Love and Relationships
Listen to insightful takes on love, intimacy and relationships in all their forms, broadcast on leading talk radio shows and premium podcasts. Learn how to build and maintain healthy relationships with loved ones and hear stories about modern love, romance, friendship and family.
A highlight from Dr. Andrew Newberg
"Checking out Wednesdays, we've got some shows there. They're up actually all, the previous shows are up to doctor dot com. That has been creating a bit of stir. We're talking to some controversial figures there. Not necessarily I agree with, but I feel like I had to talk to them and see what they have to say. And it's actually expanded my understanding of what happened through COVID so much of what was going on if you remember back in those days and I was like, what are we doing? What's happening? Why are we doing this? I'm starting to understand how it happened, why it happened. And some of the excesses of our complex bureaucracies in this country. Today, the guest is Andrew newberg. He's a neuroscientist who studies the relationship between brain and mental states, particularly. Let's see, where's the term I want to get it out here really? Hold on. Okay, here it is. Attempt to understand the nature of religious and spiritual practices and attitudes. That's where I'm looking for. Neuro theology is the word I was searching for. You can follow me Andrew and Andrew neuburg dot com and he also a Twitter at Andrew newburgh. The book, the varieties of spiritual experience, 21st century research and perspective. Outs in September. And contemporary psychology and neuroscience laboratories around the world learn about the profound inner events and it seems to me the last time a book was named a variety of spiritual experiences. It was probably William James that wrote that book, I'm guessing. This is probably the last time that title appeared on a book, no? I believe that's pretty much correct. Thanks again for having me on the program. But yes, that was the inspiration for this. We're big fans of William James's work. And if you're audience isn't totally familiar with William James, he was an incredible scholar and psychologist back about a hundred years ago. And as part of the different lectures, a very famous lecture series, he ultimately put together a book that was referred to his title was a variety of religious experience and we thought we should broaden it a little bit and give it a little bit of an update, a hundred years, some things have changed in that time frame. So yeah, it's fascinating. So we're talking about it. So weird to me that it's taken a hundred years to get here. And he was such a consummate, he was really a clinician. He sort of invented psychology. And he just was this great observer and with documented things without a lot of, I mean, he had some editorial detail, but he really was just giving it to you as close to the experience as he could give. And he went into the very spiritual experiences. He went there. He went everywhere. He was just not looking at Christianity. He was looking at, I think he looked all the eastern satori kinds of experiences and ultimate experiences and all that stuff, right? Yeah, absolutely. He really did cover a wide variety. I mean, I certainly had more of a Christian perspective to it, which was his area of foundation and his belief system that he came from, but definitely very open to the mystical. He talked a lot about that aspect of experiences. And talked a lot about some of the good and the bad experiences that people have and he would talk about chapters that were titled saintliness, for example. So some very interesting ways of thinking about it. But as you said also, I think one of the really important points about all of this is that it was, you know, it was based on what science could tell us in that time. And so it was very observational from talking to his clients, patients, people that he would meet people he would get to know about those people who had these kinds of experiences. And so while it was an incredible, it was really the first time that anybody kind of put all of this together and talked about religion and spirituality from that psychological and even to a certain extent a little bit of the neurological. He certainly had enough knowledge of brain functions and that there was a relationship going on there. But again, here we are now here we are a 120 some odd years later where we can say, all right, you know, what's on the, what are the brain scans look like of these individuals? What can we do a much more detailed evaluation of the kinds of experiences that people have and what they're like and how they affect people. So to really take what we thought was such a wonderful start, but obviously had its limitations being a hundred years ago to really try to advance this whole perspective on how we can understand this as you use the term neuro theological perspective, what's the relationship between the brain and those religious and spiritual experiences that people have and how can we use this to understand the importance of these experiences for people, how it affects their psyche, their psychology. So there's so much very exciting work that we have now been able to kind of work from and a big future as far as the research goes to. There's a lot for us to learn. All right, we got a lot to get to. And I don't want to belabor the historical too much. But I do want to really contextualize this for people as we move this forward.
A highlight from 381: All About Money And Relationships
"For tuning in to today's show. I was very excited to have ramit sethi on the show. I actually read ramit bestselling book with over a million copies sold. I will teach you to be rich way back around 2009 when it came out and for me is a personal finance expert and recently in the last year has launched a podcast under the same name I will teach you to be rich where on that podcast he talks to couples about money. They specifically talk about money and break down all of the things that can go wrong and how to make them go right when it comes to money in relationships. And that's exactly what rami and I talk about today. And I love ramit enthusiasm around this subject. I know you guys will too. There's tons of very actionable tips and tools that you can do around money in your relationship. But just around your relationship in general, we talk about some really interesting prompts, some things to think about, why it's so important to dream in your relationship into dream with your partner in create your what ramit calls rich life and what that means to you. So as always, thank you guys so much for tuning in. If you love this show, if you're listening for the first time or you're a longtime listener and you haven't left a review, we really appreciate it when people go in and leave those reviews on iTunes, Spotify or wherever you are listening. Enjoy today's show. Hey ramit, thanks so much for joining me on the show today. Thanks for having me. Today we're going to talk about relationships and you're used to talking about money for years. You've been in that space and you've shifted a little bit in certainly through your podcast now focusing on money through the lens of how it shows up in relationships and how to navigate that. So I wanted to start by having you tell our listeners what motivated you to start a podcast and focus it through the lens of money in relationships. When my now wife and I were dating, she said to me, she said, you know, I feel like you know everything about my finances, but I don't know anything about yours. And I realized I had broken my own rule. I wrote a book on personal finance, you know, over a million copies. And in chapter 9, I talk about money in relationships. And my wife was totally right. I had not opened up about my own finances. And we were in a very serious relationship. So we got engaged. And we started discussing more serious things. I remember we sat down, I still have the calendar invite. You know, I always prep, I have my notes. This was like, I know people go, this guy already sounds like a psycho. Whatever. I don't care if you think I sound like a psycho. I came prepared. I want to talk about are we going to have kids? If so, what are we going to name those kids? I'm like, I don't want some little kid named Mike running around my house. Look at me. I'm an Indian guy. I don't want Mike in my house, okay? And she is funny when we were dating, she goes, I would like to be engaged by Q one of next year. I was like, oh, this is the dream girl. She speaks in financial corners. I really love her. So you know, we're having these series conversations.
A highlight from Are there Red Flags in your Finances? -with Tracy Coenen
"This week, we have somebody that I actually just met her, but it is a profession that I've been trying to get on the podcast for a couple of years now. So I love the fact that I was introduced to her. We have Tracy Conan. And I hope I said your last name right, 'cause I didn't go over it. She is a forensic accountant. And I talked to a lot of my clients about the things to look for and watch out for certain things, especially when going through the divorce process because a lot of us, including myself, did not have full access to the financials. I thought I did. But as it turned out, I had very little access. I was also one that just signed the tax return, you know? I wasn't asking any questions. I just signed the tax return. And I trusted in the wrong places. So Tracy, welcome and thank you for taking the time to be with us today. Why don't you introduce yourself because you'll do it better than I did and give us a little bit about your background and what you do. Heidi, you said my name perfectly. I'm Tracy Conan. I'm a forensic accountant. And I find money for people. So my work involves doing fraud investigations. Some of that is on the corporate side when there is executive stealing money from companies and some of it's on the personal side when people have personal situations, particularly divorce, where they are trying to figure out where the money went. My role in divorce is going through all of the bank statements and the credit card statements and the tax returns and trying to figure out what exactly happened with the money. Sometimes people have suspicions that there was fraud. Sometimes they don't necessarily have the suspicions, but they were in that position where they did not actively monitor their money. And this is very typical. This is the way it works in most marriages. One spouse is in control of the money and handles it all because they're probably very good at it or prefer to do it. And so when people say, I'm embarrassed, I haven't been watching the money. Don't be embarrassed. It's what happens in many, many marriages. Yeah, for sure. And I was even 50% maybe even 60% money earner. And I had so much other stuff going on because I was in a relationship that was kept me very busy so that my time was all consumed. So I only had time to really pay attention to what I had time to pay attention to. Now looking back, I mean, now looking back, it's clear as day, but when you're in it, it's very confusing. So, you know, I do a lot of walking people through the divorce process. My job in that is it's kind of the same as yours just in a different category. Because if people know what to expect, it is not as hard to deal with when it happens. If people can go, oh, doctor Heidi said this was going to happen, or I just heard this, Tracy said, but we have to watch out for this. Then it's not such a slap in the face or a big surprise. I also know that there are a lot of people that listen to my podcast that are right now in a probably financial abuse situation where they don't have access to the money or the credit card statements get gone through all the time. So this is going to be helpful
A highlight from S7E7: The Best Partner I Ever Had
"Well, one of those friends was the wisecracking ever trending Rory uphold, who's just launched her own podcast called crimes of the heart. Rory's show is basically what happens when you mix a show like love letters with your favorite crime podcast. She's a special kind of investigator and delves into emotional crimes, like why are you haunted by that ghost and how many skeletons can one person fit into one closet? Find out with Rory on crimes of the heart wherever you get your podcasts. So picture it. It's 2017. I get asked by the Australian association in Boston to host their annual gala at a fancy hotel. Apparently some members are fans of my love letters column. So they think I'd be a good host. I tell them, look, I'm not Australian. And I've never been to Australia, so I don't know why you'd want to choose me as your MC. And they're like, we don't care. Can you still host? So I say, sure, why not? I get my hair done, and I put on a fancy dress, and I show up to the hotel ballroom, and there are Australian guys everywhere. They're in their 20s and 30s, and they all sound like Chris Hemsworth. A lot of them are very hot. But what do I do? Who do I wind up spending the evening with? A gay man at my table who happens to love two women. His mother, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Meet my friend, Kumar. Hi, I'm Kumar. I'm a scientist at Novartis. I'm 37 years old. Do you remember the night we met? Yes, very clearly. I still recall that I was like, why is this girl so quiet? She operates really well on stage, but when she's sitting down next to me, it's like she doesn't say 5 words. And then I don't know how and when, but we start talking about Buffy the Vampire's lair. And we just did and stop. And go on stage, do your MC work. You'd come back and pick off where we
A highlight from 380: Understanding What's Good For Us In Relationships
"One by one hey guys, thanks so much for tuning in to today's show where I welcome Gillian Toure and Gillian is a certified relationship coach, teacher and writer who for 20 years has taught others how to transform their relationships with themselves. Under the tutelage of Tony Robbins in world renowned family therapists, Jillian is certified and trained to employ innovative and strategic solutions to the most difficult relationship problems. And that's exactly what we talk about today. One of those difficult problems being how to understand what we want and what is good for us. And maybe the difference between those two things because sometimes we think we know what we want, but it's not really good for us. And there's a lot in there. I follow Julian on Instagram. She has over 250,000 followers and has really great tidbits that I just love. And I saved a ton and I wanted to talk to her about a lot of them, but we actually really just focused on those things of understanding what we want and what is good for us. And also towards the end, talk about understanding that our happiness should not be contingent on our partner and how to navigate that. As always, thank you guys so much for tuning in for leaving those 5 star reviews on Spotify and iTunes. If you listen to this show for the first time today or you've listened for all almost 400 of our episodes and you haven't gone in and left us a review, we really appreciate it when you guys too. So thank you for that. If you have and if you're going to thank you in advance, enjoy today's show. Hi Jillian, thanks so much for joining me on the show today. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. So I told you in the pre show, I went through the Instagram post that I have actually saved. I've been following you on Instagram. And a few stuck out to me. And I actually had this idea that we would just go over the 20 I have saved because there's so many great little nuggets, but obviously we don't have time for all of that. That's why we're approaching 400 episodes about different topics in relationships. But one of the ones we talked about in the pre show was the importance of understanding what you want and then understanding what is good for you. So can you talk a little bit maybe about the difference between those two things for the start here? Sure. And this is just to be clear, specifically for people who are single and dating and wanting a relationship and so there's a few things that because so many people come to me to discourage like I keep having these relationships that don't work out or I keep meeting the wrong person, what am I doing wrong? And the first step is to define what it is that you want, right? And that's sort of like the low hanging fruit. And believe it or not, there are a lot of people who don't really define it. I mean, they'll define it on the think about, yeah, I want someone who's nice. He's got a good job, who's this or that? Sort of like the basics. But I think you have to get even more specific about what it is that you want. You know, like really think about like if you're really looking for long-term partnership or like, for example, do you want something casual? Like, or do you want a long-term partnership? Do you want someone who's open to family or are you done with that? So these are the questions that we have to ask ourselves. Beyond that, what most people do not do is they don't
A highlight from Episode 577: Why Your Ex Suddenly Dumped You!
"Close the door on the possibility of getting back with the X now, if you happen to be around when they run into their ex or they see their ex, it's a bad sign if they get very excited. It's like, what are you so excited about? If they're excited about seeing the X, there's still some emotion there. And check the body language. And the energy when they're around their acts, because it's impossible to hide when you have feelings for someone. So if they're not acting like they're normal self, they're getting their fidgety, their antsy, they're stealing glances, they're flipping their hair. If it's a girl or even if it's a guy, they have their feet pointed towards them. They're just not acting like themselves. Something's up. Now, if they're still in touch with their ex, you have to ask, why are they still in touch with their ex? Especially if they don't have a pet of business, kids or home together. And this includes following them on social media. And they may say something like, oh, we're great friends. We're best Friends. No, you're not. Friendship is neutral, and X isn't. So why are they Friends? And if they do have to be in touch, are they investing more time with the X than they are in you? Are they given that time? More time, more time texting, more time in person because the number one indicator of interest is time and effort. So if the X is getting more time and effort than you, then they are not over them. Another one is if they're protective of their phone. What are they trying to hide? Especially if you've been together for a while, and they're still protective of their phone. Something's up. Now, if they're not happy about the new guy or girl, that their ecstasy, you have to wonder why it's like, well, it's none of your business. That's your ex, what do you care? What they're up to who they're seeing. If they were over them, why would they care? Right? And then the final one is your intuition. You just know it. It's a gut feeling. And you gotta trust it because the gut has the most neurotransmitters in the body. So it knows what's up. So I have another comment here from a woman who found out the hard way, and she said, I broke up with a guy I was with for over a year because I couldn't help but feel the entire relationship that he was still in love with his ex, so that was her intuition. There's a lot of backstory and emotional cheating that went on. But anyway, two weeks after he moved out, he was already dating the ex. What a wasted year of my life. Yep. That's a hard lesson to learn. So what should you do? I remember a few years ago, I went on date with a guy that seemed to be a great guy. And unfortunately, or fortunately, during the date, I found out that it had only been two months since he was out of a 7 year relationship. Definitely not enough time. So I got the hell out of there. I mean, not out of the date, but I didn't want to see him again. I said, you know, I'm not interested in being a rebound. And so he said, okay, I'll get in touch when I'm less bouncy. I never heard from him again. I'm willing to bet he got back together with her. So I know you're going to be tempted to think that, oh, well, all they need is my love, and they'll be able to move on from the ex, but that's just not true. You're going to play yourself. The X has more power because they've invested more time, energy, emotion, and resources into the X and they feel like they didn't get a return on their investment, especially if they were dumped. It's very difficult to compete with the ghost of an X most of the time it's best to just walk away. Let them know that you're not interested in being a rebound and you don't think they're ready to move on. And tell them to hit you up when they are. Now, of course, they're going to try to convince you otherwise that, yeah, I'm ready. No. Stick to your guns. And trust me, if they're interested, they ain't going nowhere, okay? They will be back. And if you're not sure what to do, you can always contact me for a coaching call, and I can help you figure it out. And the link for that is underneath every single video. That's the art of love .NET. So let me recap the signs. And they, okay, the first one is they are always talking about them. The second was one is they don't want to talk about them. Next, they're angry at their ex for you look like they're X, they compare you to their ex, they prioritize their X, they don't want to commit, they get very excited when they see the Rex. They are still in touch with the X, even if they don't have to, and if they aren't in touch, they're giving their ex more time and energy than you. They were a protective of their phone, they're not happy about the new guy or a girl they're ecstasy. And finally, your intuition. So now I want to hear from you. Have you ever started dating when you weren't over an X or did you ever date someone who wasn't over their ex? What happened? We want to know. And in the meantime, if you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and share. If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review and finally remember that love inspires and powers uplifts and enlightens.
A highlight from I am Thankful for what my T-0-X-I-C R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P has Given Me!
"Hey everybody, happy Thanksgiving. This is doctor Heidi. I am sorry. And I apologize for the sound on this podcast, although you all know, I'm not your professional podcaster, I podcast from wherever. And my sound is never consistent, and I'm totally okay with that because it's about the information. If my sound and stuff isn't perfect, I don't care. However, today I am in the basement of my in laws and I decided I wanted to do a Thanksgiving podcast and where I sit, I hear my father in law watching TV, I hear the neighbor's dog barking and I can not guarantee there might not be a toilet flush during this at some point. So that being said, I always try to do a Thanksgiving podcast because I remember the holidays being very not great for me at a certain part of my life. However, I remember them being fantastic when I was growing up. And since I have left the toxic relationship, I was in, I have made it a point to rebuild my holidays. You know, it is never turned out to be the cute family traditions that I thought I was going to have at holidays. But I have made my holidays special and unique. And I don't get too wound up about having to adapt. Because after all, the holiday is just a day on the calendar.
A highlight from Dr. Mark McDonald
"Website is if you're not already sort of peaked in your interest by the fact that he has to go to substack and his website is called dissident MD dot com. I don't know what more I can do to pique your interest, but doctor Martin McDonald, I'm a big fan. As you know, and thank you for being here in person. This is great. I am so excited to actually be here in space, which is what we just talked about as I sat down. To my Polish listeners, once again, is also an a lot of followers in Europe. In Poland. Yes. Is Polish your one of your languages? It is not, but I have a close friend from high school whose wife is from Poland. He works in the State Department. And he travels there frequently to visit her and her family. And I went and spent some time there over the summer, and I loved it. I went back multiple times. And now I have this huge following. The country of Poland and I'm learning Polish. I found that learning language is very good for the aging brain. Like really good. It's fantastic. Yeah, I've been working out French and Greek. And it got me through COVID fog. I had a three month post COVID thing. And fogg was major problem. And working on a language kind of cleared it out. I love it. They come and say, I do le francais. Way as they say. In Geneva, they say, that's the accent that I learned because I was in Switzerland when I was in high school. And they said, well, my way is the French of the Parisians have adopted it now as sort of a man, no kidding. They were like, what? I'm sure that. And it's also, but yes, may we. Yeah, in the English translation. Okay, report everybody. We're talking about this off the ball. We'll move on. So why did you write this book? Tell us about the book 'cause we're gonna sell the book first. All right, so as I was saying when I sat down here, my editor pulled out a phrase from this book, which I just wrote with many others didn't even think much of it. And he said, this is a really important sentence in this book. This really encapsulates why you wrote this book. And I said, what is it? I was really curious. And he read it to me, and he said, our social norms have been redefined, and they have been redefined not by the most courageous among us, but by the most fearful. Yes. I think that sums up my motivation. As you said when I came here, it's so great to see you in person. I said, yes, absolutely. We need to be here. You said people in space sharing the same space. It has become normal. Acceptable, comfortable for people to live their lives through Zoom, I am violently passionately opposed to that. I think it's wrong on so many levels. And I believe that it's being encouraged by anxiety, fear, and essentially this fear addiction, which is the way I describe it in the book. And in addiction is something that arrests your development, it blocks your progress, it prevents you from growing and fulfilling your potential. Okay. I could not agree more wholeheartedly. I spend my day really just shaking my head. I feel like bamboozled all the time. What? Like, what's going on? I can't get it. And I think let's talk to a friend of mine this morning that's a financial guy, and he just says he goes, it happens all the time. It's tulips. That humans get into these crazes. And it is the, I guess, the most risk averse that end up sway with sway over everybody at the end of the day. That's exactly right. It's this altar of safety that we have now begun to worship upon rather than the typical, what does it even say conservative, just basic, traditional American quest, which is to expand to explore to take risks. We've tossed that all away, and we've now turned towards worshiping another virtue, which is a virtue of safety. Yeah, safety Uber Alice, I call it. Exactly right. And they came in with that at the beginning. Now I understand, I'm giving huge sort of swath for the public health officials to walk through at the beginning of this pandemic. They came through with, we think this is bad. We got to do something. What are we going to do? Oh, look what they did in China. That worked. Let me talk to my Chinese colleagues persuaded by these assholes that that's the right thing. Okay, you're wrong, but okay, you do that. And then we started to start looking at things trying to figure out where we are. At that moment, committed so completely to safety Uber alles that anyone who questioned it had to be destroyed. And that was the part that was weird to me. I don't know anybody during tulip mania. I think we're getting out of control here with the tulips. And they would put them in jail. Society. That seems to be the new thing. Although you could look at the French Revolution and sort of say, well, it's kind of the same thing there, right? Hysteria. Hysteria. So tell me about that. I think you just hit on a really important facet. I call sort of the fuel of the car of the pandemic in the last couple of years. And I just published this earlier today and my substack, dissident MD. Titled the pandemic in a nutshell. And I summarized without going into the weeds and the conspiracy theories. There's a lot of them. And honestly, some of them are probably correct. But that's not the point. I'm not going to talk about China. Bill Gates and nanobots, all about this. This morning, by the way, came out and went, gee, we thought it was a much more serious fatality rate at the beginning. We didn't know. You fucking knew.
A highlight from What are you thankful for? -With a Very Special Guest!
"I am actually not going to answer the question today. I'm going to ask the question today. And the question today is to my daughter Shiloh, who literally just walked in the door to visit me and I drug her in here and said, do you have to answer this question? So because it's Thanksgiving. And there was a lot of time in our former life where we struggled for things to be thankful for. Only because everything was so negative, all we could really pay attention to is the negative. So off the top of your head right now in this chapter of your life, tell me what you're thankful for. Well, now there's so many things I don't know how to pinpoint them. I am thankful for my job right now, because I am finally on a career path, I feel that is going to work out really well for me. I'm thankful for my family, my dogs and my boyfriend. Oh, boyfriend, right? You guys can all imagine that when one of doctor Heidi's three daughters gets a boyfriend or a husband, it literally gives me a panic attack, no matter who they are. And shallot tell me a little bit about how I reacted when you started with this boyfriend. Now, for the listeners that don't know that much about my story, which you are allowed to send questions in asking me anything about my story I am an open book on the members only podcast. However, I ended up because of circumstances having to leave my kids when they were 13 and 11. So that I could get out and get healed and move on. So they came back when they were 17 and 19. They are 25 and 27 now. And I still worry about them like I did when I didn't have them with me. But Shiloh tell us about how your mom reacted when you first started dating the man you're dating now. And how long have you been dating him? Like before I told you actually told you guys about it? Yes, she went silent for about three months. And normally she texts me and calls me and comes and visits and all of a sudden she wasn't texting calling and visiting. And so I knew she was seeing someone that she didn't think mom would approve of. So like my mom said, I'm 25. My boyfriend is 43. And I met him. I thought you said he was 38. See, she's still worried I'm going to be mad. No, I met him. I was working at a place and he was just happening to be the contractor there. And I kind of thought he was a little too cute to not be my boyfriend. And we hung out. I waited 6 months to introduce him to my family because my stepdad said, the next person I meet you guys better be marrying. And I'm really hoping that I marry this one. But as you can imagine, when I finally pinned her down and heard the age difference, which she lied to me and each time I asked her, she added a couple of years. But I see it a lot a lot in toxic relationships. The older a toxic personality will get the younger they will target. The reason that is is because the younger are easier to manipulate their easier to control their easier to convince their easier to get emotionally dependent. So when I first heard his age and knowing the environment that Shiloh grew up in, I was very, very concerned. And of course, I kept pestering her about red flags. And have you seen this? And have you seen this? And she kept going, no, mom, it's fine. It's fine. But I also know what we feel like when we step into these relationships, we convince ourselves everything is fine. So I'm then worried that she's convincing herself everything is fine and this is going to be a disaster and he's going to like make her move away from me and he's going to isolate her and I'm never going to see her again. Because that's what happens in these type of relationships. As it went, we have a rule here at my house that the girls can not bring a boyfriend to a holiday celebration that we haven't met yet. So if they're planning on bringing a boyfriend to the holidays, we have to meet them first. So what the week before Thanksgiving last year, I said, if you're bringing him, we've got to have dinner first. And it was so hilarious that dinner because she had him so scared of us. He couldn't even talk through our first dinner. Remember? Yeah. We got to the restaurant early in he ordered a double Jack and Coke because my parents weren't there yet.
A highlight from Episode 576: The Real Reason Your Ex Is Breadcrumbing You!
"Such as social media interactions, occasional messages, or brief phone calls. These interactions are intended to suggest that the person is still interested, but they occur sporadically, and they're generally no intention of following through and so breadcrumbing is harmful because it gives you the false hope that they may still be interested in getting back together at the time when you're most vulnerable. When you hear from your ex, in the back of your mind, you always think, well, maybe this time, they'll finally tell me that they want to get back together, but that is rarely the case. Unfortunately, so signs that you are being breadcrumbed. If you are in contact with your ex for whatever reason, they talk about meeting up, but it never happens, or they contact you, but they never want to meet up. I've been talking to a guy for a while now, and we still have not gotten together. Somehow something always comes up. So I have given up on him because if someone wants to see you, it's not that hard. It shouldn't be that hard, right? They will find a way. Another sign is micro communication. And it means exactly what you think it means. That means minimal communication here and there. So it's enough to keep you hopeful. They dangled a carrot. And it seems that they're interested, but they're really not putting a lot of effort in. On their part, and this would be things like liking posts or stories, commenting or reacting to posts, or stories. Asking how you are or something similar, and then when you answer, they disappear. And this is similar to hot and cold behavior, otherwise known as mixed signals. So one day they seem really interested, they give you a lot of attention, you even talk to you on the phone for an hour or two hours, whatever. And then the next day, the act like they don't have time for you, or they take hours to respond, or days to respond. That is not normal behavior, okay? People have their phones on them all the time. If they want to respond, they would. Or they may ask you a question that they could have easily found the answer to themselves on Google, this seems to happen a lot. So they're not trying to find the name of the restaurant that you guys once went to, okay? They want to see if you're going to respond. And I actually once did the opposite of this with the guy who broke up with me the one that I did the whole video on called my breakup. This was several months later, and we had drank a wine when we were together. And I legitimately wanted to know the name of that wine. I couldn't remember. So I think he had already contacted me. I remember, but anyways, I texted him and I said, hey, what's the name of that wine? Which seems like a breadcrumb, right? It seems like an excuse to get in contact. And then he told me, and then he said, oh, are you having someone over tonight? That didn't even cross my mind because I really just want you to know the name of the wine. I'm like, um. That's interesting. That's a good tactic. You call, or you text and you go, hey, what was the name of that wine, or what was the name of that romantic restaurant, and then those you're seeing someone else. So I did kind of reverse breadcrumb unintentionally. Okay, so those are some of the signs of breadcrumbing. So why are they doing this? Why are they breadcrumbing you? Well, unfortunately, breadcrumbs from an ex usually have an ulterior motive. They want something from you. They already decided they don't want to give you what you want, which if we're talking about it next, they don't want to get back together. However, that doesn't mean they don't enjoy certain aspects of you, talking to you, seeing what you're up to on social media, knowing they can contact you when they're bored or they can reach out any time you'll respond or maybe they like the ego boost of knowing that you're still interested in them. Or they enjoy the control they have over you. They say jump and you say, how high?
A highlight from Life Since Paradise with Mari & Kenny
"What's up, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of clickbait. This week, we have a special guest host, Jill is with us. You guys all know Jill from this season of the bachelor of Paradise. We're going to do bachelor nation breakdown. Clickbait of the week, and then Kenny and Mario are coming on. I know they're looking for wedding venues. We're going to talk to them about that. How is everybody feeling? Natasha, how you doing? I am thriving. You don't look like you're trying. I have a lot going on in my brain. But no, I am thriving in life. It's all good stuff, but you know when you just can't turn it off sometimes and even like this morning when I was trying to meditate, I was like, so thinking about a lot, but all good things, and it's like a little hard for me to focus right now. That's all. But I am thriving. Don't you wanna know in the morning when you're meditating, not too many people meditate in the morning. I'm actually starting to. I'm starting a lot of techniques. I would disagree that most people would meditate in the morning. You think most people in the world meditate when they wake up? I think most people who meditate, most people. Yes, yes. Meditation in the morning. Sure. That is what I think. I am right now, I am on a four day fast only water I'm on day one at 6 p.m.. I'll be at the 24 hour mark. And then I'll see. It is called starvation. I couldn't even do it for four hours, I don't think. It's supposed to be really good. It's like, I mean, there's studies that it's supposed to be good for you. I don't know this to be if it's a fact. Are you trying to lose weight? No, it's not really about losing weight. I think it's more like cleaning out your system and it's good for longevity and resetting your clock, I guess. And how often do they say you should do this? Well, I listened to the one Doctor Who, I think his name's Peter attila. He's been on uberman a bunch. And I think you were meant to go. And I know you're a big uberman person. Love him. I think he does it a few times a year. I'm only going to try. I just watched Chris Hemsworth do it on limitless on Disney+. It's four days, no food, only water. We'll see. We'll see how I do it. I'm definitely going to make 24 hours. That's for sure. Okay. I wish you all on that endeavor. Thank you. Thank you. Jill, this is the guy who says he's not going to drink for a week in caves. When we were like, come on, Joe. And Serena, come on, Joe, have a class. He's like, okay. Listen, I'm mentally strong, and I've been doing a lot of cold plunges. And yeah, those I'm addicted to. But enough about us right now, Jill, what's new with you? How's your relationship? How's life? Yeah. So yeah, the relationship. Failure to launch some may say. Oh. Really? Yes. Unfortunately, it did make it to the hard launch phase, but then swiftly after that, it ended. Oh, no. Yeah. But are you happy? It ended? I had no other. I had no other choice. I literally had no other choice. I had to do what was best for myself and there's just a line and standards that you have for yourself that you just can't allow people to cross. I don't have any ill will. I don't wish bad things. Can you tell us, can you tell us, can you tell us a little bit what happened? Why did it end? Yeah. There was definitely we had been struggling. So it's so hard because everyone's like, oh my God, it's only been a week. We have how long how long was it really? Yeah, so we started talking around three weeks before the reunion aired. That's when after one on one aired, we were like, oh, we're catching the feelings again. Like, I don't really know. And then we started talking more and more. And then about like three years before the reunion, we decided that we would probably want to give this a shot. So we're just like in a talk and like try it out. And then he made that grand jokester reviewing, which was like just kind of like solidifying things. And it was like my fairytale moment and although I didn't want to, I never wanted to make it public to be honest because I just wanted to keep everything private. But the gesture happened to the reunion. We were like, all right, we're going to go forth and conquer. We had planned a trip to Rhode Island and everything. And so yeah, Q, it was going to be really true. But then unfortunately everything just kind of fell through. Like immediately after he hard watched it.
A highlight from Johnnys Not Giving Up on Love
"Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of clickbait. I can't wait to get into everything. We got the bachelor nation breakdown. We're going to break down the finale. Tia is going on maternity leave. We'll talk about that. And then our very special guest, this man is involved in the most drama that I've seen in a while. Johnny is here. We're going to ask him all the burning questions. We can't wait to talk to him. But before we do, hello, how's everyone doing? Hello. Hi, honey. I did not talk to, aren't you? We're a little nasally today. A little bit. And I have been for a while. I was like messing with my allergies when I was away. It's also the way it's also the change of weather. I'm nasally, too. Yeah, you're the last week too. For our little mouths, I'm sorry, guys. Lunch. Once November hits, I'm like sick till March. I don't even leave home. I don't even know how I'm getting sick. Like, I go to the grocery store and just happens. Or walking outside. I'm about to have a baby too. Maybe it's a song. That he's coming early. You think so? I hope so. I really hope so. Okay, yo, can we guess David? When the baby's gonna be due. And then what should we bet if whoever's closest? We can bet dinner. And I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, so the babies do December 27th. 23rd. Okay, the babies do decide. The babies do December 23rd. I believe that he will be coming into the world on December 25th. Joe. What? No. Okay, Christmas. That's what he said. That's what he said. December 25th, that's what he said. Okay. I am going to say that the baby is going to be due 23rd, 2016 because before that, I'm going to say December 15th. Okay. That's like a nice round even number. Okay, I like it. December 15th. You know what? You can't change it. I'm not changing it. I'm not sure. Okay. But I think that I actually, I think Natasha may be right. Whoever says I think so. I think so too. So technically my doctor said she would let me be induced at 39 weeks, which is the 16th, so I can totally see me actually going into labor on the 15th. And just bypassing the whole induction, it's just like the movies where my water breaks at the store and it's just like a mess. And then we rush to the hospital. I can see it. Yes. I wouldn't imagine any other way. It has to be a dramatic entry into it has to be dramatic. It has to be an embarrassing and everything else. I'm going to be the person my water breaks. I'm going to be like, listen, I've got to wash my hair really quick because I don't want it to be dirty. We can wait a little bit. Over this last year, I've had so many friends get engaged and start planning their weddings and it's such an exciting time, but I've also heard how stressful it
Mind the Age Gap - Age Differences When Dating
"Thought begin to discuss dating and each gaps because because eventually updates men that are older than me as far as to eighteen years. Older than me appleseed guys are younger an out death notice complete So the instant to know your thoughts on if you have had a big age gap in Work for you I do have feigns. Relationships with guys are younger and the delight that at an rise ago. Veins or detail guys are older but that comes with disadvantages against both can come at advantages so they could wanted discuss. Yeah massively this is good because we haven't discussed this topic. Kappa is quite a big one because his very much. Like when you're on a dating choosing the a train that guy for and yeah I have dated someone. He was hanging out in the me when i was twenty. They will ferte and he had. It was actually. It was quite controlling relationship and yet didn't end. Well did you want to date For you as a twenty year old data Rt was that exciting. Or did you feel like you could see to your friends or hyundai zone. Is ten years older. Was it was more like a throwback way while it kinda just happened. What it was is one of my colleagues. He was dating her sister. And i went to a policy and we just got on everson and i didn't actually know how big of an age gap it was until till afterwards and then things moved very quickly and yeah my life my twenties. I think he was like two years of just Yeah like i missed out on those two years of my twenties and what twenty year old should be. Because i was dating someone who was ten years older and they were very much like this is how life has to be
Relationship Therapist, Brittanni Young, on How to Manage Rejection
"Sex down south best sex conference ever down at atlanta. You are hosting a workshop on managing rejection and a really wanna talk about this so tell us why. This is such an important topic. I might be colored in my lens as it's just the thing that keeps coming up you know both personally and professionally and i don't think people realize because it often feels isolating when you're in it but there is going to be that dynamic there where you have somebody who's the higher desire partner in the low desire partner in any given situation. It's not common where you have both high desire or both low desire at the exact same time you know and really being able to navigate those waters. Most people have no idea. They're just okay. I just think that. I need to bring you to my level in that. Is the solution so much so right. My partner is broken. can you fix them. Can you diagnose them. And can you fix them. And even beyond sacs rejection. It just feels like this important life skill that has been glossed over. You know in recent years. We've heard a lot about vulnerability right expressing vulnerability and showing vulnerability. And i don't think ten years ago. We were hearing as much of that in the mainstream. I agree and i'm like in five or ten years. Will we hear more about rejection league in every respect whether it's applying for a job or this is a tiny little thing but saying hello or smiling at someone on the street and having them ignore you not for hitting on purposes Just for friendly. Now you live in the south. You live in atlanta We're a lot of people smile and say hello. Yeah i live in toronto. Where when i smile and say hello i kinda get. I get pretty upset. Sometimes because people will just look right through you or almost even roll their eyes at you and what am experiencing there Is very visceral. Yeah it's rejection out. It's probably not about me right. It is it is actually okay. I'm gonna say this. Maybe people from toronto will disagree but for me. It's a cultural thing in the city that you ignore each other. In fact people in new york are more likely to like not it. You say hello. Wow yeah turn a special. This is my view. I know somebody's gonna say no toronto and it's not everybody right. There are pockets. That are super friendly. So that experience of rejection like it just feels so bad in your body
A Friendly Ghost Story
"I think we talk a lot about ghosting in the romantic context right But it also happens with friends. Obviously and the reason. I want to talk about friend. Ghosting today is. Because i think it's an example of a larger problem with how friendships tend to end like what happened with one of our listeners. I just remember. There was one particular instance where she called me. And i looked at the phone and i was like oh i can't do this. I just didn't answer. This is dana lucic and a couple years ago. Dana goes did a good friend of hers when she learned her friend with pregnant. Oh my inner feminist is really angry at me. Because i know that women are able to do everything and anything to be cleared. Dana was excited for her friend but she was also worried about their friendship. Changing i am now thirty years old and i do not want children and i struggle when my friend start to have children because i feel like they change and i feel like they you know of course obviously wanna spend a lot of time with their kids talk about their kids and i'm just not interested. Gina this is like oh. You're having a baby. Congratulations you just lost a friend. It's like the exact opposite reaction society. Expects you to give exactly exactly. I really respect her ruthlessness about it. Yeah and dino wasn't always like this
Colorism in the Bedroom With Sex Therapist Dr. Donna Oriowo
"Wondering if we could start off a little bit with you just sharing a bit of the work that it is that you do and how you got to this point well I'm a sexual relationship therapist at focus in on. How color isn't intellectualism impact in sexual health. I got into this work because people kept telling me. And i was comfortable enough to talk to them about sex and sexuality but i felt like there were missing pieces when i went to school so then trying to figure out like okay. How do you bridge the gap and those missing pieces that you're noticing and with the people that you know you want to serve So in doing that work at like it's just been like a slow bill of these all these other pieces because when you start your own practice you know everybody and they momma is willing to give you some advice but sometimes advice. We have four you. It's about their fears and the concerns that they had in creating a business. And not about you though. I remember people telling me out. You're using to me black photos on your website. Oh don't need down so much more of a generalist. So everybody could see you as that of narrowing it all the way down and i just had to realize that if you are generalists you don't see the people that you wanna see and if you don't have the pictures of the people that you serve. They don't know that they are being served. They may still come but they don't know that you're there your priority so for me of being more of a like a no brainer had to go back in just change What i had been told and religious think into what is best for me most authentic for me and that has allowed a non brighthouse flourish in the way that it has a started off as a solo a solo practitioner. And now i have a team of three other people currently working
Self Love to Improve Your Relationship
"Let's dive in and have you tell us maybe what it is about self love. That is so important. Why it's hard to do. And then we'll talk about the steps to get there and how it's going to help us fantastic so first of all. I want to see that the word self love may not resonate with you and that's okay. Sometimes you wanna start even more neutral web appreciation or respect or even a sentence. And i like to think of it. As if you're working for a boss that was always putting you down. You were never enough. There is always moving the goalpost on. You always reprimanding you for for every little mistake. Email is putting you down. You would do just the bare minimum in that role to avoid criticism to not get in trouble. You would not thrive and ultimately you would quit as soon as you spell. We are typically not everyone falls into this category but the women that i work with country because they are been so hard on themselves and their so negative with themselves any impact. Some all the time in the thing is that when we have the soundtracks these thoughts is always constantly putting ourselves down not appreciating ourselves. Stop being enough. We don't even know it's happening. Because we've been playing that soundtrack we've been thinking those thoughts we've been speaking to ourselves in that way for so long and when you don't feel good about yourself and you don't love yourself for yourself or appreciative south. It's really hard to show bullying relationships with others as well. I have so many women. I work with that. They'll tell me if an assurance of a week or two into our kuching programs that they're espouses will remark on how much happy they're happier there. How much more present. They are how much happy. They're just by working on a little bit of self preservation. Self respect self south love self acceptance.
Why Your Friends Should Be One of Your Primary Growth Drivers
"Your friend should be lifting you up. Not pushing you down. Your friend should be inspiring you to get better. Your friends should have your back but also be willing to challenge your face. You know what i'm saying like your friends are and should be one of your primary growth drivers in life. Most people choose ambitious goals to be their growth driver. Or i'm going do something. That's hard or i'm going to try to achieve this amazing thing. I'm trying to become a millionaire or make this difference or build this company or you know have this type of family and it's this external climb this thing they're trying to achieve and too many people forget it's like actually one of the best drivers of growth isn't your job isn't your goals. It's your friendship circle and your circles. Make you a more alive deeper. Caring thoughtful authentic person in the world. I'm telling you what guess what at work you're better at home. You're better your art. Gets better your sense of life lifts and so in studying this work deeply over the years and recognizing how many people are entrepreneurs high achievers people who are trying to make great impact in the world. You're here today and sometimes that journey can't feel very lonely or when you get to the top it can feel lonely. They say. And i'm like i kind of believe what my friend brian tracy and mentor said to me. One time he said if it's lonely at the top you did it wrong
The "W" Method: How to Improve Communication in a Relationship
"I want to talk about for you men give you tips on how to be a better communicator with a woman that you're in a relationship with. Typically these women are saying you don't open up to me emotionally. I wish you communicated this to me more. I wish you were able to talk to me better. Or you're just trying to fix things in the relationship and you've tried to feel that you feel like you're hitting a wall. So tip number one is I see this so much and this is valuable information because I say it in my coaching sessions is one of the tips that I get my men is you have to come from the why the what? Always think about the W's, right? So when you're in, when you're trying to effectively communicate. The only way that you can really effectively communicate is by curiosity questions. And this is alluding to relationships. And if you guys have follow me for a while, you know when I talk to date about dating and finding a good woman, it comes to curiosity questions. Get good at asking curiosity questions. So how do curiosity questions start? Will they start with the what? The why, the when? Those are all curiosity questions. But what we are impacted to do as humans sometimes depending on how we're raised and maybe what we weren't taught, as we attack, right? We come from the II in the UU. Only if you knew this, you could have done this better only if you could understand I would be better. If I had this, then I would be happy, right? Sound familiar. So we attack an attack and attack, but instead of figuring out the why. So why are you unhappy? Please tell me how can we fix this together? And then that leads me to the second tip is number two, is understand that everything is valuable in your relationship. And it's about a partnership. Yeah, you guys are two separate human beings and you always have to be driven on something in your life, your purpose, your values, and hold yourself accountable, and that comes from loving yourself. But number two is in a relationship, it's about a partnership. It's about the we and it's not always about the eye. It's about how can we compromise and make this better? So understanding that number two tip is about a partnership, but also about compromise and making things better in your relationships. So how do you get there by following my tip that I'm telling you and tip number
When Your Ex Realizes the Breakup Was a Mistake
"When someone breaks up with you. It's because they're not happy and they think they can do better and sometimes it's just that they're not happy and they don't even care if they can do better. They're just not happy so they're leaving but for the most part they have to think that they can do better. Otherwise why would they go. And also they have to vilnai's you in their mind in order to justify the break-up so they have to say well you know he's been ignoring me or she did this or she didn't do this. They have to somehow justify it and make you the bad guy in order to break up with you and so when they realize it was a mistake those things start to get reversed so the first sign is actually when they move on now. I know you're afraid they'll move on but you know what you actually want them to move on. Believe it or not as usual counterintuitive. So that they will find out that. Guess what you're actually not that easily replaced if you had great chemistry together. They're not gonna find that in the next person or the next person or probably not even the next one after that they may have good chemistry even very good chemistry but great chemistry and luckily chemistry isn't something that can be faked. It's either there or it's not. It has to be felt and it will soon be painfully obvious to them. If they didn't already know it they'll be out with someone or talking with someone new and they'll realize that you know what this person is not their ex. This person is not you. it doesn't feel the same and that's where doubt starts to creep in one of my clients said that his ex told them that After they got back together she went out on a date with someone else and all she could do think about him and she just wanted to get out of there and the guy want to see her again and she was like nope and that's when she knew that she probably made a
Hey Saturday's Saskia Nelson Explains the Importance of Great Photos for Online Dating
"Sascha you. First of all tells a story about behind his saturday. Yeah well basically. Is it online dating for a long time. Pretty much is ten years on and off now all the time Yeah and so. When i came to sign up my photography business i was. I wanted to specialize niche as as as kind of makes sense for business on. I miss elected back. Oh my online. Dating days by. Because i'm a visual person and i'm so i can't scott the time the columnist of hartman. I kind of recognize the importance in skylight. They just use a massive photo when they want to market something. I really strong powerful fight catches. Your eye really really stops. She's makes you stop into tracks and look at it and might have three words without photo like believing better or something. And i was just like. Wow okay. imagine if you translate it that dayton price file how like powerful could be rather than the usual. Saudi larry fatos and that tonight of copy on agreeing off that basically and this was back in twenty thirteen so i did the research and november staying any while. I thought that's kinda vault because to me. It might so much sense benefits. Because i was a visual person is in king this is just kind of occurrence the people while i'm going to give it a guy so i did that and then at the beginning. Was this log like first year. It was this hard slog like giggling it because it was saying and me having a blocking across all the dating apps and things like that guy. Hey this thing you could get an. You can be ahead of the cub. If everyone else is using rubbish that you'll know you're really gonna stand out cypher. Not kind of grow and grow and then we have exploited yet lights up like on the yeah expanded to the sites as well. So it's yeah it's been. It's been busy times anymore now. Busy money
Sex Researcher Justin Lehmiller: Americans Got Kinkier During the Pandemic
"This pandemic has been an interesting. I'm going to be a sex researcher. And i've been busier than ever and conducting the most research and actually i think published the most of my entire career over the last year and a half really in the beginning. My career totally changed. Because i had all of these speaking gigs lined up. I was gonna be traveling. The world i think it was going to be in seven different countries last summer in so oldest found myself with a lot of time on my hands and i was talking to some by colleagues at the kinsey institute. And we were seeing all these media headlines about you know what was going to be happening to a sex. Lots of big bold predictions and so we thought is is any of that actually gonna shake out so we wanted to actually collect the data to test whether what we were seeing in the media was actually coming to wish you know that kind of gave us the inspiration and all had more time on her hands and needed something to focus on so he turned to sexy search. And i remember yes justin's doing this. What did we learn about this with the hot vac summer. What's up now. So that's a great question you know last year. There were lots of predictions about. Oh well when this pandemic cabins and people are locked down. They're going to have more sex masturbate more than ever. Because everyone's just going to be bored horny and it turned out last year. That didn't really turn out to be the case you know there. There's no baby boom. There's no evidence that you know people really having a lot of sex. So that's what we found last year in the research. We did at the kinsey institute. Although we did find that people were being more sexually Mental about one in five people last year said they tried something new in the bedroom so we recently conducted a new. Study to see what things look like this summer because everyone was talking about the hot back summer. So the kinsey institute partnered with love honey to do this survey of what what is happening right now in our sex lives and relationships and one of the really interesting things we found was that there was an even greater trend toward sexual experimentation so americans have become kinky are we actually found that a majority of americans fifty one fifty two percent so they tried something new in bed since the pandemic began and also that a majority of americans said that their sexual interests had shifted in some way. And if those who reported a shift three quarters of them said that they became kinky so you know instead of the hardback summer. We're thinking of this as the hut kinks