flexibility. And so this is really tuning in to the life you want and the person you want to be and showing up in doing what matters no matter what so. We often get caught in a trap where we do this waiting until thing you know like oh you know maybe i have a huge dream so i'll give you a personal example. I had a really big dream of doing a fedex. Talk one day and an opportunity arose to be able to do that. And i was terrified. I mean can feel my anxiety rising right now just talking about what we often do is say well i just i just need a little more expertise and i just need a little more practice and once i get my anxiety under control and i feel more confident and less insecure. Then i'll go ahead and do this. And what act is all about is becoming an observer of all those thoughts and feelings that we often get really hooked by and sort of we allow those thoughts and feelings to dictate our choices rather than letting what's important to us lead the way. The thing about doing what matters is it's going to come with anxiety because if it didn't matter you wouldn't care. Oh so well said. I used to do a lot of speaking an moved away from it moved into other areas of interest. But oh my goodness the number i would do on myself before speaking and i was very good very well prepared new speaking about once you got me on stage there is no turning me off. You couldn't shut me up right. But what i put myself through before it was something else and over time over practice and everything that lightened up but there was still that My my speaking coach would say try and take that anxiety and turn it into excitement and some days. I could do that and other days. It was just a matter of forcing myself really to just do it right. And and i think you know the all gets a little bit confusing for human beings because sometimes when we feel panicky when we feel fear it's because we're endanger our body is saying you need to fight or flee if you're going to be safe but sometimes were having those feelings and it's you know it's a false alarm. It's a perception of danger when it's not really dangerous or what it is it's a quote unquote social danger that you know when you're public speaking you care that people think your competence and interesting that you have something of value to deliver and you think evolutionary early early humans weedon have fangs or clause or we didn't run fast. We had each other where social beings early humans who hunted and gathered and travelled together had a survival advantage so to constantly be checking your status in the group to make sure you know. Am i doing my part. Am i valued or am. I gonna get kicked out because if i get kicked out i'm dead and so we've really evolved to be creatures who compare ourselves to others and of course. Social media has made that far greater than it was ever intended to be. But it's this very normal natural thing we do to care what others think so that we don't risk getting booted from our tribe and so sometimes when fear and anxiety and panic and all that arise. It's not a sign that we need to go run and hide run to safety run to the comforts on. It's a sign that we really care about this thing that we're doing and when you're laying in bed at night and you can't sleep and the wheels are spinning in its to mayhem. You're not worrying about whether netflix's is going to go out of business. That's not what keeps you up at night. What are wheelspin over. As our family our loved ones our jobs the things that really matter the most to us and so part of act is really recognizing that our pain. Barring society is not the enemy. It's everything were doing to move away from it