Comedy

We could all use a laugh. Get the giggles listening to the latest audio releases from these hilarious comedy podcasts.

A highlight from Romesh Ranganathan: A Joke about Veganism and Climate Change

Netflix is A Daily Joke

06:03 min | 1 d ago

A highlight from Romesh Ranganathan: A Joke about Veganism and Climate Change

"Okay. Okay, breathing about how Vegas are taken over. And then I do. I do these shows and I say, are there any vegans in? And there's only even three of them and it sounds like they're sat together. Do you know what I think is actually more popular than veganism in this country? Hating vegans. I actually think that's the big moment. Who here hates vegans? Yes, so passionate. So she's got the fucking arm up. You know we're better for the planet, don't you? You cheese and me eating motherfuckers. I didn't really worry about the planet. Global crisis crawley couldn't give a shiny shit. Couldn't give a shiny shit. I get it's very difficult, isn't it? Because you know, you want to care about the environment, but it's nice out. It's a difficult thing to engage with. It's probably going to get better before it gets worse. I've heard Glasgow is going to be lombardos for a couple of weeks. Difficult, I get it, 'cause you've got your own problems. You've got problems that are affecting your immediately. How can you care about the environment? I mean, I wish I gave more of a shit. Look, I do give a shit, but I don't give enough of a shit. Do you know what I mean? Like I wish I gave more of a shit. Like, I don't want the planet to come to an end. Obviously. But I also can't be asked to rinse out a yogurt pot. So I'm just stood there in the morning and my dressing gown, just like sorry earth. Listen, I know that as soon as I started talking about being vegan, your assholes or clenched up when you thought it was going to start banging on about that. I understand that. I'm not judging you if you're not vegan. I do find it upsetting that non vegans don't like vegans. I'd be honest with you. I do find it a little bit upsetting. And there's a reason why you think we're humorous. You think we're sanctimonious, you think we think we're better than you, which we are? You know, there's all these things that people get annoyed about. And there is, of course, the big vegan lie. But for some reason vegans don't want to own up to this. But I'm going to tell you straight up now, the food is shitter. Incredible that I would get a round of applause, but vegan foods. It is shitter. It is shit. There's no getting. It's getting better, but it is shitter. And for some reason, vegans don't want to admit that, they don't want to acknowledge it. They don't want to honestly give it a go. Honestly, try it. There's no dishonest to give it a go. There's no sacrifice. What does he try? Honestly, what else do you give it a go? Coconut bacon tastes just like real bacon. You should try it. Jackfruit tastes just like Paul. You should give it a go. Honestly, vegan cheese. You can't tell the difference. No, you can't tell the difference between it and smegma. Tell the difference between it and cheese. It doesn't taste anything like cheese. It doesn't taste like it's matchy. It doesn't taste like it used to have cheese as a pen pal. It's fucking horrible. I mean, I say that on stage, right? And in a couple of weeks, I get a mistress of somebody going, romish. Heard you on stage at the hawk and they hadn't found a vegan cheese that you like. For me and a couple of Friends have opened up a little vegan, she's a ring. And we would love the opportunity to help you change your mind. And then I'd give him my address and two weeks later, some dog shit comes from a low bar. So can't tell when there is vegan cheese or a racist attack. All right, because vegan cheeses shove a rank is fucking horrible. There are certain things that I think you're hypocrites about if I'm being honest. I mean, I'm a hypocrite as well, but I do think you're hypocrites. One other thing I'll tell you why I think your hypocrites. Non vegans who judge other countries for eating different animals. Who do you think you are? Oh my God, I can't believe they eat that. They just chose a different set of, oh my God, they eat dogs. So what? They've just got a different set of rules. Why are you better than them? People up in arms about the dog eating festival in China. Do you know how many dogs die in that festival every year? A few thousand. Do you know how many turkeys die? In this country, in December alone. About 10 million, right? But nobody gives a shit because turkeys are fucking hideous. You don't get guide turkeys, right? So nobody gives a shit. You see a dog, oh, that's adorable. See a turkey. Imagine. If another country decides to call us out for our turkey consumption, how embarrassing that would be. The appeal, just every year. In the UK. Millions of turkeys are killed for Christmas dinner. And you know the saddest thing about it, nobody really likes to taste. In fact, they hate it so much. They take food they would rather eat and stuff it into the asshole. Of the original animal. That's why your hypocrites here's why I'm a hypocrite, I'm a vegan, but I love trainers, like love them. And it's a difficult situation because you're trying to find trainers that haven't got animal products, and if it's not in the leather it's in the glue, it's just a nightmare. Nike and Adidas and companies like that. They do have certain vegan ranges, but then they do vegan trainer companies, but they've all got broccoli in the logo and stuff like that. So after research and like, you know, I know for a fact, thanks to the research I've done that no animals have come to any harm for the shoes that I'm wearing tonight, right? But I also know for a fact that some Bengali kids probably did. Right? And that is. A difficult conundrum, isn't it? What do you do? Google images of life and sort of decide what you think is cuter. Watch romesh ranganathan, the cynic only on

Crawley Glasgow Vegas Paul China UK Adidas Nike Google Romesh Ranganathan
Dr. Jason Leong: A Joke about a Hurtful Insult

Netflix is A Daily Joke

02:09 min | 2 d ago

Dr. Jason Leong: A Joke about a Hurtful Insult

"The answer, my wife, about ten years now, 7 years marriage two years dating. And my wife and I, because, you know, she's a comedian's wife, and I'm a comedian. We like to playfully argue and make fun of each other, college other names. I'll say things like, hey, darling, if put on some weight, you know? And she'll come here. Jason, you're actually not funny. Not for Bosnia. So last year, we were playfully arguing, I can't remember why you asked. Then my wife entered the argument by saying, adjacent, you have a small penis. Not a Benjamin. I'll step in with you. But let me explain to you the many layers of hurt in that statement. You see, when guys argue, we fight, you know, we call each other names. We said, we say things like, hey, bro, you have a small cock. You have a small dick. If a small brick, but my wife, she said, you have a small penis. She used these scientifically accurate clinical term. Penis, because ladies and gentlemen, my wife is also a doctor herself. She works in the NS physiological department in one of the hospitals in Kuala Lumpur. And part of a job requires her to monitor patients who are undergoing surgery. And all these patients, they are naked because they have to put a tube in a genitals to monitor the urine output. Now, on average, my wife is about 6 patients a day. Half of them are meal. So conservative estimate my wife sees at least two penises a day. She works 5 days in one week. In one week, my wife sees ten businesses. 52 weeks in one year in one year. My wife sees 520 penises. She has been working in the same hospital for 5 years. So after 5 years, my wife has seen a grand total of 2000 600 businesses. Professionally. So when she says, just then you have a small penis, it's based on a very accurate sample size. Watch doctor Jason Yang, hashtag blessed, only on Netflix.

Ns Physiological Department Bosnia Jason Benjamin Lumpur Kuala Jason Yang Netflix
Taylor Tomlinson: A Joke about Dating Tricks

Netflix is A Daily Joke

02:39 min | 3 d ago

Taylor Tomlinson: A Joke about Dating Tricks

"I think I'm pretty. I have a big head. I know I do, 'cause every guy I've ever dated has made a point to be like, I love your big head. That's my favorite thing guys do when they compliment the thing you hate most about yourself. They're like, I love your soft arms. You're like, okay. Oh, yeah. I love your weird balls. How does it feel? How does it feel to be accepted? I'm a nightmare today. Anything nice you do or say, I'm just like, whatever. I did a guy once who told me that flirting with me was like punching water. And I was like, why? 'cause it's pointless, 'cause you look stupid doing it. He's like, did you hear it? I'm like, I heard it that time. Yeah. And then he cheated on me, so you know, prophecy fulfilled. I can't help it. At the beginning of a relationship with a guy, I just assume anything nice he does is a move he pulls on everybody. And I'm not going to fall for your choreography, sir. I'm like, oh, is this, is this your move? You open the car door for me, on the move. This is how you do it. That's cute. But that works a lot. Oh, is this? Is this your move? You go with me to my grandpa's funeral, hold an umbrella over my head in The Rain. This is like your move. This is how you do it. I oops, don't get wet. Oops, I am. Whatever. This ain't my first rodeo. I used to have two grandpas. Oh, is this? Is this your move? You die next to me in a hospital bed at 86 years old, holding my hand for all eternity. This is like your move. This is how you get pussy. He's like, we've been together for 60 years. I'm like, you're a fuck boy. And I knew it. Don't bury me with this guy. He's been dying with other people behind my back. I can't prove it. Check his phone when he uses the bedpan. Watch Taylor Tomlinson look at you, only on Netflix.

Taylor Tomlinson Netflix
A highlight from Marlon Wayans: A Joke about Music Today

Netflix is A Daily Joke

07:28 min | 4 d ago

A highlight from Marlon Wayans: A Joke about Music Today

"I like some of today's music, you know? I like some of today's artists. I like future. You guys like future? White people are confused. It's a rapper. You are what we call the future. Sure, I love the future. I'm looking forward to the future. I'm so sorry about the past, you know. The whole slavery thing, I'm sorry. Future is a rapper, okay? And I like future, but see, I listened to the lyrics and I think that future, this brother need rehab. All his songs, he's mixing some kind of weird drug combination. His new song, mask off. He's mixing Molly with percocet. Look at this a bad drug combination. You're trying to kill motherfuckers or what? You OD in the car listening, this nigga album. What is the drug culture going in hip hop? It's one thing when Dr. Dre did the chronic, you know shit, we all smoke a little weed. Yeah, right? Yeah, some of us sell it, right, nigga? But Molly and percocet? And that's a hit song. What's the next hit song from a bad drug combination? Crack cocaine in baby aspirin. That cocaine and baby ass man, we gonna chop it up. We put it in a cup. Crack cocaine and baby aspirin. Don't be crazy. Give it to your baby. Crack cocaine. But at least I understand the words that's coming out of future's mouth, right? I understand the lyrics. I understand what he's saying. Now, can somebody please be kind enough to tell me what in the entire book is designer saying in the song panda? Who the fuck gave buckwheat a record deal? Like, I understand the first lyrics, right? I got broads in Atlanta. And then this nigga lose me. I'm from an affirmative funnel. Legacy panda. Black car looked like a panda. Okay, nigga. So how high were you when you wrote this fucking song? Like, how did this happen once you're in your house? You had a party that was girls over, you know, you smoking weed, got paranoid and shit and started hallucinating. You came out your house. He was like, I got broads in a letter. It's flipping up. White legacy Banda. The black car. It looked like a panda. You know, when I first, when I first heard this song, right? Someone walks by me, the boy's not even saying lyrics. I don't know what the fucking he walked by. He just making noises. It's strange sounds. He walked by me going. I pulled his mommy to the side. We called the doctor. I thought this little nigga had Tourette syndrome. Throughout the entire song, designer is screaming. That shit sound painful. That sound like the inaudible sound that you make. When you go to take a piss in the middle of the night in a dark room and you bust your toe on a piece of furniture, that ain't got no fucking business being in the bedroom. But your girl thought it was cute, you know what I'm saying? So you go to take a piss, and you be like, oh, shit. And your girl wake up, knowing it's her fault. She put the shit there like, you okay? No bitch I ain't okay. What the fuck you gotta go there and treasure chest and the damn bedroom phone. The fuck are you a pirate? What do you mean that noise? That's the sound I make. If somebody was to wax. This part of my asshole. You know that weird meat between your ass and your balls fellas. It's a weird little area because they look like they should be a vagina there. But God was like, come on, you can't have a pussy in a dick. So that shit up, Jesus. Okay, dad. I got them. Weird scraggly hairs on it. The hair don't go right there. It's all scraggly and sparse. But it lay down. It looked like LeBron James hairline right here. But if your hair is real nappy and shit, it looked like Kevin Durant's. But it's so weird little area there's no place, right? Because it's real sensitive, right? It's the part in your body where your girl lick fellas, right? And it feels really good. You make you make all kinds of little weird tickly noises. Like, it feels so good. You mean making noises like a white girl and a lesbian porno. You beg all my fucking got fucked. Fucking Gucci. Like my fucking gouge. But you know when she lick it, you feel a little bit gay when she do it. You be conflicted like, oh my God, check my ass here, suck my dick, make me straight again. Go back down, link my goo. She licked the tank, come back up. Make me straight again. Okay, listen, don't tell nobody, okay? You promise you ain't gonna tell nobody? No, I'm not 'cause when you get mad, you just be saying all my fucking business. You promise you ain't gonna tell nobody. All right, I'm gonna trust you. Here go and get all that good. Oh my fucking God. Get my fucking gooch. Fuck yeah. Hold on, get the dick too. We call that the doberman picture tail. Well, if somebody was to wax that part of my asshole, I'd make that noise. Watch Marlon Wayans woke ish only on Netflix.

Molly Dr. Dre Banda Tourette Syndrome Atlanta Kevin Durant Lebron James Gucci Gooch Marlon Wayans Netflix
A highlight from Artemis| T Rex | Bed Sharing

The Gargle

03:10 min | 4 d ago

A highlight from Artemis| T Rex | Bed Sharing

"From the bugle. First of all, I will put on a simple curdle with an apron and woolen hose with garters. My shift, I would have likely worn to sleep in. I still keep that on. I'm but a simple medieval maiden and as all such do, I toil from dawn till dusk at making fires, getting and making food, cloth mending, preparing with a high holiday approaching the workload is greater and I must go early in the mornings while the dew is still wet on the grass to gather the fresh gargle. The sonic glossy magazine to the bugles audio newspaper for visual world, this is the goggle I am your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this edition of the magazine are AJ lamarck and James colley. Anchorman. And by weatherman, I mean anchorman. The Inca benefit. The man who was bitten by a radioactive anchor, and he got all the powers of an anchor. The front cover of this week's magazine is Scottish journeyman Jason Cummings who came on as a substitute for Australia in the football the other night during the World Cup in the shameful past sorry it's pronounced Qatar. His nickname among his teammates is come dog and legitimate journalistic outlets I now have to deal with that. That's why he's our front cover model for this week. The satirical cartoon this week is comedian Joe lyset shredding 10,000 pounds in front of David Beckham and a cartoon Sheik representing Qatar Qatar saying sorry we don't accept symbolic gestures in cash. Which to be fair, you know, a thousand pounds in real money doesn't really count as real money anymore because the pound has been so devalued, but even if they had been real, who uses cash. Sorry, Joe, I'm a massive fan of yours and colleague, but also I'm just going to Venmo 10,000 pounds into the void. And I feel like that's more effective. And there was a beautiful moment on Australian television in the past week on show called the project, which does news differently in which someone they mentioned this stunt and one of the presenters got very outraged at the idea behind who's that idiot. Why is he even bothering to do this? What a dumb thing they went well, he's a comedian, he's like, oh, well then I support him. This is a great move. I love it. Well, it wasn't real money. As Joe had to come out and say, it was real money that went into the shredder was not real money that came out of the shredder and he didn't buy that mean the trick of it has stopped being real money. It was a trick trader. And he'd already donated the 10,000 pounds to various LGBTQ+ charities. Oh, okay, so because I'm following this from across an ocean. I haven't been across all the details of it. So I think like the donation itself, the publicity starts and all that seems totally fine to me, but I can not abide close up magic. We have to have some kind of standards from our performers. Well, I think the real problem for me is not that he shredded 10,000 pounds but that he didn't shred 10,000 pounds because I don't like being lied to.

Alice Fraser Qatar Aj Lamarck James Colley Jason Cummings Joe Lyset David Beckham World Cup JOE Football Australia
Nick Kroll: A Joke about Birth Order

Netflix is A Daily Joke

03:16 min | 5 d ago

Nick Kroll: A Joke about Birth Order

"I felt like a kid, you know? But I always have felt a little bit like a kid because I'm the youngest in my family. I'm the baby in my family. Yeah. Nick nicks the baby. I'm Nikki zip no Nick. You're 44. And you've never gotten a present for a single person in your family. Okay? I put a lot on birth order. I think that's how I ended up becoming a performer because I'm the baby of my family. Who here is the oldest in their family? Yeah. Yeah. Raising your hands like good boys and girls. Yeah. Yes, and I bear the weight of my birthright. You guys are like Vin Diesel. You think you're the star of the movie. And then all of a sudden they keep adding cast members and you're like, I didn't realize this was an ensemble, you know? I think it's really hard being the oldest 'cause you have to be the trailblazer. You have to be the one who figures everything out yourself, and then you have to take care of your siblings, like my brother, hey, you taught himself to drive stick when he turned 16. When I turned 16, he tried to teach me to drive stick, and I was like, this is hard. I can't charm a clutch, you know? Bye. Gotta go. Somewhere else. My brother showed me every movie that was influential. He showed me every male Brooks movie by the time I was ten years old. He also, yes, he also showed me the exorcist when I was 5. So any time I see a girl whose head turns around 360°, I'm like triggered. Do we have any youngest in the crowd tonight? Everybody wants to talk to me. I'm whimsical. I have abandoned three different dogs in mom and dad's house. And if you're a middle child, nobody cares, shut up, shut up. Nobody cares. You knew that already, right? You knew that? That's why you choose a partner who's like your family's fucked up. And you're like, I know, that's why we are the team, right? Do we have any only children in the crowd tonight? Yeah. Did you come to your fucking parents? My parents are my Friends. And my Friends are my family. Watch Nick Kroll, little big boy, only on Netflix.

Nick Nicks Nikki Nick Brooks Nick Kroll Netflix
Janelle James: A Joke about White Dudes

Netflix is A Daily Joke

02:44 min | 6 d ago

Janelle James: A Joke about White Dudes

"Sweet times, man. It's a weird, I feel like we're in another dimension or some shit, you know what I mean? Sometimes. It feels like Marty McFly did fuck his mom and that's where we all are. You know what I mean? That's where we all live in right now. All fucking disappearing on a fucking Polaroid right now. That's what's happening. White dudes hitting on me. How dare you? How dare you? What? I don't trust y'all right now. You're crazy. Fucking crazy. That's the whitest white man shit to do right now, hit on a black woman. You fucked the hubris. And this economy? It's a shame, because I like white guys. And you gotta track them. I do, I do. I like white guys. Not as people, not as human beings. Listen, it's sexual fetishized kinda way. You know? You know? The kind of white dudes I like don't really hit on me, you know, you know? Like, I don't like wiggers, you know what I mean? I'm bringing that back. I don't like wakers. Can we still say that? I can. I can still say it. Right? Not you. And I can't fucking say it. You know? I don't like wiggers. That's what white dudes try to act black, you know? Connor, you know, there was some motherfuckers. It's corny motherfuckers. I don't like them. I don't like wiggers, I don't like progressives, you know? No, no. Like if I date a white dude, I want to ruin your family. What's the point? You know what I mean? What's the point? I want them reluctant going in, right? Reluctant. You don't want it, but I'm giving it to them. You know what I mean? And then when he falls to me, his mother stops talking to him. So fucking excitement, you know? Some angst. That sexy racism. That was my biggest gripe with the new Nazis, you know what I mean? All them dudes, nobody hot. Are you crazy? No abs, you know what I mean? Okay, superior race. Get the fuck. Get the fuck. Do some pull ups and they will fucking talk. But anyway, catch Janelle James in the comedy lineup, only on Netflix.

Marty Mcfly Polaroid Connor Janelle James Netflix
A highlight from Whitney Cummings: A Joke about Her Ideal Man

Netflix is A Daily Joke

03:37 min | Last week

A highlight from Whitney Cummings: A Joke about Her Ideal Man

"My last special just to catch you up, I had announced that I had just gotten engaged. Nope, no, no. My personality handled that. I mean, nobody's happy for me when I say I'm not engaged anymore. I was just used to when you're in your 20s and you break up with some. Everyone is so proud of you. They're like, good for you. You don't need him. Fuck him. You break up with someone in your late 30s and people are like, are you sure? You bring up with someone in your 20s. Everybody's worried about your emotional state. They're like, how are you doing? How are you feeling? You break up with someone in your late 30s, people are just worried about your physical safety. You're like, you live alone again? What if you fall? I guess I'm a late bloomer. I took this long for me to figure out what I wanted a relationship, although I feel like I finally figured out what I wanted a man, only to realize that what I want is now considered creepy. I know it's not popular to say, but I'm in the older man. That's my thing. I like an older man. Are there any here tonight or did COVID get them? We have any at all. Did any make it? How do you sir? 60. I can't, I can't help it. Why is that so hot to me? It's not even like a choice. I just say it's like every cell in my body is just like daddy. Well, we can't. We can't do this, sir. Dating an older man is now considered creepy. I think it was 'cause all that sexual harassment news. Now it's like creepy to date older guys. You're not creepy, sir. It's not you. It's not you specifically. It's just everything you're generation made. It's a little sketchy. I didn't know the guy last year, and we went on a road trip. Every song on his playlist was like wild. It was like, hey little girl is your daddy home. Did he go and leave you all alone? I was like, oh God. I used to love that song. That shit does not hit the same way. But the good thing about dating older guys is that every now and then you get to listen to R. Kelly by accident. 'cause they didn't hear about it. Okay, Yahoo news or whatever. Didn't cover that story. Oh, wow. You're gonna try to be woke with me, Newark, you sure? You're gonna try to tell me when the R. Kelly ignition remix comes on. And it's not your fault, but that isn't a gift from God. Now I've got an asshole. I'm not just gonna enjoy the song. I'm obviously gonna educate him, you know? I'm gonna be like, baby, you need to turn this song off. You need to turn. You need to turn this song off immediately. This man is disgusting. This man, this man was a sexual predator, what he did was wrong. He objectified women. There's a documentary I need you to watch immediately. There's a Gayle king interview. I need you to turn on. And you need to turn this song off in three minutes. Watch Whitney Cummings, jokes, only on Netflix.

R. Kelly Newark Yahoo Gayle King Whitney Cummings Netflix
Sam Jay: A Joke about Being a Better Partner

Netflix is A Daily Joke

03:18 min | Last week

Sam Jay: A Joke about Being a Better Partner

"I'm engaged, I got engaged on my birthday. Yeah. Marry or whatever. Yep. Doing it. Fucking doing it. It's cool, we're in therapy we're on a couple of therapy because we really want to do it for real, so we're like let's get in coast therapy and work on our shit. I love that. I love a couple syrupy more than I ever thought I would because I have a place to bring arguments. So now, I never thought about it that way, but that's all it is. I pay a bitch to bring the argument to her. So I don't even argue no more. She starts saying stuff. I be like, nope, saving this Felicia. Live my life. I just gonna have my day. Like, I don't even care 'cause on Tuesday, I'm gonna get all this shit up. I'm trying to compromise our become a hold the door nigga. I'm gonna hold the door nigga now. That's my new life. I hope the door I wait. Wait, I hold the door open because it was a whole fight. I got a whole big fight 'cause I didn't hold the door. She told me I was inconsiderate piece of shit. I don't hold the door. What kind of person it doesn't hold the door? It was very confusing for me because she has arms, and I was like, you're grown. I thought she could do that on your own. It's just so dumb. But now I do it. I hold the door. I stand there, I hold the fucking. We just recently went to the theater. And I took her to see a musical 'cause I don't know. She likes them. They're dumb. She likes them. I don't know, they're for stupid people. Musicals are super people. We can't all agree to that. Oh, I'm sorry. It's wonderful gays. My bad. The first dummies. Why are you singing me problems? I'm an adult. Just tell me what's wrong. Why are you? Putting this problem to song. But anyway, we're at the theater. It was shit in orchestra, right? And if you ever been like Broadway, right, everybody sits down the subway work. So everybody who pays is now. And then the poor people come in. And they fill in the seats with the poor people, right? And it's like, it's like a poor lottery of right? There's just season. They're just like, go, go, go. It becomes kind of like the border. They're like splitting up families and shit. They're like, this way that way. So we're sitting there and they're getting down to it, and then it's just a dude in his lady. And there's only one seat in this right next to us. And he goes, who's this going to be an acoustic go, baby, leave me, and she's like, I love you. And she sits down next to us, and my girl looks at me and she goes, oh babe, you never do anything like that for me. It's like bitch, I made myself a nigga who could afford two tickets. That's what I did for you. Catch Sam Jay in standout and LGBTQ+ celebration. Only on Netflix.

Felicia Sam Jay Netflix
Michael McIntyre: A Joke about Being a Hong Kong Ten

Netflix is A Daily Joke

02:54 min | Last week

Michael McIntyre: A Joke about Being a Hong Kong Ten

"While I was in Asia in Hong Kong, a very, very exciting development. This was very unexpected. Now, I should tell you that I'm married to a beautiful woman. She's out of my league. She's like properly, she's hot. And I know that she's out of my league because everybody who meets us and meets her, tells us, immediately. They just look at us and go, why? She is a ten. She's a ten. No doubt about it. She's a ten. I am like, well, maybe with a diet and a time and a great distance and a shot. Affliction. And a low lighting. Maybe 6. Or a 5. I'm feeling it's a four from this reaction. Because in Hong Kong, I'm a fucking 9. This is delicious. I've got this sort of East Asian, is he not Asian, cool, British, James Bond Y thing going on? As soon as I got off the plane, girls were giggling. I was like, well, I didn't know what? I would have happened. Nobody had ever reacted to me like that. Girls were coming up to me. Excuse me, oh my God, were you from? Interesting faith. Hello. I knew they fancied me because they were luring their face masks to flirt. Hello. Stranger. How you doing? This one goes. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Are you a budget? No. What are you talking about? She said, you look exactly like the man from the puck over ban adverts. There's an advertising company in Hong Kong for Paco rabanne. I look exactly like the guy there. If anything, I'm better looking than this guy. In Hong Kong, I'm a Paco rabanne model. In this country, I've been offered zero advertising work. Whatsoever. Unless giacomo come out with a new jacket boob rage. That's going to be changing. In the near future. We're going to use jacket verb range. Comes in all sizes of boobs. Doesn't matter. Hong Kong, gorgeous. Watch Michael McIntyre, showman, only on Netflix.

Asia Michael Mcintyre Hong Kong TEN James Bond British East Asian Asian Zero Advertising Work Four Netflix Giacomo Paco 6 Rabanne 5 Paco Rabanne 9
Rachel Bloom and Eliot Glazer: A Song in Tribute of Jane Fonda & Lily Tomlin

Netflix is A Daily Joke

03:19 min | Last week

Rachel Bloom and Eliot Glazer: A Song in Tribute of Jane Fonda & Lily Tomlin

"Wow. Wow, what a night it's been. Yes. And what a stellar tribute to women in comedy and the amazing Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda. How does one end? An epic night such as this? Well, with a musical number of course. Yep. That's right. What better way to pay tribute than in song? Now, it was kind of a hard to clear publishing rights for some of our top choices. It's standard like red tape stuff. Industry industry. But I think we managed to put together something pretty special. Because lily and Jane, you're worth it. And as the great Bette Midler once said, you gotta have friends. But we couldn't clear that song. No, we could not clear that song. Don't play that song, Jerome. Not clear. However, we're not gonna let that stop us. Will we Rachel? No. No, 'cause if there's one thing we have learned tonight from these amazing women, it's who runs the world. Girls. No, but stop, though. Don't play that stuff. Super could not clear that. Stop. Beyoncé's people are very litigious. Oh, no, we can't. We can't. I don't think we can say be honest. You can't, but I can. Okay, that's fair. Still, friendship is forever. And no one proves that quite like Jane and lily. Yeah. And at the end of the day, there's one thing we all know for sure, music is a universal language. And we also know for sure that songs in the public domain don't have to be cleared. No. That's right. So this is for you, lily and Jane. You should all acquaintance be forgotten and never brought to mind a show all the complaints before God and jails of all things I oh Danny boy the time's the pie. And I'll inside. For he's a jolly good girl. We could have totally just said, she's gonna just said she's a God. Did it's just too late. Catch Rachel bloom and Elliot glazer in Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, ladies night live.

Lily Tomlin Jane Fonda Lily Jane Beyoncé Bette Midler Jerome Rachel Danny Rachel Bloom Elliot Glazer
A highlight from Dolly |Crypto Death | Drug Ref

The Gargle

05:28 min | Last week

A highlight from Dolly |Crypto Death | Drug Ref

"It's what you've spent your life yearning for, more nourishing than any meal, more spiritually, fulfilling than any belief, more beloved by everybody than Raymond himself. It's the goggle. The sonic glossy magazine views already newspaper for visual world, all of the news now that the politics I'm your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors this week's edition of the magazine are pippa Evans and John Luke Roberts. Welcome. Hello. Hello. Hello. Thank you for having me. Well, thank you for having me as well. I feel like that everyone loves Raymond joke would have worked better if I had pronounced it rainwater. I think that's the continental version of the show. That's how they pronounce it over there. Let's just change all the words. Lose. Maybe it's to lose Raymond. French edition. Before we hack through the ice and begin ice fishing, the stories for this week, let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine. The front cover of the magazine this week is Sam bankman fried and Elon Musk posing provocatively with the torn emotions of the educated elite. Clickbait writers across the world are popping bottles of champagne and riding headlines like what to do with your time when someone else is doing your job for you or climate change the war in Ukraine and 6 other world events that will no longer be making headlines. What is journalism anyway? I've been enjoying Twitter actually. I feel like it's more fun than it has been for a very long time, despite functioning less well than it has for a very long time. And I find it amazing that everyone's going to move to another platform, which nobody can pronounce. Is this Mastodon? Raymond, isn't it? Mastodon and it's the it seems to be the least easy to use platform. So everybody's going to leave this platform because everyone's upset with Elon Musk. And I don't even know what he's done because I've been following Twitter to find out what Elon Musk is done. And all I can see is that a lot of people are upset with Elon Musk and leaving to go to Mastodon. So I actually struggling to understand why, what is the problem here? The problem is, genuinely, I don't really understand what the problem is. Every billionaire has a news outlet, why are we more upset by this than like Murdoch owning everything or everyone earning? That sort of what you do once you've bought everything in the world, you buy facts. What exactly is a board space? And he bought underwater to try to buy underwater drowning, didn't he? And then, and now he bought Twitter. So here's just by all. It's only as horrifying as everything else. Exactly. I guess there's just a big time for the anger for Murdoch owning everything to dissipate a bit. Whereas this is brand new. It's just done it. Fresh delightful anger. But it's also delighted because he's doing it so sort of incompetently, like constantly changing decisions every half hour, new chicks, new chicks, no checks, new ticks. New text, new tips, new text new technique tips. Hold up. We'd be paying, have you got a tick? I've had a bit of you got a tick, so I've got a tick, but then someone said I was going to have to pay pounds for a tick. And then I'd have no one sent me an invoice. So I'm assuming I don't have to pay 8 pounds for my tick but I still have my tics. Are they going to take away my tick or am I just the new TikTok? I believe that you can click on the tick and find out whether the person has the tick because they're notable or whether they have the tick because they've paid 8 pounds for it, which makes it sort of humiliating because somebody can click on and go they pay for that. So would there be like a tick with a little dollar sign next to it or something? This is the ticking clock ticking down the tick value. There were other tips that were great for a while. I don't know if they're still there or they've gone. But it's a terrible thing. The whole thing, I mean, the nice thing about it is the transparency of showing how badly kind of software iteration cool, high-tech bro, move fast and break things stuff actually in real life is just the chaotic around of people who can afford for something to keep failing because they have rich parents. Like that's kind of you can afford to fail 80 million times until your startup works. I think that's the nature of these startups in a garage is that their parents are lending them the garage and paying their phone bills. What exactly has chances of success happen to be fairly high? I suppose it's also a bit like when do you remember when Facebook first changed its change its layout? And probably 2010 or something. And so actually this has happened before. We have been through this before, guys. We will get through it. And everyone was going, I'm leaving Facebook and there was people doing online petitions to stop them changing where your favorite people were or your photo and everyone said they were going to leave and then well everyone's outrage because they're like it's the public space square. It's the public square and you're like, it's the public square in the company town. Yeah. It's never been the private land, my friend. The satirical cartoon this week are workers a pair of workers boarding up the U.S. capitol building passerby says expecting zombies and the worker says sort of, that's our satirical cartoon, the only place in this podcast where we can do politics.

Elon Musk Raymond Sonic Glossy Magazine Alice Fraser Pippa Evans John Luke Roberts Raymond Joke Sam Bankman Twitter Murdoch Ukraine Facebook U.S.
A highlight from Hasan Minhaj: A Joke about Fertility

Netflix is A Daily Joke

06:14 min | Last week

A highlight from Hasan Minhaj: A Joke about Fertility

"For four years, my wife and I couldn't get pregnant. And it was my fault. For years, the secret was killing me, man. I was at The Daily Show. Every day, Trevor Noah would come up to me with those cute ass dimples. Hey friend, what's going on? What's going on with you and Bina? You're like Indian Barbie and Kent. And I'm like, I know. And much like Ken. My parents don't work. Do you know what it's like to be a guy and find out your balls are broken? It's humiliating. Dude, I felt lied to my entire life. Growing up, they told me. My sperm is radioactive. Remember sex Ed? Do you remember the way they would horrify us young boys? One morning you're sitting there, misses lighting, just bursts in, watch out, boys. Your pre come will get girls pregnant. Don't look at anyone. You are pre calm, we'll get girls pregnant, Hasan the come before you come. Can conceive a life. You're like, misses ledding, I'm 9. This is terrifying. Good. Now let's watch a live birth. You're like no. Why did my parents sign the waiver? And anyone going through fertility problems, you know it loads the relationship with all this pressure, you know? Me and Bina, we'd be up late at night, having these really tough conversations. You know, is this going to happen for us? Are we going to be able to have kids? And then I was like, babe, what if we adopt? What if we adopt a white baby just to flex on these motherfuckers? Just to show people we made it. You know what I mean? Reverse Angelina Jolie power move. We'll show them off at parties, just as chubby white kid with asthma? He's just like, hi. I'm Bradley min hush. I'm a proud member of the Indian American community. This is my son. Bradley, we saved him. From a war torn part of America. Detroit, everyone. Deena's like, I don't want to white baby. I'm like, whatever, you're racist. All Bradley's matter. She's like, Hasan, I don't want a white baby, don't you understand? I want a baby with you. I know. That's vina. That's why I married her. Family is everything to her. She's a Patel. She has 961 cousins. This show tonight. And she's a motel Patel. So that family shit runs deep. Yeah. You ever noticed that every motel you've ever stayed at all owned by Indian people. Look at the name tag Patel. They're all from one part of India in their all related. If you've stayed at a Hampton in the la Quinta inequality in a comfort and a super 8, you have been supporting this Patel cartel. For centuries, we have been debating Indians Asians Jews. Who is the cheapest of them all? Motherfucker, it's Indians. Only Gujarati Indians would choose a family business you could live at. That was beat his kingdom, man. The kingdom of la Quinta. And now she wanted to start a kingdom with me. Dude, I'm gonna be honest with you guys. I was kinda glad we were having fidelity problems. I do want to have kids. I was like, come on, babe. I just got verified on Instagram. Let me enjoy this clout. She's like, I don't give a shit about clout. The only reason why we can't get pregnant is because it took you ten years to propose to me. Yeah. I went to the doctor. It's not my ovaries, motherfucker. It's your balls. Go get your balls checked out. I'm like, hey, don't bring them into this. 'cause here's the thing, I'm at that age where I don't like going to the doctor. 'cause a lot of doctors are my age. And they're Indian, which means I might know that. So we're sitting there in the waiting room at NYU, right? Door opens, nurse comes out. She's like, doctor Gupta will see you now. I'm like, oh, this better not be argent Gupta from Sacramento. Then I hear a familiar voice. He's like, oh, son, man. I'm like, this is such a good thing for Sacramento. I know this kid. He's a fucking idiot. He failed out of the Caribbean med school. Twice, I go horseman. How are you licensed? He's like, I don't know. That's why I'm a gist doctor with a basement office. Yo, drop your pants. How's that? I'm like, don't talk about my mom. Pino, he's not even an MD. He's a goddamn deal. Boom. Boo it up, Dion. In the back, doctors of osteopathic medicine hate that joke. So MDs and DOs,

Trevor Noah Patel Bradley Hasan The Daily Show Bina La Quinta Kent KEN Deena Angelina Jolie ED Asthma Detroit Hampton America Instagram Gupta India Sacramento
Ron Funches: A Joke about Marriage

Netflix is A Daily Joke

02:54 min | Last week

Ron Funches: A Joke about Marriage

"Oh, I'm doing real well. My family life's going well. I just have my year anniversary with my wife, which is wonderful. Yeah. It's the second marriage, so I feel like this one's gonna stick. I recommend if you're in your first marriage, just get that one out of the way. You not even in your final form, yeah. After my first marriage, I was a little bit worried that I'd be damaged goods and people wouldn't want me, but it was kind of the opposite, you know? I knew more about myself. I knew what I liked, what I didn't like. I know how good my marriage is now, 'cause I could base it off of how shitty my first marriage was. And I'm not one of the comics that likes to talk shit about their ex. It's just that we were married too young. We didn't really trust each other, didn't respect each other. She kept trying. I was a little bit bigger than, and she kept trying to dress me and clothes with giant dogs on them all the time. Or just a lot of bright floral patterns and khaki shorts. Just trying to make me look like a black Gabriel Iglesias. Basically just keeping me real own fuckable. Well, my wife, now she wants me to be cute. Before I leave the house, she changed her hair. She made sure I'm suited and booted. She wants people to want to fuck me. That's a good marriage. Thank you. I didn't know what marriage could be for him like that. I thought it had to be a constant fight, constant struggle. I didn't know marriage could just be hanging out. Laughing together, watching Seinfeld all day. Until you get your dick sauce. When you boil marriage down to that once since, I mean, oh my God, it is beautiful. Especially if you understand how often I've watched Seinfeld all day. Without getting my dance son, will no longer now I get excited as soon as I hear the theme song. Yeah, as soon as I hear that boom, boom boom, boom, boom. I'm like, oh, I better go get her scrunchie. Catch Ron funches and Amy Schumer presents parental advisory. Only on Netflix.

Gabriel Iglesias Seinfeld Ron Funches Amy Schumer Netflix
A highlight from FULL: Are You Saying The King Is Hairless

The Christian O’Connell Show

08:10 min | 16 hrs ago

A highlight from FULL: Are You Saying The King Is Hairless

"Oh no. Getting naked. To become good at bowling. One. Let me just squeeze in the coming back through it. Okay. The Christian O'Connell show. Gold one O 4.3. Hey, good morning, Tuesday morning. Welcome to the Christian O'Connell show here on gold. Good morning, Jackie boy. Good morning, guys. Good morning, Patsy. Good morning. Patsy is the most organized person I know that every team member she knows or we can advance their birthday is coming up and then I just found out, please tell them what you're doing yesterday with the Christmas gifts. Oh, it's wrapping gifts. Wow. The fact that you've even got them to rub them. Don't I? It's December the first Thursday, so are all your gifts wrapped. No, no, no, no, but I just started yesterday because you got to get them under the tree. The trees up, and it's begging for presents. That tree will be up in about two weeks time. Traditionally in a month called December is when we put ours up. So as everyone's wrapped, who are you wrapping yesterday? I might have done a few team members yesterday. So you were up for the team members, then you put them under your own trade. Yeah. That's where presidents go check everything has a place. I love this. This is so sweet. From my home to your home. And tell me this then in your relationship. Do you do all the wrapping? Yeah, I do in mind. Seriously, Sarah's never wrapped a single present for the kids. I wrap all of them. I'm surprised you're a good rapper because otherwise you organize your sight. It's an ordeal for anyone to open any of my guests. This I get through a lot of sellotape. It's like he's been sent international or something. You know people when they're some suspicious travelers have done that sort of rap around their suitcases. 360 hours. All right, we get it. No one's getting your underwear or whatever you got in there, your phone charger, or your international adapter. Yeah. You get to the hotel and how are you getting these toothbrush? You haven't got your scissors on even in there or allowed to be in there. How are you opening that up? It's impossible to get in. It's like that. On average, would it take one of your daughters to open their Christmas presents? It's quite a while. It requires scissors and stuff like that. So are you the designated rapper? I am, I love to wrap. It's like a sport for me. It's gotta be the perfect paper and the ribbon and it's, I have a theme each year, it's way over there. I never know what to do with that turkey in bit, right? The easy bit is when you do that first sort of wraparound in the main, let's just say body of the gift. And then you've got it gets to a sort of messy triangle. You snip it off at the end and then fault tuck and fall. Yeah, the secret is you can't have too much excess at the sides. I call that tas. See, I always have. I don't like too much tassel. If the size. Then what I would do to cover up the bulging is more solitary rotor, squish it in. I get the bulging down. Yeah, it's just like a corset basically. On a brighter note, you are listening to the Christian O'Connell show podcast. I'm not saying that there's sometimes there's a bit of a tight ass radio station. There was no news at half 5 for technical problems. So far, half the team can't hear the show that's going out on air for some reason. We're not quite sure why. You're with the pros. Chad was just telling me about how good his mom is at Christmas wrapping. Well, we're still all through the song we were comparing notes about how we wrap individual proteins. My mom as a part time job when we were kids over Christmas would be an official gift wrapper at Northland. Oh well. She had to do a course before she went there. She is ten out of ten when it comes to gift wrapping. When they go, do you we're offering complimentary cliff wrapping, right? Yes. It's suddenly Christmas is in that moment, isn't it? I feel like confetti is dropped from the please. I've got a load in the car, actually. Can you do all of them? But that's the president that sticks out under the tray because he does some more poorly reps in the exact same reputation paper. Then you've got this beautifully wrapped thing with clothes sitting under there that is to buy one day and they do this thing where you know about this pattern but you've learned how to do it where they get the ribbon and they get one of the blades of the scissors. When they do that, that's like high arch, we're going to go and then it's all curls up. How do you do that? I would say it's just like the friction with the knife. You know what else though? Because of our gangster behavior, friction with the knife. When you don't want to kill someone, you just do that. Don't make me get my blade out. All right. Maya, at Maya, they don't even use they've got a special way of not even using sticky tape. The way they fold the paper is like origami, they don't even use sticky type on it. What like a nip tuck kind of like cosmetic surgery? Yeah, and it just sits all in place. It's amazing. It's like voodoo. My mom, you say tape and the underside, so she used to fold the edges. Like a double side tape? No, no, no, just normal tape rolled up into a circle and then tape on the underside. And then so you couldn't see any type when you were opening the present. So could you do that with that double sided tape? But you know, I'm actually tempted this year to put for 20 bucks on air task. I don't sound getting jaded. There would be a dead after 18 years. I'm kind of like, I'm done with doing all those rabbits. We have to get your mom to a video. You know, you go on YouTube and all these people too. How to of how to wrap the Pacific prison. Yes, you think your mom would do that. And then I'll get my dad to do one that is how he reps presents, which is just get one of those gift bags and put whatever piece inside that come on. The Christian O'Connell show, podcast. Every morning at around about 8 30 after Patsy's news. We do the time waster. And so many people get fed up that you didn't get to mind. You couldn't read mine. There are so many that come in every single morning. We don't take it for granted with blessed. They're literally our hundreds of you get involved. So what we're going to do is because once Jack's marked them for about another ten or 15 minutes, a load more of you still ascending yours in because obviously when you thinking about them and taking part in it, some says it takes time to send it in. So we're going to do something in the first half hour, the next day's show called extra time. Time waste sets a time where we will mark Jack will mark some of the ones that came in late to the show yesterday. And if you want to take part, you can win right now. So the current dire time waste was fancy movies. Yesterday winning the village old tickets was just in with who's feeding Gilbert grapes. That's a great one. All right, so posh movies you can text in yours right now. 047-503-1043. Some of the ones I had left over from yesterday. Mayfair lady may fair lady is mayfair posh. Oh my gosh. I am no monopoly board as well. Yes, it is the last one of the monopoly but just a big one. Stately home alone. Stately. Who framed Roger Moore? You didn't, did you do a rubber Federer yesterday? Yes. Damn it, he does pay attention. Silver. All right, let's go to the ones that came in late yesterday. You don't want to hear my back? Oh yeah, so yeah, yeah, yours. What have you got? The Porsche whisperer. That's silver plus. Saving private jet. Gold. She's all cravat. What's so cold? That's God bless. All right, so they're posh movies. Someone's got a mark yesterday, extra time time waster, posh movies. Honey, I shrunk the maid. Bronze. I like that one. Instead of my private Idaho. My private jet. Silver. Oh my God, I just think that's from a guy called cam cam. I met him over the weekend. He said, you never Mark mine, I said, what's your name? Said cam, I said, put cam cam. I'll dig yourself. Every day here just come cami. When Harry met Sami's made. Bronze. Dude where's my chef? Cold, simons are the lamb cutlets. Silver, Gucci fellas. Gold that's very good. So Edward of the scissored hands,

Connell Patsy Jackie Bowling Northland Sarah Chad Mark Jack Mayfair Posh Youtube Jack Roger Moore Gilbert Whisperer Porsche Mark Mine Idaho Sami Harry Simons
A highlight from MINI: Stolen

The Christian O’Connell Show

05:41 min | 17 hrs ago

A highlight from MINI: Stolen

"Stop for a break. We didn't even know it was gone until my mom went to do the washing the next day. Fiona, that's a great story. Do you know what I'm going to send you one of our amazing chopins? Oh, thank you. My pleasure. Happy Christmas. Thank you, Mike. Thank you very much for coming. Have a good day. And you too. Donovan, good morning. Good morning. How are you doing? I'm good, Donovan. So what got stolen? Well, he wouldn't believe it. It sounds ridiculous, but everything. They moved us out of the house. They literally took the pots pans, food out of the fridge. They took out clothing. I took the mattresses off a bit, left the basis. I've ever heard. This is really literally on. Yeah, it took about four hours, and I managed to do that. I literally moved us out of the house, luckily the TV was so old and cruddy. I left that. But you got no lunch sweet to sit on watch table. Nothing. Nothing. Everything they've rolled up the mets. And it sounds too ridiculous, but we walked in. It was never heard about literally gutting a place. God, everything. Well, we've got a whole new house, but still living. Deepest deepest darkest African school. So yeah, was it very interesting? Wow, wait, all right, Donovan, thank you very much, you called a brighter note. You listening to the Christian O'Connell show podcast. Jeb posh has had oat milk. Stolen from his doorstep. What did they steal from you? This is incredible message I just had him from one of you. Christian, when I was in primary school, I had a little toy dog key chain on my bag that you squeezed and it did a little poo that popped out. I remember those. I had to pick one. And then went back in. Someone stole the poo out of it. They stole the Christian the poo. That is that savage, isn't it? Who can do that? Michael, good morning, Michael. Yes, there you go. Yes. And Michael, what got stoned from you? Well, first off it was me car. It got Stalin at the front of my house, and then three weeks later I had to place officers come around to say that I recovered it. Rang out the insurance to let him know that the Kyle was banned and outlined at the place up to this guy back and said it got stalled off the Tiger truck. No. I've never heard of that. Just steal it once is a nightmare. Please go, no, no, no, I don't want to win the police. We're the pros here. No way, actually, it's gone. Okay. It's probably why they were ran your house telling you that they found it. That's what I took it again. Yeah, I had to ring the insurance up and I don't think he believed me so I had to give them. That is incredible. We should have a phone in one day about short victory laps. And Michael Goodall, did you get him back for the second time? 6 weeks later, I found erect. No. You can not leave laugh about it, I guess. All right, Michael, thank you very much to come here. Have a good day. Simon, good morning, Simon, welcome to the show. Christian, can I team? Hi. That was very lucky to grow up in a huge two story Victorian mentioning in Brighton when I was a kid. It was at the same day as head threadbare carpets and it was pretty long in the tooth, but it had beautiful marble fireplaces in every room. And the lady was bought the house to the complete renovation, including marble hallway right through the ground floor and stuff like that. And these guys turned up in a truck in uniforms and went in and took out every marble fireplace, drove away and never seen again. It was a very organized thing. Yeah, it's crazy. It's like Ocean's Eleven, but fireplaces. Marble fireplaces. And those big old things must weigh a ton and take ages to remove. Tools and trolleys and in a track. But I would believe this well, if you saw a fireplace guy. You take it away, clean it up, bring it back. Thanks, guys. I'm free for an hour or two. Trump is though, you think that obviously then going to send it to someone who's got the kind of home that can house that. You probably just go around the corner to brighten really hard. But Christian O'Connell show podcast. This month, kyw news radio, and Deborah Hart and lung center discuss peripheral artery disease, or PAD, learn the signs and symptoms of PAD and the noninvasive diagnostic tools and interventions available. Here's Rossi Kay. The impaired blood flow that causes PAD can create medical mysteries until properly diagnosed, interventional cardiologist doctor Richard Kovacs says if the artery blockage is very high on the vascular tree where the main artery branches off to the legs, it can cause pain in the backside and hip, not just the calves. Not infrequently we'll see patients who suspect that they've had arthritis for years and years, and even have had multiple injections in their hips, stared injections and things like that who, once we discovered a blockage high up like that, open up that blockage, get normal blood supply to their hips. Suddenly there are arthritis goes away, and they no longer have any hip or buttocks pain. Learn more at the Bora health report dot com. New Jersey's only heart lung and vascular specialty hospital. Deborah heart and lung center, when it's your heart, demand Deborah

Donovan Jeb Posh Michael Michael Goodall Fiona Connell Mets Simon Mike Stalin Kyle Christian O'connell Kyw News Radio Deborah Hart Lung Center Peripheral Artery Disease Brighton Rossi Kay Richard Kovacs Donald Trump
A highlight from FULL: Leakage At The Morgue

The Christian O’Connell Show

08:28 min | 1 d ago

A highlight from FULL: Leakage At The Morgue

"Cook it up for dinner. No one should be raving in daylight hours. You just smear grease on who you want. The Christian O'Connell show, gold one O 4.3. Hey, come on in Monday morning and it's just coming off a ten minutes past 6 Christian O'Connell show on gold. Good morning Patsy. Morning. Good morning, Jackie boy. How are you guys? How do you know what? I really enjoyed the soccer's game Saturday night at fantastic win. One goal, which means we have one husky bar face to give away by 9 accord this morning. As part of our goal of thon. An amazing win for the soccer. It was amazing goal as well, but then it was 75 more minutes or just being Custer's last stand. Your keeper put on an amazing performance. The second half, they were relentless. I think it was the first time that or first time since 2000 ten that is straight up. That's right. Yeah, it's there only their second win in a World Cup game in 12 years. That's a long, long, long time. We can advance we can get through to the round of 16. Have you seen have you seen you said this about the France game? He says, you're going to win four two. Anyway, you did a lot better than England over the weekend. Neil Neil will go into America in the Dallas game of the World Cup so far. I've seen a lot of the games. It was awful. It almost ruined my weekend, getting up actually getting up early with all this hope after the orang game smashing them and oh God, this is how it normally is to be in England. Embarrassing, angry. It was just like a negative dull game. I watched the second half of it. I should say, really, I played on my phone while the second half of it played in the background. Yeah. And how did you feel? Just bored. Just a bit bored. Yeah, it was terrible. Patsy, how was your weekend? Not too bad, although Chris shocked me. After so many 20 years of marriage, he never fails to shock, I got home from dropping Audrey at ballet on Saturday, and he said, I might come with younger, I want to get out in the garden, I want to trim the hedge. We've got like a messy 8 foot hedge right around. Keep the paparazzi out. All the drones. Keep the filth out. Anyway. The locals. I've got home and he's up the 6 foot letter in nothing but his jocks. And I thought a pair of Crocs. And jocks at all. That's all he had on was jocks. What? Lucky with some sort of young 20 year old Paul boiled something. With the petrol powered hitch trimmer. Oh my God, this is waiting to happen. Yes, the family jewels were at risk. I thought, oh my lord. I went out the back. I said, what on earth are you doing? And he said, I couldn't find my working short. Sure, sure. This sounds like the setup to an adult movie. Don't act like you're not impressed. What Audis at ballet? Couldn't find. He shorts or t-shirts. Oh, sure. For goodness psych. I'm not gonna lie you close out for you. They're in your cupboard, but he's got working shorts in working t-shirts. Have you got working clothes at home? I have like older stuff that you put on to do stuff like that. It's like a uniform. And I'll always painting and looking for an old T-shirt. But Christian O'Connell show podcast. All right, some of the emails that are coming over the weekend. Everyone who gets their remount run out on air gets one of our beautiful, very cheap disposable pens. You win an official Chopin. Up first, Jeremy hibbits. Krishna had on the show the other day, Jack wanted to take somebody on in ten pin bowling. Yes, we found someone Frank is going to be taking on who wants another shot at redemption like Jackie boy. Yeah, last week there was an inter team bowling tournament and Jack thought he would crush everybody because he used to play at high school. You were in a team. That's right. I used to be good. And I'm not good anymore, but over summer I've vowed to become good at bowling. That is found guys. Strange mouth. He came forward against team members being by Mel who'd never played before. It was actually playing for the first time. And then your wife had to go back the next day, she also beat him. So he really needs to win. I was up in my head. Over summer. It's going to get better, everyone. So Jeremy's got an idea. Christian, why don't we raise the stakes? What doesn't Jack compete in a decathlon of irreverent irreverent sports like chess? Table tennis. I don't think a lot of the competitors will say they're relevant. Temping bowl in badminton squash and lombos as from Jeremy. I think the stakes are high enough with another game. I actually come January. And I've had actually a lot of people coming out of the woodwork DMing me over the weekend saying I would love to first be in bowling. But Frank has already been chosen. A lot of people calling in trying to take you on. This comes from Linda. Christian urging parents talking about the valid mop the other day. Yes, I was saying, I think it was last Monday. Raving about I knew mop bucket that I brought. One of those where you can put your foot on something. On the pedal and it goes. There must be a word for what that is. No, I won't be a pull up. I've got a rotating rotating anyway. Spinner. Yeah, the lead them up, that's it. I was even new mob Christians, so over the weekend, I decided to go and get the same mop and bucket as you. I got them the mop and bucket bundle, like you think it was just going to be like every other mop and bucket, not so. You're quite right. What a deep joy it is when you put your foot on that pedal, the mob doesn't drip everywhere, I call another mops. My flaws are not skating rinks anymore. Thanks for the mop heads up. And the beautiful and clean that comes from Linda, thank you very much, Linda. On Friday's show, we got a lot of calls about what stank. There was so many stories, and this is an amazing one. Christian driving to elliston in SA on a dirt road in 1968. See, this is the thing we talk about Friday. Once you've encountered a really bad smell, it's in that memory forever. We're going back now to 1968. None of us on this team were even born then. My dad had a sheep at maybe 60, 70 miles an hour. It is over one 100°F. Bonnet windshield sides are now win windows covered with sheep blood, wall and excrement. Moment two brothers sitting in window seats on the back car on a convoy also sprayed. We had to clean all we had to clean up the mess was lime green cordial. The Bobo brand for those playing along at home. We had plenty of water, but that was in ice form for the fish we weren't as weight catching. Then the vomited starting in the car, because the smell and the heat was awful. My brothers still to this day starts dry heaving. And thank you very much, pen to you, Christian ambit late to the party, but wanted to share that my uncle loves also loves Kotlin's green cordial. Do you remember when we were talking about what grown-ups drink cordial? But wait for this, he has cordial in milk. Oh. Yeah. Well, I'm going to start driving a minute. Oh, the thought, but any flavor into like a glass of I mean, who is having a glass of milk as a grown-up with green cordial? Yes, milk. He's been drinking cordial and milk for decades. He also at the weekend to enjoy himself, enjoys a can of Coke and milk in the glass. Debbie, no, the Christian O'Connell show podcast. I feel like almost need to just apologize for the next 20 minutes of radio. You're going to have strong emotions. But buckling, if you think you can handle it, it's going to be a wild ride. If you start asking us an entire city about the stinkiest stunt they've ever smell, you're going to get some horrible stories. And that is how we like to start the week with you guys. Just a good feel good start. What stunk 9 four one four one O four three. It's from Debbie over the weekend on our Facebook page. I put chicken breasts in the microwave to defrost, forgot about them. One away for the weekend. The house smelled like a dead body when we got home. We had to throw the microwave away. Christian worst smell of encounter was supermarket with open top free center. Freezes had a power surge Christmas Eve. 1987. So we've really gone back to 1968 so far this morning we watched 1987. Gone away, we found out two days after when we went back there,

Christian O'connell Patsy Bowling Neil Neil World Cup Soccer Jackie Jeremy Hibbits Jack England Custer Linda Jeremy Audrey Frank Cook Chopin Dallas
A highlight from MINI: Misheard Lyrics

The Christian O’Connell Show

05:03 min | 1 d ago

A highlight from MINI: Misheard Lyrics

"Last week Hall of Famer four Nathan with yeah by usher. I got so caught up. I forgot your donkey. All right, let's see what we've got this week. It's got a Mac first of all. He's got Queen 7 seas of rye. Fear me, you loathe some lazy creatures. Or is it fear me you lords and lady creatures? Matt's got this. Unnecessary cover version of the great sound of silence its disturbed version. The original line then fall said I, you do not know, silence like a cancer grows. Silence like a cancer grows or is it a corn to match full said I you do not know silence like a casserole. Silence like a cancer grows I'm hearing casseroles. Maybe. Patty, what do you scare? It's definitely a hundred percent again. It's a full set on you do not know silence like a casserole. Silence like a cancer road we'd wait a second, but it's there. Yeah, okay. You could have that one. Nathan has got this one from Rihanna lift me up. Hold me, hold me, hold me. Find me on me I'm the only she name check in the England cricket team fans. The balmy army, Barbie army, bami army. This has played at the next ashes. That is incredible. Come on in. Hall of Famer. That's one of clearest, nice hurts of the year. Barbie army Bobby army name check. By Rihanna for the cricket fans. I don't hear hold me hold me anymore. That's a great one. Nathan, thank you very much, Hall of Famer. Beck has got this one by Melissa Etheridge like the way I do. Is it so is it so hard to satisfy your senses? To satisfy your senses I want this one to be true. Is it so hard to satisfy your sensei? To satisfy your sensei, I still sense it. Jeff Scott this one by James reign hammerhead. Be my purifier. This is gonna ruin this song for a lot of you. Or is it be my urine fire? You refire looks like he's really closing his eyes and really get into the meaning behind urine fire. It's there. Well, well, well, lucky. Long time listener, first time emailer. Jack post. Do you want to take us through this one? Yes. I will. Rosalind snap. Lyrics, the original lyrics since June 22nd my heart's been on fire. My husband on fire what are you hearing? I'm hearing and wouldn't this paint a funny mental image. Since June 22nd, my husband on fire. Stop it. My husband on fire. Yes. And finally, this one comes from Adam, Christian, I'm not sure if this is suitable for live radio, but I'm sending you anyway. Gee, thank you, sir. I won't say what the square word is, but when I say is it really does sound like he's cussing. Joe Cocker on his version of leave your hat on. I can't hear a swear word, can you? Not a man. No, I don't know. Yeah, that's what it must be that. All right, as always, the email Fiona said lyrics is Christian

Hall Of Famer Cancer Nathan Balmy Army Barbie Army Bami Army Rihanna Barbie Army Bobby Army Cricket James Reign Patty Matt Melissa Etheridge Jack Post Jeff Scott Beck England Rosalind Adam
A highlight from FULL: Come See The Baby Man

The Christian O’Connell Show

08:01 min | 4 d ago

A highlight from FULL: Come See The Baby Man

"Christian O'Connell show. Gold one O 4.3. Hey good morning, it's the Friday show. God one O 4.3. Good morning, Jack. Good morning, Patsy. Morning. Everyone pumped for the weekend. Forget about the weather. Soccer was playing tomorrow night. Go suck root against Tunisia. What do you guys up to this weekend? We've also got Thanksgiving this weekend. Oh, of course. This is by Washington's American, so every few years she gathers the family together when we do a Thanksgiving. Last time we did it, it's actually really nice. She gave it handed out all these cards and we actually had to write down what we were thankful for. And we read them out around the table. You know what? What a lovely thing to do. I might even do it on Christmas Day this year. And are you preparing all for her? I'll be tasked with something like the Mac and cheese, but no, I couldn't do the whole Thanksgiving feast. Everybody think of a dish. We are doing a turkey this time. Oh yeah. Big old thing to cook. Yeah. We're at 5 kilogram turkey. Is that enough for ten people? No. Isn't it? No, and you need to be really careful on cooking times for turkeys as well that you don't dried out too. You collapse on itself. What do you mean? Yeah, you can. Most people go too much time in there. You don't allow for take it out. Take that big old ass bird out the oven, and then you let it cook on the side around an hour. It's still cooking. Well, how many did they wait too long and then it's dry turkey is revolting. I thought it was cooking a big chicken. There was the same approach. Bigger and denser. Any cranberry sauce, there will be some sauce, cranberry, make it cranberry, it's so good with only turkey. Turkey. Thank you, creme Bruce. That's all right. Patsy, what are you up to? Oh, we've got a big weekend of ballet this weekend because she's coming up to exams. How do you have a back zone? They have to learn like the nutcracker. Oh, they have to do their routines, so all of tomorrow is rehearsal and then out to somebody's Sunday for another rehearsal. Oh, God. And then the actual test, the actual exam is awakened later, so it's like the build up. How do you examine for what's meant to be an extracurricular fun activity? Oh no, it's serious business. Serious business because of. Trickle down. No. What are you up to? Oh, wow. Two things. First one, worrying. Actually just worrying from 9 a.m. tomorrow until midnight to our because ruby my 18 year old is doing what 18 year olds do, she's going to a music festival, a rave that starts in the middle of flemington racecourse that is called X yes. Hopefully if she's starting at 9 a.m., she'll tuck her herself out by the mid afternoon and won't even make it to the night. This Calvin house is over. He's like DJ later, he ain't on a 9 a, by the way. She's like, what time do you think he's on? Well, near the end. Midnight. Probably one of the last hours when Calvin's coming out. He's not there to I don't think he'd be nose daylight hours. He works really late. No one should be raving in Taylor. And then she upset because the other act they were looking forward to is Meghan trainor. She just announced two days ago. She's out. Problem in America can't make it over. So I don't know who they've wrote to him when they got mondo rock. Do something. We know you are looking forward to seeing you making China. Doing horses. It's a race course. He's here anyway. He lives there. He lives there won the paddocks. They keep him locked up. This is the Christian O'Connell show, vodka last. Time now for this week's double thumbs up, we'll be talking about the show's and things we're into at the moment. And you do as well. You can text in your recommendations. What's good at the moment that you're watching, 047-503-1043. Patsy. Tomorrow, we've got to vote. State election, and that means democracy sausage. There is a website. And the democracy side. I thought you were about to do the adverts, put you're about to give you double thumbs up to one of the parties. Now, if you go on to democracy, sausage dot org, this is brilliant. It's got a real-time map of where in your local municipality. Sizzles. Look at that. Little icons of snag, say Jack. That is great. But the other thing. You would feel ripped off if you got to the polling booth and there wasn't a sausage. Absolutely. I need to be reassured. The main reason people are going tomorrow is to vote, you know, and cast a vote. It isn't just to get the sausage and then after that vote. You know what a lot of them do though. It's quite clever. They put you vote with the sausage. You just smear it on who you want. You can't get the sausage till later because they normally at a different exit and I reckon they intentionally do that. So make sure you vote stay tuned. But this is brilliant. It's got statistics of how many. Democracies brilliant. Talking about the snags? Widely available everywhere, every Saturday, by the way. No, this has got others, other stats like the sausage sizzle stalls that also have cake stalls, the ones that have coffee if you want a coffee if you're vegetarian or halal. Yeah, don't leave home without going on this for sure. So it's democracy sausage dot org and look on a serious note. Do support it because a lot of the sausage stands are manned by I thought we were going to support democracy. People have thought people would die for this around the world and still are. We're still talking about the right to have a sausage. No, because parent groups men them in a lot of the money goes towards the schools. All right. We're the polling booths are, so it helps raise money. So you always vote on the day. Jack most of the team will really voted. I'm done. Well, a quarter of victorians haven't already voted. Well, I call it victorious. I can tell you don't find off early ones. That's just my personal opinion. Something could change. Yeah, it could. But you know what? The main thing is, is that you're having your site. It doesn't matter necessarily when you vote, but have you Sally. If you're registered to vote, have you say, otherwise you can't complain. Do we have a thing? We'd be living in a time where to make it easier for younger people because I don't have the same Australia, but certainly in the UK, getting younger people to vote. The main reason why Brexit even came when it was such a close vote was a lot of older folks turned up in numbers. And younger people just feel disillusioned and you understand why it didn't turn out to vote. So the Senate make it easy for them. We are not long away from actually being an SMS vote. We should be able to write ideas. Yeah, eventually it will be on our phone. It will. It will just be at an app. I think then where will we get the sausage? The fact that voting, the way we vote is never any different to how my parents voted in the 70s and 80s, I think, is ridiculous, the fact that we line up go up and someone physically gets a ruler. See, I still don't like that tradition. Do you like yeah, I actually do. Yeah, I think you should have choices, however you want to vote, most important thing is you can't see if I still like it. But having the big book of everybody's address does unwieldy all of them from a different time, but I like that. Yeah, I still miss atlases in the car. Anyway, that's me. That's what else have you got for double thumbs up? Yes. This is the whole world. Yeah, that's how I rolled that. Wrong turns. I imagine you with a big globe. Sitting on the passenger seat. And a sextant in the car. Mapping the horizon. And quickly the other thing that we've watched this week is disenchanted, which is or disenchanted too, which is a sequel to enchanted over a decade ago with the spunky Patrick Dempsey. It's good if you've got kids. It's quite cute. It's a fairytale. Is he in this? He is. And then I'll be watching it. I'm big fan. It's fantastic. No, I reckon there's some code in Patsy's marking. Only time you said it's good if you got kids. That means you didn't really like it. You know why? Because it's really hard because you can't watch a lot of grown up stuff. There's too much swearing and nudity and other stuff. You try watching an episode of fleabag with two teenage daughters. That can get awkward. Real quick. Well, we watched Wednesday as well, which is Wednesday, Adams is a new series out, and it's rated for kids, but I tell you what, it's a little bit scary in part. So

Patsy Christian O'connell Creme Bruce Calvin House Meghan Trainor Jack Tunisia Flemington Soccer Turkey Calvin Washington Taylor China America Sally Senate Australia UK
A highlight from MINI: Killer Facts

The Christian O’Connell Show

04:51 min | 4 d ago

A highlight from MINI: Killer Facts

"Welcome to the Christian O'Connell show podcast. Jackass has told me a fact it's no humdrum normal fact. It's a killer fact. Occasionally on the show, we do a thing called killer facts, wearing these go beyond mere facts. They exist in a different stratosphere. They are killer facts. You hear someone telling somebody, oh my God, wow. When we hear your killer facts, you'll hear this. I forgot to press the funny rob. Sorry, it's Friday. But if you don't, that's what I meant to say you'll hear the song. It's definitely Jack to kill a fact is. All right, famous Australian characters, mother daughter characters Catherine keen back on our screens this week. Mother daughter in show, but in real life, the exact same age. No, I don't think that deserves that. It must have been delegated. You know, kill it one patty. That isn't that amazing party 61 years old. But that's just coincidence though. That's not an Aquila effect. But in the show, I couldn't have a daughter. I'm gonna retract this. You know, because there's more I think about it. I've got what I think is a killer fact about it's about otters. So for this, hit me up. For this to work, I want you to close your eyes now if you drive an operator and heavy machinery and imagine not one or two, but a family of orders. So it's your mom, your dad, they've got four kids this phone, right? Now they're worried about going to sleep at night and drifting apart out in the seas or where they are in the rivers by the dams. They sleep in the water. Yeah. Yeah, they're living the water. They live in the water, yeah. I thought they were amazing animals. Let's go back to thinking about that. Dad, there's four kids. To stop themselves drifting apart and then waking up in the morning go, where's dad? Two will they do? They hold hands. And go to sleep together. When I saw a photo of this last week, it was a highlight of the year. Otters sleeping and holding hands together a family of them. Now and the mom and dad are the same. Jump on the back. Piggyback on my kit effect, okay? All right, do you have a killer effect? 9 four one four one O four three Patsy have you got a killer phone? Yeah, well I learned last week in helping odds with the homework that it takes 8 minutes for the heat of the sun to get to earth. Oh, that's a killer fact. That's how to do it, Jack. Yeah. I knew that already though. Well, why didn't you sign that? Because I remember you dropped that instead of that bum average captain came one. Catherine Kim, so if they're real 90 outside, this is how I sound state to explain it to us. Because it takes 8 minutes for the light of the sun to get to earth. If the sun blew up and wasn't existing anymore, we'd have 8 minutes to live. No, we can't have that on Friday. It's a killer. Killer facts only. This is the Christian O'Connell show odd class. Seriously, when you get toward today, Google otters holding hands. Stop them drifting apart asleep. Christian, I've got a kid of fat for you. Not only do dogs have nipples like you discover the other day, they actually have an odd number of nipples. It's never even. Wow. John, how the hell do you know that? I counts them. You've got to have looked at more than one to know that that is a fact. Then have 5 on one side four on the other. That's a killer fact. Yeah. Okay, let's do it, John. Glenn, when you eat fresh oysters, they are still alive. If they were dead, they wouldn't taste as fresh. Not a killer fight. Christian, what about this then? I see your artifacts and I raise you. This turtle one. Some turtles can breathe through their butts. Ah, that's awesome. Patrick, come on. We need to raise their game. What is a killer fact? Let's go to Andrew. Yes, hello. Hello, Andrew. What's your killer fact for us? Molecule effect is out of Hitler. I only had one testicle. We've got to start somewhere. Thank you. Andrew. That's because we lent too much into the turtles breathing out their butts. Let's go to Paul. Good morning, Paul. Okay guys, here you going. Yeah, we're good. So Paul, what is your killer fact? Statistically, if you randomly got onto an airplane, it would take 10,000 years before you were likely to be encountering a major accident. I guess it is

Catherine Keen Connell Jack Catherine Kim ROB Patsy John Andrew Google Glenn Patrick Paul Hitler
A highlight from FULL: It Was A Lady Fluke

The Christian O’Connell Show

08:04 min | 5 d ago

A highlight from FULL: It Was A Lady Fluke

"Good morning. Good morning, jerky, boy. Morning. Before we get on with today's show, so we just clear the air, there's a bit of some tension here, this created around you, I have to be honest, Jack about what happened, what was supposed to be a team bonding thing yesterday for bowling and yesterday morning last saw 20 minutes of show you were getting a little bit twitchy during the songs off air, going to me in real. I just hope people take it seriously, you know? I was in a bowling team. I just want to know if I win, it's a proper win and people are going to muck around. Maybe they should do it in a separate lane to those of us who want to take it seriously. Then you secretly went to me. I said to him I said to Jack yesterday pat's just said, so do you think you're going to win he goes? My fear is Rio is just one of those all around us and he probably went to know those all rounders. Sure enough Rio won. He came first. I didn't even know about it. Yeah. Silence for a three. I wasn't invited. I didn't organize. So that's awesome. That's nice team. Well done. So it's really split the team. I didn't go either. So I didn't know anything about it. First I heard about it was a quarter to 9 yesterday. Yeah. This part that for now, can we park put a pin in that? We'll come back to that. I think I was only invited. I think it was an office. Stay with you coming third. The guy that used to be in a team. What happened only with kraken? There was kids in the lane next to us, and they were mucking around and they were actually stepping into my lane. How old are you right now? I'm 35. It seems like a kid with a whopping lower lip. And dad. Dad, this is why I lost there were kids there. The other lane. Cost is gonna be kids down the middle of the three in the afternoon bowling. Though we still have a bunch of adults doing that three in the afternoon should be at work. It's audio for you to be there, and the kids to be there. But then we giggling and pushing each other. You know, doing funny bowls, bowling through their legs, and that sort of thing. But what happened to the laser focus? They were watching me and they were talking to me. Yes. Because you think of a bunch of kids in school uniforms as you go to bowl and they're gawking at you and go like, oh, what's he going to do? Some sort of old pensioner. I know your parents are. So a bold what would look like a perfect bowl? Looks like it's going to be a strike. 9 pins down, one remaining. There's still really good. It's good, but the key goes like, oh close. I want to turn around and it's like, wait, you're a parent. But it didn't stop Mel and Rio from blame. They managed to get the focus. They were laser focused. They're actually very good. That's not what we put on the WhatsApp chat yesterday. You put when I said, what was the top three? You said Rio, and then mail, then brackets by mail float. Oh yeah, she was fucking. She literally took her to have skill. So Rio won properly, but Mel fluke the lady won by flute. You know, that lady fluke. Literally, never been bowling. But it was a great team building. I feel like she's not talking to you. I feel closer to the team. Rio, as the winner, can you say a few words? What was going on with Chucky boys? If you want, we'd hear all about it. Jack was very serious going into it because he assumed as someone who's been in a bowling semi pro or something. Very cool. But he was going to smoke us. So he was insisting that we were warming up or anything like doing stretches. He insisted we have a practice round. So we can all get our silly balls out of the way. So dad. So when we got to the real you were going to toilet before we all set off on the trip as well guys. Have you gone to the toilet? Go now. I think Jack's problem very good technique and stuff like that, but could never could never clean up so that second pin where you really need to focus where you need to be clutch where you need mental strength. Maybe on his team they never covered that one with the coaches. But he would crumble at every time you need to hit a spear. A 9 pins every frame, Christian. You wouldn't believe it. That's amazing though. That is really good. You got to clean them up. You got to get spares and strikes if you want to win. And what did mail do with that fluke eNOS the challenge? I didn't see any fluke in this at all. I saw someone that just had a natural affinity for the game that made natural doesn't possess. This is true, I haven't told anyone this yet. Bianca and I going bowling today. Actually, you're glad you weren't there, actually. This is come on man. This is the Christian O'Connell show, podcast. My fair about you going back for a kind of makeover to check your magic store there for bowling today. What happens if your wife, who is very good at sport, beat you? Where does that leave us in you tomorrow? No, she is good at sport. She thinks she's going to throw. She's going to throw the game, is it she? Today's more of a she knows sadly what a woman has to do sometimes to support the fragile ego of a man. It's not like yes, yes, yes. It's about isn't it like that? Yes. Today's practice. So we'll get maybe Bianca and I will get over the next two weeks, get three or four games in and then all of this because you lost yesterday. And then I invite the team back there again over there. Oh no, you want a rematch. Do you know going to go and have like some summer camp bowling camp? Yes to another show, we were talking about Prosecco and how the regional Prosecco doesn't want Australia to call their homegrown Prosecco Prosecco anymore because it's not from the region. Sammy champagne. You can only call it champagne if it's from that region. And the Italians are upset. Anyway, Patsy didn't realize that Prosecco turns out has alcohol in it. No, I knew it did, but I thought it was like three or 4%. It's tuck another ten on that and you've got the answer of 13%. Very refreshing. It's like drinking cordial. Were her words yesterday. The bigger takeaway actually thinking about it was like grown-ups drinking cordial. Cordial is something you put with water so that young folk will drink the water. The H2O. It actually reminds me of kids parties. Yes. I don't think I've had cordial since I was 16. Oh, we always have a jug in the fridge. Do you? Yeah, always hurt. My wife loves cordial. Yeah, that's great. And I just presume she does it with the girls so that their children water. And I've said to her a while ago, you know, when they all move out, you don't have to have that coordinate anymore. I love having caught it. Elder editor of Volta was elderflower. Sometimes I'll actually go and take a sip of her gloss. It's the worst cordial, right? Bean is on the Mount Rushmore. Is it clear? Yes. Yes, 'cause it looks like she's drugging me with elderflower. It's a revolting. All right, so other than Patsy and my wife are the grown-ups who stall drink cordial, but Christian O'Connell show podcast. I'm trying to find other grown-ups that are still drinking cordial. Christian on 50. I'm on the road all day. I used to drink water but got over it pretty quickly. So now drink cordial all day. Oh, you grown up. You graduated life. I've never heard of someone getting over water, something that we need. Like a water fountain that guy going, he's still on the water. I did that when I was a kid. Let me just chop up this elderflower, golden circle that I always carried in my hip flask. It has to be lie though. That's from Christopher Davis. Christian I'm a 72 and I still drink cordial in an always ribena. In fact, yeah, if you are grown up drink cordial, I want another flavor rocking and also what brand as well. Midair, good morning Miller. Morning Christian, how's that going? Yes. I only drink cordial. I reckon coil will be 90% of my fluid and take. And as specifically, golden circle through a cup. I do like gold as circular Apple mango they do is very, very nice. Not interested in only fruit cup. Now as a Scottish man, is this because you fear the health benefits of pure HDO and you need to flavor it like you do with iron brew and you feel a lot of vegetables. Do you think it's your Scottish heritage coming through?

Bowling Jack RIO Mel Fluke Bianca Chucky PAT Sammy Champagne MEL Patsy Christian O'connell Volta Mount Rushmore Australia Christopher Davis Bean Miller
A highlight from MINI: Cordial

The Christian O’Connell Show

06:31 min | 5 d ago

A highlight from MINI: Cordial

"Store there for bowling today is what happens if your wife, who is very good at sport, beats you, where does that leave us in you tomorrow? No, she is good at sport. She thinks she's gonna throw. She's gonna throw the game, isn't she? Today's more of a she knows sadly what a woman has to do sometimes to support the fragile ego of a man. Isn't it like that? Yes, today's practice. So we'll get maybe Bianca and I will get over the next two weeks, get three or four games in and then all this because you lost yesterday. And then I invite the team back there again over there. Oh no, you want a rematch. She now going to go and have like some summer camp bowling camp. Yes to another show, we were talking about Prosecco and how the regional Prosecco doesn't want Australia to call their homegrown Prosecco Prosecco anymore because it's not from the region. Semi champagne, you can only call it champagne if it's from that region. And the Italians are upset. Anyway, Patsy didn't realize that Prosecco turns out has alcohol in it. No, I knew it did, but I thought it was like three or 4%. It's tuck another ten on that and you've got the answer of 13%. Very refreshing. It's like drinking cordial. Were her words yesterday. The bigger takeaway actually thinking about it was like grown-ups drinking cordial. Cordial is something you put with water so that young folk will drink the water, the H2O. It actually reminds me of kids parties. Yes. I don't think I've had cordial since I was 16. Oh, we always have a jug in the fridge. Do you? Yeah, always hurt. My wife loves cordial. Yeah, it's great. And I just presume she does it with the girls so that their children water. And I've said to her a while ago, you know, when they all move out, you don't have to have that coordinate anymore. I love having called it. Elder editor of Volta was elderflower. Sometimes I actually go take a sip of her glossy water. It's the worst cordial, right? Bean is on the Mount Rushmore. Is it clear? Yes. Yes, that's true. It's like she's drugging me with elderflower. It's a revolting. All right, so other than Patsy and my wife are the grown-ups who stall drink cordial. The Christian O'Connell show podcast. I'm trying to find other grown-ups that are still drinking cordial. Christian on 50. I'm on the road all day. I used to drink water but got over it pretty quickly. So now drink cordial all day. Oh, you grown up. You graduated life. I've never heard of someone getting over water, something that we need. Like a water fountain that guy going, he's still on the water. I did that when I was a kid. We just chop up this elderflower, golden circle that I was carrying my hip flask. It has to be like that. That's from Christopher Davis. Krishna, I'm 72, and I still drink cordial in an always ribena. In fact, yeah, if you are grown up drink cordial, I want another flavor rocking and also what brand as well. Mida, good morning Miller. Morning Christian, how's that going? Yes. I only drink cordial. I reckon coil will be 90% of my fluid intake. And as specifically, golden circle through a cup. I do like gold as circular apple mango they do is very, very nice. Not interested for a cup. Now as a Scottish man, it's just because you fear the health benefits of pure HDO and you need to flavor it, like you did with iron brew and you feel a lot of vegetables. Do you think it's your Scottish heritage coming through? Honestly, I can't answer that one. I just I've only ever done cordial from my entire life. I just don't like fizzy drinks. I don't drink alcohol or very, really drug a whole thing I drink is sort of the cold over taste. Some Miller, what's making up that last 10%. Yeah. A coffee in the morning and maybe a tea, let me a cup of tea in the evening. With a dash of cool dealing that as well, just to help wash it down as a chaser. Yeah, why not? Why not? A little nightcap. Made a fantastic call to show me, have a good day. All right. Bye. Paul, good morning, Paul. And you're drinking cordial. Yeah, here you go. I think drinking audio Arab mug. Over 25 years. Well, that's a gentleman's choice there, isn't it? The mug, not a glass. Keeps it cooler. Does it? Oh. And I only like orange crush and it has to be cardi's. Gotcha. Yeah. Very low to some brands, aren't they Paul? When that mug. Well, I grew up with it. As a young and then for a while, I stopped and then I started again. You go back to what you like. You always go back, your circle back to it, lovely pulp. Have a nice day, Paul, okay? Thank you. Anthony. Hey, good morning, crew. How are you? Yeah, but good Anthony. And Angie, you still drinking cordial? I still drink cordial lamb. I work on the road most of the day. So it's a bit of taste to the water. While going to his colleagues lemon lime. Absolutely. This is going down very well at the moment, isn't it? Yeah. And it's sort of just my 40s and rather than going home and having a fizzy drink or anything. I just put a bit of Cory in the water and just sort of tricks me just thinking on being a bit better. It's a little life hack, is it? Anthony, thank you very much, you cool. Cheers guys, bye. Is it me? Or is there some kind of consensus here about the folk that love? I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying, is there? Just a frequency at which they live. But Christian O'Connell show podcast. We all have that friend who wakes up early to go get everyone McDonald's breakfast for the rest of us, sleep in. This is your sign to thank them, and if you're that friend, this is us saying. Thank you. Grab the perfect get up and go breakfast for you and your crew. Right now, two soft and fluffy, fully loaded sausage burritos are just three bucks and the one two $3 menu. Price and participation may vary, single item at regular price can not be combined with combo meal. Bottom up,

Bowling Patsy Christopher Davis Bianca Mount Rushmore Volta Connell Paul Miller Bean Australia Krishna Anthony Cardi Apple Angie
A highlight from MINI: Weak Claim to Fame

The Christian O’Connell Show

07:47 min | 6 d ago

A highlight from MINI: Weak Claim to Fame

"She's me three times. Me too. Damn, you smell good. Question O'Connell's weakest claim to face. I can not go to a lawsuit, wasn't ever forgot about the show, Jacob, someone. All right, so weak is going to blame lines are open now. 9 four one four one O four three. Let's kick off this morning. Greg. Hello, Greg. Good morning, hello. I'm good Greg. So we just came to fame. Working as a motorcycle courier in Melbourne in 1990 and I was requested to go to Surrey hills and pick up a drum machine to deliver to metric metropolis audio studios in south Melbourne for del braithwaite to record the rise and album, which had the horses on it. Wow. So you're saying they're not real drums on horses? Yeah. They're drum studios. Studio, they probably use them to mix up this is huge. This is huge. You are going to go down as a whistleblower. From page the Herald sun to my fake drums. You can't even provide his own drums. Daryl fake white. All right, great. Sadly, I just dropped them off at reception and rode off into the sea. Yo, your competitor in this, you're completely don't be a drum denier. Great. Thank you very much. The album cover by 9 was cruel, snubbed out of history, airbrushed out like that, Greg. Thank you. Well, let history I know you who you are now. Know your name, Greg. Mexico. Bye bye. Rebecca. My week has claimed to fame as I got kicked out of a casino in front of Michael J. Fox. Oh, wow. Where was this in Vegas saw here? Not quite as glamorous. It was in Christ due to New Zealand. What twist of circus answers are to put Michael J. Fox there? Well, I think he was so he was filming the frighteners. Bet Peter Jackson movies. Oh, right, so quite a few years ago. Yeah, quite a few years ago. This was in the 90s. And I was at high school. And my dad had been going to the casino a bit at those days. This was another story. And he'd been telling us he was quite nice with Michael J. Fox. Michael J Robert, how are the nice guy? We're mates. My dad likes to talk stories, so nobody really believed him. We're like, whatever. You don't know Michael J. Fox. So anyway, he was going on about it. So the one night me and my friend, we would have been about 16 at the time. We snuck into the casino. To see it again, actually hanging out with Michael J. Fox. Oh, what a scene that must have been to sit there. Oh my God, that really is Michael Chang Fox. Yeah, so we're looking around because he's looking around the casino dance full of the return of the corner. And there's dead, my dad's sitting next to Michael J. Fox at the blackjack table. You're kidding me. That is awesome. That's a great story. That's actually too good for weakest claims of favor. Lovely story. So I said to Michael J. Fox, I hope Dave is not annoying you. And he's like, man, he's a nice guy, keeping me company. And we're standing there, feeling pretty cool. And then these two ginormous security guards hit pieces, black came up to me and my black clothes, pieces came up to me and my friend, and while I come, you got to get out of here. You're underage. But I'm talking about. And then they embarrassingly escorted us out of the casino. Rebecca, thank you very much. Your story may have a good day. Thanks. But Christian O'Connell show, podcast. Krishna, I think you and Jack need to explore this Daryl braithwaite conspiracy further. If the drums weren't real, how do we have any confidence that the horses were? This goes right to the top race weight. All right, we're doing weakest claim to fame. 9 four one four one O four three. What is your weak claim to fame? Sally. My weakest claim to sign is that I was invited with my father to dinner Yoko and I was apartment in New York. My father was consul general there at the time. So I need to say we were a little bit excited and we accepted. So if we went to the Dakota building and she answered the door and to our dismay, she asked her to take our shoes off as he said Japanese custom. Which we did and we were horrified because my father's socks did not match. And I had black tights on at the time and as you know, she would have seen hanging out with like, you know, shut up with John Lennon who is nude a lot of the time. I don't know if she wouldn't mind the fact that you're wearing tights or that he wore socks. But Christian I had a black I had a hole in my type of my big toe and was the custom at the time. What you did with your tights was you'd go out the red nail polish and you would paint around the hole in your toe and you would paint it up the ladder that was creeping up your foot. And there were other diplomats there. There were other gifts there. And he was the Australian representative in there with a letter up the foot right now polish all around the foot and dead. And then shove a Ferrero Rocher in the bottom of it. Oh gosh, it was so, so embarrassing. And so my father sent the entire outstanding behind pieces of furniture. And I spent the entire night with my right foot. That was awesome. That's just odd. Having odd socks is not a big deal. Really? Halfway up my foot. Oh, got it. All right, sorry, thank you very much. No worries. Do you know what I feel sorry for in that story? Yoko Ono. David, good morning. Hey, good morning, Christian. We just climbed the final aircraft simulator ride with John Travolta in the Camden town aircraft museum. In London. That is incredibly, he's a high level pilot John Travolta. I didn't realize at the time, but we were just wandering around my mind. He was either they promoted his new film Booker is talking. And we're just killing time by going on a plane simulator. It is good on his private Django for flight round London. I think he was looking at the more the museum, but yeah, we're lined up for the simulator, right? And I saw this look standing in the line behind me and I didn't really click here it was a little sort of familiar that and then we jumped in the same way or any set behind me and I clicked this hill at once so I was only like 20 at the time and I turned around and said, good idea John David from Australia. Place in my chair. This is an amazing story. I love that. David, that's a great one. I'll give you a pair of tickets, villain cinemas, gold class double pass. That's a great story, David. Thank you. Our thanks. This is the Christian O'Connell show, podcast. Last few calls for this week's weakest claim to fame. Dirk. Yes, good morning, Christian. My biggest claim of fame is that I was standing in a video shop in Switzerland video shops and existing in 1988 and he was asking me if I've seen any of his movies. So I was a little bit sort of shocked because why does he want to watch his movies? And he said it's for my son. Now who is it? Yeah, we do it. What we wish there, by the way, beautiful accent as well. What we missed was who was the star who was a celebrity you were talking to. Sir Roger Moore. Wow, wait. James Bond. Yes, that was working in a Swiss ski resort. Yes, lovely. Yeah, I think you used to live

Michael J. Fox Greg Del Braithwaite The Herald Sun Michael J Robert Melbourne Michael Chang Fox Surrey Hills Rebecca Christian O'connell Connell Daryl Braithwaite Daryl Peter Jackson Jacob Vegas New Zealand Mexico John Travolta Yoko
A highlight from FULL: GOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL

The Christian O’Connell Show

03:14 min | 6 d ago

A highlight from FULL: GOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL

"Good morning, one amazing start for the soccer. An amazing left foot screamer in the top corner of the goal. Soccer is a one nil up. They are Australia's rank 38th in the world, France are ranked fourth. There's just been a big upset overnight with Saudi Arabia being one of the favorites Argentina. If this carries on, this would be an even bigger upset. But amazing star, a great goal from Australia. One Neil. I called four two Australian wins yesterday. We're on their way. We're on the path. Please remember where I was two years ago with just a Euros. It's a long game. Look at Chris. They're already keeping it. They don't like it up. Frenchie doesn't like it up them. He's on the coaching team. All right, so we're doing the goal of thon, which means every time the soccer is playing every single goal, whether it's a soccer school, or it's whoever they're playing with as France, Denmark, called Tunisia. It means you're winning. So even the soccer's are losing your winning. Jack tell them out the fridge that we're going to have to give away in the next ten minutes then they're bar fridges from eNOS. Yes, it is a husky 130 liter single glass door bar fridge. Do you want to hear some of the amazing features? Excite them. Double glazed glass door for you. Chrome wire racks. Internal LED light with the possibility to turn it on and off. Oh, wow. Adjustable shelving. Self closing door. That is good. Normally I just kick mine. But there is a bit of fine print here right hand hinge only. Oh, I don't know if that's going to affect people calling in. We haven't, we only had a quick chat yesterday. You won't hear about what we're going to do to give away the bar fridge. So let's play a song. When we come back after the song, we'll have worked out how we're going to give away the first husky bar fridge. Well done Australia. But Christian O'Connell show podcast. During the world cup, every time the soccer is playing, every time there's a goal for or against we give away a $900 bar fridge, thanks to ENS, amazing new students tuned in, France and won the tournament favorites for the World Cup. They're currently losing to Australia, the soccer's are one nill up, an amazing early goal in the first ten minutes. Time for us to give a while first of a bra fridge. Christian was my son's tenth birthday on Monday. I've been the world to get one of these. A 150 liter parish. How much red bean is he going to keep in there? No, Christian ring the bell now. There's been a goal. And then Richards just texted him. Christian, did you see that was a goal? Yeah, we have TVs here at the radio station. My dad is a massive football fan, and he's our touchline reporter for the England and Australia games. We hired him yesterday. He's just simply a message simply I still think he doesn't believe we have technology here in Australia. They don't do frontier where he's just send Australia to school to go. Great. So don't worry guys, we will have real-time updates from the UK from my dad in his armchair. So if you're wondering how we're going to bring it to you, my dad's going to see it on a TV screen in the UK and then WhatsApp me the news. All right, so this is great news. Every time there's a goal, you win a husky bra fridge. They're amazing bar fridges. Now, football commentators often

Soccer Australia France Frenchie Christian O'connell Saudi Arabia Argentina Tunisia Neil Denmark Chris Jack World Cup Richards Football England
A highlight from FULL: I Am The Cheese Man

The Christian O’Connell Show

08:41 min | Last week

A highlight from FULL: I Am The Cheese Man

"Qatar, for the World Cup. If you've seen me, you don't last a couple days a lot. We will crash out. We'll get out the group stages, we'll crash out lackluster in the quarterfinals. Pretty much since I met you when you came here four years ago, I've watched you get to the semifinals in 2018. I bring it all back so in that fucking both times actually you were crushed on it. You got crushed on it. Lots of surprises and forced to eat. England's doo doo and to the show. Then 2020, the Euros 2020 we listened to the penalty show. Live on edge, you remember. And we got an early goal and you guys were going, oh my God, this is amazing. This is not our fake. We will lose all a worse. It will go to penalties. It went to penalties and his penalties, then I was told I know it's our fate, we will crush out appallingly on penalties. We then played it live on air, which I think is illegal. I'm still waiting for someone kind of legal document to go. You can't express a fader up stop playing out sports rights that you haven't bid for. SBS have to pay money. They don't just get given it. By these huge sporting events I don't even think we talked. We just sat here in silence. And then I had another hour to do an, oh, so anyway, that's why I killed hope. And so I got up at 3 o'clock this morning. So I could just watch the highlights, because I'm going to play. And then I couldn't believe it. We're playing, we played really well. 6 goals in an opening game is unheard of. Now, you know, it is Iran, they're not a giant sporting nation, but it doesn't matter. As they always say, sport, you play the team that's in front of you. And 6 goals is 6 guys. They were amazing goals. They don't find myself texting my buddies going. Guys, maybe this is not kind of relieved I'm saying it. I've been pulled back into hope. And it's hoped it kills you as a sports fan. We've had nothing since 1966. But this is the year. No. Oh, get off with you. No, no, no, because you just want to see me crushed again. It's only your arm, but there's that little part of you going. It might be coming home. It's amazing. The other big thing that's happened in the last couple of hours, have you seen those stories about the England soccer fans? Obviously, have been hit with the news when they go out there. England's soccer fan. It feels like the world's reaction to Qatar is like awful these human rights abuses are terrible. And then the really big news has come out the last couple of days, which has got an even bigger reaction was, wait, you can't get a beer there? No. Oh my gosh. I mean, human rights stuff was one thing, but what do you mean beer? We can't drink during the games. This is an outrage. Where's the beer armband? An English soccer fans and beer separating them is like separating the atom. You can't do it. England's soccer fans have found some places where you can get beer. We'll show you the story next. It's amazing. Good morning, it's the Christian O'Connell show on gold and good luck this time tomorrow morning to the soccer rose. And I really mean good luck because you got France. And they're a bit better than wrong. Calling a brighter note. You listening to the Christian O'Connell show podcast. I've said it before on the show, but I think my dad believes that here in Australia, his son is devoid from any kind of news coverage. I woke up this morning, I sort of had two emails from my dad. This is big. Maybe one email a month, two. And then I see what he's done. He's sent me a sent me two emails. One at the end of the first half with a halftime match report. Another email. Like I couldn't watch the high nights myself. All lo and behold, actually get out and watch the game that my dad is watching as well. Thanks to global sports coverage, which has been around a decade online reporting news reporting. Patsy updating me my dad thought this is the only way he's going to have any. He must think I'm on Mars or some of that. Anyway, what is that? What an opening for the first one. Hello Christian. First half report, England on front foot with me. This is a very detailed kind of retouched on reporter here. England front foot with quick shot passing from the very start. All we wanted is fans. They look really good. Long delay after a clash of heads between Iranian goalie and one of his defenders. Superb cross from shore was headed by Bellingham near halftime a downward header by Maguire, brackett's playing with thread each set pace, was hammered in a left foot and later low cross from Kane was booted in my Sterling. Oh, happy days. Moments like this is what I miss you so very much. That is lovely, right? So sweet. This is how my dad does it. Camouflage the emotion. Stick it in a little football report. Then we're on to more to follow from your touch and I reporter. Place a $10 bit on Argentina to win. I found out that my dad has put a bit on Argentina to win the World Cup every World Cup since 1986 when they last won it. After watch the second half, I decided to have a glass of old speckled hen it's going so well. That's a very dark Chewy sort of medieval beer that my dad likes to have. Hello again. Iran into damage limitation mode. So a slower half, but more girls coming from England. Rashford on a sub scored with his first touch of the goal, 14 minutes added to the first half and another ten in this half feels like a really long boring game. I forgot about the VAR bollocks. Sorry, that's my dad's language. In the 99th minute, Iran were awarded a dubious penalty for shirt pulling a corner kick. Absolute disgrace how the referee has not put any of these Iranians as beyond me. Iran are a very dirty team at players. I think the old speckled hen is kicked in now. I think you were saying wells will struggle to control themselves. However, 6 two is a good start. Betting him look great today. Whilst tonight, Australia tomorrow have a good week, son. Kiss kiss dad. A little more emotional than that. I think hire my dad is our correspondent for England games. And also getting to do the same for the soccer rules tomorrow. But Christian O'Connell show, podcast. We love getting your emails to show you can email me. Anything we talk about on the show, we never move completely on. You can pick it up whenever you want. And to see how me Christian at Christian O'Connell dot com dot AU. We caught it late to the party. Yesterday on the show, we're asking you to share with us what did your mom and dad warn you about? This comes from Jessica Christian. Growing up, I was always told that if I did something dangerous, little Johnny down the road did that, and now he is broken his arm. There was no little Johnny down the road. I think that kid died at least three times and broke every bone in his body. That comes on your hand. And then this one from Monica meet is one of quite a few emails we received since Friday's show on Friday's show we spoke to an amazing woman called in a row. We were just speaking to her to say you've won a call of the week and getting $1000. And as we just chatted to her, she said it's been quite a sort of amazing year. And an amazing 6 weeks. And when we asked why we found out that she'd only found out that she had a sister. They'd found each other they'd done the ancestry dot com. So we had an amazing chat with her. And so many have shared your stories now because you can do these amazing ancestry tests and you find out that you've got siblings you didn't know about or they track you down. And I got this in Monica. Christian, I was listening to the podcast over the weekend and you were amazing chat with narao. I've got quite a story relating to this myself. I was adopted. Also grew up as an only child, but at the age of 30, met my biological parents and 5 biological siblings. The story is more complicated as how to keep it secret from my doctor parents. They had found my biological family as there was never told that had been adopted. Wow. I'm now 65. Have the best relationships with my siblings to the day my doctor parents passed away. They never found out that I'd actually started meeting. Isn't that amazing these secrets that people have to try and protect them certain things in families. So it met my biological family. I didn't want to spoil the belief because at the end of the day, I was there daughter and it was very tricky, but it worked. When I was searching for my family, it was a lot harder than these days doing a DNA test from the time of registering with social services. It actually took in total 7 years for me to track people down. Involved a lot of detective work at my part, but it brought it all up hearing the rails wonderful story. Monica, thank you very much. But Christian O'Connell show podcast. We're about to talk about has involved one of the teams sprinting to why do we actually get those chicken and cheese twisties from? I guess down at Cole. Are they open this early to find foods like that? No, we actually have a cheap cabinet where we have heaps of chips. What do you mean? Do we? Yeah, we have heaps and heaps. It's radio station. Barely get a working microphone for our producers to talk to us all, but don't worry. Don't worry, radio, Marconi. We've got a chip cabinet. Where is this Aladdin's

England Soccer Qatar World Cup Iran Connell SBS Christian O'connell Argentina Brackett Australia Patsy Jessica Christian Maguire Bellingham Kane Johnny France