Be Kind... Unwind
Close your eyes, put your feet up, head back, and relax. It's 'you' time. A selection of topics chosen to keep you mellow yet focused when it's time to kick back: a mild blend of mindfulness, self-improvement, meditation and wellness.
A highlight from Vicky Tsai | Creating Tatcha Beauty
"Show now. She wants to speak to me for a couple of days because we disagreed on what order you should put cream and jam on a scone. She asked me that one. Or scone, it's gone or scone. I'm not even totally sure what it's gonna do. It's just a fruity doughy thing. Next time when I come here, I'm going to actually see London. I'm going to see what a scone is. Let's go for afternoon tea. Okay. I used to think that I was angry at other things and other people in other situations. Ultimately, I had to sit back and realize, oh, not am angry with myself, because nobody's forcing me to muzzle myself. Nobody's forcing me to be inauthentic. I'm doing that. And it's exhausting and I'm so glad I'm learning this right now because my daughter is about to turn 13. I am truly delighted to welcome to the podcast Vicky si, the founder of bestselling beauty brand tatcha. It's truly incredible to have you on the show. Welcome to my honor. Your story is a really fascinating one. And as soon as I read your bio, I knew that I had to have you on the show because you worked as a Wall Street trader, you were at ground zero on 9 11, you have an MBA from Harvard Business school, and while working tirelessly to build a career in business, decided instead to choose happiness. You not only chose happiness, but you also chose happiness with no plan of how to achieve it. However, that search for that plan and inspiration appeared when you were traveling, travels that led you to Kyoto,
A highlight from How to Embrace the Important Elements of Life with Nickolas Butler
"Thanks for joining us. Our guest on this episode is Nicholas butler and American novelist short story author and poet. He is the award winning author of four novels, including shotgun love songs and godspeed, along with many short story collections and poetry collections. Hi, Nick. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm a big fan. Oh, thank you. Well, I'm a fan of your work also. Matthew quick introduced us who's been a guest on the show multiple times. And so I got to know your work after that introduction and have really enjoyed it. And we'll be talking about that, but we'll start like we always do with a parable. There's a grandparent talking with their grandchild and they say in life, there are two wolves inside of us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love. And the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the grandson stops and thinks about it for a second and he looks up at his grandparent and he says, well, which one wins? And the grandparent says the one you feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work that you do. Yeah, I've been reflecting on this a lot as I've been listening to your show more and more over the past few months and I think in terms of the goodwill if I don't worry about my personal life a great deal, I think I'm a pretty good dad and husband and son and citizen. Artistically, I know that feeding the good wolf means sitting at the desk and being a writer and doing what I'm supposed to be doing, which is writing my stories and you know, I think I'm gonna be super honest during today's interview because the bad wolf has been on my porch more lately. I think the bad wolf for me means being stricken by fear of not writing a perfect sentence or by putting a book out there that doesn't go somewhere or facing creative rejection. And so my writing has been a lot slower in the last three years. been interesting listening to your show and all the wonderful experts and artists that you speak to and they all seem to be on top of it and I'm actually fighting that bad wolf quite a lot these days and I'm hoping to kind of come out of it. I appreciate that honesty, I think it's always good to be open. It makes for much better conversations. And I will tell you that behind the scenes, even a lot of these writers who seem to have their game together will say similar things, like when you're in the midst of something difficult, doubt always seems to creep in. And I always have been amazed, even these people who've written multiple New York Times best sellers will be like, well, just reference the fact that you wrote two good books before and they'll be like, yeah, but my brain tells me, that was then, this is now, don't have it anymore. Yeah, and for me, I feel like in this moment, I have so many good ideas. I'm aware of the fact that I don't think I'll have enough time on this planet to record all those good ideas in the form of the novels that I write. And I know from having written 5 pretty successful books that so much of it as a writer is just writing that draft. Just getting it down and finishing something and then going back and honing the rougher parts. But I think for me, something was lost when COVID came around that I just didn't expect. You know, I think, as like a child, you know, my dad was something of a prepper. You know, he was always preparing for worst case scenarios, and I think there was a part of me that always fantasized about that. You know, fantasized about some moment where I would be tested or my family would be tested and surely as an eagle scout and somebody who owns 16 acres of land and rolls Johnson and gardens and hunts, I would be wildly prepared for that scenario and actually what I discovered was that I really missed socializing with people. And even though my job as a novelist requires that I spend a lot of time by myself in my own head, I had always taken for granted the interactions that I have with librarians and booksellers and other readers and when I didn't have that, it was like the wind fell out of my sales real quickly. And I realized that I had built up a pretty good routine, you know? I used to go to this cafe in town and shoot the shit with the baristas there, talk about music for a while, get my cup of coffee, then move to like what was my seat in the cafe and work for three, four hours, and if you do that every day, you can write a book pretty quick. But COVID just took all that away. And suddenly I'm at home teaching my kids who don't want me to be their teacher. So I'm just trying to get back into that routine, I think. Have you been able to get some of it back as we've moved a little bit? I don't even know what the right thing to call it. I don't think we call it post COVID, but as life has gone a little bit back to normal. Have you been able to get back out on the road and meet the librarians and booksellers again and are you finding any energy from that? Absolutely. Yeah, there's some sense of normalcy coming back. And it's been great. One of my favorite writers is Jim Harrison and he talked about driving as being real therapeutic interior time to think about his stories and to think about the narratives he was working on. And that's always been true for me. Living kind of in the middle of nowhere I have to drive everywhere I want to go or at anywhere I'm requested to be. And so I spend a lot of time thinking about my novels behind the wheel and writing poetry and also working on journalism and losing that, I think, hurt quite a bit, but that's finally coming back and I think I just got to finish a novel and then really my schedule will be somewhat more restored. So when fear is kind of on you, how does it materialize? Is it materialized as a reluctance to write? Does it materialize as just something you carry around with you the other hours of the day, some of both?
A highlight from 3 Ways To Treat Yourself Better After A Toxic Relationship
"Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own rebirth many years ago and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life lessons and revelations. I believe in casual over clinical with you instead of at you, I come unrehearsed on purpose because self help doesn't have to be so complicated. So you may hear the sound of my puffy marshmallow jacket. Which is kind of embarrassing to wear if you're in Los Angeles 'cause it's like 60 and we all come out with a scarf and beanies and these puffy ski jackets. I'm also wearing shorts. Anyway, hey, before we talk about the three things that you should do or more accurately, three ways to treat yourself better after a toxic relationship. I just wanted to mention to you our new podcasting on purpose and I say our because it's a collective and what's awesome about this podcast is every week you have a different host slash expert so you get the full box of wellness crayons, not just the primary colors. And I've been having so much fun putting this together and I really hope you enjoy it. So check it out, sing on purpose. I'm sure there's a lot of podcasts with that title. This is the one that is based off my book and it has a giant pair of headphones, so it's wide, so check that out. And you don't have to be single to listen to this. You can be in a relationship. It's all about connecting to yourself. Okay, the first thing that I think you can do to treat yourself better after a toxic relationship is start making decisions by asking your self. How can I treat my nervous system better? And I say this because I think many of us don't drop into our bodies and think about how our previous relationships impacted our bodies and how the trauma is stored in our bodies. We just think logically. So we think, here's what I know I need to do. I need to, you know, I don't know, get back into the gym, I need to make more Friends. We have a lot of logical to dos. But we ignore our body, and I think if you've come out of something that has been toxic, chaotic, traumatic. There's a lot of healing that needs to be done to convince your body that you are safe. And no one's going to give you that except yourself. And I think this is where a lot of people make the mistake and they jump into another relationship and there's chemicals firing in their brain and their lenses are distorted. And of course, if that relationship goes south, now there's more layers to
Memory Loss (MM #4272)
"The NASA minute. With Kevin mason. Obviously, as we get older, we start worrying about memory loss, or at least the TV news tells me that every night because I need to take private and I believe it is. But the one thing we can do to help our bodies as we age is, of course, eat more fruits and vegetables and think about foods, high in flavonoids. Yeah, it's chemicals built into these foods. And of course, flavonoids are things that help with memory loss, or at least they're supposed to. Flavanols are a type of flammable. It's confused already. But they have shown to help in human studies, reduce inflammation, the major trigger for chronic disease, and have antioxidants. So things we're talking about, broccoli, blueberries, cauliflower, kale, leeks, spinach strawberries. You can also find some and things like chives and dill and tarragon, grapes, black currants, honey, green tea, nuts, all the important foods that we should be thinking about all the time as we get older, are supposed to help other memory, too. Of course you could probably write this down, don't you? Because you may forget one or two.
A highlight from A Different Look at Time Management
"Happy, happy happy, happy Friday. Man, I'm sure happy you're here. I'm not by the way. As you get this program today, if it's in the morning on a Friday, I am in an airplane flying to Edinburgh, Virginia. As somehow magically using the Wi-Fi at no no no, I pre recorded this thing because I'm trying to manage my time throughout the holiday season. By the way, I try to do that all the time. And today, I'm going to give you a different look at time management. It's going to sound very familiar when we get through this, and for you to apply it to your life might be a bit of a challenge, but I'll give you some ideas how we can do that today. So if time management is your thing, you wonder, how could I get at the time to do what I love to do? Hang on. We'll talk about it. It is the daily boost from motivation to move dot com, the positive boost you need every single day. As you all need it, I mean, really, truly do this world comes out of sometimes. I hate to say it. Stay positive. That is positive. It's the world just kind of comes at you. People just doing their thing. I don't think it's a bad thing in many cases. I think people are just busy bumping into each other, right? So you have to make a conscious decision that, okay, I'm going to get bumped into. And be happy about it. Be positive about it. And still get what you want in life. That's what this show is all about to give you a little bit of a boost. And I promise you this, I walk my talk. Every single day, if I get down, if I get knocked around, I still say, okay, nope. That's not going to work. Let's fix it. How are you? My name is Scott Smith, founder, chief motivating officer here. At motivation to move dot com, I'm in Edinburgh. My mom is going to be 91. In January. Now she tells me she's going to live to be at least a 105 last night when she told me. I should have been very healthy. Generally speaking, just like me, just nothing major going on, even early, frankly, nothing minor going on. But she had a little UTI, et cetera, gone through a back a little bit this year. What she's doing great right now. And she said, okay, you can come visit. Don't come a visit when I'm sick. Come visit me when I'm feeling good. That sounds like my mom because it sounds like me. So that's where I'm at Edinburg this weekend. If you're up there, feel my vibe. All right, before we get going today, I have one question for you. How do you want to feel? This is a cool question. I'm asking this for many, many years. And I ask it on coaching calls all the time. I'll be talking to a client and become plain and what they do. They will say, I don't want to sound like a complaint. Well, it sounds like you're complaining. I'm really not complaining. I said, sounds like you are. And eventually, I will say, well, let me ask you a question. How do you really want to feel about this? I don't feel like I'm complaining. That's why I ask you to ask the question. So maybe you can think about it right now. And then when we get off this podcast, when you're sitting there doing nothing at the stoplight, whatever, before you go on to another podcast, I want you to say, how do I want to feel? That was frame it. Coming into the holiday season. It's busy. It's crazy. But how do you want to feel? Do you want to get caught up in the busyness of the season or do you want to be relaxed when I join the spirituality of the season? How do you want to feel? I will promise you this. You'll have a really good chance of feeling that way. If you at least think about what you want. How do you want to feel? Time management, we need to talk about time management. Time management. Is that even possible? I don't think so. In my entire life, I've always found it really interesting that there never seems to be enough time of the day, yet some days that they seem really long. You ever notice that? No rhyme or reason why it happens. At least I didn't think so for the longest time. Most days, everything seems to get done, no matter how long or short it feels. If it doesn't, the world doesn't end, I learned that a long time ago, if you learned that lesson yet, that oftentimes the things you think must get done today, if you don't do them, it's okay till tomorrow. Sometimes you never have to do them. So, okay, just saying. Surviving to check off another item from my to do list tomorrow. It's time management's getting in my way. Now, I know I'm not the first human on the planet to face this time management problem. I know that. Because I see it all over the place. But I'm also one of those smarty pants guys who has figured out how our time works in real life. Yep, that's smart. I am. Just accept it. And it was a 180° or what I thought and felt the time was about. Now pay attention now because they're going to take you on a little bit of a journey here, not going to go too deep. If you're well, you'll get it. If you're into what I'm talking about today, you're going to say, you're not covering it deep enough, I know that. Just kind of scraping the surface to give you a different perspective, different framing on this. It's about to change. First, when you run as fast as possible to get things done, have you noticed how time moves quicker? And let's get done. Even worse, with every minute filled, there is never enough time to do what makes your heart sing. Can't do what you love to do, what you want to do, what your blip is. If you're like me, that will eventually get sabotage. Got to go out and blow off some steam. That happens to me sometimes. I try to manage it, but it does happen sometimes. It gets caught up in a project. I'm working really hard for a while. I'm like, I got to go buy motorcycle parts. I got to yeah, that's been the latest thing I know. I'm going to pause right now because my wife said we have to save some money for Christmas. It's an ever hitting cycle, though. You know, we run, run, run, run, we don't get as much done. We're not doing the things we want to be doing. I don't choose to live in that world. I choose to pay attention 100% of the time. We'll talk about that. In designing how my day feels and how my time flows. On the other hand, when we think about this, instead of going fast, when you slow down, when you hold space for yourself and you focus on the results relevant to your goals, time slows down. You get more done. Imagine we find yourself with lots of free time that you need to fill. You can read a book. You can show Netflix, hang out with family friends. The choice is yours. Let me say that again so you get this first sentence because sometimes I've been known to talk very quickly. Have you noticed? And some of you guys are listening on 1.5. I can't even imagine that. I can't even do that. But I know what I said. Sometimes, don't always remember, but I kind of know. When you slow down and then you hold space for yourself, what do I mean by that? My perfect planner talks about holding space. It means taking a chunk of time and say, this is mine. Now, I do it with my clients all the time. Sometimes for a day, sometimes for years. In other words, it's very common in my line of work that you, if you were to work with me, that you're caught up in your world, so I need to make a space for you so you can transition yourself. Think differently and do different things. I need to make that space for you. I hold on to that space as long as it takes until you grab control and run with it. And I will tell you, I have done it for years with certain clients. We're in a project right now with one client spent a year and a half. Still holding that space and I'm telling you where I'm doing it. I'm not letting her go back to who she used to be. I'm holding the space and she can be who she wants to be. So we want to hold the space and then we want to focus and we want to look at the results and what do you want your life to feel like? What do you want to do with your time? And are you working on goals that are relevant to that? Time slows down when you do that. You really get stuck in it. You don't even know. Also here sometimes doing what I do. I absolutely love what I do. And it's always easy. And the people are always nice, not really. Sometimes it's a rough day. But when I'm in my zone, and I'm just focused on the result that I want, I'm doing the things that make my heart sing. The day is forever. Ever. There's just no stress. It's so great right away. So of course, if you've read Einstein's special theory of relativity, that's the thing we're not going to go really, really deep in. He determined, you might recall this time is relative. In other words, the rate at which time passes depends on your frame of reference. Yes, it goes deeper, but I have to ask you, what is your frame of reference? So in our case, I'm talking about whether you are moving fast or slow. I want to know if you are focused on essential things in life that matter to you. Everything else will disappear when you do. Time will slow down
Zombie Virus (MM #4271)
"The mason minute. With Kevin mason. To this day, people are arguing where COVID-19 came from. Was it created in a lab in China? Was it something else? But just saw a story the other day about a zombie virus. I thought to myself, okay, this is going to be fun. Well, it's not fun because it was from a scientific magazine that said, scientists have revived a dormant Siberian virus found in the permafrost that is 48,500 years old, and they want to try figuring out why it went dormant. Of course, people are saying, well, if you bring this back to life, couldn't it spread, couldn't it spawn, like the coronavirus? French scientists are working on it. So it hasn't come to America yet. But it's one of 9 types of viruses that have been resuscitated from Siberian permafrost samples in recent years. 7 of those viruses resuscitated for this study and two approximately 30,000 year old viruses were brought back to life by these same researchers. It's truly amazing what scientists can do, and what they are doing. But sometimes you really just don't want to know what's going on.
A highlight from ACEs & PCEs
"Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own rebirth many years ago and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life lessons and revelations. I believe in casual over clinical with you instead of at you, I come unrehearsed on purpose because self help doesn't have to be so complicated. So as you know, my podcast is mostly short form, I bring things to street level, half documentation, and by documentation, me sitting on a toilet talking into my phone. And then the other half, some science, some psychobabble, things I've learned in therapy school, tips, tools, mindset, et cetera but now I'm introducing what I call the angry therapist presents series and the series are from other experts, people that I admire and learn have learned from. Doing what they do best, which is going to be more long form. So if I'm a shark class, series is in a wine glass. And today, I want to present to you friend and trauma expert doctor MC McDonald. She's dedicated her life to trauma and she's new book called unbroken. You should go pick it up. This is the trauma tapes. And these are real stories as she dissects the trauma through her lens. She's a university teacher. She's a coach. She's an author. She's got so much to offer. You're going to get so much out of the next 8 episodes and we're going to release these once a week, enjoy the Trump tapes. We're going to call this episode aces and pieces. We'll see why. Okay. TBT. Okay. Okay, just all excited to listen. Go ahead. So this letter is from how to make sense of all of this. Dear trauma tapes. I'm not sure where to begin. I started going to therapy to work on my disorganized attachment a few years ago, and instead of working on that, my therapist made me take the ace adverse childhood experiences quiz and my score was surprisingly high. I'd never considered that I had experienced trauma until I was 30 years old. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I started trauma therapy. It was hard, and I regressed in a lot of ways. I learned how to feel sadness for myself. Before I could only feel it for other people because I was so emotionally detached from my own experiences. I feel the depression was useful in a way, and I moved past it. Reflecting on my childhood, I realized how much I have hidden from myself, my previous partners and peers. This is the part of my story. I purposely leave out because it still hurts. Both of my parents struggled with untreated mental illness and addiction. They had their own traumatic childhoods. My mom was removed from an extremely neglectful home at 5 years old, where she had been starved and abused. She was adopted by my grandparents. Some of her only memories from that time involved eating rotten lettuce from the trash, but feeling happy about it. My dad was one of 8 and had an abusive and alcoholic father. My older sister became abusive towards me. We lived in sketchy places, campers that smelled like urine without electricity or running water, head lice was never properly treated, and I had it for months at a time. A single wide trailer with 9 other people. We moved a lot. For the first ten years of my life, we dealt with addiction, domestic violence, incarceration, suicide, physical and sexual abuse. I never felt completely safe at home, but it was what I knew. I dreaded getting off the school bus many days. I've carried a lot of shame about not having a normal family. I dissociated through a lot of that time. It didn't fully experience the emotional effects of it directly. I think that's how I held up so well for so long. My mother's childhood trauma was projected on to us. Food was strictly controlled and there were nights I had to sleep at the dinner table if I didn't finish my meal. I would have to eat it the next morning for punishment. From the moment my sister was born, my mother recalls feeling a demonic spirit in her. It was hard to watch my mother treat my sister poorly. It breaks my heart to think about it now. I don't hold any grudges against my family. I know that they were suffering in their own ways and doing the best they could, even if it wasn't always right. My dad was hilarious. My mom is strong and my sister is incredibly creative. I have traumatic memories, but I also have fond memories of them too. I felt safe at school and I had teachers who cared about me and showed me love. I didn't see at home. I made friends easily. I made good grades. I had an existential crisis in second grade and decided I wouldn't treat other people the way I was being treated at home. I would befriend any kid who was not fitting in well on the playground and merge them into my friend group. After all of this, what I remember the most vividly is the faces of everyone who was kind to me and how safe they made me feel. Things drastically got better though. My parents divorced and my dad moved to Nigeria. My mom bought a house for us. She worked 80 hour weeks and we didn't see her much, but she was doing what she had to do. We felt like we had won the lottery. The house had heating and air, and it was nicer than anything we had lived in before. I made a friend from a more stable family, and they would take me on vacations to go skiing and camping. I got to see what a normal family was like, I experienced a lot of amazing things. I normally wouldn't have. She still one of my best Friends to this day. On my 13th birthday, my mom gave me a job busing tables at a restaurant she managed. I loved working and having responsibility.
A highlight from 528: The Surprising Power of Healthy Embarrassment | Koshin Paley Ellison
"Hello, my fellow suffering beings. We have all got our shit. The parts of our personality or our past that we're ashamed of. I'm talking to hear about our demons, our baggage, our secrets. Nobody is immune. So how do you want to deal with this situation? You want to stay coiled and shame and denial? That approach only makes the demons stronger that I speak from some experience here. And alternative per my guest today is to approach your stuff with what he calls healthy, embarrassment. That allows you to work more skillfully with your baggage so that it doesn't own you. And once your cooler with yourself, that can improve your relationships with other people, which, as you've heard me, yammer on about for years, is probably the most important variable when it comes to your happiness. This dynamic, this approach healthy embarrassment is actually just one of many extremely useful things. We're going to talk about today with my guest who also happens to be a close friend. Coach and Paley Ellison is an author, zen teacher, jungian, psychotherapist, and certified chaplaincy educator. He's the cofounder of the New York zen center for contemplative care, which is an amazing place. Among other things, they train people to volunteer as hospice workers. My wife and I went through that training together during which time we became friends with cochin and his husband chodo Campbell. Caution is now the author of a new book called untangled which centers on a classic Buddhist list called the eightfold path to put it in late terms, the eightfold path is the Buddha's recipe for enlightenment in 8 steps or as quotient puts it. It's the most awesome combo platter. In this conversation, we talk about what the eightfold path is and how it fits into another Buddhist list, the four noble truths, how to use this list to do life better, the danger, though, of perfectionism and putting this list to use in your life, how to bridge the gap between what we say we care about and what we actually do in our lives, how sitting with your pain, counterintuitive as that may be, can lead to freedom. The utility and also pitfalls of gossip, how we can look at the idea of killing in many different ways, including how one can kill a moment or kill the energy in a room. How the concept of right effort can help us find the balance between not doing enough and overworking, which is a huge problem. Many of us deal with. How being uncomfortable is a sign of real engagement with your meditation practice. And cautions addition of the concept mystery as the 9th part of the eightfold path. That's his suggestion to the Buddha. All right, we'll get started with quotient Paley Ellison right after this. Before we dive into today's show, I wanted to let you know about a special offer. We've got for you from the good folks at the 10% happier app. There's a famous quote usually attributed to the teacher ram dass. Here it is. If you think you're enlightened, go home for Thanksgiving. I personally do not think I'm enlightened, but family gatherings around the holidays can certainly put everybody to the test. So why not give yourself a little extra support by leaning into your meditation practice or by getting a practice started for the first time?
World Cup (MM #4269)
"The mason minute. With Kevin mason, the World Cup is underway and I know a lot of people are interested. A lot of people who are normally interested in soccer. And that confuses me, I'll be the first to admit, I'm not a big soccer fan. I saw my first soccer back in the 1970s when my dad was calling play by play for the naia champion Quincy college hawks. So I watched a bunch of games for those a couple of seasons he was doing that on the side. And I understand the game, but I don't understand the game. I've had friends who played for major college teams. I've got friends, kids, and relatives who play big time soccer. But I don't understand the fascination with the World Cup when you don't pay attention to soccer year round. I realize how big the World Cup is around the world. But the USA getting ready to play their third game today. And if they win, they move on. If they lose, they're out. And what's interesting to me, they haven't won a gamer lost a game yet. They've tied the first two. It's endurance, and I realize I'm never going to get it. I'm not watching. I don't understand it, but I know a lot of people who are.